Rough day

Jan 30, 2019
(The day after the first MV meeting that I have attended for the year)
Today I impulsively wrote a reflection, actually commuting to school.

Today is not greatest day, I’m already second-guessing and doubting myself or what I mean is that again I don’t feel I belong to the MV program. Because of last night first meeting, I started to analyze myself and compare again to other missionaries in the meeting how their simple share before the meeting was always or comes back to God. Somehow, some way it was inspiring, and it seems so natural for them. But as I look to my shares, it was generic compared to theirs. I self of worth was low because of it.

I was actually holding back my thoughts for sharing. The only thing was they were “negative” in a sense. It wasn’t joyful or happy, and that’s why I didn’t share it. After the share was over, I did regret not saying it because I lost the chance the ability to share about truly what’s going on.

One of the shares that I was planning to say but held it back was how I had a not so great day before the meeting. Starting off giving the wrong information to Martin about dates about HLT. There was a miss communication between me and cp. Even though it was a simple mistake and was corrected right away. I really felt bad, and I was hard on myself. “I shouldn’t make that mistake, I should no better on checking dates.”

Even though that swallowed me for the decent amount of the day, I know in the back of my mind is that this is legit my first month as a chapter head handling things like this leading, coordinating, communicating etc. I know its a but learning curve but I really want to be and perform well.

Part of the reason why my emotions were all over the place after that was how I communicated to my cp after that. It was not that great, It sounded like or in my head at least it sounded like that I’m blaming her for the mistake for not updating the calendar. There was a change of dates that I was not informed with. I just messaged her this in correcting manner, and when she messaged back that’s when I realize my intentions of correcting was not in love. No matter how nice my message was, my intention was not in love.

On that point on my stress/emotion was all over the place because I felt bad and asking my self why I did that.

I didn’t know what was the gospel for the day but I read the reflection that I assume relates to the day. It was something about loving brothers and sisters and mother.

Once I caught my self doing that, realizing my actions were not done in love correcting this sister. I immediately said sorry to her taking responsibility for the mistake.

I’m just grateful for my cp after that as she comforts me with shorts messages. After all that, she is still supportive. Even though she might not even take the correction in a negative way. I was just complicating it for myself but still, she was still caring.

If I’m gonna some up the reason why I impulsively made a reflection in the bus for the first time is that I lost the chance to share in the meeting, a way to let everybody known what actually doing in my life. In my mind these are my fellow missionary buddies that I will be journeying there will be days that it won’t go so well. But they are there to journey with me and guide me.

Please pray for me not to hold back.

I certainly know how there is so much I need to learn and so much I need improve I recognize these things.

Kind of lost my momentum after my last MVA meeting and exam was over a couple of months ago. That’s why when during the first meeting again I started to compare myself like what I did when I first journeyed through the MV program last year. But I recognize how much I need to learn and grow to be like these missionaries I’m blessed to journey with.

So what step should I do?

Well, I need to grow in confidence, again in fearless, to keep sharing with God in mind, reminding myself to share when I get a chance, don’t share for the sake of sharing something, maybe to ask myself what has God showed something today.

Gabby Pador

To the Man I could’ve helped more

A few days ago I had been invited for a mass and dinner downtown with the Sisters of St. Joseph through a good friend. I was duly looking forward to it when I heard about it weeks in advance. Though I was a bit worried and hesitant when the day actually came. This past week we’ve been experiencing extreme freezing weather, strong gusty winds combined with a heavy snow fall, making it even more difficult and longer to get around the GTA than usual. It was so bad the previous night that I wasn’t allowed to go to household due to extremely poor visibility on the roads. The weather forecast called for something similar again, so I was skeptical my parents would allow me out. Plus a small part of me just didn’t want to leave the house in the cold, and I really don’t like going downtown unless I have to, if I’m being honest.

Yet something was urging me to go despite whatever reasons I had in favour not to. Continue reading To the Man I could’ve helped more

Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

Lately I have been feeling off. I am not exactly sure why, it’s hard to pinpoint it to one factor. There’s a lot going on in preparation for the upcoming National Leaders Summit, celebrating the 25yrs of CFC-Youth in Canada, being held at Camp Arnes, Manitoba. There’s also quite a bit going on behind the scenes in regards to my service role and the Campus Based program. In addition my weekends are filled with plans of spending time with friends and family at various birthday parties and celebrations. Yet despite having things I could be doing almost every second of my day, I find myself very restless. As much as I trust in the Lords timing of things, and I very much need all the time I have for preparations, I can’t help but feel unsettled and agitated.

I think part of it is also the fact that I am not in control of everything going on in my life. I can only do so much, plan, prepare and submit. Afterwards I’m left waiting for a response, waiting for the verdict, to see what happens next. This isn’t a subtweet to any particular thing happening, but rather literally applies to all aspects of my life right now. What is it that I need to learn in all of this? Perhaps it is that I may not have control over when the hour will come, but I must be prepared nonetheless for when it does. Much like the bridesmaids and having extra oil for their lamps (Matthew 25:1-13).

When being idle or restless, it can be easy to fall into the temptation of sin. And I worry sometimes that I may give into temptation, that I may not be strong enough. Lately, the more I strive to remain in a state of grace, an opportunity comes along where I am able to see how truly strong I am. It can be someone asking advice about particular vices and me being able to honestly help give them courage to overcome it, because I know the struggle it has been to overcome mine. It can be seen going to daily mass and being happy at the fact that I can partake in the Holy Eucharist. Whatever it may be, the Lord gives me these checkpoints where I am able to see where I am. These checkpoints have always existed, and in the past I felt guilt and shame in the moments that I failed. But lately, despite how hard I have been judging myself, I’ve noticed I’ve been clearing the checkpoints. That gives me strength and courage to continue to fight the good fight against sin and temptation. It gives me hope that holiness can in fact be very much attainable for me, and if it can for me, it most definitely can for you!

keep fighting the good fight, every second counts. Be prepared, for we do not know the day or hour. One day our checkpoints will no longer be a checkpoint, but the final test itself.  And when the time comes, I hope and pray both you and I will pass.

In Christ through Mary,

Meagan Webb

New Year…Simply Me

Looking back at my 2018, I can honestly say it’s been a great year, one that I haven’t had in a while. If you’ve read my previous blogs or heard me share in a household then you know the past couple of years were challenging to say the least. So what changed this year? Well first, I won’t say that this year didn’t come with its fair share of challenges and struggles. But perhaps what was different was my attitude and ultimately my trust in God. Continue reading New Year…Simply Me

Christ in Campus

I first and foremost want to honour YOU, anyone reading this who is in school. Whether it is high school or post-secondary, adult classes or continuing education, I honour you for taking on the pursuit to do and to be better. It is a privilege to have access to education, to have the freedom to choose what you want to study, and even to bare all the challenges that come with it.

At the end of August we had our Campus Fresh Party here in the Greater Toronto Area, the first official CFC-Y Campus Based event to kick off our new year (school year that is). I couldn’t help but take note of a few things. One, the start of a school year meant summer was coming to an end. It was a bittersweet feeling for someone who loves the heat and outdoor activities *cough, I really just mean swimming, cough*, but also loves Fall fashion and the comfy feeling of walking around outside in what feels like air-condition. Which led me to my second realization, the season of Fall is the season of change. Yes we will see the temperature drops, the changing of the colours on leaves, and the switch of promotions from citrus fruit and watermelons to apples, pumpkins and various forms of squash. Yet the Fall season also tends to bring an internal change to people. You yourself will start to see a transformation of who you are. Continue reading Christ in Campus

As a Sign of Gratitude

This Thanksgiving I am extremely grateful to God for all the blessings He’s bestowed upon in my life. As a sign of gratitude I made this prayer for Him.

Thank You, Lord for loving me through and through and for allowing me to witness first-hand what life is like with You in the centre of it.

Almighty Father,

Thank you. Thank you for the gift of life. For giving me another day to live, to love, and to experience your never-ending mercy and grace. Thank you for blessing me with a great family; people who continuously makes sacrifices for me and who is willing to take care of me no matter what.
Thank You for the blessing of friendship(s). For journey partners who are accountable to me and for friends who care about my sanctity and in bringing me to Heaven with them.
Thank You for the blessing of employment. I am so grateful to have a job so that I can earn and make a living for myself. Most especially in paying for my student loans (haha).
I also thank You for my health. For my beating heart, working arms, legs, hands and feet. Thank You for the ability to hear, to see, to smell, to taste and to speak. Not everyone has the opportunity to do these things which is why it is a great blessing to do just that.
Thank You God for the community of CFC, Couples for Christ. Through this community I have been able to learn how important the family is and and how essential it is to building a happier, more joyful and whole world.
And lastly, thank You Father for the gift of faith. Thank You for always meeting me where I am and for fighting for my salvation. 

Amen.

Fear Is A Liar

I’ve been asked over and over again, what is something I personally struggle with most in mission and in general. Typically I would say my laziness. There are times where I procrastinate and times when I know things could have been done or handled better if I only gave a little more effort.

To my surprise in response to that I’ve been told that I don’t seem all that lazy for people have seen the way I work. I’ve been affirmed of how much time, effort and hard work I put into things, and how much I go out of my way at times which others don’t understand why. I don’t do it for recognition, I don’t do it for rewards and I don’t even get paid for a lot of the things I do. Yet whenever people question why I continue to serve in community I get a sense of urgency to tell them all the reasons why and it always leads back to a personal encounter with Christ! Continue reading Fear Is A Liar