Author: Kleah Zara

Monday, November 21, 2016

Since Liveloud was introduced in Canada a few years back, I had a sense that the Liveloud praise and worship concert would one day be a great evangelization tool for our local CFC community. That said, I had hoped that CFC-Youth Edmonton would one day host Liveloud. For many, this dream had finally come into fruition on November 12 when CFC-Youth Edmonton hosted its very first Liveloud! Praise God!

In the morning, I was feeling tired because I hadn’t slept, as I was finishing the service team ID’s and the CFC-Youth booth that would be displayed at the Liveloud Expo. (I would not recommend not sleeping to anyone) But regardless of my tiredness, I couldn’t help but be so joyful and excited for the day that was to come.

As one of the event heads, I didn’t have anything committee-specific to do on the day of.  All I had to do was to give the service team ID’s to Secretariat/Admin. to disseminate, pick up a camcorder rental from Vistek, to set up the CFC-Youth booth for the Liveloud Expo, and to put makeup onto the band members (that was fun haha). As I would do these things, I would look around as I normally would and watch the youth and the many other CFC Family Ministry members work so diligently to put the event together. It was so great to see CFC come together as one in the Holy Spirit.

Time went by so quickly and before I knew it 7:45AM became 4:00PM. We were welcoming and expecting over 1000 people to come through those doors. Looking back it’s unbelievable that that we were expecting that many people to come because just two weeks prior, we had about 200 tickets sold. What a difference! Only God could make a miracle like that happen haha.

The Liveloud concert was amazing. The music. The videos. The messages. But what was more amazing was seeing all of the people worship God. All around me  and above me were groups of people I had never seen in my life and this made me excited because it meant that as a community we were evangelizing more and more people. I was also very grateful to God that I was able to experience this Liveloud with both of my parents, who probably haven’t been to a CFC community event since their last conference in 2007. It meant a great deal to me that my parents and friends came to support the event, despite not really knowing what to expect, but just coming because I had asked them to. But I know that Liveloud is not about me and I’m definitely okay with that (it would be extremely weird and awkward if it was LOL), but that it is and will always be about God, so it meant an even greater deal to me that my parents and friends came because it was an opportunity for them to experience and encounter God’s love in this special way.

At the end of Liveloud I was sharing with the service team that everything was so “mega” about this event. From the mega lettering to the mega number of people serving and guests in attendance, even to using online ticketing and the cool ticket scanning system we had, I was just feeling amazed at how — you guessed it — mega everything was, haha.

But none of this mega-ness would have been possible if it weren’t for God. No act of service from any of the committees would have contributed to the mission in this way if it weren’t for God’s love, mercy, and grace. There would be absolutely no point to a Liveloud concert if God and His love didn’t exist, but both God and His love do exist. There would be no theme to the Liveloud concert if God wasn’t merciful, but God is merciful. We would not have the ability and strength to go about excelling in our responsibilities and service if God’s grace wasn’t given to us, but God’s grace was given to us in unimaginable ways throughout the preparations and on the day of. Needless to say, God is so good for blessing us with His love and mercy, and giving us the grace to share our talents with others so that they can also experience His love.

This Liveloud was particularly special to me, not just because it happened or because my loved ones came, but because it just shows how great and faithful God is to the CFC community. God wants us to grow, so He made us grow. God wants us to evangelize, so He made us evangelize. God wants us to sing praises to Him, so He gave us the opportunity to do so. God wants us to turn our mourning into dancing, and that’s exactly what happened to everyone who was present.

This Liveloud concert can represent so many things to so many people, but I rejoice in knowing that for myself, this Liveloud concert doesn’t just represent an opportunity for people to experience God’s unconditional love and mercy — which is already an incredible gift. But reflecting on the mega-ness that existed at this Liveloud — or any Liveloud for that matter — leads me to ponder on God’s dominion and greatness, to recognize that no matter how great something seems to be, that nothing can come close to how unbelievably generous and great God is. He is the Lord of all, Saviour of sinners, Creator of the universe, and the Father Almighty. What we do can never add to God’s greatness and yet we are everything to Him. There is no greater love. There is nothing greater than God.

Ad majorem Dei gloriam.

Friday, November 4, 2016

For the past couple of years, whenever I’m at a CFC-Youth event, I take a few moments to just look around. As I watch the youth interact, this wide grin grows on my face because there is just this incomparable joy and delight that I experience, seeing how great God is in young people. Especially now that I’m not considered a “youth”, it has only occurred to me that the youth I serve with are there because they choose to be. Sure, many of them are probably forced — or as I see it ‘highly encouraged’ — by their parents to serve, but at the end of the day, they are making the choice to be present, to put the time and the work in, and to be joyful when they serve.

Today I attended a CFC-Youth service meeting here in Edmonton. There was a lot of giggling and chatter as usual haha, but these youth in junior high, high school, and university all chose to be at that meeting. How they got there was by their own effort. How they presented themselves with joy was because it was how they decided to act.

Looking back, I know what it’s like to be their age. School is tough. Making friends and sustaining friendships can be challenging. Family life is not always perfect. Growing up is hard. All of these difficulties that they face beat on their heart, but I think they know so clearly — just as I probably must have known growing up — that despite all of these hardships, God is still so good for providing them with the grace to endure. Coming to meetings and serving at events is an additional responsibility, and yet they still see it worth their time and effort. It’s an incredible gift to witness because they could be doing a million other things on a Friday night, but they choose to be at a meeting; they choose to share victories; they choose to give service updates; they choose to ask for prayer requests; they choose to prepare their hearts for future events. This is all their choice.

After the formal meeting, our CC’s welcomed us to stay in their home to hang out. Some of the youth decided to play ping pong, others decided to record Liveloud promo videos or take part in the Mussisionary Challenge, while others decided to just catch up and laugh with one another. For myself, I got involved in a conversation with a couple of brothers, one of them a FTPW and the other was a younger brother whom I’ve seen grow up in the community.

The younger brother was sharing about his experience at a Come and See last weekend at the local seminary. During the conversation I hadn’t thought of it, but upon reflection, it’s truly a grace to see this younger brother be serious about his vocation. I remember at the beginning of 2016, this brother and I led Edmonton’s first Vocation Recollection together, and now to see him take that next step in trying to discover God’s great plan for him is so special because he made the decision to participate in that Come and See. No one forced him to go. He didn’t even attend with a friend. He went all by himself. It was all his choice.

The youth that grow up in the community, including a lot of my friends who have now fully transitioned into SFC, want to deepen their relationship with God, they want to experience His love, and they want to align their will with His will. God is using this community to change normal, regular people to think about sainthood seriously. In one of today’s Mass readings, St. Pauls says so clearly that our citizenship is in Heaven, and this truth is being planted in the hearts of young people in this community. How beautiful is that?

I can’t find any explanation as to why the CFC-Youth community (and the entire CFC community) is so beautiful other than the fact that God’s love is so beautiful. The way I see it: all the things that we go through and all the things that challenge us are no match for God. God always takes care of us in our many services to Him and He keeps us so close to His heart while we endure the many tribulations we face. All is grace, always.

I always thought that choice was a little bit scary because making the wrong choice has never sat well with me. (That’s Type A for you) But why should making the wrong choice scare me? Isn’t God always going to be there anyways? I can’t lose with God on my side. It’s impossible to lose.

I’m thinking that the point of this reflection wasn’t necessarily to reflect on how much I love serving the youth nor the beauty of God’s love in the CFC-Youth community, but is actually a gateway for me to remember the beauty of God’s love in me and for me. I’m always going to be faced with choices — some seemingly more incredulous, while others not so much. But the point isn’t whether I make the wrong choice or the right one. The point is that God doesn’t abandon those He loves, even when we fail. And this is because God always waits and He always hopes that we will choose Him.

I believe God knows me more than I know myself, and so I also believe that He is more in tune in recognizing the hunger I’ve had for Him while I’ve been so idle. And now, at this very moment, He is asking me a question that He has asked St. Peter, “Do you love me?” And my humble response is, “Of course Lord, you know that I love you!” His response: “Tend my sheep. Feed my lambs.”

Service to God cannot be seen as a burden. Going to mass, reconciling with God through confession, praying, showing mercy, being committed to responsibilities all cannot be seen as a burden. Yes, it can be extremely challenging, so much that it can cause me to perceive them as annoyances — but in making the choice to do all of these things and regarding them as blessings, is experiencing the truest freedom — the freedom to choose Christ despite all difficulties.

This is what freedom truly is. It isn’t choosing the good, nor the greatest good. It isn’t choosing the right, the wrong, the best, or the worst. Freedom is choosing Christ above all things, always. It is believing that I will surely fail, but that God will not. It is trusting that the road to holiness will be hard, but not so much as to destroy me. It is in knowing that although I may walk and stumble in darkness, God’s light will always pierce through.

Throughout this week I’ve been reminded that it is great to live in Canada. Just a couple of days ago, I saw a post that said Canadian post-secondary graduates don’t have to repay their student loans until they make at least $20,000 annually, which is pretty great news for anyone who has recently graduated and is experiencing difficulty in finding employment.

I’ve had a lot of these little reminders here and there about being thankful for just how easy I have it, especially when I’ve had the opportunity to go to school and receive a university education, and for simply having the freedom to choose what I can do everyday while living in peace.

All of these blessings really put things in perspective when I compare the sort of liberties and securities I have to those who are suffering immensely, particularly victims of war, injustice, poverty, or in comparison to all of the refugees who have been displaced from their home countries. There are many people in the world who aren’t living in peace, but instead, see suffering and death as common instances that can never be explained.

There are so many people who need prayers. There are so many people who need help around the world. It makes me think, Who am I not to pray for them more? Who am I for not being more grateful that I get to live in peace?

Today I was reminded of just that — my lack of gratefulness to God for blessing me with the gift of living in Canada. It was during our Liveloud Alberta meeting, and the worship leader mentioned how thankful he was for living in Canada and just for getting the opportunity to serve God so freely as a missionary. His words resonated with me and I just felt so humbled and thankful for the reminder because I really needed it.

In the past month I was finding it difficult to serve God, not just in the community but also in fostering my personal relationship with Him. There were a lot of personal things I was going through and my anxiety started to grow more and more. While I do not diminish the suffering I went through, when I compare my sufferings with my brothers and sisters around the world, including those in the community, I am motivated to be more thankful for the life I have in Canada.

When I think back to my experience at World GAT in 2011, I remember my brothers and sisters from the the Middle East sharing with me how they had to have their CFC-Youth events in secret because there were laws that made Christian gatherings illegal (or something along the lines of that). I can also recall one of the speakers at the SFC TNC this past September share that at every event he attends in his home country, there is always a birthday cake present — not to celebrate someone’s birthday, but to avoid getting into trouble with the law because in his country it was also forbidden to have Christian gatherings. How crazy is that?

The sort of freedom I have living in Canada is something to be thankful for, something that shouldn’t be taken for granted, especially on days when it is difficult to serve God. I have the freedom to live in a safe and peaceful country. I have the freedom to serve God and praise Him, while not having to worry about going to prison.

In my prayers I was asking God, “Why am I here in Canada?” To be honest, I haven’t gotten a clear message just yet, but until then, I pray that I can be more thankful for this blessing and keep those suffering in my prayers, especially those who don’t have the same religious liberties that I have. As I live in this great nation I pray that I can be more brave and have no fear whenever and wherever God calls me to serve Him. Amen.

It’s been a month and a half since I’ve served as an MV for YCOM. I’m finding the service is a lot different from being an Area Head in terms of the role itself, and the responsibilities that come with it. While I do miss the pastoral aspect of leading a household, I have this great sense of peace and joy that serving in YCOM is really a part of God’s plan for me.

When I first began serving in YCOM, I had a few brothers and sisters come up to me and say, “Hey, look you’re YCOM now! Didn’t you always want to serve in it? Your dream has come true!”

Praise God that this dream has come true haha! But in all honesty I totally forgot that I even had the desire to serve in YCOM because over the past 3 or 4 years I’ve developed an interest in social justice and evangelization through building relationships. But I’m considering myself extremely blessed as I learn more about YCOM and delve into its responsibilities.

At first glance, I find that I enjoy designing graphics, learning from creative people, and being mentored by my brothers and sisters who have had so much experience in this service. While I know I’m not professionally trained nor well-practiced by any means, I’m excited that I have the opportunity to grow in this service in whatever ways the Lord has planned.

At this year’s KFC Family Conference, my counterpart and I had the opportunity to serve in the DocuTeam. For myself, I can’t even begin to tell you how foreign it felt to be one of the first faces one would see in a video and how stressful it can get to post event updates on social media LOL.

For those who follow me on Instagram, perhaps you are aware that I’m still posting photos from my graduation that happened in June. It’s almost October and I’m still sifting through photos figuring out what to post next. So one can imagine how different the dynamic is from getting used to posting photos late versus posting photos as soon as possible.

Through this experience, I’m learning that YCOM is a service that demands a sense of urgency, not just in the context of a single event, but in the grandness of life itself. We live in a world which suffers greatly because many live without faith in Christ, but each time a graphic, photo, or a video is posted which aspires to share the joy of living a life for Christ and in Christ, it can make a difference, be it small or completely transformative.

The other day I was watching videos on CFC-Youth Canada’s YouTube Channel and, wow, God is amazing! Video after video, I was reminded that CFC-Youth is a gift that needs to be shared with others, not just through acts of service and through building personal relationships, but through the media, especially the digital media because this is where all the young people are today.

Today I feel blessed to participate in the mission in this particular way. I can see again that YCOM is an extremely important service tool in CFC-Youth because it can possibly spark someone’s interest in joining the community or even begin seeking a relationship with Christ. Or perhaps it can reignite someone’s desire to return to Christ, serve Him in a greater or different capacity, or to possibly remind them to simply have hope in Him. Possibly it can be the impetus to thrust someone to surrender their life to Jesus. We can never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit.

Dear heart of Jesus,

Thank You Lord for inviting me to serve You in YCOM, and giving me the grace to see Your love is not limited to old means of evangelization, but new ways of evangelization as well. Please bless all those who serve in YCOM and to increase our faith in You.

I am excited for what’s to come in this service and for all that You want me to learn and experience, but I am in need of Your grace to be humble. I see YCOM as a service that will continue to stretch me in ways that I’m not used to because it is all still so new to me. Please give me the grace to pray and hope that I may be patient with You, with others, and with myself — just as You’ve been ever so patient with me.

I hope that in my eagerness to serve You in this service, that I can still remain calm, productive, and allow nothing to disturb my peace. Please give me the grace to love and serve with kindness and gentleness. Amen.

Our Lady of Guadalupe, Star of the New Evangelization, pray for us.
St. Peter and St. Paul, pray for us.
St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us.

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.”
– St. Francis de Sales

Throughout the CFC Singles For Christ True North Conference in Niagara Falls, ON I was hearing so many great and beautiful things, and being reminded of several truths that I had forgotten were so dear to me. I was feeling so thankful that God was making it so easy for me to accept many of these things, especially since it wasn’t always like that.

I was receiving so much from God that I needed to ask God over and over again, “What is your main message to me? What is it that you want me to really internalize?” It took a couple of days for me to understand, but God made it so clear.

At the conclusion of one of the worships, the worship leader said, “Evaluate your heart.” Instantly my heart and mind were open. Everything made sense with this simple message: I needed to really make the effort to evaluate the state of my heart, to really know where it stands in terms of my relationship with the Lord and with others. And even with myself.

Am I really doing and being my best in the situations and circumstances that I’ve been placed in? When times get tough, do I worry first or do I cling fast to the Lord? Do I really trust Him and His plan for me, or do I just say that I do?

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Today I was hit with the news that I will no longer have a job next month because I’ve been laid off. For anyone who knows me, they know I work for the Archdiocese of Edmonton in their Communications Department, as the Marketing and Advertising Representative for the Western Catholic Reporter, which is an archdiocesan newspaper. I was signed for a one-year contract until April, but even that contract has been halted given the archbishop’s new vision and direction for the Communications Department.  (Click here for more information).

I have no idea what’s to come or how I’m supposed to pay off bills and what not, but although it is a struggle for me to remain calm, I’m thankful that God keeps reminding me of His faithfulness. He is everywhere I go.

“Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.”
-St. Patrick

I’m thankful for the opportunity that I’ve been given to serve my archdiocese in this way, but moreover, I’m thankful to my God for blessing me with remarkable coworkers, who have inspired me to love and serve God more than I do now. I have met so many talented people through this job and have developed some relationships that I know will bless me beyond this point.

It is a little tricky figuring out how to move forward, but I have decided to try to rejoice in the Lord always and to trust in the Lord always, even if it means that I fail multiple times haha. God has always been so faithful to me and the least I can do is try to be faithful to Him by truly evaluating my heart each moment of the day, especially when life can seem and actually be so unpredictable. But it is in times like these that I can be happy and joyful because I get to think of God more. I have the sweet luxury of remembering His love for me.

Truly there is much to be excited for! God is everywhere I go. I am never alone. He is taking me on another adventure filled with more surprises than the last.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:4-7

Ad majorem Dei gloriam.

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I ask anyone who reads this to please keep the Archdiocese of Edmonton and all those who work in the Western Catholic Reporter in your prayers. May we all feel the presence of God during this time. May we rejoice in God’s great love for us all! Thank you. <3

Monday, August 15, 2016

Today is my last day as the Sister Area Head for CFC-Youth Edmonton. It is also my last day being a CFC-Youth member now that I don’t have a service role in the CFC-Youth Edmonton Core Group. It’s true — I’m still a Mission Volunteer and I still get the opportunity to attend SHOUT and other events, but wow, how different my life is going to be in the next month!

I’ll no longer be leading PFTs, sister households, service meetings, and I won’t be conducting any one-on-one’s anymore. It hasn’t really hit me yet. But wow, again, how different my life will be! My life is no longer going to be predictable, especially now that I’ve graduated from university. It’s no longer going to be about the next event that we have to plan for, or the talk or the meeting minutes that I’ll need to prepare each month.

At a time like this, I can be easily tempted to be worried and scared for what’s to come. And believe me, that is kind of what I’m going through right now. But this is a great opportunity for me to give thanks to God for blessing me with such a beautiful and wholesome upbringing in the CFC-Youth community.

I’ve been so fortunate to have grown up in this community, where I’ve learnt the most incredible truth: God loves me and has a plan for me (Talk 1 of the Youth Camp). With this truth is the gift of knowing that God exists and that He wants to have a personal relationship with me. He wants me to free me from this world and He wants me to reject its countless empty promises. I’ve been so blessed that God chose this community to help me discover who I really am. I am His beloved. I am not made for this world, but my citizenship is in Heaven.

I praise God that I’ve found my identity in Him. I know and see what’s going on in the world each day. I know that there are millions of people who do not believe He is alive or have so many doubts about who they are, what their purpose is, or why they exist. There are so many questions that come into a person’s mind that are left unanswered because they don’t have the proper guidance, support, and community to lead them. So I don’t take it lightly when I say that it’s truly a miracle that God has chosen me and not somebody else. I could have been an atheist or an agnostic, but that wasn’t God’s plan for me.

I give praise to God for the people who invited me to this community. Thank you Dad and Mom. I know it’s been nine years since our whole family has been active in the CFC Family Ministries, but you have given me the best gift a parent could give a child, and that is hope in Jesus Christ. As much as I love you both for all of your sacrifices, love, and support, I thank you most for teaching me how to pray at a young age, for ensuring I was baptized and confirmed, and for encouraging me to join CFC-Youth 12.5 years ago. Thank you for using your hard-earned money to pay for my registration fees to all of the camps, conferences, summits, SHOUTS, and immersions that I attended. Thank you for being my CCs when I was still a teenager in junior high.

I thank God for my two older sisters who were the first people to set an example for me in CFC-Youth even before I joined. Thank you for paving the way for me. Thank you for your service in the South Chapter, HSB, and Area. I am so thankful to God for giving me sisters who have supported me in my service through prayers or through words of encouragement and affirmation. I am blessed to have a family that loves God.

I give thanks to God for those who served at my CFC-Youth Youth Camp, especially the team leaders and my facilitator. Thank you Sam, Kat, and Mesh for giving me the opportunity to encounter Jesus in a very personal way. It was there that I met Jesus and knew it. And it changed my life forever.

I am so blessed by God for all of leaders in CFC-Youth Edmonton, especially my household heads who have prayed for me and mentored me in the past 12.5 years. Thank you Janine for calling me to go to events and helping me say yes to serve in KFC Core (or ROCK). Thank you Ate Rieza for believing in me, not just in my service as a Chapter Head but as a person. I continually refer to your example of love and boldness when I serve. Thank you Lara for teaching me patience and bravery, and thank you for believing that I could be an Advocacy Head and an Area Head. Your friendship means a lot to me. Thank you Ate Evs for teaching me that God is a merciful God, who will accept me as I am, and not who I think I should be. Thank you for being an example of true humility, and for helping me in my discernment as a Mission Volunteer.

I am thankful for the sisters (especially in my households) and the brothers (especially my counterparts) that I’ve served with so closely. A huge shout out to everyone I’ve served with in the CFC-Youth Edmonton Core Group. I am so grateful to God for all of your life-giving friendships. Thank you for believing in me and trusting me. With all of you, the journey has been so colourful and full of laughter and joy. Your yes’s have always inspired me to say yes. Thank you for truly being the Heart Beat of CFC-Youth Edmonton.

I praise God for CFC Edmonton and all of the CCs that have been like second parents to me, especially my own parents (lol), Uncle Au and Auntie Monica, Tito Nap and Tita Ely, Tito Charlie and Tita Edna, Tito Cesar and Tita Beth, Kuya Anthony and Ate Maan, Tito Jaymar and Tita Sheila, Tito Chris and Tita Baby, and Tito George and Tita Evs. To these CCs and all of the CCs that have ever served me, you’ve all been such huge supporters of my growth as a CFC-Youth. Without you, there is no CFC-Youth. Without you, all of us young people would be lost, not knowing and not experiencing the love of God. Thank you for your service!

I am thankful to the Lord for all CFC-Youth Full-Time Pastoral Workers who have set foot in the Mountain Region and have set an amazing example to the youth and for inspiring them to be and bring Christ wherever they are. I praise God for all of the FTPWs, but thank you Ate Evs, Anton, Kuya Miguel, Ate Candy, Kuya Gelo, Kevin, Ate Hannah, Kuya Dexter, Ate Grace, Kuya Butch, Kuya John, Ate Madel, Ate Checa, Kuya Ghamay, Kuya Yroll, and now Niccolo for all of your sacrifices and service. Thank you for playing a huge role in my life.

I praise God for all of the priests and religious sisters that have helped me in my formation as a Catholic, both during a CFC-Youth event or apart from it, especially those who have given me such sound advice on how to love myself, others, and God more. Without question, I wouldn’t know Jesus’ merciful love if it weren’t for Father Mike, Father Jim, Father Matthew, Father Vu, Father Miguel, Father Martin, Father Kris, and Father Mark. Also, thank you Sister Mae and the Sisters of Providence for always praying for me. Thank you all for responding to the call!

Twelve and half years have flown by and goodness, there have been times when I felt like the only option was to quit. I can recall different years where I had a difficult time moving on from feeling abandoned, betrayed, misled, anxious, or just trying to overcome feeling like I wasn’t enough or that I was too much. Although each year had its own set of difficulties and struggles, it would be an enormous mistake if I ignored the joy I found in suffering for God. It was at my lowest points that I’ve felt closest to God. Even the times when I couldn’t feel anything, I knew God was with me. God can do anything and He can heal anyone, no matter how deep the wounds are.

It was in the suffering that God pushed me to grow and formed in me virtues like patience, compassion, humility, piety, and mercy. The most difficult of these to develop was definitely mercy, but the Lord has a crazy way of showing me up; He once said,

“If I can forgive the inexcusable in you, you can forgive the inexcusable in others.”

Boom. So beautiful, freeing, and true!

For myself, one of the greatest challenges I’ve experienced in CFC-Youth Edmonton was seeing the area fall before my eyes in 2007. Since then, CFC-Youth Edmonton has been rebuilding from the ground up. However, what used to be a barren desert is now a youthful, vibrant community whose foundation is truly Christ. We are no longer in our “dark ages” but living in the light of Christ.

I leave CFC-Youth Edmonton having the most troubling yet peaceful transition. It is troubling because a part of me wants to hold onto something that has been so good to me for over half of my life. But it is a peaceful transition knowing that the new CFC-Youth Edmonton Core Group, the new Heart Beat, is comprised of youth who are stronger and more faithful than I ever was at their age.

I rarely went to weekday mass or confession when I was 16 or 18 or 20 years old. But for these youth it’s almost like second nature to them; they just know that in order to have a strong foundation in Christ, they can’t just be active in the community, but they need to be active Catholics in the Church. They are prepared, equipped, and ready to be the Lord’s hands, feet, and heart to the area. What more can I ask for? There is nothing left. God has made it easy for me to let go.

I am moving on from CFC-Youth with so much gratitude because God has been so faithful to all of my friends. Today they’re no longer youth, but adults now, joining SFC, getting engaged, some soon to be married. I have friends who have graduated university, who are moving away to grad school or medical school, and many are landing new jobs and opportunities. In the past year, God has given us more reasons to trust in His love and His plan for us than He ever has before in our lives. We’ve reached a beautiful point where God keeps blessing us with more and inviting us to receive more. We are at such a good place in our lives despite the uncertainty of what our future holds. Personally, I take delight in knowing that God holds and owns my future, and that He is already there waiting for me.

“Fear not, for I am with you always.”
-Isaiah 41:10

I spent this day, my last day as a CFC-Youth, trying my best to offer it to the Lord. I went to work. I spent about 40 minutes in adoration, went to mass on the Solemnity of the Assumption of Mary. I was able to go to confession and walk through the Holy Doors. I walked to the River Valley and spent some more time in prayer with God. I talked to some of the sisters in my household on the phone. When I arrived home, I greeted my parents with a hug and a kiss. Today was just a beautiful and wholesome day, very reflective of my life growing up as a CFC-Youth.

Everything that I’ve learnt about faith, hope, love, service, virtue, community, the Church, prayer, the saints, angels, Mother Mary, evangelization, advocacy and social justice, and family create in me my identity in Christ. No matter where I go, I pray that I will do my best to embody all of the things I’ve learnt in CFC-Youth and apply these same teachings in Singles For Christ. After all, I’m still a big sister to the youth. Moving onto a different ministry doesn’t change that. Although I won’t be leading as many activities as I used to as an Area Head, I pray that God may keep me a CFC-Youth at heart so that I can continue to strive to be and bring Christ wherever I go.

Thank You God for everything. For my life. For my family. For this community. For the opportunity to serve You. For the Church. For my work. I am amazed by Your love, Lord. Thank You for the best last day. Amen.

Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us.
St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us.
St. Joseph, pray for us.

#campSWAT #stayworthyandtrue

June 26, 2016

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy into dejection. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” (James 4:7-10)

A lot has happened in the past few months and there is certainly much to be grateful for! Although it is still hard for me not to hear God speak or to feel God’s presence, as I move forward, I will continue to pray daily, read scripture daily, and give myself permission to see God in ordinary occurrences.

Since I “lost” the sense of hearing and feeling God in my prayers, He has heightened my sense of sight to see Him in things that give my heart delight, just as He did at Venice Beach. This might sound bizarre, but every time I walk to work through an old neighbourhood, I can’t help feel like God has placed me in a Disney movie haha.

I see the wind blow and move throughout the streets. I see many birds take flight overhead, flying from tree to tree — I even once saw a bluejay! Haha. I have also grown to have a favourite part in the neighbourhood; it is where the different species of tall deciduous trees on both sides of the road canopy over each other, almost like they are hugging one another. They are big and old, but they still sway from side to side. Things that once were so ordinary to me have come to life. The wind, the birds, and the trees have all become personified and briefly reflect the Almighty God.

In a special way, the wind reminds me of God because of its power, and because of its gentleness as it touches all living things. The birds remind me of God too because they are direct and purposeful, all the while maintaining its gracefulness. Finally the trees remind me of God because they are grand, have a timeless mystery, and are ordered in its symmetry.  This is all really cheesy, even for me haha. But I’m grateful that in this short five minute walk to work every weekday, the Lord gives me the gift of sight to experience and see Him in these things.

What does this all have to do with the desire to suffer?

I’ve learnt that whether I suffer willingly or unwillingly, God will always reveal something truthful, beautiful and good about Himself. Whatever He reveals about Himself is an amazing gift because it shows that God wants to be personal, and intimate, and wants to have a relationship with me. I am not just another person in this world, but I am someone who is incredibly loved and whom the Lord will reveal His love to in almost magical ways.

Secondly, I’ve learnt that I have a single responsibility when it comes to suffering: just go through it, but not alone. Often times I will try to ignore and avoid my suffering, sometimes even make excuses as to why I can’t deal with it right away. Instead of seeing suffering as a hindrance to my growth as a person or even as a hindrance to living comfortably, I think it’s important that I see it as a stepping stone to experiencing something great with the Lord.

Thirdly, I’ve learnt that I should be grateful for whatever trials I face. I will be honest and say that I don’t like suffering (who does?), but this ungrateful attitude towards suffering, in itself, acknowledges that I have a lot more humbling to do. And this bears much fruit because the adventure to love, serve, and honour God have not reached its climax yet. God still has more in store for me, especially if I am more open to receiving and experiencing His love.

I often hear that God knows me better than I know myself, and I still believe this is true, especially now. When I once thought that I was never going to feel God’s presence again, God made it so evident that He is still near and that He is still here to stay, but He will make himself present in a different way. I have been affirmed once again that God is always going to be with me, walking with me, running with me. It doesn’t matter what pace I go. He will always be beside me, before me, and behind me, always giving me comfort in familiar and new ways. Therefore, whom shall I fear? What shall I fear?

Overall all, I’ve learnt that suffering is a part of life; it is not a separate entity that I can just decide doesn’t exist or doesn’t have to exist. Suffering is and will always exist in this life, but like everything else, God has a plan and purpose for it. In my own experience suffering has helped me grow closer to God, has helped me develop a relationship with Our Lady of Sorrows, has helped me understand those who suffer from physical hurts and mental illness, and has reminded me that I’m in need of God’s mercy and grace. Suffering is purposeful as it helps us all see our human frailty and God’s great mercy. To think otherwise, is to be ignorant of the Gospel.

Thank You Lord for this life and all of the lessons I’ve learnt about suffering. Please open my heart to learn more about the value of suffering. Amen.