True North Missionaries Journal

 

Have you ever been through a life experience that is so great, that it feels utterly impossible to translate this awesomeness into actual words?  Such was my month in the Philippines…where when looking back, all that’s left are Memories: memories of worshipping in a crowd of thousands of youth, being in awe of God’s creation in crystal blue waters, and uniting (in some way) with Christ’s suffering through physical exhaustion, hiking in bat caves of Sagada…plenty and plenty of Memories. Continue reading Memories, Jesus Experience(s) and Faith

On the way to the doctor’s office, my brother and I shared a funny conversation in the car…

When I arrived back in Canada, I shared about my experience in the Philippines: how inspiring it was and how, at the same time, it became a huge challenge for me. I spent a good chunk of my time back home sharing about how humbling my trip was and how the Lord granted me the grace to be able to see every experience as a tremendous blessing, be it positive or negative… and yet, the second I stepped onto Canadian soil and the moment that I got sick, my immediate response was a series of whiny complaints coupled with a very animated and dramatic “Why God, why?” (waving fists and everything).

We had a good laugh about it and treated it as a funny observation, but thinking about it now,it got me thinking…

Why is it is so difficult to respond with faith when we are in the comfort of our own home, or just comfortable in general?

I remember asking a sister about this, and one thing that she shared was that the real mission is back here at home and within ourselves. I definitely agree, and I never realized this until now. More often than not, when my life is shrouded in comfort, I always respond to my own personal challenges with discouragement rather than faith, especially when things don’t go my way. I hope that in this journey of discernment, the Lord will teach me to always respond with faith.

Lord,

In the midst of joy, comfort, sadness, anxiety, or whatever may stir my heart… I pray that I may always respond with faith.

We sin, we have sinned and we will continue to sin. It is hard to admit that we are weak and we easily fall into sin. But this is definitely not our destiny. To be back with our Father in Heaven is where we are destined to be. Our Lord God is so much greater and His mercy simply overflows that He overcomes our sin. Only through Him and our complete surrender to our Lord are we only able to let go of our sins.

Sometimes, it is so easy for us to overlook our sins and not see the consequences of it, especially the sins that we are not even aware of. An incident happened to me this week that asked me to truly humble myself and admit my fault and be truly sorry for what I did. I found myself so humbled before this person I truly love. Sometimes it is hard to apologize for things that we are not even aware of. Pride can overpower and more hurt can be done. But at this very moment that I was being corrected by someone so dear to me, I did not dare to defend myself and pretend that I did not do anything wrong. Seeing this person before me hurt so much, truly and deeply hurt, I did not question the fact that I really did something wrong. I fell into tears and I apologized over and over again. Then, I too felt the hurt of my very own sin. Seeing someone who is truly dear to you be in so much hurt and the hurt was caused by you is simply unbearable. This person I speak of is my mom. I jokingly, sarcastically said something that hurt her and I was not aware of it. I couldn’t bear seeing her hurt and all I wanted was to win her back again. A few minutes later we reconciled and oh how simple and easy are parents to forgive their children. She came to me and said in Filipino “Ohhh, love na ate” 🙂 She came to me with a smile and approached me with a hug. I was wrapped by the warmth of her forgiveness. I was humbled and I felt truly loved.

This same week one of the universal prayers of the faithful was “For a willingness to admit our faults and turn eagerly to God to seek forgiveness”. It had already caught my attention. It is not the usual prayer that we hear being said publicly, but it is something that we really need, so personal, so true. Every time I said this prayer, it kept striking my heart. After the incident happened, the incident and the prayer stirred in my heart. I was reminded of myself as a sinner, when I sin before our Father, sometimes I am not the one to admit the fault, maybe my fault did not occur to me or maybe I was not truly repentant. Maybe I was not aware of my sin or I did not see the graveness of it or possibly even because I do not see someone in front of me physically in a state of being hurt. I was reminded of the many times that I have hurt the Lord and was not able to ask for forgiveness truly from my heart and I realized how truly our loving God loves us so much. We do not see God hurt physically, He does not reveal Himself in a state of being hurt. He loves us so much that He does not even want us to see Him hurt when we hurt Him because He also does not want us to be hurt. We are hurt by our very own sins but our Great Father in Heaven is so quick in forgiving His children. It truly hurts to see someone whom we truly love be hurt especially when it is caused by us. This week, I truly saw God in my mom, so easy to forgive, so easy to love, even when hurting. Forgiveness, true forgiveness leads to true freedom, it leads to love.

May we continue to be humbled before the Lord and always seek His mercy through Him and in Him alone. Thank you for loving us oh Lord.

For a willingness to admit our faults and turn eagerly to God to seek forgiveness, we pray to the Lord – Lord, hear our prayer.

A Prayer for Help
[Psalm 57]

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful,
because I come to you for safety.
In the shadow of your wings I find protection
until the raging storms are over.

I call to God, the Most High,
to God, who supplies my every need.
He will answer from heaven and save me;
he will defeat my oppressors.
God will show me his constant love and faithfulness.

I am surrounded by enemies,
who are like lions hungry for human flesh.
Their teeth are like spears and arrows;
their tongues are like sharp swords.
Show your greatness in the sky, O God,
and your glory over all the earth.

My enemies have spread a net to catch me;
I am overcome with distress.
They dug a pit in my path,
but fell into it themselves.

I have complete confidence, O God;
I will sing and praise you!
Wake up, my soul!
Wake up, my harp and lyre!
I will wake up the sun.
I will thank you, O Lord, among the nations.
I will praise you among the peoples.
Your constant love reaches the heavens;
your faithfulness touches the skies.
Show your greatness in the sky,
O God,and your glory over all the earth.

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen.
Mary, Help of Christians.
Pray for us.

God bless us always brothers and sisters.
Peace and Love,
Apple
🙂

 

 

 

Immaculate Heart of Mary,

Thank you for revealing yourself to me in many ways, teaching me how to be patient, kind, humble, and loving. You’ve allowed me to witness your simplicity and graceful beauty. Mama Mary, your mantle of protection secured me with peace. Thank you for the silence of your heart.

Sacred Heart of Jesus,

I thank You for revealing yourself to me throughout my trip in the Philippines. You taught me what it means to be uncomfortable within the mission and teaching me that only through You I can find comfort and rest. My restless heart is at peace in You. 

Deo Gratias.