Tag: Humility

Bloated Needs

I rearranged my room last week. I was told that the 5-drawer cabinet will be taken to have more space in the room. At the back of my mind it’s a lot of stuff to do, to take out all the clothes or whatever was inside and put it somewhere in the closet – this means I have to rearrange my clothes in the closet, sort out again if there are stuff that I haven’t worn r used for a year (that’s my ultimate deciding factor if I can’t make up my mind if I give it away).

I noticed that I actually have a lot of clothes already – it accumulated! Most of it are gifts or hand-me-downs from CFCs. I have a pile of community shirts and some hoodies. I end up giving away 2 garbage bag-full of clothes and another bag for shoes and winter outfits. Now I can fit everything and just having what I need there…

Just having what I need there…

It is not “just” but it is really having what I need. As time passes by my personal idea of my ‘needs’ bloat that even those ‘wants’ it became a part of the need. I am reminded again of what Pope Francis said, “Certainly, possessions, money, and power can give a momentary thrill, the illusion of being happy, but they end up possessing us and making us always want to have more, never satisfied. ‘Put on Christ’ in your life, place your trust in him, and you will never be disappointed! It is the detachment of those who choose to live a sober and essential lifestyle, of those who, by sharing their own wealth, thus manage to experience fraternal communion with others. This is fundamental for following Jesus Christ and being truly Christian.” In other words choose a more humble purchase, a sober and essential lifestyle.

“Lord teach me and remind me always to choose a humble lifestyle, a sober lifestyle”

Keep Me In Your Most Pure Heart

In the past 2 years I have witnessed the community grow like never before. I think this is because we are more and more imitating the posture of Mary—her, humility, faithfulness, obedience—her fiat. When we Proclaimed the Greatness of the Lord, we focused on Mary saying ‘yes’. When we obeyed and witnessed, we listened to Mary and said yes to Jesus as she did. Now we will behold and ponder. Next year will be about entering ever deeply and profoundly in the ‘yes’ of Mary and we will experience nearness to her Son and on the cross like we’ve never experienced before. It’s going to be amazing and I’m looking forward to being part of the plentiful harvest the Lord has in store for all of us.

If you just joined the community, praise God. We’re looking forward to journeying with you! If you just accepted a service role for the first time, praise God! I can’t wait for you to experience the outpour of blessings with everything you give. If you are transitioning to a different service, praise God! It might be scary but the Lord still has so much to teach and show you. Never cease in expecting great things from our God. If you’re transitioning to SFC, praise God! You are going to be ever blessed in your new state of life. May you carry your anointing humbly and joyfully as the Lord shows you amazing new things. In everything, may we all look to His love. Let us empty ourselves, open our hearts, and allow our God to love us always.

Like the beloved disciple, let us also heed Jesus’ entrustment, and take Mary into our home as she also takes us and keeps us in her most pure and immaculate heart. Amen.

Totus tuus

Trinity Run

Winter is fast approaching, and I can already feel my body starting to switch over to hibernation mode. Soon enough it’ll be too hard to get up out of bed, nearly impossible to escape out of those double duvets. Tis the season for excusing our way out of health habits.

I used to run regularly to maintain some sort of physical activity but that died down since who knows when. Spring is always difficult to face after long winters because of the three month break. I personally loathe treadmills and will refuse to get on one. I’d rather wait. I much rather prefer the great outdoors, but Toronto winter weather does very little to help with that. Daylight savings mean shorter days and longer nights. It takes approximately two weeks to adjust. My body is definitely losing on this front.

Our spiritual health suffers from the same changes. We have cycles where we’re going  strong- we’ve found some sort of groove with our prayer time and involvement with the sacraments. At these moments, our relationship with Christ is toned and trimmed. Excess weight cut off. The closer we get to Christ the less baggage we carry- our material and worldly desires no longer necessary. We are tied down to less.

But then, at some point, we face an itch of sorts. An itch that just needs to be scratched. A craving that just needs to be satisfied. A thirst that needs to be quenched. But instead of reaching for the healthy & obvious choice of water we go for the Coke. Pepsi. Ginger Ale. Root Beer.  And just like that, our impenetrable fortress comes crashing down. Why? Because we foolishly ignored that cracked wooden frame that started to break- little by little. It was easier to feign ignorance to something that needed fixing. It’s easier to give in and let our human needs win.

“I’m only doing it once.” I still exercise anyway. Cheating won’t hurt.” 

That’s what I realize happened to me. And for some reason or another, I kept making excuses and reasoned my way out of a very fruitful, beautiful prayer habit. It only took one small “set back”. I cut down my prayer time, my weekday church dates, and adoration drop ins so that I could bulk up on old habits which I knew were only going to get me in worse (spiritual) shape.

Negative thoughts filled my head. I became impatient, moody, and lethargic. Two weeks passed since my last confession, and although I knew I needed it PRONTO …my body would magically (temporarily) shake off the anxiety. It made me think I could keep going. Nyeh, it can wait.

Nope.

Confession is our detox. Our body needs to get rid of built up toxins the same way our soul needs to get rid of impurities. Getting through it is tough, but we always come out healthier afterwards. Praise God, for God because I finally went for that detox round. He knew I needed it. And I knew I needed it. The hardest step is always the first, the hardest run is always the most dreadful.

Our prayer life can be a long outstretched summer. However if we trip and fall into the darkness of winter, we shouldn’t despair. We don’t have to endure three months of waiting. We can choose to fast forward to spring.  My winter lasted 8 days too long, but today’s TRINITY RUN (adoration, confession and Holy Eucharist) allowed me to see the Son rise gloriously. Thankfully, our salvation and redemption is not bound by time, because we are loved by a God whose love is endless and timeless. 

 “A clean heart is a free heart. A free heart can love Christ with an undivided love in chastity, convinced that nothing and nobody will separate it from His love.”
-Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

True Intelligence

True intelligence is seeking and knowing God’s will, and following it. It is humbly loving as Jesus loves, in our heart, thoughts, words, and actions. Everything else and all other gainz and pursuits are worth nothing. We gain nothing if not for the sake of God’s eternal love.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

–1 Corinthians 13

Home.

With the amount of times that I’ve had to travel within an eighteen month time frame, most people would assume that I no longer suffer from homesickness. The past three trips (2009, 2012, 2013a) have been by myself; the shortest trip lasting 8 weeks and the longest lasting 6 months. Most people base their judgement on my social media posts and are probably thinking, “Dang, she is living the life.”

Well, reality check: I still suffer from homesickness. I still feel somewhat lost even though I’ve revisited Place A, B and C more than a handful of times. I still feel out of place in a room full of old friends and the nausea that accompanies displacement is very much real.

All those things still exist. Even now. Even when my family is here with me. We all haven’t been together in a very, very long time. Dad’s had to work out of town for the past 2 years and my brother’s had to live away at Waterloo ever since he started his Undergrad. And me, well…..I’ve been traveling to PH.

A few days into our family trip here, I was still feeling so bothered. My temper kept getting the best of me. I grew impatient and volatile. I couldn’t understand it. Shouldn’t my family have cushioned the hypothetical “emotional blow” that always hit me during my trips? Shouldn’t the weird jumble of emotions have stopped because I was with my loved ones? The anger and frustration drained me so much that one night, I decided to just leave the group. The innermost depths of me was craving for something. I didn’t know what that something was, but what I did know was that going to God wouldn’t leave me any more desolate than I already was. So I looked for a church.

I ended up at Sto. Rosario. I got through confession. I kneeled at the Adoration Chapel. I sat through Mass and received Holy Eucharist. And you know what? For the first time I felt good. Not just ice-cream-on-a-hot-sunny-day good, but ‘passing my final exam with flying colours and making the honour roll’ kinda good. I was a fish out of water that suddenly found my way back to the water. I could breathe again.

As I contemplated at the Adoration Chapel I was reminded of a promise I made to Him during the SFC precon praisefest. It just so happened to my birthday too. I told God that I was willing to finally give Him the one part of me that I hadn’t let go of yet- a very specific piece of my heart that was put on reserve. I didn’t have the strength to fight that fourteen year battle any more. It took me that long to surrender. That day He said to me, “Exodus 14:14, my beloved. Do not forget. I will fight for you, you need only to be still.

In the presence of the Eucharist and in front of the altar, I felt God whisper me to me, “Therese, my dearest Therese. You silly stubborn girl. Remember what you offered at the foot of my cross weeks ago? Remember that you promised me you’d finally give that last piece to me? Home is where the heart is and yours just so happens to be with me. It’s safe. It’s in my hands now. I’m happy that you finally found your back. My child, right now at this very moment …you are home. I’ve been waiting.”

All the puzzle pieces fit.
It all made sense.
I felt this sudden rush of peace, of final certainty.

Everything in this world is temporary. Even my family. But God, God is infinite. God is timeless, boundless and endless. I am made to stand in His presence, to bask in the love that is always present in His house.

 

Father, I’m coming home.
Amen. 

FOB

Respect for the human person considers the other “another self.” 

CCC 1944

We have long used FOB to label a person who is not up to par to our own standards. Not up to par to the level of dressing up, to the level of our use of the english language, even to a level of not being cultured enough.

The question is, when have our standards suddenly become the standard in determining a person? Isn’t the standard Genesis 1:27? That because we are men and women made in the image and likeness of God, every person is a living and breathing image and likeness of God.

Ergo, the labels we use should then proclaim this true standard – we call each other brothers and sisters. For it holds the person up, instead of down. We then not only profess and declare, but more importantly live out the truth and bear witness to the claim that we are made in the image and likeness of God.

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Canticle of Brother Sun and Sister Moon of St. Francis of Assisi

Most High, all-powerful, all-good Lord, All praise is Yours, all glory, all honour and all blessings.

To you alone, Most High, do they belong, and no mortal lips are worthy to pronounce Your Name.

Praised be You my Lord with all Your creatures, especially Sir Brother Sun,
Who is the day through whom You give us light.
And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendour,
Of You Most High, he bears the likeness.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars,
In the heavens you have made them bright, precious and fair.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Brothers Wind and Air,
And fair and stormy, all weather’s moods,
by which You cherish all that You have made.

Praised be You my Lord through Sister Water,
So useful, humble, precious and pure.

Praised be You my Lord through Brother Fire,
through whom You light the night and he is beautiful and playful and robust and strong.

Praised be You my Lord through our Sister, Mother Earth
who sustains and governs us, producing varied fruits with coloured flowers and herbs.
Praise be You my Lord through those who grant pardon for love of You and bear sickness and trial.

Blessed are those who endure in peace, By You Most High, they will be crowned.

Praised be You, my Lord through Sister Death,
from whom no-one living can escape. Woe to those who die in mortal sin! Blessed are they She finds doing Your Will.

No second death can do them harm. Praise and bless my Lord and give Him thanks,
And serve Him with great humility.

Wanderlust

I have this unfathomable love for airports and for traveling. I love looking at maps and globes. I get giddy over every customs stamp that gets added to my passport. I love stamps. I adore airplanes (hence my alias paperairplanedreams). Within the past 24 months I have been to more cities and countries than I could care to count. I suffer from wanderlust.

I was “planted” and rooted in PH, but cultivated in Toronto. That really pushed me to have this hardly home but always reppin‘ mentality. We moved quite a lot growing up so I could never really appreciate where I was. Even though we’ve rooted ourselves in Mississauga for a while now, the child in me was so used to relocating that I never realized how hard it was for me to be present in the here and now. It was so easy for me to love every other destination, yet so challenging for me to see the beauty in where I already was.

It affected the way I approached my spiritual life. It became some sort of hide & seek game; God was at my next travel destination. God was two plane rides away. God was five cities to the south and ten cities to the north. God was a twenty-six hour bus ride or a five hour drive. God was in the middle of the ocean, on top of a mountain, or beneath at the caves. God was everywhere to me but here. At home.

Then he slapped my hand, figuratively of course. He used the same voice I use when I reprimand my kindergarten students- firm but loving.

There is no need to search for God because He meets us right where we are. God doesn’t meet us halfway, He meets us right where we are. God is in the people I interact with everyday. God is in the youth I serve with and serve for. God is with the students I teach. God is with my family. God is with my friends. God is in the air I breathe, the sky that embraces me outside, the sun that illuminates my path, the rain that touches my skin, and the ground that catches my feet every, single, morning. God is in me.

You cannot search for what has already been found.

His lesson: it is not in the changing of locations that you will come to know me and my works. Rather it is in the changing of your hearts and its posture that you will be oriented back to me. That you will come to see my love, to know my love and be my love.

I will meet you right where you are.
I will love you where you are.

Remain in me, just as I remain in you.