Author: Tim Yap

Choosing beyond ourselves

The more I think about it the more I’m scared.  It’s funny because you spend most of your young years trying to see or plan your future ahead of you.  You make goals and you try to achieve those goals.  Its funny because yeah in this career and present time that I live in I like to be in control of what is coming ahead of me.  I’m so used to knowing what I want in a few months, let alone a year.  I’m used to making my own plans.  But when I think about HIS plan I get scared because I don’t see anything.  Is it because it’s God’s way of telling me, “you’re not ready to see the mystery that is unveiled in this direction.”  I find myself more scared and wanting to just stay in my comfort of my career and so called 5-year-plan.  A brother I spoke to was sharing “I realize, why am I so scared of God and his plan for me?” Man this is the first talk of the youth camp, “God’s Love and His plan for us.”  This God of ours has such a crazy dream for me that I am too scared to see it.  Just like in the youth camp I should be open to it, believe it and best of all embrace what He has for me!

Lord, I pray that I let go of this fear and be more open to your plan, whatever direction it may take me, soften my heart and open my eyes so that I may be humbled by you and see your plan unfold.

@itsmetimmm

Fill me

Last weekend in Mountain region, specifically in Calgary, we were able to witness our own RLC.  This years anchor verse came from John 2:7 “Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.”  I am so inspired and affirmed of the youth in our area, I can really see that they are learning to embrace their calling as leaders to whatever the Lord is leading them to do.  He has truly filled us to the brim…. or has he?  Is there a larger jar awaiting for us?  More water to be poured?  After a few days coming out of RLC, I continue to see myself reflecting on the verse and the many sessions that occurred.  What strikes me is the infinite love our Lord showers us in whatever state or condition we are in.  How He is able to work through us to help us take the next steps forward to the goal we are striving for.  We wrote letters to our future-selves 5 years from now and to see that the youth are all aiming to grow in the Lord is just so affirming and exciting to witness.  I couldn’t help but share that the water being poured is the many events CFC Youth has to offer and the jars are just like our hearts willing to get bigger and bigger.  The one challenge I face is to allow the Lord to be poured into my heart.  I wonder why am I so scared and guarded when our Lord is right next to us.  I learned more and more about how much He loves me through regular confession and a protected prayer.  I begin to let Him in.  I hope through this our youth will begin to see the many miracles behind the scenes of their lives.  God is our farmer and Jesus is our gardener, may the water poured into our jars grow.

Lord help me surrender my heart to you, may your love grow miracles and fill us to the brim.

@itsmetimmm

My Interior Castle

Continuing my journey as an MV, I ask the Lord where am I in my discernment, where am I spiritually, and how is my relationship with Him.  I desire to know more and more about Him.  After the first few moments reading Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila, I could not help but smile to see exactly where I am in my journey.

THIRD MANSIONS. The description of these Manions of Exemplary Life beings with stern exhortations on the dangers of trusting to one’s own strength and to the virtues one has already acquired, which must still of necessity be very weak.  Yet, although the soul which reaches the Third Mansions may still fall back, it has attained a high standard of virtue.  Controlled by discipline and penance and disposed to performing acts of charity toward others, it has acquired prudence and discretion and orders its life well.  Its limitations are those of vision: it has not yet experienced to the full inspiring force of love.  It has not made a full self-oblation, a total self-surrender.  Its love is still governed by reason, and so its progress is slow.  It suffers from aridity, and is given only occasional glimpses into the Mansions beyond.

The first thing to humble me is that passing through these Mansions is not a race, but another reason to come closer to Him.  If my faith in Him is weak then it is my call to have stronger faith through my relationships.  If I have not fully surrendered then I must learn to trust and have more hope.  If I continue to sin then I must stay away from these temptations.  If I have not experienced a full force of love, then it probably means that I haven’t loved my neighbour as myself.  These are such perfect goals for my year and to help me with my discernment.  I ask for your prayers to help me reach these goals.

@itsmetimmm

Why not ask

Today’s gospel really reminds me of the times I’ve asked the Lord for help.  Everyday I ask Him for help.  I’m sure we can connect here in situations like “Lord help me pray today,” “Lord help me pass my exam,” “Lord, I hope I get this job,” “Lord, help me to pray more,” “Lord, let me have this.”  And at times I receive what I pray for and other times I don’t.

What I’ve learned is that the Lord puts desires in your heart so that you can pray for it.  Our Lord always invites us to knock on His door because He is welcoming us into a room full of desires, gifts, joy, and love.  It’s also known that our Lord is someone who likes to knock on our doors too.

The biggest question I’ve asked the Lord (besides to help me with my discernment) is “Lord, I want to get to know you more.”  And from there began my relationship with Him.  Over the past 2 years I have never learned so much about the Lord and about people who share the same question as I do.  He has opened my eyes into the catechism, lives of saints, and a deeper perspective in the church.  I became really desperate to know who He is.  Through my discernment I’ve been challenged with continuing to open my doors to Him, this means allowing Him to come into my house.  Our Lord is someone who gives and He does it BIG.  He won’t give us anything else but what we deserve.  He delivers in the most perfect times, especially when we begin to desire it.

I pray in our journey as missionaries we continue to ask Him and receive Him with open arms.

@itsmetimmm

 

Simple Distractions

I was on the Facebook page of Fr. James Martin SJ and I saw him promoting his new book by giving an excerpt on being distracted in prayer.  Automatically I smirked and said to myself, “yeah thats me.” Often enough during my prayer time I am easily distracted by my own thoughts.  I’m always thinking about other things.  Or when I’m in prayer and something good pops up, I write it down right way so I don’t forget.

At one silent retreat I attended, my spiritual director asked me how was my prayer time and I said, “I don’t know, its seems a little dull, I get distracted easily, but most of all I’m just there sitting in prayer getting nowhere, I can’t hear him.” He laughed and replied, “Well what’s wrong with that? You’re there praying to him.”  I learned from my director when I get distracted, I should repeat my prayer over and over again until I begin to remove my distractions.  Simply these distractions go away.

Remember prayer is a gift from God.  Often enough we will learn to know what to pay attention to and what not too.  Not all prayers will have desirable results.  When prayer seems dull or when we feel he isn’t present, maybe he’s asking us to pray in a different way or turn the page maybe to another scripture.  This is because maybe God wants to meet you somewhere else.  God is always there, He’s everywhere and be open.  Together let’s learn to take away these distractions and spend more time in prayer!

@itsmetimmm

Blessed are they

I am reminded by a story about a YFC brother in the Philippines.  I was being approached by one of the sisters about this brother who only bought a 1 way ticket to ILC, I believe he was from Cavite and did not have enough money to go home.  What caught my attention is, “why would you come if you can’t go home” and it clicked that this brother wants to be here.  His desire to celebrate with other YFC was stronger than finding a way home because he knew he would be taken care of.  Now it brought me to this…

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” – Matthew 5:6

This brother is filled.  Experiencing that moment humbled me because it reminded me about my desire to be with our Lord.  With our busy schedules we might lose this desire, we won’t be hungry or thirsty for what is right in our lives, instead we try to fill ourselves with things that don’t satisfy for long.  It’s obvious here that as long as we thirst and are hungry for the Lord then we will be filled.  This requires consistency, don’t stop, keep going.  In my discernment for fulltime work the desire is strong and what challenges me is will I have this desire the next day. Like that brother who wanted to go to ILC we should also have his desire to attend our meetings such as our households, our 1on1’s, and our assemblies.  Our thirst and hunger should be focused on the Lord and nothing else.  This is why we keep going, it is because of our desire and I pray strongly that we all continue to be thirsty and hungry for Him through our community of CFC Youth.

@itsmetimmm

Heavy Cross? Don’t fret

It may come in any point of your time where you might feel like you’ve got a heavy cross.  What does that mean?  It could mean that you’ve taken on a lot of responsibilities, you also might have heard the term “spreading yourself too thin” or “burdened.”  Well in any of these cases I will share to you some points of how we can continue walking with our cross just Jesus did himself.  The biggest thing I want to share with you is do not be afraid to fall.  There’s been quite a few changes going with my service the last few months and let me tell you this change is starting to hit me good.  Taking on a new responsibility and continuing the ones I have on top of being a part time student with a career does sound like a handful but for now manageable.  I have been slowly learning the secrets from my mentor about how to use my time effectively because he is telling me that our time in this service is short.

Here are some tips I found effective to keep up with my service and life.  First I’ve come to learn that a heavy cross probably means His will for you is being done (that’s right we constantly pray for that.) He’s working through you.

  1. Understand the trial you are facing, learn to love what you’re in and be the BEST
  2. Pray. And don’t stop find your perfect time, yes I said perfect… in the morning after I wake up works for me. Also read the daily Gospel, see what He is trying to tell you each day.
  3. Pray to the saints.  In whatever situation you feel stressed in there is a patron saint for your specific needs.  Use them, they help because they want you to also join them in Heaven one day.
  4. Last, go to confession (its one of our national directions.)  Going to regular confession (monthly/weekly) will help you feel God’s love and purify all your intentions
  5. Ask for help.  From your counterpart, MCG, potential leaders

And there you go, this is my daily grind.  Though my cross may be heavy I know that whatever I bare will be in His hands and His victory.

@itsmetimmm