Tag: patience

God is good all the time!

 GOD > Time > Right Now

I have this automatic tendency to dislike the concept of Time. Whenever I think of time, I either think about how much I dislike waiting or I worry about all the tasks I need to complete by a particular deadline. The former is probably the worst of the two because it’s often something I can’t control. To put it simply, when I want something or know something, I’d very much prefer to have/know it now instead of later.  This sort of impatience transcends throughout my life and I often find myself asking questions like, Why won’t God just tell me where to go? What is He calling me to do now?When will I find “the one”? Why haven’t I graduated school yet? When will I find a new job? Why hasn’t this person replied to my phone call, email, or text yet? God, why is everything taking so long? While I want everything instantly, I’ve learnt very slowly (how ironic) to find gladness in waiting. I say this now because I’ve experienced first-hand that God uses time to help the heart heal and grow fond of love and forgiveness.

To put it in perspective, recently a close friend of mine apologized for things they had done to hurt me, that ultimately hurt our friendship. It may not seem like a big deal for some, but I had purposely chose to stop initiating conversation with my friend without telling them. I avoided going on Skype, our main means of conversation, at all costs because I needed time be free from the hurt they had (unintentionally) caused me, but not in a way that completely limited them from speaking to me. I even thought to myself that if they really needed to speak to me, they could message me on Facebook or text/call me. But they didn’t do so for eight months until they sent me that long apology.

In this apology, my friend touched upon every single hurt and more. And it was very evident to me that they were truly sorry for it all. If my friend were to apologize to me sooner than they did, I wonder if I would have been strong enough to accept it and I also wonder if I would have been able to believe them. Although I was always ready to forgive them in the past, moving on was always the hardest part for me because I never knew when exactly I’d completely be over whatever it was that they did.

In the past eight months of not speaking to my friend, I was almost forced to depend on others, especially God. In this time, I grew self-confident in who I was and my abilities and capabilities because the more I focused on God, the more I was able to see my true self. Choosing to walk away from this friendship was tough because it was the first time I had ever done something like this; I even cried once in the process haha. But the amount of growth I’ve experienced and the lessons I’ve learnt were worth it because my relationship with God grew so much.

When my friend apologized to me, I turned to God right away and discerned if I should even reply. I spent 12 hours in discernment and God showed me through Scripture, old blog posts I had written in the past 8 months, and podcasts from words from Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI that I was ready. So I talked to my friend, forgave them, went through the necessary hurts these past few weeks, and today I still consider them as one of my best friends.

I know our friendship will never be the same and my expectations of them will never be the same, but in great sincerity and confidence I say, “praise God!” Confusing emotions and misguided words no longer exist in our friendship. We are great friends — nothing more — and that’s all I could ask for. I’m thankful to have my friend back into my life because as I witness their growth, perseverance, and joy, an additional beam of light is brought into my life. I’m blessed to have them be a part of my life again, and I’m blessed to be a part of theirs.

Time is a beautiful gift from God that I often misuse and abuse when I’m lazy, but when I use it with the intent of wanting to grow and wanting to give glory to God, then time is used at its full. I was so impatient about everything but I’ve learnt to be “compelled to be patient”, especially when it comes to wanting to know answers to life’s biggest questions.

Patience was my least favourite virtue because I thought it was just about waiting tirelessly, but I see now that being patient is about believing that God is always on time. Furthermore, being patient is about living moment by moment and enjoying it because God is present. He is present in times of joy, suffering, trial, doubt, and He is present in the moving on stages, where things seem the most uncertain. He never abandons those He loves. If I am hurting, I know I will be healed when God says so. If I’m doubting, I know I will be given faith when God says so. If I’m experiencing anything negative, God will always respond with goodness and love in His perfect time, whether that is right away or not.

Today I see that having the time to heal is greater than wanting to be healed right away because wounds don’t heal over a day. Sure scabs and such form over it, but deep wounds and cuts only heal over long periods of time, and then they develop scars. But eventually those scars fade with more time that the wound is only a memory in the mind, and not even a graze over the heart. In all of this talk about time being the healer of wounds, I believe more earnestly that God is the ultimate healer as He is not limited by time. So when I say having time to heal is greater than being “healed” right away, I also say that having God is much greater than this because He is the Maker of time. All events are created and respond to His voice.

God is good all the time. And all the time, God is greater. 🙂
Amen.

The Rhythm of Life

”To desire grace without recourse to the Virgin Mother is to desire to fly without wings.” - Pope Pius XII
”To desire grace without recourse to the Virgin Mother is to desire to fly without wings.” – Pope Pius XII

Love is a fermented wine, in which only time can sweeten.

Why is it that in the most endearing love stories, we are given images of elderly couples madly in love with one another?  We see it in many notable movies and television shows.  The best example I could come up with is probably the Notebook, where an elderly Noah or “Duke”, chooses to be loyal to the love of his life, Allie, even when her sickness causes her to forget the very man she loved.  The message of that movie was loud and clear. Love is patience.  Love perseveres.  Love is prevailing.  We can conclude that, simply, with time, love becomes more genuine.  It becomes more true.  More sincere.  It becomes more real.

In this community, we are introduced to a very important truth:  real love waits.  Now as much as this conviction has been associated with chastity, it is also very important to realize the deeper (yet simpler) meaning of this conviction. Waiting does not mean we only seek fulfillment after the fact.  It means that we remain hopeful throughout.  It means that in our waiting, we are sanctified.  Holiness is not simply a means to an end, but a constant reacquainting with the Lord on our journey.  There is beauty in the wait.  It is the reason why flowers take time to bloom.  It is the reason why the sun rises gradually and majestically every morning.  It is why the clouds in the sky above soar past us calmly and almost unknowingly.  Similarly for us, there is beauty in the wait, and it comes in the form of virtue.

I firmly believe that throughout my life, I have been blessed with a rather unique (and by all means undeserved) grace.  That is, the grace of “waiting”.  As a child I remember always having to wait for my turn, being the youngest of my siblings and cousins.  It never really bothered me, but in retrospect, I think it led to my ability to patiently put other’s needs before mine.  Mind you, I’m not perfect, but I definitely think God blessed me with patience – of myself, of others and of God’s will.  I know I owe a lot of patience to my family.  Every day they teach me to be patient.  Specifically, in having a sister with down syndrome, it’s particularly rewarding when I know that in loving her unconditionally God teaches me subtle lessons of virtue.

It does not surprise me that in leading a life dedicated to growing in patience and virtue, I have fallen in love with Mary’s Immaculate Heart, that which is most virtuous and extraordinarily patient.  Thankfully she has given to us a very cherished gift: The Most Holy Rosary.  It is in the rosary we learn to imitate her life – specifically, her love for Jesus.

The rosary is such a beautiful prayer.  As you probably know, praying it really takes time and effort.  During those long days of work or school it really gets difficult because of its constant repetition.  You can even go as far to say that praying it regularly often gets monotonous.

St. Josemaria Escriva passionately wrote,

“Blessed be that monotony of Hail Marys which purifies the monotony of your sins!”

I believe that the Rosary is a beautiful example of how we must approach every circumstance of our living.  A brother once told me that, “the beads of the Rosary is the rhythm of life.”  They don’t merely represent the rhythm of life.  They ARE the rhythm of life.  Every breath has its meaning, just as every bead has its significance.  Often times life can become monotonous.  But what I learned in praying the Rosary was that, somewhere hidden in the repetition and in the waiting, there is a beauty that is unveiled in its mystery.  The Mysteries of the Holy Rosary are the beautiful moments of God’s glory that we yearn for as time passes.  Those 10 Hail Mary’s are enlivened and monotony is diminished when we encounter Jesus Christ in the Mysteries.  Similar to that, we must learn to exact heavenly bliss from monotony in our very lives, only then will we truly and intimately know the secret to Mother Mary’s love for her son.

With every breath I am reminded of the sweetness of waiting, not because I inch towards a destination, but because in breathing I am reminded of a God who has given me life.  I am reminded of a God who loves me in ways I don’t deserve.  A God whom I yearn to love more and more each day, with every Hail Mary, and every passing bead.  A God who, with every answered and unanswered prayer, affirms me that though I have failed countless times in waiting for Him, He has revealed to me in eternity that real love waits.

“Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to behold the sun.” – Eclessiastes 11:7

Trinity Run

Winter is fast approaching, and I can already feel my body starting to switch over to hibernation mode. Soon enough it’ll be too hard to get up out of bed, nearly impossible to escape out of those double duvets. Tis the season for excusing our way out of health habits.

I used to run regularly to maintain some sort of physical activity but that died down since who knows when. Spring is always difficult to face after long winters because of the three month break. I personally loathe treadmills and will refuse to get on one. I’d rather wait. I much rather prefer the great outdoors, but Toronto winter weather does very little to help with that. Daylight savings mean shorter days and longer nights. It takes approximately two weeks to adjust. My body is definitely losing on this front.

Our spiritual health suffers from the same changes. We have cycles where we’re going  strong- we’ve found some sort of groove with our prayer time and involvement with the sacraments. At these moments, our relationship with Christ is toned and trimmed. Excess weight cut off. The closer we get to Christ the less baggage we carry- our material and worldly desires no longer necessary. We are tied down to less.

But then, at some point, we face an itch of sorts. An itch that just needs to be scratched. A craving that just needs to be satisfied. A thirst that needs to be quenched. But instead of reaching for the healthy & obvious choice of water we go for the Coke. Pepsi. Ginger Ale. Root Beer.  And just like that, our impenetrable fortress comes crashing down. Why? Because we foolishly ignored that cracked wooden frame that started to break- little by little. It was easier to feign ignorance to something that needed fixing. It’s easier to give in and let our human needs win.

“I’m only doing it once.” I still exercise anyway. Cheating won’t hurt.” 

That’s what I realize happened to me. And for some reason or another, I kept making excuses and reasoned my way out of a very fruitful, beautiful prayer habit. It only took one small “set back”. I cut down my prayer time, my weekday church dates, and adoration drop ins so that I could bulk up on old habits which I knew were only going to get me in worse (spiritual) shape.

Negative thoughts filled my head. I became impatient, moody, and lethargic. Two weeks passed since my last confession, and although I knew I needed it PRONTO …my body would magically (temporarily) shake off the anxiety. It made me think I could keep going. Nyeh, it can wait.

Nope.

Confession is our detox. Our body needs to get rid of built up toxins the same way our soul needs to get rid of impurities. Getting through it is tough, but we always come out healthier afterwards. Praise God, for God because I finally went for that detox round. He knew I needed it. And I knew I needed it. The hardest step is always the first, the hardest run is always the most dreadful.

Our prayer life can be a long outstretched summer. However if we trip and fall into the darkness of winter, we shouldn’t despair. We don’t have to endure three months of waiting. We can choose to fast forward to spring.  My winter lasted 8 days too long, but today’s TRINITY RUN (adoration, confession and Holy Eucharist) allowed me to see the Son rise gloriously. Thankfully, our salvation and redemption is not bound by time, because we are loved by a God whose love is endless and timeless. 

 “A clean heart is a free heart. A free heart can love Christ with an undivided love in chastity, convinced that nothing and nobody will separate it from His love.”
-Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Home.

With the amount of times that I’ve had to travel within an eighteen month time frame, most people would assume that I no longer suffer from homesickness. The past three trips (2009, 2012, 2013a) have been by myself; the shortest trip lasting 8 weeks and the longest lasting 6 months. Most people base their judgement on my social media posts and are probably thinking, “Dang, she is living the life.”

Well, reality check: I still suffer from homesickness. I still feel somewhat lost even though I’ve revisited Place A, B and C more than a handful of times. I still feel out of place in a room full of old friends and the nausea that accompanies displacement is very much real.

All those things still exist. Even now. Even when my family is here with me. We all haven’t been together in a very, very long time. Dad’s had to work out of town for the past 2 years and my brother’s had to live away at Waterloo ever since he started his Undergrad. And me, well…..I’ve been traveling to PH.

A few days into our family trip here, I was still feeling so bothered. My temper kept getting the best of me. I grew impatient and volatile. I couldn’t understand it. Shouldn’t my family have cushioned the hypothetical “emotional blow” that always hit me during my trips? Shouldn’t the weird jumble of emotions have stopped because I was with my loved ones? The anger and frustration drained me so much that one night, I decided to just leave the group. The innermost depths of me was craving for something. I didn’t know what that something was, but what I did know was that going to God wouldn’t leave me any more desolate than I already was. So I looked for a church.

I ended up at Sto. Rosario. I got through confession. I kneeled at the Adoration Chapel. I sat through Mass and received Holy Eucharist. And you know what? For the first time I felt good. Not just ice-cream-on-a-hot-sunny-day good, but ‘passing my final exam with flying colours and making the honour roll’ kinda good. I was a fish out of water that suddenly found my way back to the water. I could breathe again.

As I contemplated at the Adoration Chapel I was reminded of a promise I made to Him during the SFC precon praisefest. It just so happened to my birthday too. I told God that I was willing to finally give Him the one part of me that I hadn’t let go of yet- a very specific piece of my heart that was put on reserve. I didn’t have the strength to fight that fourteen year battle any more. It took me that long to surrender. That day He said to me, “Exodus 14:14, my beloved. Do not forget. I will fight for you, you need only to be still.

In the presence of the Eucharist and in front of the altar, I felt God whisper me to me, “Therese, my dearest Therese. You silly stubborn girl. Remember what you offered at the foot of my cross weeks ago? Remember that you promised me you’d finally give that last piece to me? Home is where the heart is and yours just so happens to be with me. It’s safe. It’s in my hands now. I’m happy that you finally found your back. My child, right now at this very moment …you are home. I’ve been waiting.”

All the puzzle pieces fit.
It all made sense.
I felt this sudden rush of peace, of final certainty.

Everything in this world is temporary. Even my family. But God, God is infinite. God is timeless, boundless and endless. I am made to stand in His presence, to bask in the love that is always present in His house.

 

Father, I’m coming home.
Amen. 

Prayer, Patience, Perseverance

per·se·ver·ance [pur-suh-veer-uhns]
noun

  • steady. persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
  • Theology . continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

I’ve tried to live by three P’s: prayer, patience, perseverance. We have to be constant in our prayer life, always seeking out God’s guidance in the things we hope for. We have to be patient and sensitive to the spirit so that we can discover what it is the Lord is asking of us or telling us. We have to persevere in our faith, especially as young people because this world seeks to destroy our relationship with God. A sister from Australia, who I just met this year, put it in the simplest way: when you go through dryness, the next thing that comes after is thirst. So it is with Christ, that when we experience a spiritual desert of sorts, we should be so thirsty for God that we will do what it takes to find His oasis of abounding grace.

With that said, I know that as a person I can be pretty persistent, especially with the things I want. How fitting is it, that about a week and a half ago I came across a saint who lived through perseverance. I purchased this rosary at a St. Paul’s in Gateway after the Global Leaders Summit. Ever since discovering my roots with St. Therese of Lisieux last year, roses have been a very significant aspect of my faith journey with the Lord. I saw a silver rosary covered in roses, and I didn’t even think twice about buying it.

That same week, some pretty heavy news reached me. It involved someone very close to my heart and the severity of the situation really shook me. I was in the middle of a 2 week pilgrimage all across the Philippines and my travel itinerary left little room for flexibility. This was someone who was a big part of my life. I felt so vulnerable, so helpless and so stuck. Words were all I could offer. I couldn’t physically give them the comfort they needed nor could I do anything to take away the pain or the burden that this person felt. It was beyond any of my abilities.

My heart shared in the pain, and I couldn’t help but cry out of helplessness. What else could I do at this moment but pray? Pray for this person and pray that the Lord would give me the strength to deal with this person’s struggles.

Truthfully, I can tell you that never have I ever prayed the rosary with such sincerity. As I recited the words muffled by my tears, I could just sense Mother Mary embracing me and holding me in her arms. Her presence was so strong that I knew she was interceding for me right at that very moment. Two voices speaking the same prayer work wonders, because eventually the situation became less turbulent and less urgent. It was then that I realized that it wasn’t my love for this person that could save them, rather it is my love for God and my belief in his love for me that will bring that person the peace and comfort they seek.

“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”- Exodus 14:14

I looked closer at my new rosary and discovered the mark of St. Rita. Her arrival in my life speaks of nothing but God’s great timing.

At a very young age, St. Rita was forced into an arranged marriage to a man who was never good to her. She endured his insults, physical abuse and infidelities for many years, but was persistent in her marriage. She continued to pray for for him for the next eighteen years. Eventually her husband experienced conversion and sought forgiveness through the Church. He was murdered shortly after. Her two sons wanted to avenge their father’s brutal death and vowed never to stop until they brought justice to their family. St. Rita was scared of what her sons were plotting to do, so she lifted up their lives to God. Both sons died later that year due to natural causes. She wanted to enter the convent late in life and was denied multiple times. Eventually, she was accepted, but as a test of her faith and loyalty to the monastic life, her mother superior asked her to tend a dead stick and plant it. Out of obedience she did just that, and after one year of nurturing it the stick grew leaves and became a bountiful grape vine. It has almost been 600 years since St. Rita plated that stick, yet it remains fruitful! So much so that it even produces wine for the Pope.

There is no doubt in my mind that God brought St. Rita, the Patroness of Hopeless Cases, to me at this time of my life. The situation I was presented with before seemed so impossible and so out of my reach that I almost gave up. If anyone could understand what it’s like to pray for something so fervently and with so much intensity, it’s her. She is my role model; she affirms me that the time and effort I’ve been putting in my prayer for someone’s conversion will not go to waste. I should remain faithful to His promise and believe the Lord’s presence is very much alive in my relationship. So it is with the love I carry in my heart that I remain hopeful in prayer, patient in affliction, and persistent in my petitions.