Tag: Suffering

Joyful Mystery

From the Annunciation to the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple. There is a lot of uncertainties within this series of decades in the Holy Rosary. It makes you wonder, why is it called the Joyful Mystery? The title of each decade is very exciting and it holds a beautiful story, but when we look deeper into each story what does it really say.

I was very inspired to write this reflection based off of Fr. Mike Schmitz’s video on “Having Joy in the Uncertainties”, which made me then realize the joy in the midst of this life of suffering. Momma Mary, in the Annunciation was approached by the angel Gabriel and was told that she would bare the Son of God. In response she said “Let it be done unto me according to thy word”, I never realized this until I watch the video with Fr. Mike, was that the very next sentence was “then the angel departed from her”. Can you imagine being in that moment, being told that you are going to have within you the Son of God and that was literally it? No context or anything. Like where do you go from there? No one told Mary and Joseph that they would have to go to Bethlehem and give birth to Christ in a manger. No one mentioned that they would have to flee to Egypt to save their Son from being killed. No one told Mary that she would have to witness her Son be tortured, spat on and crucified. There was so much uncertainty that the only thing that was certain was and still is the past. Yet, Momma Mary was still joyful. The Apostles were still joyful, they spread the Good News throughout the world. Through their suffering came out a lot of joy.

It is very humbling to know that in this life of suffering, there is joy that will follow. Yet, we do not know when or where that will come but we remain hopeful. I know for myself in this pandemic, at the beginning of the year, everything was set in stone, I was ready… then the NBA got cancelled, that’s when I knew things were going to change. It was so humbling for me to realize that everything can just be taken away in the snap of a finger. There was so much that was unexpected at that point in time that I had no choice but to rely on God and entrust myself to His will. It was hard to remain hopeful but after households, after one to ones I felt the joy and the hope that the Lord was wanting me to feel. To understand that I was being called to love in the uncertainty, to be joyful in the midst of the suffering. There is so much that I do not know and I can only pray the Lord, for you and I both, gives us the heart to overcome the world. To love beyond our capacities. There is joy and hope because God is with us.

Lord God, help us to entrust our lives to You in the midst of these times. There is so much uncertainty but with You we find hope and joy. Give us the strength to carry on. This we ask through Christ our Lord. 

Amen. 

Christian

An Invitation

The world is literally crumbling right now. It’s amazing how just one virus can bring the world to its knees. A lot of people are suffering and dying because of it. It brings us to the question, how could God allow something like this to happen? What is the good in all that is happening around the world right now? Where is God?

It’s funny because before everything happened I wasn’t really taking Lent seriously, it was more so as a routine for me. Actually I didn’t even realize it was Lent or take it in until I was at the Ash Wednesday mass. I went about this Lent just thinking that it is just another year where I have to get through these 40 days that nothing was going to come out of this. Man, was I ever wrong. Once COVID-19 started to get worse as the days went on, I began to realize what I was missing. It was hard not being able to go to mass, realizing that I was not able to be with Christ physically. With everything going on it is making me realize of how much I am missing and how much of my life is not centred around Christ. Here I am, at the beginning of Lent thinking it’ll be okay because I will continue to serve and that will be pleasing to the Lord. I’m not saying that serving Him is not pleasing, but when not putting Him at the centre of my life, I realized that my service becomes routine as well and just “another thing to do”. Now that I am not able to be with Him physically, I felt like it was all over. I realized that I relied so much on Christ being there physically present so much that I forgot that He is literally everywhere and in everyone we encounter.

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” – Blaise Pascal

With everything that is going on and with a lot of reflection, I am realizing the aspects of my life that Christ is asking me to put Him at the centre. That with all that this world throws at us, God gives us the opportunities to be closer with Him. Suffering is an invitation to be closer with God. We are given a sliver of Christ’s cross to carry. Nothing that we are feeling – the pain, anger, tiredness, sadness, it is nothing compared to what Christ went through, bearing the whole world’s sins on His cross that He carried. The mere fact that Christ walked this earth shows just how much God wants to be present with us and a part of our lives. So I pray, continue to let Him into your hearts. Pray for me as well that I do the same. Make Jesus the centre of your life – in all aspects.

Lord, thank You for blessing us with this life, with the opportunities to encounter You. Lord, protect us from all that is happening right now in this world. So many are suffering but in the same way we know that You are hurt as well seeing us in pain. Protect those on the frontlines Lord – the nurses, doctors, janitors and all those who are putting themselves at risk with everything. Through this suffering Lord, allow us to seize those opportunities where we are able to bring you to the centre of our lives, but to also be a beacon of hope for those around us that aren’t seeing or experiencing Your love.

Amen.

Christian Medeiros

The Sorrowful Mother, who is also the Cause of Our Joy

The first time I had ever learnt about Our Lady of Sorrows was when I attended a Come and See retreat with the Sisters of Providence in February 2013. At the time of the retreat, I remember feeling very nervous because I was the only participant and because I was afraid that God was calling me to a way of life that I felt I wasn’t prepared for. As the weekend progressed, I grew to enjoy my time with the sisters learning about their foundress and Our Lady of Sorrows, but I couldn’t understand them nor their way of life. I felt that their charisms were interesting, but the thought of deep sorrow and suffering didn’t resonate with my life because it contrasted with the CFC-Youth culture, which was always vibrant, lively, and joyful for me.

In October that year, a turn of events occurred and so I began to fall into intense anxiety, constant worrying, and issues regarding my self-worth. I kept this pain to myself for months because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want people to worry about me. And I didn’t want to classify myself as depressed if I wasn’t and for other various reasons. I thought that being quiet about my suffering was the ‘best’ way to deal with it because I thought if I had said anything it would just feed the fire, and I would never get out.

A few months later I returned to the Sisters of Providence, except this time with other CFC-Youth brothers and sisters. At this event the sisters briefly introduced their foundress and charisms. However this time, I understood the connection between their foundress, Bl. Mother Gamelin, and Our Lady of Sorrows. They had expressed that Bl. Mother Gamelin found consolation for the loss of her family members in Mother Mary because of the pain she endured while following the life of her Son, Jesus Christ, especially at the point of His crucifixion. Furthermore, Bl. Mother Gamelin realized that Mother Mary experienced greater pain and suffering than she did because Mother Mary not only saw her Son on the Cross, but her God. This gave way to her understanding that she not only could find consolation in Mother Mary, but Mother Mary could find consolation in her.

At this moment, I was taken aback, almost mind blown because I imagined the intensity of Mother Mary’s deep sorrow, so I, too, found myself sympathizing with her, wanting to console her. Upon reflection, this made me realize that Mother Mary understood my suffering; maybe not in the same way, but in a much greater way as her commitment to God’s will meant the salvation of the entire world from generation to generation. This set as one of the beginning steps to my love for Mother Mary and having the desire to become closer to her.

The Annunciation

Today as the Catholic Church celebrates the feast of the Solemnity of the Annunciation/Incarnation, also sometimes coined as Mother Mary’s first yes, I wonder at the thought as to how Mother Mary must’ve felt during this specific time of her life. I would like to believe that although she may have worried about what was to come in her life and was humbly surprised that God blessed her among women, that she experienced an unsurpassable joy, having God’s grace outpoured from her womb while carrying Jesus Christ.

For the longest time I had taken the rosary for granted, and to know that the Annunciation is the first of the joyful mysteries makes complete sense to me now. The joy of Christ coming to this world impacts all human beings, including Mother Mary — how her joy must have been great and complete! I’ll be honest and say that I only know this much and probably nothing more, but I look forward to learning more about Mother Mary, to love and appreciate her more, and to give everything to her in joyful hope that she presents it to the Lord perfected.

In Mother Mary’s life I have found this truth in love where there is a juxtaposition between its many fruits.

Where there is great love, there is great suffering; and where there is great love, there is great joy; and where great suffering and great joy converge at a perpendicular as to form a Cross, there is great love. This love brings about a resounding peace, which cannot be disturbed when the mind and the heart are fixed towards God’s will. Nothing stands in between the woman, like Mother Mary, whose obedience is blind, but perfect. The woman does not fall short when in the constant presence of Christ, but rises with Him (again). So it is worth experiencing great suffering, great joy, and great love now than later because in Heaven the first is no longer present, and the two latter are far more amazing than we can imagine.

Although it’s nothing new to me, I’m beginning to understand more that in serving God and His people, there will be a series of varying emotions passing through the heart, but it is always up to me to accept God’s grace and love in order to do His work and fulfill the role that God has entrusted to me to do. With Mother Mary at my side, she sets as a prime example for me to do what I am called to do: to have joy now, to suffer now, and most importantly and overall, to love now.

Mother Mary, Our Lady of Sorrow and the Cause of our Joy, pray for us. Inspire us to love like Jesus Christ, your Son and God.

Amen.

Home.

With the amount of times that I’ve had to travel within an eighteen month time frame, most people would assume that I no longer suffer from homesickness. The past three trips (2009, 2012, 2013a) have been by myself; the shortest trip lasting 8 weeks and the longest lasting 6 months. Most people base their judgement on my social media posts and are probably thinking, “Dang, she is living the life.”

Well, reality check: I still suffer from homesickness. I still feel somewhat lost even though I’ve revisited Place A, B and C more than a handful of times. I still feel out of place in a room full of old friends and the nausea that accompanies displacement is very much real.

All those things still exist. Even now. Even when my family is here with me. We all haven’t been together in a very, very long time. Dad’s had to work out of town for the past 2 years and my brother’s had to live away at Waterloo ever since he started his Undergrad. And me, well…..I’ve been traveling to PH.

A few days into our family trip here, I was still feeling so bothered. My temper kept getting the best of me. I grew impatient and volatile. I couldn’t understand it. Shouldn’t my family have cushioned the hypothetical “emotional blow” that always hit me during my trips? Shouldn’t the weird jumble of emotions have stopped because I was with my loved ones? The anger and frustration drained me so much that one night, I decided to just leave the group. The innermost depths of me was craving for something. I didn’t know what that something was, but what I did know was that going to God wouldn’t leave me any more desolate than I already was. So I looked for a church.

I ended up at Sto. Rosario. I got through confession. I kneeled at the Adoration Chapel. I sat through Mass and received Holy Eucharist. And you know what? For the first time I felt good. Not just ice-cream-on-a-hot-sunny-day good, but ‘passing my final exam with flying colours and making the honour roll’ kinda good. I was a fish out of water that suddenly found my way back to the water. I could breathe again.

As I contemplated at the Adoration Chapel I was reminded of a promise I made to Him during the SFC precon praisefest. It just so happened to my birthday too. I told God that I was willing to finally give Him the one part of me that I hadn’t let go of yet- a very specific piece of my heart that was put on reserve. I didn’t have the strength to fight that fourteen year battle any more. It took me that long to surrender. That day He said to me, “Exodus 14:14, my beloved. Do not forget. I will fight for you, you need only to be still.

In the presence of the Eucharist and in front of the altar, I felt God whisper me to me, “Therese, my dearest Therese. You silly stubborn girl. Remember what you offered at the foot of my cross weeks ago? Remember that you promised me you’d finally give that last piece to me? Home is where the heart is and yours just so happens to be with me. It’s safe. It’s in my hands now. I’m happy that you finally found your back. My child, right now at this very moment …you are home. I’ve been waiting.”

All the puzzle pieces fit.
It all made sense.
I felt this sudden rush of peace, of final certainty.

Everything in this world is temporary. Even my family. But God, God is infinite. God is timeless, boundless and endless. I am made to stand in His presence, to bask in the love that is always present in His house.

 

Father, I’m coming home.
Amen. 

The light that leads

“If you haven’t surrendered it to God, then you’ve surrendered it to someone else.”

I recently attended the GTA Area Core SHouT this past weekend and there are not enough words in the dictionary to describe the plethora of events that happened within those 5 days. So I’ll just use one: enlightened.

You know when you’re at a sleepover and everyone’s already passed out cold on the beds and floors. The morning after is hard to get through. You’re tired and exhausted. You have some sort of consciousness- awake but not really. It’s not until someone draws the blinds or curtains to expose the harsh sunlight rays that you feel the urgency to get up. It’s already half past noon and you’ve just wasted half the day away.

That’s how my recent experience with Christ was at SHouT. He turned on the lights. The light allowed me to see everything that was in that room, rather…my life. Enlightened- one’s ability to be spiritually aware. The Lord allowed me to see His plans for me that much clearer.

But see, when you turn on the lights EVERYTHING gets exposed, not just the good stuff. You don’t have a choice. But God is a god of light and peace- The truth, His truth is exposed in all its glory.

I’m facing the skeletons in my closet right now, some I thought I buried a long time ago but really just put a drape over. God’s light drew me to these areas, the crevices and corners, the edges and cracks. The small things count, because to God everything matters. As much as it hurts me to pull out long overdue band aids, I know that with His love I’ll finally be able to heal properly.

“Ate, it’s like when you make a paper boat and then you put it in the water. That’s how you’ll know if your boat is good or not. It might start to sink because of a hole, but all you have to do is just take it out and then patch up whatever holes exist.”

It had to happen this way for me. This was God’s way of telling me to patch up those holes so that my boat could float. How else can I be a better person or leader if I don’t allow God to shine His light on every single area of my life, even the dark sides- the ones I don’t want to look at. In this way, I can confidently go out and allow the God in me to shine.

Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me.- Psalm 43:3

Purgative Way

When I think of purgatory, I immediately think of suffering and pain but suffering and pain with a purpose, and that purpose is to be purified for Heaven. Truly, there is no other way to salvation except by way of the cross, and ultimately the Cross of Jesus Christ. No wonder the saints embraced suffering and so many saw their cross as the greatest gift from God. It is because by their cross, the Lord has sanctified and made them holy. Now they are in Heaven. The saints voluntarily experienced “purgatory” on earth so that they were already pure enough to be in Heaven.

Original Sin is the reason we need purging. Because of the fall of Adam and Even, we have become very prone to sin. The fall has caused us to be very ignorant and susceptible to the temptations of the world, the flesh, and the devil. We have sinned more numerous times than there are stars in the sky—in our thoughts, our words, in what we have done, and what we have failed to do. The sins we have committed and stil commit have injured our nature and we are in need of great repair. Yes, we are forgiven of our sins in Confession, but our tendency to sin still remains and that’s the “broken window” that committing sin leaves behind. There is a need for us to be purged of our bad habits and tendencies to sin.

Praise God for our life here on Earth where we can in this lifetime be purged, illuminated  and unified to God. We need to be aware of our sinfulness and weakness so that we can allow God’s grace to sanctify us evermore. If we are striving to be saints, then we must strive to know our sins, the darkness of our intellect, and weakness of our will. We must know with all that we are, our weakness without the constant presence and grace of God. Let us never be confident in our works or our ways. Let us not let pride fool us into thinking even for a moment, that we don’t need God.

I think the people in purgatory want to be there. It’s hard to imagine that because like I said earlier, when I think of Purgatory, I think of suffering and pain. I think those in purgatory want to suffer and want to be in pain because they can see more clearly than ever, the purpose of their suffering and pain. The suffering comes from the purging, cleansing, purifying, and refining sanctifying grace of God. By the intercession of others, they are being made perfect for Heaven. Let us learn from our brothers and sisters in the Church Suffering, that our suffering always has a purpose.

As for us, we are even more blessed. Unlike those in purgatory, we, the Church Militant, have access to the limitless fountain of grace and mercy in the Sacraments. We don’t have to wait for Purgatory to be purified for Heaven. We can take advantage of all prayers and Sacraments the Lord has given us. We can, with our lives, love God and our neighbour very concretely.

I don’t think suffering is something God intentionally causes to punish us but it’s something He allows. He allows it so that a greater good to come from it. Greater good such as getting rid of a bad habit, growing more in virtue, forgiveness and mercy between family members and loved ones, uniting of relationships, and so much more. However, the ultimate greater good that comes from suffering is our eternal salvation and communion with God.

“For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, because we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” —2 Cor. 17–18

Let us not be afraid of suffering but embrace it, and always see it as a necessity for the sanctification and salvation of our souls. Let us never forget that to follow Jesus, we must deny ourselves and take up our cross daily.

Praise God for our cross. Praise God for our suffering. Praise God for the eternal glory that awaits us in Christ Jesus. Amen!

Called to Love

“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”    – John 15:11-13

I used to believe that love was always being on a person’s side. To stand by them and support them in all that they did. I thought you were supposed to protect that person from getting hurt, from any pain or sorrow.

But the more I grow in my faith the more I realize that my previous definition of love wasn’t love. I was babying the people I was called to love. I was treating them like infants. When you raise a child you can’t constantly treat them as if they can’t take care of themselves. You have to teach them. You have to guide them in the right direction. You have to lovingly correct their wrongdoings. You have to make known their faults so that they can become better. Love is more than protection. Love is wanting the betterment of others. And in our faith, love is doing whatever you can to get that person into heaven.

And in my quest and calling to love, I’ve come to realize that it is not easy. People fight back. People get angry and upset. People make you feel like you’re wrong, like you’re stupid. But I’ve come to know that I must suffer if I am to do the Lord’s work. To build up the fire inside someone, I’ll have to get burned. But it hurts. And it is discouraging. But it strengthens my faith. And when it gets tough, when my heart is failing, I can hear my God speaking to me:

“If the world hates you, realize it hated me first.”    – John 15:18