Tag: Choices

Choose your Battle

After several months of preparing for the conference, I have gone through a lot of challenges and stressful situations. One of which for 2 weeks now, is that 4 of my scheduled one on ones have been postponed twice already. Majority of it is because a lot of things happened on their end which are not in their own hands or something comes up with my schedule. Because of the postponements, these are carried over to the next week which makes my schedule so filled up. On the other hand I still continue to go to my personal adoration time. Recently, it was hard for me to hear the Lord. No matter how long I spend there, there is an estrange feeling.

I have been figuring out my schedule for the week and searching for the times when I can rest and release the stress (either doing something physical, sports or watching shows that can temporarily refresh my mind and feelings). I told myself maybe i should shorten my adoration time anyway I am not doing or getting anything from it so I can do more “recreational” activities.

Few questions crossed my mine; Is it really worth my time and effort to be stressed out by the hectic schedule? Do i have a choice? Can i just rule out adoration time anyway I am already serving the Lord? These questions were so loud.

I have to learn to see which is more essential and make that a priority. If there’s anything else that I should be stressed out, it is the quality of time that I give to the Lord. It is to prioritize my relationship of the Lord. The battle I choose to fight is my relationship with the Lord above all else.

 

 

Candy

Philippians 1:29

Finding My Way

I’m gonna be honest here. I am afraid.

I want people to approve all my choices. I want people to agree with my views. I want people to like my Instagram posts.

And that’s the trouble with being an MV. When I first really thought about being a full time pastoral worker it was 2006 and Canada didn’t have an abundance of people ready and willing to go full time. It was out of the norm to want that life. And so I hid it. It was something I secretly wanted, but feared people would judge me harshly if I chose it.

And now Canada is filled with so many mission volunteers. There is an abundance of servants that are ready and willing to do His work every day in this community. And now I’m afraid of something else. What if I say no to full time work? What if, in my discernment, God tells me to wait, or to walk a different path? What will people think then? It is hard to share my fears.

But today, I found the strength to share my doubts with a sister I hadn’t spoken to in a while, and she told me exactly what I needed to hear. She told me that my doubts and fears were part of my journey and love story with God. She told me that whatever decision I make will be exactly what God has called it to be if I let the Spirit lead me. She told me that simple callings are important too. She told me to be not afraid.

I’m not saying that I’m not going to be a full-time pastoral worker. But I know that for the past few months I’ve been so closed off to the idea because I’m so afraid. And when I’m afraid of making decisions, I tend to just say no, so I don’t have to think about it anymore. But if I say no, I want it to because because I’m saying yes to something else. If I say no, I want it to be because the Lord calls me to. And if I say yes, I don’t want it to be because everyone expects it of me. I don’t want to say yes to avoid the look I get when I tell people I may not go full-time. I want to say yes if God really calls me. I want to say yes if that is His will. I have not given up. I was lost for so long, in a maze, trying to forge an exit out for myself. But God will show me the way. He will lead me if I have the strength and courage to listen to Him, and to follow where He goes. I will remain steadfast that the Lord has a plan for me.

Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:5-6