Tag: Love

Like A Child


In all my years, living, the one thing I had strived to become is the very thing I am now trying to run away from. Independent. Growing up, I always thought I had to make sure I would be strong. Make sure I would be successful in my career and in society. Make sure I’d be able to take care of myself. But over the years, what I had learned to become is what the world wanted, and not what God, the Father, wanted from me.

Recently, I have realized that what He wants is for me to be DEPENDENT. He wants me to be dependent on Him. Yes, He wants me to be strong, successful, and everything else…but in Him. i had focused so much on being independent that I was beginning to lose time with the Lord. I was getting caught up in my successes that I sometimes forgot to give praise to the Lord, for His plans and His will is what made it all happen for me. His love is what paved the path for me. I began to get so caught up that my reason was beginning to fall into the background, and the result… my career… my successes was beginning to pull forth as the reason…

It has been more than a year since I had decided to pull myself away from the obsessions the world portrayed of “self”. Self worth. Self success… its idea of “independence“. Why? Because what the Lord wants is far more simple than the world’s expectations. What He wants is my DEPENDENCE on Him. 

As a child, growing up, getting cuts, scrapes, bruises and all other troubles a child might have had, I immediately came to my father. Papa. Daddy. Dad. And all the many, many, many other names I had for him.Children are the treasures of heaven because they live with an innocent and pure desire to always seek the Father.

“‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of  heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'”
– Matthew 18: 3

http://www.fathersloveletter.com/video.html

God wants me to do the complete opposite of what I thought I had to do all these years. I have to turn away from this idea of independence and become dependent on the Lord. He still needs me to fall and get hurt for it is the only way to get back up and come back stronger, but in order to heal and know where to go and grow. He doesn’t want me to hide and burrow in my sorrows and my world, but to run to Him right away and be enveloped in His love. He wants me to BECOME A CHILD, once more. 

March 4, 2013

Witnessing naturally follows obedience, just as charity naturally follows faith. The obedience of faith leads to the witnessing of charity. To be obedient in faith is to put ourself in the position to be found, to be entered into, to be pursued, to be embraced, to be encountered and loved by Jesus Christ. To be obedient to God is to allow His Holy Spirit to dwell, transform, and animate us. The Blessed Virgin Mary is the perfect example of this. Through her obedience, Jesus Christ was conceived in her by the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus literally came to her. Mary truly loves us because of how present the Lord is in her.

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In a very real and mystical way, when we are obedient to God, Jesus comes to us and the Holy Spirit dwells, transforms, and animates us. We become more like Him. We can only pray that we may love our neighbour with Christ in us, just as Mary does.

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True obedience is the dying to one’s self (Phil. 2:8). This is why it’s the hardest thing for me to do. The more I reflect on obedience, the more I realize how disobedient I actually am because of my refusal to die to self. I am very selfish and of little faith and in many areas of my life I am blind and ignorant.

Maybe I am blind and ignorant because a part of me wants to stay this way. Maybe a part of me is scared of the light because it would reveal the true darkness in my life. This journey towards holiness is very illuminating. I mean, this journey has definitely illuminated by mind and my knowledge has increased about the faith, but more so, it has made clearer to me my sinfulness.

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Lord, I am a sinner. My sins are as numerous as the stars. Daily, I sin because of my thoughts and words, in what I’ve done, and what I’ve failed to do. Lord, have mercy!

As I continue my lenten journey, oh Lord, please be gracious and merciful to me. Please give me the grace to have true sorrow for my sins and the resolve to sin no more. Increase my faith in You oh God, help me to be obedient so that You can simply do Your will through me. Help me to let go and to lose my life for Your sake. Come to me, Jesus, make haste to help me. Amen.

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us.

My Only Love

My Only Love- Matt Maher

The first time I heard this song I was so taken aback by how much the artist, Matt Maher, understood love. Listen to the words. That love, that relationship he sings about, is everything that anyone could ever want. The love that he sings about is true love.

Anyone who knows me that I can show love, but it’s very hard for me to accept love. I get uncomfortable with it. Sometimes I push it away. But I still want to be loved. We all thirst for a lasting, comfortable, filling love. And we all want someone who will be there for us forever. And this song, it knows. Matt Maher sings with the desire of my heart.

If you didn’t know, this song is a love song from God. It’s about how much He loves us. It’s about His undying, never-failing, constant and true love.

And when you hear it, you can’t help but be in awe of His love. His deep commitment to love each and every one of us, as if there were only one of us to love. We may fail each other a million times. And we may fail our God a million times more than that. But He, our good and righteous God, our loving, redeeming, wonderful Saving Grace, He will never fail us. He will never leave us. He will always, always, always, always, love us. Each and every one of us is His one. His only love.

I still want you
Yes, I need you
To have and to hold you,
After all of these years

I will listen to your problems,
Won’t try to fix them,
Just wipe away your tears

And if you need me in the middle of the night my dear
I’ll stay awake ’til morning light, and chase away your fears

So come closer, right here forever, 
Deep in my heart beat.
Together as one
My only love

And if you need me in the middle of the night, my dear
I’ll stay awake ’til morning light, and chase away your fears

So come closer, right here forever, 
Deep in my heartbeat,
Together as one
My only love

My Interior Castle

Continuing my journey as an MV, I ask the Lord where am I in my discernment, where am I spiritually, and how is my relationship with Him.  I desire to know more and more about Him.  After the first few moments reading Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila, I could not help but smile to see exactly where I am in my journey.

THIRD MANSIONS. The description of these Manions of Exemplary Life beings with stern exhortations on the dangers of trusting to one’s own strength and to the virtues one has already acquired, which must still of necessity be very weak.  Yet, although the soul which reaches the Third Mansions may still fall back, it has attained a high standard of virtue.  Controlled by discipline and penance and disposed to performing acts of charity toward others, it has acquired prudence and discretion and orders its life well.  Its limitations are those of vision: it has not yet experienced to the full inspiring force of love.  It has not made a full self-oblation, a total self-surrender.  Its love is still governed by reason, and so its progress is slow.  It suffers from aridity, and is given only occasional glimpses into the Mansions beyond.

The first thing to humble me is that passing through these Mansions is not a race, but another reason to come closer to Him.  If my faith in Him is weak then it is my call to have stronger faith through my relationships.  If I have not fully surrendered then I must learn to trust and have more hope.  If I continue to sin then I must stay away from these temptations.  If I have not experienced a full force of love, then it probably means that I haven’t loved my neighbour as myself.  These are such perfect goals for my year and to help me with my discernment.  I ask for your prayers to help me reach these goals.

@itsmetimmm

The Journey of Our Yes

March 7-9 2008, was the weekend that changed my life whether I knew it or not. This was the weekend of my very first CFC-Youth Camp, Camp Radiance. Joining at the age of 14 I really didn’t know much of what the ministry was about. Like most teens I joined because my friends were going. But there was something about CFC-Youth that captured my heart.

Recently I’ve been reflecting on my journey within this community. Many may say 5 years isn’t very long but as we approach March 7th, it feels like it’s been a long journey. These 5 years have impacted my life tremendously. Through every struggle and every bit of joy and happiness I felt within the 5 years of being a part of this community has allowed me to be captivated by Christ Himself. There is no doubt have I fallen and wandered off the path God has planted for me but I have witnessed God’s merciful and everlasting Love within this community. This community has taught me about who I am and who God calls me to be.

Through my journey with actively serving in CFC-Youth the Lord has blessed me with so many opportunities to serve and has truly pushed me to go over my limits. I’ve been so blessed with serving in this community, whether it was through my households, serving kids, being a youth advocate, and the times the Lord has allowed me to share my personal victory to thousands of youth around the world, truly I must say these 5 years have been blessed.

CFC-Youth has allowed me not only to serve others but to serve God. I have fallen in love with God through the journey He has put me through. It truly amazes me of how beautiful God’s plan works. He amazes me, every single day of my life. Who would have known, 14-year old Nikki, 5 years later, would be where I am now a Mission Volunteer, discerning for Full-time Pastoral Work. I never knew it could be possible. The fear and uncertainty we may feel is nothing compared to the love and grace we receive when we say yes and when we open our hearts and minds to what God has in store. The willingness and the surrender of our yeses allows us to fully place our trust in God. Many times I’ve felt unworthy and doubtful but all these blessings and this beautiful journey God has placed in my life wouldn’t of happened if I didn’t make that one yes to attending my first Youth Camp, 5 years ago. It is only through the faithful yeses we make throughout our lives we may encounter this journey with Christ.

As CFC-Youth, we are all called to journey with the Lord. Allowing His radiance to shine through all clouds in the sky. The Lord simply asks for our YES to journey with Him. Will you follow?

Obey and Witness

“Do whatever He tells you” – John 2:5

Benedictus Deus in Saecula

Facing Fears; Facing the World

Often times, we find ourselves being judged by others. Whether it is family, friends, peers, co-workers, and even ourselves, we find that our every day is covered with judgements. And because of this, we begin to start changing our lives and the way we are so that we can free ourselves from the world’s judgements.

Today, I realized that knowing God is my greatest blessing. Why? Because at times that my thoughts begin to falter, like the way I have mentioned above (fearing judgement) the Lord always finds a way to snap me back into reality and take away all my fears. As I attended a Confirmation Mass in Windsor, standing as a sponsor, God spoke through the priest by talking about the truth to our faith. That despite of all the judgement we might hold against ourselves and from others; despite of how unworthy we feel, God is the only person that can look at you, smile, and despite of all the imperfections, can look at you and say “My child, come to me.” I laughed because it is true. How often do I look at myself and doubt what I am doing for God? How often do I penalize myself for things that I have no control over? It is not enough to simply overcome this SOMETIMES.

At mass, God reminded me that in every moment, in every second, and in every breath, the one thing that remains and always will is His love for me. If He isn’t judging me; if He is standing there, loving me through it all, then there is no reason to  doubt my worth. For as long as I am loved by the Lord, I must trust that my life and everything I hold dear is in His hands. And through my faith and through its works, I should have no fear for I am serving the Lord. As long as I live for His greater glory in His love, I will have no other fear than fear of the Lord.face my fears with all my strength, and face the world that may be judging me, and bring that same love – His love – into the world.

Should Be More Loving

Praise God for this year of faith! It gives us a good reason to learn our faith and dive deeper than ever before. However, we must be careful that, as we gain knowledge about the faith, we don’t become arrogant about it. When one gains more knowledge about a subject, it’s easy to think one ‘knows better’ and begins to see him/herself better than others. I believe that the more we learn about the faith, actually, the more loving we should be. The more humble we should be. The more we should decrease so that others may increase. I think of it to be an odd thing to learn about the faith and to be less loving. It’s strange because the faith is all about Jesus Christ who is the meek and humble servant of all. How could we not be influenced to be like Him the more we learn about Him?

As we learn about the faith, let us not so much strive to increase in knowledge, but more so strive to increase in charity. Let us learn for the sake of love. If we are not becoming more loving individuals the more we learn about the faith, we need to simply go back to Jesus in all humility and let the journey be all about Him once again.

My Jesus. Amen.