True North Missionaries Journal

Why do you still want to be a mission volunteer? When I read that question I was taken aback. I thought the answer was obvious:

I don’t know the answer to the question I have been discerning about for the past ten months.
Is God calling me to be a full-time pastoral worker?

My wants for the past seven years was to be a full-time worker. It would be so much easier to say yes. To fulfill my plans and dreams. To think only of myself. I could be in the Philippines now, joyfully partaking in the training with three of my friends. But what I know is that what I want is nothing. What I want, if it is not what God wants, will never make me fully happy.

I get so overwhelmed when I talk about the mission volunteer program. I can feel it now, welling inside my chest, getting stuck in my throat – there are so many words. Every time I have thought about how to best describe this program, tears form in my eyes. And it’s not sadness or fear or anger, or even happiness that drives those tears. It is something greater. I can feel the Holy Spirit filling me, spilling out of me. He cannot simply rest in me alone, He longs to be shared through me to others. I can feel Him.

And that gives me so much faith. The overarching message for this year is “Do whatever He tells you”. And He has not told me if it is His will for me to be a full-time pastoral worker. But our God is mighty and powerful, all-knowing and all-loving. He will never fail me.

So like Elijah, I will search for Him in all places and in all things, but I will wait for His call. And I will be still through the mighty wind, the treacherous earthquakes, and the roaring fires – through the pressures of others, the struggles of my service, and the victories that drive me on – and I will wait for the still small voice of my God. And He will let me know His plan for me in His time. And until then I want to stay in this program, doing His work to the best of my ability. Until He tells me. I will wait.

And he said, “Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice” – 1 Kings 19:11-12

There is one verse from the Bible that stood out to me today:

“You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
– Matthew 5:48

Our Father is perfect, but He knows we aren’t. He, however, still knows that although we are not perfect, we are capable of change. Therefore, He is calling us out of our imperfections and calls us to His perfection. I know I cannot be perfect in this world because only God is perfect. Nevertheless, I know that I must strive to be perfect – strive to be Christ-like – because it is in our efforts and true sincerity that He sees Himself in us. It is in goodness that others see God. It is also through striving in His works… in good works… that we become like our Father, in truth and in love.

Deus fit homo ut homo fieret Deus.
God became human so that man might become God.

He became man so that we can have an example to follow as we continuously strive to be like Him. No matter what the circumstance… no matter what the failures, I know that my God continues to call me so that when I fall, nothing can stop me from getting back up and continuing to take the next step forward, closer to Him.

AMDG!

“A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is… A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in.” – C.S. Lewis

This quote by C.S. Lewis has always been a go to reminder for me and an eye opener as to what kind of life and mentality we should carry as people of God who are bombarded and surrounded by temptations everyday. God has called us to be people of deep “awareness” and “sensitivity”. To be constantly aware of our actions, our emotions, and our intentions. He does not want us to avoid temptation, but to acknowledge it. He has not called us to be passive in our decisions and our actions..to just give in to our temptations at the mere second we feel that we can no longer resist. No, our God deserves and requires more from us! He has called us to be active and fully conscious of our actions and to be accountable for them. Justifying our wrongdoings only opens doors to more temptations. Justifying our flawed actions denies the Greatness that our God truly deserves. Justifying our flaws only drags us deeper into sin and instills pride, it acknowledges that we are better than God which in turn denies the sacredness of God. Our God only deserves the best, he does not call us to be weak but He calls us to be STRONG for HIM.

This quote is fitting for the season of Lent, where we are called to sacrifice and fast what is most tempting to us and what we have become a slave to (whether is be sweets, wreck-less spending, gaming, etc…)  and to replace that hole with God. This season calls us to be aware and acknowledge our temptations and lift them up by emptying ourselves of these hindrances and filling ourselves up with the grace of God. Yes, we fall…but this shouldn’t be an excuse and we shouldn’t justify our fall. Instead we should RECTIFY our actions and reminds ourselves that “ God deserves ALL of ME!”  The sacrifice and fasting that we are offering up to God is a speck compared to the cross that our Lord had to bare. From the above quote “A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie” because Saints have lived through temptations. And so can we!

 Temptation is strong, but we are be stronger!

Our Mama Mary affirms us:

If you carry your cross impatiently, you only make it heavier, and add evil to evil.

The way of the cross is the way to heaven. That is why all saints have travelled it. 

– The Imitation of Mary

 

“Ill be travelling on this road [for] long, just trying to find my way back home, the old me is dead and gone, dead and gone.” (T.I ft Justin Timberlake)

——————

Random jam playing on the stereo, on a late night drive home, post-full day of admin at the Centre, E-Rally prep, ILC filming, and a fellowship as the cherry on the sundae. “Another dime, another dollar” (as the saying goes). Praise God for #missionlife.

What does Mission life feel like? Going through a “living” that is counter-cultural, a path less travelled, one that guarantees no absolute security (security as defined by the world, of course!)…? It’s always hard to capture in words the answer (an explosion of God’s love and faithfulness daily, maybe?), but this quote provided me some clarity tonight:

“For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face.  How I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have fully know.” 1 Cor 13:12

It’s all temporaries in mission life; at some point in time, I believe it is a reality that He will call me to proclaim elsewhere, and this means never being called to stay in one place at once (Home is literally where your heart is), to be a blessings to others (being Christ wherever I go), and operating on no other time than God’s Divine Time. The only Absolute is God’s Loving calling to me every day in the Mission.

However crazy and daunting the notion of having no control, or being “at the mercy of life” , this is the most rewarding part of being a missionary. Holding unto to “nothing” allows me to be encased in this divine bubble, one that allows me to see Life in vivid colours:  individuals as Gifts from the Lord, risks that provide opportunities of growth in faith, trials as a means for the Lord to have His way in me.  I am never fully “home”, but the journey itself is preparing my soul for my one “true home” …which might lies somewhere beyond Cloud nine, haa. #love #Corinthians13

Walk with your feet on earth, but in your heart be in heaven. (St-John Bosco)

Today’s gospel really reminds me of the times I’ve asked the Lord for help.  Everyday I ask Him for help.  I’m sure we can connect here in situations like “Lord help me pray today,” “Lord help me pass my exam,” “Lord, I hope I get this job,” “Lord, help me to pray more,” “Lord, let me have this.”  And at times I receive what I pray for and other times I don’t.

What I’ve learned is that the Lord puts desires in your heart so that you can pray for it.  Our Lord always invites us to knock on His door because He is welcoming us into a room full of desires, gifts, joy, and love.  It’s also known that our Lord is someone who likes to knock on our doors too.

The biggest question I’ve asked the Lord (besides to help me with my discernment) is “Lord, I want to get to know you more.”  And from there began my relationship with Him.  Over the past 2 years I have never learned so much about the Lord and about people who share the same question as I do.  He has opened my eyes into the catechism, lives of saints, and a deeper perspective in the church.  I became really desperate to know who He is.  Through my discernment I’ve been challenged with continuing to open my doors to Him, this means allowing Him to come into my house.  Our Lord is someone who gives and He does it BIG.  He won’t give us anything else but what we deserve.  He delivers in the most perfect times, especially when we begin to desire it.

I pray in our journey as missionaries we continue to ask Him and receive Him with open arms.

@itsmetimmm

 

“For just as from the heavens the rain and snow come down and do not return there till they have watered the earth, making it fertile and fruitful, Giving seed to him who sows and bread to him who eats,” -Isaiah 55:10

The first part of today’s first reading was a very heartwarming reminder. It is a reminder that God will give us all of the resources that we need in order for us to continue living. Amazing right? Continuous help, never having to be alone. We tend to get clouded by these facts; that God will never forsake us, yet we always seem to forget what He’s asking of us.

“So shall my word be that goes from my mouth; It shall not return to me void, but shall do my will, achieving the end for which I sent it.” -Isaiah 55:11

We are here to continuously become an instrument of God. A reminder that what we are doing should solely be for Him and Him alone. Being the Lenten season, the same thought should also be kept in mind. We are fasting, because we love God more than anything of this world. God is more important than our time, our weight, our Facebook. Let us continue to focus on how much we love Our Father instead of focusing on the hardships of our fast.