Sharing Your Seeds

Our Lord is very gracious and He continually blesses us with things we need and even things we don’t need just to show us a fraction of His love for us.  I struggled for weeks to come up with something inspiring, something heartwarming, something theological to share with all of you and in my indecisiveness I came up with nothing.  I put myself under my own very narrow lens and started critiquing myself and when I would come up with something to talk about I would question myself… “Why would you share that, that’s so typical of you?” or “Did you actually think you would inspire others when those experiences are expected from where you’re standing?” or “Really, you’re gonna share that again?”

This was such the wrong mentality.  How could I disregard all the goodness that our Lord has given me just because it doesn’t appear flashy or life changing?  How could I take into my own hands the decision of sharing or not, when I am unaware of the power that each of my experiences holds in other peoples lives?  In my search to find something inspiring, heartwarming or theological, I found Him.  Smack-dab in the middle of all my everyday occurrences, all my funny moments, all my simple encounters, all my deep conversations and private time alone… there He was.  And because I failed to share my experiences, I failed to share Him.

Our lives are colorful and bountiful and wonderful and so full of Him.  All He asks is that we share Him with others.  We have it a whole lot easier than the early Christians, what we lack in our day and age is zeal.  Zeal to share our Lord with others.  Zeal to move confidently forward towards Him.  The gospel today says, “The one who sows the good seed is the Son of Man; the field is the world, and the good seed are the children of the kingdom;…” (Matthew 13: 37-38).  We are both called to be the “one who sows” and the “good seed”.

We are the good seeds that our Lord has scattered on this earth.  We are called to grow and bloom in His light and under His care.  At some point, we are also called to be the ones that sow and this entails using the blessings He’s given us as good seeds to share with others.  To share with others our experiences with our Lord is essentially sharing Him.

Let’s go forth evangelizing and re-evangelizing the world through our own stories; through word, thought and deed.  And the simplest way to do that is to share our lives with those around us.

Lord, Thank you for your abundant blessings.  You alone know exactly what I need, when I need them.  Allow me to never look at an experience or a feeling as too insignificant to make a difference.  Please provide me with the strength and courage to continue sharing you with others.  Bless those I will encounter, that they may be ample soil to plant your seeds. Amen.

I am not the Main

I think it’s generally accepted that we are the main characters in the narrative that is our life.

But what if we’re not?

—

As a Mission Volunteer for CFC-Youth Canada, the big questions is whether or not I’ll end up applying for full-time pastoral work.

In my ongoing discernment I find myself constantly thinking about what I would have to willingly sacrifice in order for me to fully commit to the mission.

I selfishly think, “How will mission work change MY life?”

I think true dedication to the mission requires a shift in perspective.

God is the main.

I personally think that this is the key to living out a life for Christ without living in constant fear of whether or not everything will be ok. It opens the door to true joy, in that we have complete trust and faith that our God will provide.

God is the main.
He will lead us through a beautiful narrative.

– Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries”

Finding My Way

I’m gonna be honest here. I am afraid.

I want people to approve all my choices. I want people to agree with my views. I want people to like my Instagram posts.

And that’s the trouble with being an MV. When I first really thought about being a full time pastoral worker it was 2006 and Canada didn’t have an abundance of people ready and willing to go full time. It was out of the norm to want that life. And so I hid it. It was something I secretly wanted, but feared people would judge me harshly if I chose it.

And now Canada is filled with so many mission volunteers. There is an abundance of servants that are ready and willing to do His work every day in this community. And now I’m afraid of something else. What if I say no to full time work? What if, in my discernment, God tells me to wait, or to walk a different path? What will people think then? It is hard to share my fears.

But today, I found the strength to share my doubts with a sister I hadn’t spoken to in a while, and she told me exactly what I needed to hear. She told me that my doubts and fears were part of my journey and love story with God. She told me that whatever decision I make will be exactly what God has called it to be if I let the Spirit lead me. She told me that simple callings are important too. She told me to be not afraid.

I’m not saying that I’m not going to be a full-time pastoral worker. But I know that for the past few months I’ve been so closed off to the idea because I’m so afraid. And when I’m afraid of making decisions, I tend to just say no, so I don’t have to think about it anymore. But if I say no, I want it to because because I’m saying yes to something else. If I say no, I want it to be because the Lord calls me to. And if I say yes, I don’t want it to be because everyone expects it of me. I don’t want to say yes to avoid the look I get when I tell people I may not go full-time. I want to say yes if God really calls me. I want to say yes if that is His will. I have not given up. I was lost for so long, in a maze, trying to forge an exit out for myself. But God will show me the way. He will lead me if I have the strength and courage to listen to Him, and to follow where He goes. I will remain steadfast that the Lord has a plan for me.

Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:5-6

God Willing

Prayer to know God’s Will

May it please the supreme and divine Goodness
to give us all abundant grace
ever to know his most holy will
and perfectly to fulfill it.

—St. Ignatius of Loyola

More often than not, we tend to associate God’s will as something we could really adhere to, even obey.  What I’ve learned recently is that even deeper than God’s will as a command is God’s will as Truth — a perfect Truth that longs to be fulfilled.  Denial of God’s plan is not merely an act of disobedience, but a blind eye from what is – perfect, beautiful, and true.

In Exodus 3:14, God reveals himself to Moses, “I am who I am”.  The divine Truth simply is.  When we say “non serviam” in our work, it does not change the nature of God’s will.  We are making the conscious choice to close our eyes from divine Truth, yet it does not cease to exist.  God’s will is perfection in it’s highest form, and when we open our eyes, ears, hearts, to that very Truth, we are graced with glimpses of God’s goodness.  We are made free.

“and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” John 8:32

A brother once told me that the image of Truth manifested in the physical is our Lord Jesus Christ on the cross.  It encompasses all that is perfect, beautiful, and true — compassion, sorrow, love, suffering, sacrifice, forgiveness and so much more.  Yes, it may be easy to close ourselves to God’s will, yet in those times of desolation, he has given us an image in the crucifixion to remind us of our alpha and omega here on Earth – dying for the sake of love.  Remember, too, that honourable as it is to die a martyr’s death, is also to live a martyrs life.

“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21

Christ on the cross is the ultimate example of a heart faithfully abondoning itself to Father God – totally, faithfully, freely, fruitfully.  I can only hope and pray that, through constant mortification and sanctification through grace, and consecration to our Blessed Lady, I will be the man that God had intended only because of my total reliance on the Lord and openness to the Truth.  I will be one who answers You and I will respond in the only way I know that is true – by loving You with all of me, God-willing.

Totus Tuus

 

Posture

I think I can speak for all of us when it just so happens that when we try to become a stronger person/Catholic, life gets harder.

Let’s cut to the chase. I’m not afraid to recognize and expose the things I need to work on, but when it comes to the posture I NEED to have now, this is it.

Posture of Faith

Posture of Humility

Posture of Sacrifice

1. Posture of Faith- Personally for me, I have a hard time with accepting the fact that there are somethings that I can’t control, OR that we try to make things our will than His will.

God knows our desires. He will reveal to us the answers when we are ready to bear them. Let the Lord work, let the Holy Spirit move. God never left us, so why should we even think about not trusting Him. He has plans. BE PATIENT.

2. Posture of Humility- Again, personally for me, its getting a lot better. However, I need to watch what I say, and think before a certain word or action comes out.

To have a humble heart makes you more sensitive to the plans God and the movement of the Holy Spirit. A humble servant can see and appreciate the blessings of the life in front of us.

3. Posture of Sacrifice- This is a tricky one for me. My expectations get the best of me sometimes.

Sacrifice always entails that we do things without expecting anything in return. Its hard, but God sees everything we do. He’s smiling down even if you can’t see it. Keep going. RAK the world.

Sorry, if it seems like I’m talking to myself within this entire reflection. Its just that time where I’m doing a lot of soul searching and trying to empty myself of the things in this life that I don’t need to be filled again by whatever God wants.
Hopefully you guys can get something out of this as much as it is a reflection for myself.

Lord, I know its hard but You wouldn’t give me anything I cannot bear. Allow me to see your hand at work in my every action. I know this is a crucial time, and there is a lot to do, but I ask that You continue to give me what I need to be closer to You. To trust You. To be more faithful, have more humility, and to realize the sacrifices that go unnoticed on this earth, will be rewarded in heaven. I love You. I need You. Lord, I offer my life to You, take over.

Desiderio Domini

 

 

Reflection: July 26

“The Lord broke through the heat to shower us with His Grace”

Last weekend was Eastern Canada’s True North Conference and it was an awesome weekend po 🙂 One of the most memorable events of the weekend was the storm (big one) that happened on the first day.

I remember Friday started out as a beautiful day.. sunny (but extremely hot). I remember running around preparing and occasionally comment on how hot it was (but Praise the Lord that the sun was shining po hehe)

All that sun-ful goodness faded.. as a storm brewed and erupted when mass started. During mass we could hear the thunder and rain beating at the venue.. we even lost power on occasion.. scary moments..
but the Lord kept His mantle of protection over us #PG

After mass we had to go back to the residence for dinner and behold the Greatness of the Lord.. the storm stopped and the sun came out.. it was as if the storm did not happen.
However, on the walk back to the residence.. we saw the after math of the storm. For example: trees that were pulled from their roots, broken branches, branches that were struck by lightening etc.

Though it was a storm (something scary, you know?).. it was a way for the Lord to bless us with His grace..
He will break through the heat and distraction.. and show us His power and love for us..
I don’t know if I’m going to make sense here but.. He knew how much the heat was distracting us (it was for me.. I believe I was complaining alot po hehe)
so He woke us up and reminded us to focus using the thunder then using rain He cooled down the temperature to ease the heat 🙂 PG!

It’s amazing how the Lord works.
That storm was just the beginning of the miracles and blessings that unfolded that weekend. From the sessions to the creatives to the comps and overall turnout of the conference.. the Lord has continuously affirmed His presence and power last weekend.
I would share more but it would be spoilers for the WTNC po hehe
I pray that WTNC will be as blessed and miracle filled too po 🙂

Thank you Lord for your infinite love and your never-failing reminders and wake up calls po.
Mother Mary and all the Saints teach me how to be more sensitive and obedient to the Lord’s will. Amen.

Duty VS Desire

I had the privilege of listening to a session given by one of the international council members of CFC, and as I listened to his session, I found myself being constantly reminded of my journey in this community.

This Tito (I don’t remember his name- please don’t kick me out of the MV program) spoke about the two primary motivations of service:

1. Commitment to service
2. Relationship with God

He explained that there is a tendency for those of us in the line of service to focus more on the work at the expense of our own relationship with the Lord – or even going as far as equating service to our relationship with God.

I personally know what it’s like to be “burnt-out.” I know what it’s like to constantly keep saying yes to service but never having any substance or desire behind that yes.

But when I look back on those days, I don’t think my service necessarily suffered from a lack of a relationship with God but from a very distorted perception of my relationship with him. Back then, service to me was ”His time” and my relationship with God was really the only time for me to “receive”. The fact that I felt this way made me think that I needed to constantly serve to be worthy of even receiving anything from the Lord, to the point that I had largely disregarded my own relationship with the Lord and labeled my service as being enough.

One thing that the Lord has taught me through this journey of discernment is that every encounter with the Lord is an exchange. No matter what, we are in a constant state of “giving” and “receiving” when we encounter the Lord. In every moment I spend with the Lord, be it service, prayer, or whatnot, the Lord is always eager to shower me with his infinite love and graces. In everything, the Lord asks us to give ourselves to him – even when we feel we have nothing to offer; even when all we have is our own existence and nothingness. It was only through embracing this that I was able to change the disposition of my heart from duty to desire for the Lord.

Even in those moments when I have nothing, I will continue to offer myself to the Lord in everything that I do. Because the Lord deserves everything <3

“…the people give time and they receive eternity; they give self-denial and receive life; they give nothingness and receive all.” – Bishop Fulton Sheen