God’s plan – True North Missionaries Journal

Joyful Mystery

From the Annunciation to the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple. There is a lot of uncertainties within this series of decades in the Holy Rosary. It makes you wonder, why is it called the Joyful Mystery? The title of each decade is very exciting and it holds a beautiful story, but when we look deeper into each story what does it really say.

I was very inspired to write this reflection based off of Fr. Mike Schmitz’s video on “Having Joy in the Uncertainties”, which made me then realize the joy in the midst of this life of suffering. Momma Mary, in the Annunciation was approached by the angel Gabriel and was told that she would bare the Son of God. In response she said “Let it be done unto me according to thy word”, I never realized this until I watch the video with Fr. Mike, was that the very next sentence was “then the angel departed from her”. Can you imagine being in that moment, being told that you are going to have within you the Son of God and that was literally it? No context or anything. Like where do you go from there? No one told Mary and Joseph that they would have to go to Bethlehem and give birth to Christ in a manger. No one mentioned that they would have to flee to Egypt to save their Son from being killed. No one told Mary that she would have to witness her Son be tortured, spat on and crucified. There was so much uncertainty that the only thing that was certain was and still is the past. Yet, Momma Mary was still joyful. The Apostles were still joyful, they spread the Good News throughout the world. Through their suffering came out a lot of joy.

It is very humbling to know that in this life of suffering, there is joy that will follow. Yet, we do not know when or where that will come but we remain hopeful. I know for myself in this pandemic, at the beginning of the year, everything was set in stone, I was ready… then the NBA got cancelled, that’s when I knew things were going to change. It was so humbling for me to realize that everything can just be taken away in the snap of a finger. There was so much that was unexpected at that point in time that I had no choice but to rely on God and entrust myself to His will. It was hard to remain hopeful but after households, after one to ones I felt the joy and the hope that the Lord was wanting me to feel. To understand that I was being called to love in the uncertainty, to be joyful in the midst of the suffering. There is so much that I do not know and I can only pray the Lord, for you and I both, gives us the heart to overcome the world. To love beyond our capacities. There is joy and hope because God is with us.

Lord God, help us to entrust our lives to You in the midst of these times. There is so much uncertainty but with You we find hope and joy. Give us the strength to carry on. This we ask through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Christian

Familiaris Consortio

One thing that I struggle with is actually finding a topic to reflect on, but it’s funny because I am just taking this in as I write this. It is not more so finding a topic but just listening to what God wants you to write.

I guess it all starts from Saturday, I was asked to give a talk called “In the Midst of the Storm” at a General Assembly in the Scarborough-Markham Chapter here in Toronto. Which is a talk about the family and through the hardships you go through, the family is always there with God protecting it. If we fast forward to today, I attended my SFC CLP and todays first session was one The Christian Family. I couldn’t help but wonder, in the midst of wondering what I was going to write about today, it was right in front of me. The family, and more to it, my family.

So I grew up in a Catholic Family of four- my dad, my mom and my sister (she is one year younger than me). Praise the Lord for blessing me with a loving family, but just like any other family, we are not perfect. I remember growing up, every Sunday we would go to church as a family and I would actually dread going to mass. I just wanted to sleep in. I never really knew why my parents, most especially my mother, would want us to go every week together. Yet I never questioned it. It wasn’t until I actually started serving the Brampton Chapter as Chapter Head that I never really took in the importance of us going as a family. It’s been a couple of years now since my sister has stopped going to church, for reasons I have yet to get an answer but it really showed me how important it really is to go as a family, not only for my mom, but for all four of us. To keep it simple, we’re a really busy family- my dad works Monday to Friday and goes wherever my mom does, my mom works part time but if not she is always at home and she is just recently very active with the Sisters For Life, my sister is in school and actually lives now in St. Catherines because of her school and co-op, as for me, I am working right now Monday to Friday and on top of all that I serve the youth. Being so busy, it really is hard for us to come together and spend some time with each other. It wasn’t until I realized this that I noticed the reason why my mom always wants us all to come together for mass on Sundays. It literally is the only time that we would have together.

It’s funny too because the question that was brought up, “Are we fulfilling God’s plan within our families?”

Simply put, my answer to that was I don’t know. God works in many ways and in His timing. So because I am just realizing this now, it is definitely going to be a primary focus for me. One thing is for sure though, I strive for my family to be just like the Holy Family. To be like them meaning to surrender ourselves to God and to continue to say yes to His plan. Whatever His plan is, is our plan as well. My current prayer for my family is for us to go to Sunday masses together again, so please pray for us!

– Christian Medeiros

“But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord”– Joshua 24:15

Why?

‘We gave you a strong warning’, he said, ‘not to preach in this name, and what have you done? You have filled Jerusalem with your teaching, and seem determined to fix the guilt for this man’s death on us.‘

A lot of times we are faced with warnings like this or we get judged and criticized. This is actually a huge fear of mine. It is not like I am afraid to be Catholic, but more so afraid to proclaim that I am. Reading this verse from Thursday’s readings I couldn’t help but think of myself being in front of the high priest shook and distraught, sweating and nervous. I can’t help but think I am so weak that I can’t even defend the God that has given me so much in my life. Then I read the second part of the reading.

‘Obedience to God comes before obedience to men; it was the God of our ancestors who raised up Jesus, whom you executed by hanging on a tree. By his own right hand God has now raised him up to be leader and Saviour, to give repentance and forgiveness of sins through him to Israel. We are witnesses to this, we and the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey him.‘

So after reading that, I questioned myself, why am I afraid? Why can’t I be just like Peter and not be afraid to be obedient to God? What is it that I am really holding back? Sometimes I think, the early Christians, they faced way more than what we face today. They were discriminated, stoned, judged and even killed. The amazing thing is, they did not run away they faced all of this hatred and defended their faith. They stood on their solid ground. So what are we really afraid of? It’s funny because whenever I ask that, I am always recalled to my life verse.

“But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” – Matthew 14:30-31

Constantly I am reminded of this verse and I am always called back to it. Why is it that I doubt? I know the Lord is taking care of me and He will protect me. No matter how many times I reject the Lord in my life, I am called to have faith in Him and believe in His love. So to say that by the end of this reflection I know the answer now would be wrong. I don’t know the answer as to why I doubt or why I am afraid to proclaim I am Catholic, all I know is that there should be no reason to doubt when the Lord’s plan will prevail.

Lord, guide me and protect me. Allow me to be a defendant of the faith. Give me the strength and the courage to proclaim Your Glory. Holy are You Lord God, let Your will be done.

Amen

Christian Medeiros

Home.

With the amount of times that I’ve had to travel within an eighteen month time frame, most people would assume that I no longer suffer from homesickness. The past three trips (2009, 2012, 2013a) have been by myself; the shortest trip lasting 8 weeks and the longest lasting 6 months. Most people base their judgement on my social media posts and are probably thinking, “Dang, she is living the life.”

Well, reality check: I still suffer from homesickness. I still feel somewhat lost even though I’ve revisited Place A, B and C more than a handful of times. I still feel out of place in a room full of old friends and the nausea that accompanies displacement is very much real.

All those things still exist. Even now. Even when my family is here with me. We all haven’t been together in a very, very long time. Dad’s had to work out of town for the past 2 years and my brother’s had to live away at Waterloo ever since he started his Undergrad. And me, well…..I’ve been traveling to PH.

A few days into our family trip here, I was still feeling so bothered. My temper kept getting the best of me. I grew impatient and volatile. I couldn’t understand it. Shouldn’t my family have cushioned the hypothetical “emotional blow” that always hit me during my trips? Shouldn’t the weird jumble of emotions have stopped because I was with my loved ones? The anger and frustration drained me so much that one night, I decided to just leave the group. The innermost depths of me was craving for something. I didn’t know what that something was, but what I did know was that going to God wouldn’t leave me any more desolate than I already was. So I looked for a church.

I ended up at Sto. Rosario. I got through confession. I kneeled at the Adoration Chapel. I sat through Mass and received Holy Eucharist. And you know what? For the first time I felt good. Not just ice-cream-on-a-hot-sunny-day good, but ‘passing my final exam with flying colours and making the honour roll’ kinda good. I was a fish out of water that suddenly found my way back to the water. I could breathe again.

As I contemplated at the Adoration Chapel I was reminded of a promise I made to Him during the SFC precon praisefest. It just so happened to my birthday too. I told God that I was willing to finally give Him the one part of me that I hadn’t let go of yet- a very specific piece of my heart that was put on reserve. I didn’t have the strength to fight that fourteen year battle any more. It took me that long to surrender. That day He said to me, “Exodus 14:14, my beloved. Do not forget. I will fight for you, you need only to be still.

In the presence of the Eucharist and in front of the altar, I felt God whisper me to me, “Therese, my dearest Therese. You silly stubborn girl. Remember what you offered at the foot of my cross weeks ago? Remember that you promised me you’d finally give that last piece to me? Home is where the heart is and yours just so happens to be with me. It’s safe. It’s in my hands now. I’m happy that you finally found your back. My child, right now at this very moment …you are home. I’ve been waiting.”

All the puzzle pieces fit.
It all made sense.
I felt this sudden rush of peace, of final certainty.

Everything in this world is temporary. Even my family. But God, God is infinite. God is timeless, boundless and endless. I am made to stand in His presence, to bask in the love that is always present in His house.

Father, I’m coming home.
Amen.

Extremely Favoured

Thirty minutes after my shift ended today, I walked into my director’s office with a heavy cloud looming over me, and no it wasn’t the one outside that’s been causing all this crazy rain here in the GTA. Approximately 23 days from today I will be hopping on a plane (again) but this time with my family.

I was sure that I’d be coming home with bad news today- that our upcoming family trip would cost me my job. We will be gone all of July which means that I’ll be missing out on my service for the Eastern True North Conference. Since I didn’t feel too comfortable with that, I started a novena for the Western True North Conference in Calgary that’s happening Mid-Aug. I’d be back just in time for that. I don’t know how it would be possible financially, but God has provided for me under worse conditions before. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

To put things in perspective, I was just granted a two month leave (MAR-MAY) even though I only started in September of last year. I’m only five weeks back in my classroom and here I was expecting my director to approve another sudden leave of absence. How was I going to explain to her that I needed 2 months….again?

———

I knew I had to call on Mama Mary so I did the rosary during my lunch break hoping that she’d send an extra serving of peace. She gave me that and a spoonful extra. Knowing how I am, I knew I’d find every excuse not to ask permission today. So I walked into the staff room, had a quick convo with God and He reassured me that no matter what the outcome would be, there was already a victory. Even if I was to lose my job, I would still have my family vacation.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths || Proverbs 3:6

Brothers & sisters, I walked out of that room not with storm clouds, but with sunshine and a double rainbow. I am extremely and irrevocably favoured by God. Not only did my director tell me that my leave would be approved, she made it very clear to me that she would ignore any talk of resignation. My classroom is secured. AGAIN. My job as a preschool teacher is on reserve.

That’s not all.

I will be receiving paid vacation time, which means that there’s an extra paycheque coming in while I’m gone. That amount is enough for a round trip ticket to Calgary.

“It’s never about whether or not YOU can provide for yourself. Faith is knowing that you have a God who can do wonders for you. Faith is knowing that He is of divine providence. It was never about you to begin with! So the next time you consider whether or not you can go, take your question to God first, and don’t let it just die with you. That’s the beauty about our relationship with the Lord. Sometimes we don’t even do anything yet he still showers us with abundant blessings. He still wants to keep capturing our hearts. He still wants to reach out to us. But first you have to allow yourself to see the ways in which he tries to reach out to you. All he needs is your Yes.” (July 19, 2012)

The Lord hasn’t stopped showing me how extremely favoured and extremely loved I am. He affirmed me just now by allowing me to reread that old blog post. Little did I know that the “yes” I gave 500 days ago would lead me here, walking on a path made wonderfully and beautifully paved straight for me.

The Three Apostles

Yesterday I found myself in the Oratory of Saint Joseph in Montreal. A year after I said yes to becoming a Mission Volunteer, a month after I became a Full Time Pastoral Worker – finally ticking off all the major areas where CFC-Youth is present in Canada. And while the whole basilica is beautiful inside and out with amazing architecture, art, and history on it’s side plus the Holy Eucharist being inside it; you can never really go wrong. And while the hundreds of pilgrims were doing there thing, I found myself glued to three fixtures that were grouped together. It was the three statues of Saints Jude Thaddeus, Mathias, and Peter.

For the longest time, I’ve had an affinity to these three apostles. In fact, it’s safe to say that they have been my friends since day one.

Saint Jude

Saint Jude Thaddeus, the forgotten apostle, because his name was close to that of the traitor is in fact the patron of hopeless causes. Out of the three he was the latest I befriended, but had an immediate click with. He found me at the time when I was preparing for my licensure examination for Chemical Engineering in Manila. I had to cram 5 years worth of knowledge, formulas, concepts in Math, Chemistry, and Chemical Engineering in 6 months for a three day exam – I deemed it impossible. Doubt, laziness and a host of other things crept up that led me to breaking down quite a few times before and during the exam. But praise God, Saint Jude prayed for me and I passed. In the bigger picture, I do consider myself a hopeless and lost cause. Yet here I am, a missionary for one of the biggest lay organizations of the Catholic Church.

Saint Mathias

Saint Mathias was the outsider who found himself cast into the inner group. When Judas was gone, they needed somebody to fill in his place – and in a stroke of luck (literally, his name was casted from a lot of a hundred or so), he became part of the twelve. Being the non-canadian for the first batch of Mission Volunteers in Canada, and the only non-canadian trainee for full time pastoral work from Canada – one can say that I am in fact an outsider. Me being a Mission Volunteer was not in my plans when I moved here, but through God’s grace and calling – I’ve taken a step further in Full Time Pastoral Work.

Saint Peter

Saint Peter, the rock, was not whom Jesus loved the most. In fact the gospels say that it was St. John whom Jesus loved the most. Saint Peter was the one who loved Jesus the most. He was the first one who would always jump out into the water to meet the Lord even if it meant walking on water and almost drowning. He was the one who wanted to serve the Lord first in all things, but he was also the first one to deny him – he did so three times in one instance. But the Lord did not give up on him, he in fact was called to something greater – to be the rock of the Church – our first pope. More often than not, I have denied the One whom I love the most – yet still He calls me. He still loves me and gives me more chances than I deserve.

The Three Apostles

I could go on and on about how I can relate to these apostles, but the amazing thing is that they were grouped together somewhere in a church thousands of miles from where I was born. And to see them together, praying for me all this time brings me to tears and above all – amazed that God loves me so much to take three of His best to pray for me and lead me to where I am.

They all went to the ends of the world to proclaim the Risen King, and here I am in Montreal – the last of the big mission areas of Canada that I haven’t been to an affirmation of the mission in the Three Apostles.

Saints Jude Thaddeus, Mathias, and Peter, Pray for us. Amen.

Is that what you really want?

When you spend every waking hour with 20+ other CFC-Youth members for a three- week period the normal conference high quadruples. You never really come off the mountain experience you’re feeding off of each other’s vibes. We all came with different service backgrounds but what we shared was this search for God in a land foreign to us. Our pathways all merged into some sort of Lord of the Rings quest thus making the journey less tiring. So when the time came that I had to leave my tightly sealed and sheltered CFC-Youth pack to transition back to my regular Philippines environment, I really felt displaced.

Right after the two week World Great Adventure Tour, I went on a five day excursion with my childhood friends to Iloilo, Guimaras and Boracay. Halfway through our trip we stopped by this Trappist monastery. It was part of the day tour and to be honest with all the changes that kept happening I really needed to find myself in something familiar. A church seemed like the best option. Now I’ve entered dozens of churches here in the Philippines and the beauty each one holds always takes my breath away. But there was something different about this one.

As soon as I entered through the gates, my tear ducts hit some sort of overdrive. Something caught my throat and my chest tightened up. Something was tugging at my heartstrings, and it wasn’t being very gentle. All throughout the year I’ve felt God playing hide and seek with me. The moments that He decides to make His presence felt always catch me off guard and I can’t help but feel as if some hypothetical suckerpunch comes flying at me. Ultimate silence filled my head while my heart was being flooded with a million and one different emotions spurred by nothing.

Then out of nowhere, I felt God asking me in the most casual tone:

“What do you really want? I’m not asking you what you think I think you want. I’m asking you to tell me what the desires in your heart are. Of course I know them. I know what will bring you happiness, but I need you to vocalize what YOU want…what you FEEL you deserve to have in your life.”

It was probably one of the most humbling moments throughout this trip. There’s a difference between giving an answer because you know it’s the textbook sample, and giving an authentic, sincere heartfelt reply. He knows what I want, of course he does. Some of the things I’ve been asking for are more than a decade old. But there I was being asked to take centre stage. Would I ask for the same thing knowing that this time He was initiating instead? Was I really sure about what I wanted? I just pictured God smiling down at me, encouraging me to ask for my desires with full confidence.

Before walking back to join my friends for the rest of the tour, I walked over to where the candles for petition were. I took five candles and as I lit one for every prayer I felt myself getting lighter. It was an act of unpacking my emotional luggage. I realized that gaining peace through God would happen as a culmination of reaching different checkpoints. This was one of them. I looked at my five candles, let out an exasperated sigh and confidently muttered Psalm 37:4……

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”