True North Missionaries Journal

It’s just been over a week but I still can’t get over how blessed I was to witness and experience both the East and West True North Conferences.  I have so much to say so I won’t really structure this but I’ll allow my heart to speak.

The youth is so full of faith- I still thank the Lord for allowing me to be a witness to this, not only in how powerful they worship and pray but in how they translate this in their daily lives.  The host families here in Calgary recounted how blessed they were to have hosted the youth, expecting a rowdy and unruly bunch, but instead pulled into their faith even more as they saw a prayerful group of young people who would pray at every moment and spend time with the Eucharist every day.

Connecting in a personal way – more than being on stage and being highly visible, I cherished the personal moments where I was able to sit down and chat with young people, listen to what’s happening in their lives.  I cherished the times where I was able to join the screening of sharers and listen to the youth share from their hearts.  I was heartbroken, brought to tears by their experiences  but inspired and lifted by their water to wine stories, God was truly amazing.

A lot of people ask me which as the better conference, the East and the West, each had their own better moments and aspects but I can truly say that both had the same powerful Spirit, that the Lord truly showed Himself to both regions in the same way.

It may still be a year away, but I’m now excited and so looking forward to next year’s TNC in Vancouver.

I think as discerning full time missionaries, the true test of whether or not we can really commit to the lifestyle of constant inter-personal relationships with others, comes with the question of,

“How am I with my family?”

I guess what I have been reflecting on lately and just been trying to be more consistent on is, if I can speak and act with such passion for my faith around people in the community, then I should be able to do the same with my family. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I am a completely different person around the community and my family, BUT lets face facts, sometimes it feels different at home. Let’s change that. Let’s change that NOW.

Lord, allow me to bring my family closer to You. You have blessed us with so much, so allow my family be an out pour of Your love to others, all for the glory of Your name. We love You. We need You.

Desiderio Domini

“I was dressed and ready to go out.
I opened the door…and said “Bye” to my mom
and the people of my house.
My mom said in a concerned but loving voice

‘Hannah, it’s late na…(hinting for me not to go, but would never say it)
be careful ok?’

To that I replied,

‘Ok Mommy!’

I closed the door behind me and headed for the bus stop.”

 

This summer The Lord has been taking me from one place to another. Leaving my house and coming back home only a few days later. Whether it be on mission, for vacation or to visit family. Even though leaving my house for a few days has become second nature for me and I know my mom has become accustomed to it, it is still hard for me to say, “Bye” every time.

 

“It was almost 9:00 pm,
the street-lamps lit the darkened sidewalk I was on.
As I crossed the street,
at the corner of my eye,
I noticed some movement.
I looked down towards my left and
I saw two racoons hiding under the side of the sewer.
It surprised me because I’ve never seen anything like this before.
They sat there together…”

 

Being away from home has made me realize the importance of time and the value of presence. The importance of the time you actively give to another person and the importance of your presence in physically being there for someone. I realized that the Lord is not only preparing me for whatever he has planned, but he is also preapring those who have given me their time and presence.

Those who surround me.

 

“One racoon was a little bigger,
it seemed older than the much smaller racoon.
I noticed that, when they saw me…
they both scurried under the sewer,
the older one guiding the other
even though there were not physically touching.
They watched me as I passed by.
I continued walking to the bus stop.

In order for me to get to my bus stop,
I needed to go through the underground tunnel.
I stepped into the tunnel
I kept walking.
It occurred to me that the tunnel seemed more dimly lit than usual.
But…
I continued walking with hesitation…”

 

There are times when I am away…I ask myself if I should have stayed home or if I should have not agreed to go. Most of the time…I think of these things when I’m already hours and kilometres away…

 

“As I walked to the bus stop, I kept replaying my mom’s words in my head
‘Hannah, it’s late na…be careful!’
What did she mean? I know it was a simple comment…

but I felt like there was something more.
I continued walking…”

 

My mom has dedicated her time to raise me, to take care of me, to teach me…
She is present in all parts of my life even though she may not be physically there…
All this not out of convenience
But
All this because of love

My mother encompasses God in her heart. So whatever she says..I take it to heart..

 

“As I continued walking to the bus stop to meet my friends at Tim Hortons…
The words my mom said kept resounding in my head
‘Hannah, it’s late na…be careful ok?’

As I reached the bus stop
I waited there
Still preoccupied with my mom’s words
For some reason the bus didn’t come
I kept asking myself
‘Is it too late?’
I realized that…I wasn’t referring to the time…
As I sat there waiting for the bus I realized that..
‘It’s not too late…I’m still here’
So I turned around and I walked back home.

I reached my house and I opened the door.
My mom was siting on the couch watching TV,

she saw me walking in and all she did was smile.

I hugged her
I put my bags down,
and we just sat there together.
I smiled and told her
‘Oh yeah…it was late.’
And we both smiled.”

—

Lord God,
Thank you for those who have made time for me and those who have blessed me with their presence. May I be able to be that instruments to others and to those that love me. May I be able to love by giving of my time as though there was no limit and by being present as though being with that person is the only thing that matters for that moment. I will never be able to repay my mom for the amount of time she has given me and her constant presence in my life. The least I can do is to make time and be present…Just like how the Lord is always present and makes time for me.
It’s never too late!
Amen! 🙂

Being on mission allows you to talk to so many people and even more privilege to have one on one and be part of someone else life. I have observe that most of the time when I talk to members, stories shared are shared in unadorned words, straight to the point and honest but as soon as members becomes leaders, tendency is to be choosy with words and tries to find the best euphemism someone can have because they are afraid to be judge. In the end they end up not being fully real and honest. Talking with members is a good reminder that the more we grow in leadership, the more real and honest should we become not the other way around. Being real and honest is an act of humility.

Teach us O Lord to be real and honest. Amen.

Until now, I still can’t get over with the victory that happened in the conference. Everything in it is a notch higher than last year. Even though I’ve seen, listened and experienced the conference in Philippines, the effect and impact here in Western Canada is still grand and intense. I told myself that once again the Lord exceeded my expectations. He overcame the worries I had and went beyond my idea of victory.

Looking deeper at the conference the events that happened before, after and everything in between, it is a story of Wedding at Cana. Everyone was the servants and the guests. The wedding was the marriage of the participants and the Lord – there was an exchange of vows in session 3. The running out of wine was when we surrendered everything to the Lord – “No longer I but Christ in Me” and “This heart belongs to you, Jesus.”  The praisefest then was the miracle unfolding before our eyes, the water into wine experience started. By the end of the conference we were empowered and zealous. We become the best version of ourselves – not just good but best wine. We are called to serve this wine – to let everyone taste the best wine.

 

“Lord, thank you for transforming me to be the best wine. It is all because of you. Lord teach me to serve so other people will taste your greatness.”

 

Candy

Philippians 1:29

Sometimes I might wonder why Simon of Cyrene still continued to help Jesus carry his cross during his passion. He just showed up to see what was going on and suddenly he was thrown into the situation. I’m sure he was surprised and upset that it had to be him out of all people.  Did his emotion rise because he was forced into it by the roman soldiers or maybe it was because he was afraid if he left they would hurt him as well.

We too sometimes get burdened or upset when we have to carry our cross.  I know I do.  At times I begin to feel heavy hearted when I there might be tasks given to me that I feel scared to do.  Even at times when someone asks me for help, I get selfish and might direct them to another person because I’m busy or worrying about my own things.  Simon of Cyrene took part in his little journey and face to face with our Lord he began to see that this man was no ordinary man.

It may be right that we carry our own crosses like our Lord but what we have is our Lord who will come to our rescue to carry our cross along side us.  He will journey with us until the end by giving us the grace to keep moving forward.  We will begin to walk and overcome what is hindering us from taking the next step.

@itsmetimmm

There’s nothing like a desk job to confirm that… I don’t want a desk job.

It’s funny because I’m actually writing this from my desk at work. I’m on contract with Natural Resources Canada as a Linguistic Coordinator (I basically process translation and edit requests, and deal with the bulk of the finances regarding these requests), and although it might (sort of?) sound fancy, it really isn’t. Because I’m on contract, I get about half the wage that I would if I was to hold this position permanently, so that being said, I don’t get paid much. I’m thankful for this, because I can see how such a menial job can become enticing.

My contract for this position was initially one month, and month by month, it kept getting renewed. I had first accepted this job because I wanted something short-term before my family goes on their month long roadtrip through the states, but this evidently wasn’t the case.

My coworkers are wonderful and funny people. The office has a picturesque view of Ottawa from the 16^th floor. I keep getting told that this will look great on my resume (throwing in fancy words such as “expenditures,” “liaison,” “validate financial documentation”). But I look around at all these people and wonder… this can’t really be it. Working for the government means that you have financial security; it also means you get a pretty sweet pension when you retire. But I can’t ever see myself working like this day in and day out, just waiting for that precious two weeks of vacation, and then retirement.

In highschool, I knew I wanted to go into Psychology. I wanted to work with children with special needs and pursued this as I entered university. As God would have it (not luck or fate) I ended up volunteering at the courthouse for the Elizabeth Fry Society whose mandate is to provide support to criminalized women in need. After a couple court accompaniments and cellblock visits, I felt a tug at my heart, and all of a sudden my steering wheel started to turn and I found myself looking at Social Work and potentially working with at-risk youth and women.

As I’ve grown older, and the task of working with marginalized populations proved to be much (much) more difficult than I had originally thought, I hold fast to the calling in my heart… This yearning to help others.

And I sit here blinking at this document, displaying itself on one of my two screens on my office desk, and I know that this can’t be it. Not for me. I’m not knocking my fellow office mates (as they are wonderful people, like I said), nor this position… I guess, just for me, ChrisAnn, I know this isn’t it. And I guess as irrational, and at times unrealistic as it may seem, I’ve always thought of myself as one who wants more than just “financial security.”

There will be many voices (some loud, some discouraging), many detours, potential failures, unexpected challenges, but in the thick of it all, what is that voice in your heart telling you? I guess I entered the MV program in hopes that this voice would be magnified and be made clearer.

Lord, where do you want me? And we must believe that the Lord wants us, and will thus support us, where we are the happiest and feel most fulfilled. And for that Lord, we praise You and we thank You.