Tag: Humility

Is that what you really want?

When you spend every waking hour with 20+ other CFC-Youth members for a three- week period the normal conference high quadruples.  You never really come off the mountain experience you’re feeding off of each other’s vibes. We all came with different service backgrounds but what we shared was this search for God in a land foreign to us. Our pathways all merged into some sort of Lord of the Rings quest thus making the journey less tiring. So when the time came that I had to leave my tightly sealed and sheltered CFC-Youth pack to transition back to my regular Philippines environment, I really felt displaced.

Right after the two week World Great Adventure Tour, I went on a five day excursion with my childhood friends to Iloilo, Guimaras and Boracay. Halfway through our trip we stopped by this Trappist monastery. It was part of the day tour and to be honest with all the changes that kept happening I really needed to find myself in something familiar. A church seemed like the best option. Now I’ve entered dozens of churches here in the Philippines and the beauty each one holds always takes my breath away. But there was something different about this one.

As soon as I entered through the gates, my tear ducts hit some sort of overdrive. Something caught my throat and my chest tightened up. Something was tugging at my heartstrings, and it wasn’t being very gentle. All throughout the year I’ve felt God playing hide and seek with me. The moments that He decides to make His presence felt always catch me off guard and I can’t help but feel as if some hypothetical suckerpunch comes flying at me. Ultimate silence filled my head while my heart was being flooded with a million and one different emotions spurred by nothing.

Then out of nowhere, I felt God asking me in the most casual tone:

“What do you really want? I’m not asking you what you think I think you want. I’m asking you to tell me what the desires in your heart are. Of course I know them. I know what will bring you happiness, but I need you to vocalize what YOU want…what you FEEL you deserve to have in your life.”

It was probably one of the most humbling moments throughout this trip. There’s a difference between giving an answer because you know it’s the textbook sample, and giving an authentic, sincere heartfelt reply. He knows what I want, of course he does. Some of the things I’ve been asking for are more than a decade old. But there I was being asked to take centre stage. Would I ask for the same thing knowing that this time He was initiating instead? Was I really sure about what I wanted? I just pictured God smiling down at me, encouraging me to ask for my desires with full confidence.

Before walking back to join my friends for the rest of the tour, I walked over to where the candles for petition were. I took five candles and as I lit one for every prayer I felt myself getting lighter. It was an act of unpacking my emotional luggage. I realized that gaining peace through God would happen as a culmination of reaching different checkpoints. This was one of them. I looked at my five candles, let out an exasperated sigh and confidently muttered Psalm 37:4……

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Ubi Caritas Et Amor, Deus Ibi Est

Where charity and love are, God is there.

I only experience this hymn once or twice a year and every time I do, it feels as if angels are singing a very personal message to me. Out of the many hymns my parish choir sings, this is definitely one that strikes a chord in my heart, then again, the message of the Lord always does.

“Whenever you care for someone, there is the presence of Jesus.” – Father Tobin

I constantly ask the Lord to be humbled, especially during this Lenten season, and as His Passion and Resurrection approaches, He has not failed to put me in my place. Usually, I expect the extraordinary when I look for God’s whisper in my life. However, He has revealed to me that the smallest, often overlooked, gestures are what He has called me to work on. I always want to serve Him in my fullest capacity, usually by crossing oceans or moving mountains, and often I fail to realize that Christ took many small steps when He walked on water. God always presents me with opportunities to spread His love within very tiny, unnoticeable acts, however in my pride I deemed them as being unnecessary.

“It’s okay, that person won’t even notice anyway.”

“Would it even make a difference?”

It takes a very humble person to act instinctively to the goodness within them. The Lord calls us to move when the Holy Spirit initiates us to act out of love. I am learning to place more of my faith in Christ and trust that He is always working, “You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand,” especially in the small things. It is not in the grand gestures, but it is when we do small things with great love, as Mother Teresa taught, that we are able to move mountains.

Thank you Lord for today. Thank you for giving me a reason and a means to love. I humbly ask for Your mercy in the moments I fail to act out of love. Lord, humble me. Grant me the grace that I may choose to love knowing that I may be wronged, the same way You knew Your hour was coming. May I be as compassionate and forgiving as You have always been to me. May I constantly be reminded that every person is made in Your image. Soften my heart and grant me the grace to be in communion with You, now and forever. Amen.

Hero’s Welcome

Hosanna! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord— the King of Israel!

Yesterday, I had the great honour of reveling in one of the most significant moments in the history of salvation.  No, not the Passion of the Lord, but of course, Jesus’ triumphant entrance in to Jerusalem.  To me, this holds great significance because for the first time, he makes a very audacious public statement, to believers and non-believers alike, with a sense of great regalia but at the same time, humility.  He was, indeed, their king.  Though they failed to see what being King really meant,  this sense of overwhelming hope and devotion to Christ affirms me of the posture of hope we should maintain in our full awareness of his divine and royal sovereignty.

“Rejoice greatly, O daughter Zion!
Shout aloud, O daughter Jerusalem!
Lo, your king comes to you;
triumphant and victorious is he,
humble and riding on a donkey,
on a colt, the foal of a donkey”

Zechariah 9:9

Jesus, Prince of Peace

St. Ignatius always taught that to really contemplate on the scripture, we must picture ourselves present in that exact moment in time.  I could imagine myself being one of the Jews on the sideline thinking, “We’re waiting for a great military leader who will lead us to redemption and we get an average joe on a donkey?!”  That exact way of thinking is likely how must Jews would have felt at the time, however something that I recently learned was that Jesus’ triumphant return by way of donkey was no mere coincidence.  In fact, It was written.  Not only was in prophesied by Zachariah, but Jewish tradition tells us that all Jewish kings who have entered a city ride in one of two distinct animals:  a horse or a donkey.  A horse symbolizes readiness for battle.  It signals his troops to take heed and also sends a message to the men of the town that he’s ready for war.  However, a donkey, signifies just the opposite.  It signifies that he comes in peace.  The donkey, in it’s lack of size and “masculinity” is meant to show humility and in an altruistic sense, meekness.  When Jesus rode in to Jerusalem on a donkey, He sent a very clear message to the Romans and Jews that he and his apostles came in peace.

Our Personal Pilgrimmage

The great truth the Lord has been revealing to me this Holy week (thus far) is really to pilgrim through this faith journey by way of donkey – to make known of our peaceful intentions by maintaining a humble heart and a charitable Spirit.  Though no one will know what the Lord intends for us, not even us, we should always make it very clear that we, as Christians, should be vessels of virtue.  Christ already knew of the suffering that was to come, he entered willingly His passion.  Similarly, we, with the same God-given wisdom and discernment, must enter willingly our own personal passion not with a heart of conflict or waging war, but with a peace, joy, and charity.  When there is suffering, we must burst from the seams with overwhelming compassion and we must always call in to mind that though we remain pilgrims in this life, we are ultimately called to be eternal residences in the next.

Father, allow me to be a faithful pilgrim to you this Holy Week.  Allow me to immerse myself in deep conversation with you, as I strive to deepen my love for you.  Allow me to strength and grace to do what is needed to enter in to your kingdom in the same manner our Lord entered Jerusalum, in meekness, humility, and peacefulness.

Pater Noster.  Ave Maria.  Gloria Patri.
Amen

cpm

 

I will have nothing, except You

Sometimes I do good things so that the Lord will bless me. I get excited for the graces I will receive. I get excited for the souls in purgatory I could possibly save. And yes, more selfishly, I get excited that maybe God will grant me all my wishes if I make Him happy. 

But if I am constantly doing things for my own benefit, our faith becomes a job. My focus is on myself instead of where it should be: on our God. It is a constant work in process. A constant goal to be better.

And I pray that one day, if God comes to me and asks, “what reward would you have for your labor?” I can answer the same as St. Thomas Aquinas – “I will have nothing, except You”.

 

Who am I?

I struggle with my sense of self-worth. I can’t seem to find who I am. I try to walk with confidence and present myself with poise and grace, but inside, I wonder if I am really so important. If I am really worth anything.

In the huge expanse of time and space, I am nothing. I am a mere dot in the immenseness that is the world. I am a sinner. I fall time and time again. Why would God, in all His greatness, choose me? Why would He want me? And why, even after all that failing, after all my sins and hurt I’ve put on Him, why would He still love me?

This sounds like a pessimistic post, but it’s not. It really isn’t. I am nothing. I am a sinner. I fail, all the time. But our God, in all His righteousness and glory, loves me. He loves me. He is the One that lifts me up, every single time. He is the One who finds me, in the midst of all the chaos around me.

And in my times of struggle, Casting Crown lyrics always find their way into my head:

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean; a vapour in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling

And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours.

Uncomfortably Comfortable

To finally be living the dream is an awe-inspiring thing. When the Lord of the universe has made sense to the past 25 years of my life. Today I am living the dream, training for the best job in the world – a full time pastoral worker for CFC-Youth. I came into the training with high hopes and confidence that the Lord has truly prepared me for the task ahead. Having been in the community for the past 15 years, I thought I had the means and know how in order to deal with whatever training had in store for me.

Lo and behold, I am humbled by the very fact that God’s plan for me is greater than my own prideful outlook of myself. 12 days into the training, I am reminded that I know nothing, own nothing, and can bring nothing to the table that will compare to what God has brought forth ever since time began. A much needed reality check that God has called better and greater people to the mission before, today, and for sure – tomorrow. I am but a humble servant responding because of an unwavering and unconditional love that He has blessed me with.

A state of being uncomfortable is where I am at because the call entails transformation of being worthy of that very call and love. God is slowly and surely chipping away at hindrances that cause me stumble, and cause others to stumble because of me. He has redirected my direction from a “me” driven path to a path pointed to Him alone. And while each day is a struggle of clawing, crawling and limping my way towards the One who called – it is a very beautiful struggle. I am comforted by the fact that it is Him who put me here. That it is Him who is with me every step of the way.

Trust in God

“My child, when you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials. Be sincere of heart and steadfast, and do not be impetuous in time of adversity. Cling to him, do not leave him, that you may prosper in your last days. Accept whatever happens to you; in periods of humiliation be patient. For in fire gold is tested, and the chosen, in the crucible of humiliation. Trust in God, and he will help you; make your ways straight and hope in him. You that fear the Lord, wait for his mercy, do not stray lest you fall. You that fear the Lord, trust in him, and your reward will not be lost. You that fear the Lord, hope for good things, for lasting joy and mercy.” – Sirach 2:1-9
Our Lord never ceases to fail us. Through the challenges we may face within the mission, God never fails. He calls each and everyone of us to listen and have an open heart to whatever He has planned. We need to trust in Him and trust that within this battle we face we can only conquer the victory with Christ Himself, for the battle is not ours to be won but God’s. Sometimes we get easily distracted by what we want in our own lives. Over-thinking, overanalyzing, and simply being ignorant of our surroundings. In this year of faith, may God provide us with the strength and humility to be witnesses to His plan and willingly obey His command.
Deo Gratias.