Lately I have been feeling off. I am not exactly sure why, it’s hard to pinpoint it to one factor. There’s a lot going on in preparation for the upcoming National Leaders Summit, celebrating the 25yrs of CFC-Youth in Canada, being held at Camp Arnes, Manitoba. There’s also quite a bit going on behind the scenes in regards to my service role and the Campus Based program. In addition my weekends are filled with plans of spending time with friends and family at various birthday parties and celebrations. Yet despite having things I could be doing almost every second of my day, I find myself very restless. As much as I trust in the Lords timing of things, and I very much need all the time I have for preparations, I can’t help but feel unsettled and agitated.
I think part of it is also the fact that I am not in control of everything going on in my life. I can only do so much, plan, prepare and submit. Afterwards I’m left waiting for a response, waiting for the verdict, to see what happens next. This isn’t a subtweet to any particular thing happening, but rather literally applies to all aspects of my life right now. What is it that I need to learn in all of this? Perhaps it is that I may not have control over when the hour will come, but I must be prepared nonetheless for when it does. Much like the bridesmaids and having extra oil for their lamps (Matthew 25:1-13).
When being idle or restless, it can be easy to fall into the temptation of sin. And I worry sometimes that I may give into temptation, that I may not be strong enough. Lately, the more I strive to remain in a state of grace, an opportunity comes along where I am able to see how truly strong I am. It can be someone asking advice about particular vices and me being able to honestly help give them courage to overcome it, because I know the struggle it has been to overcome mine. It can be seen going to daily mass and being happy at the fact that I can partake in the Holy Eucharist. Whatever it may be, the Lord gives me these checkpoints where I am able to see where I am. These checkpoints have always existed, and in the past I felt guilt and shame in the moments that I failed. But lately, despite how hard I have been judging myself, I’ve noticed I’ve been clearing the checkpoints. That gives me strength and courage to continue to fight the good fight against sin and temptation. It gives me hope that holiness can in fact be very much attainable for me, and if it can for me, it most definitely can for you!
keep fighting the good fight, every second counts. Be prepared, for we do not know the day or hour. One day our checkpoints will no longer be a checkpoint, but the final test itself. And when the time comes, I hope and pray both you and I will pass.
In Christ through Mary,
Meagan Webb