True North Missionaries Journal

“Long have I waited for your coming, home to me and living, deeply our new life”-Hosea

Continue reading How deep is His love?

“Man is not there to make himself but to respond to demands made upon him”

“A man ought not, therefore, just figure out what he would like but to ask what he can do and how he can help”

– from the meditations of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

Hello everyone! I am currently on Day 2 ( actually 1 and 1/2) of my Philippine trip 🙂

On my trip, I noticed that there was always a huge contrast in what I was seeing. For instance, while riding inside my aunt’s car, I would look outside the window and see a really rich area; five seconds later, the area would transform from extremely rich to extremely poor and so on. Seeing such contrast made the harsh living situation of some of these people so much more apparent. In seeing this, I felt extremely sorry for them. However, I began to gravitate these thoughts towards myself:

“I hope I never end up in this kind of living area.”

“I’m so scared that I might end up in a place like this one day. Who knows?”

I could have easily kept those people in my thoughts and my prayers. However, I chose to skew what I had witnessed and made it about myself.

I find that it is always so easy to fall under the trap of selfishness and self absorption. For myself, I’ve always thought that I was being empathetic whenever I tried to place myself in the shoes of another. However, I realized that I was always missing the most crucial step. True empathy and compassion is not only about simply placing one’s self in the shoes of another and understanding their situation; it is about taking it one step further and thinking about what we can do for the sake of those presented to us by God. As difficult as it may be, I pray that I can follow the path of true selflessness.

Dear Lord, I hope that, in my own journey of discernment, I can find the purpose of my own vocation and discover where I can be of true service to you and your people.

I’m usually pretty good with packing items, I tend to overpack but hey better safe then not.  Before we left for the airport I double checked to make sure I brought everything.  After security I checked the belongings in my bag and found that I’ve lost my glasses.  Turns out (thanks to St. Anthony) it was found inside the car.  We were already in our boarding gate 15 mins before departure and no way it will come to me.   Well I wondered what that meant.  I never thought I would return to the Philippines again and witness another ILC… and this time its going to be epic!  Coming here is such a blessing.  I’m nervous, excited, and scared… yeah thats an all-in-one emotion.  While on the plane I began to feel homesick, I knew at the time I have no choice but to go.  I felt I wanted to be in the comfort of my bed.  I had this little anxiety attack that I’m entering here as a missionary, a pilgrim in a island far away from home. (can’t walk home). I don’t know how many times it will hit me that I’m here in Manila.  I find that losing my glasses maybe meant that I’m coming to ILC blind so that my Lord can open my eyes.  Is there something that the Lord wants me to see? I sure hope so!  I should have a faith like that blind man in Jericho yelling “Son of David, have mercy on me!” and wish to the Lord that I may see.  This is all exciting in every way! Lord have your way!

Thank you Lord for this opportunity, please soften my heart more, I want to receive you, and experience what you’ve planned for me. Help me see, help me to understand all that I will listen to during the next few weeks and help me be open to making relationships and building more trust in you.

@itsmetimmm

ps. I’m only near-sighted.

Growing up I always looked at my family as a burden. Divorced parents, a single mother, and an only child.  I never felt as if my family were “complete”. At the young age of 3 clueless and innocent, I didn’t know what the meaning of a divorce was. And as I grew older, I knew that my family was “different” from everyone else. Years went by and these feelings became normal, giving my fathers day cards and letters to my uncles and mom. But little did I know there was a void in my heart that was yearning to be filled. This is the cross I’ve been carrying.

Throughout my whole life I’ve been seeking. Seeking for answers to my questions to why God allowed this to happen in my life. Why do I feel so empty? So abandoned and so alone?

This whole time I’ve been seeking in the wrong places. I’ve been seeking for someone to be that fatherly figure I never had in my life growing up. Someone who I can lean on, trust, and someone who will protect me and teach me how to discipline my heart. As I grew up and understood why things happened, I’ve had a deep desire in my heart for God. A yearning for Him. And reflecting on it, God allowed this ‘void’ to happen in my life so I may find Him. So I can seek for Him because I need Him. The Lord is someone I can lean on and trust. He will protect me and teach me how to discipline my heart. He is all that I need. This whole time I’ve been searching for this void to be filled in the wrong places and in the wrong people. I was feeling abandoned and empty because I closed myself off from God when He has been calling me to be with Him this whole time. I’ve been able to open my heart to God praying for these answers and this void to be filled by Him alone. It brings me peace knowing that I have found the answers to all my questions. In God alone.

In Your arms I feel safe, my Father. 

“With all my heart I’ll sing, for You, my Dad and King” – Tim Hughes

If we only do what we’re capable of, we would end up with nothing. It’s not us. It’s all God.

I joined community in Southern Leyte, though I became an active member in Cebu since I was studying there. Starting from a being a member up to the time I became a Fulltime Worker, I was there, molded and fashioned by God through my brothers and sisters and Titos and Titas. Community indeed has a big impact on me.

Years after I was blessed to be back there, it was like full circle for me. Back then I look forward with excitement any FTWs coming from other places or any YFC members with interesting stories from other places that comes and visits us. I hungered for every bit of Godly teachings and sharings. It was a source of inspiration and passion for me. God seems to be more real than ever with their stories. Now I was the one in front sharing stories of mission.

I was very passionate as a Campus President to the point that I even have all the class schedule of my Officers and some members. Everytime I have free time I walk around the campus and look for them with the schedule in my hand.

Eventually after graduating university I decided to become a Mission Volunteer for a year and after that join the Fulltime Work of the community. I was blessed to witness the blossoming missions of Cebu, Campus and Mall Tours, conferences here and there and the growing numbers of passionate members. There we started also the first ever-formal training for Mission Volunteers that eventually became the template for other provinces as well. I looked back with a heart filled with thanksgiving. I never could have imagined that I would become a missionary. It was very far from my mind.

Weeks ago I was invited to give a recollection to the new Mission Volunteers numbering around 20 and right after that another recollection for all officers of Campus Base of the province. Not being able to know the MVs and officers was such an affirmation for me, I told a fellow FTW, “This is a great affirmation that we are dispensable in the mission, we come and go and yet the mission continues because this mission in YFC is anointed by the Lord.”

Thank you Lord for the gift of mission and the privilege of serving You. Amen.