The first time I had ever learnt about Our Lady of Sorrows was when I attended a Come and See retreat with the Sisters of Providence in February 2013. At the time of the retreat, I remember feeling very nervous because I was the only participant and because I was afraid that God was calling me to a way of life that I felt I wasn’t prepared for. As the weekend progressed, I grew to enjoy my time with the sisters learning about their foundress and Our Lady of Sorrows, but I couldn’t understand them nor their way of life. I felt that their charisms were interesting, but the thought of deep sorrow and suffering didn’t resonate with my life because it contrasted with the CFC-Youth culture, which was always vibrant, lively, and joyful for me.
In October that year, a turn of events occurred and so I began to fall into intense anxiety, constant worrying, and issues regarding my self-worth. I kept this pain to myself for months because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want people to worry about me. And I didn’t want to classify myself as depressed if I wasn’t and for other various reasons. I thought that being quiet about my suffering was the ‘best’ way to deal with it because I thought if I had said anything it would just feed the fire, and I would never get out.
A few months later I returned to the Sisters of Providence, except this time with other CFC-Youth brothers and sisters. At this event the sisters briefly introduced their foundress and charisms. However this time, I understood the connection between their foundress, Bl. Mother Gamelin, and Our Lady of Sorrows. They had expressed that Bl. Mother Gamelin found consolation for the loss of her family members in Mother Mary because of the pain she endured while following the life of her Son, Jesus Christ, especially at the point of His crucifixion. Furthermore, Bl. Mother Gamelin realized that Mother Mary experienced greater pain and suffering than she did because Mother Mary not only saw her Son on the Cross, but her God. This gave way to her understanding that she not only could find consolation in Mother Mary, but Mother Mary could find consolation in her.
At this moment, I was taken aback, almost mind blown because I imagined the intensity of Mother Mary’s deep sorrow, so I, too, found myself sympathizing with her, wanting to console her. Upon reflection, this made me realize that Mother Mary understood my suffering; maybe not in the same way, but in a much greater way as her commitment to God’s will meant the salvation of the entire world from generation to generation. This set as one of the beginning steps to my love for Mother Mary and having the desire to become closer to her.
Today as the Catholic Church celebrates the feast of the Solemnity of the Annunciation/Incarnation, also sometimes coined as Mother Mary’s first yes, I wonder at the thought as to how Mother Mary must’ve felt during this specific time of her life. I would like to believe that although she may have worried about what was to come in her life and was humbly surprised that God blessed her among women, that she experienced an unsurpassable joy, having God’s grace outpoured from her womb while carrying Jesus Christ.
For the longest time I had taken the rosary for granted, and to know that the Annunciation is the first of the joyful mysteries makes complete sense to me now. The joy of Christ coming to this world impacts all human beings, including Mother Mary — how her joy must have been great and complete! I’ll be honest and say that I only know this much and probably nothing more, but I look forward to learning more about Mother Mary, to love and appreciate her more, and to give everything to her in joyful hope that she presents it to the Lord perfected.
In Mother Mary’s life I have found this truth in love where there is a juxtaposition between its many fruits.
Where there is great love, there is great suffering; and where there is great love, there is great joy; and where great suffering and great joy converge at a perpendicular as to form a Cross, there is great love. This love brings about a resounding peace, which cannot be disturbed when the mind and the heart are fixed towards God’s will. Nothing stands in between the woman, like Mother Mary, whose obedience is blind, but perfect. The woman does not fall short when in the constant presence of Christ, but rises with Him (again). So it is worth experiencing great suffering, great joy, and great love now than later because in Heaven the first is no longer present, and the two latter are far more amazing than we can imagine.
Although it’s nothing new to me, I’m beginning to understand more that in serving God and His people, there will be a series of varying emotions passing through the heart, but it is always up to me to accept God’s grace and love in order to do His work and fulfill the role that God has entrusted to me to do. With Mother Mary at my side, she sets as a prime example for me to do what I am called to do: to have joy now, to suffer now, and most importantly and overall, to love now.
Mother Mary, Our Lady of Sorrow and the Cause of our Joy, pray for us. Inspire us to love like Jesus Christ, your Son and God.
Amen.