True North Missionaries Journal

Being uncertain of the future can always be frustrating. It’s like walking in a dark, foggy forest not knowing where you’re headed; walking on unstable grounds, trees and branches everywhere,  and the danger of animals surrounding you. 

In the same way, we carry our crosses blinded and uncertain of where we are going. Our own doubts, fears, and struggles can be obstacles for us to walk with a clear mind and pure heart.

Just like in a dark foggy forest, only with light shining through we are able to see a glimpse of whats ahead. In the same way; the Lord is asking for our time to pray to Him for a clear answer to where we are going and for what He has planned for us.

Not only does a forest need light to be able to see but it needs a clear path to walk through safely. Prayer does the same with our own lives but prayer can do nothing if we don’t listen to what God has to say. Prayer always needs a listening ear to hear and see clarity of where God is leading us.

Being uncertain of where we are going is such a mystery but it’s quite a beautiful journey. Through the time we make for the Lord in prayer, we will witness the light shine on what the Lord’s desires for our lives.

Be not afraid to pray! With a faithful prayer time we slowly will unravel our uncertainty with the firm plan of the Lord.

A prayerful soul, becomes a listening heart.

My servant, for I have many more plans ahead of you. Stay patient and always remain faithful. 

 

Benedictus Deus in Saecula

 

There is always the danger of easily getting impatient in mission, impatient on the growth either area or leaders, impatient in mission assignments and impatient on oneself. Mission had been defined as a tasked or a special and specific assignment given by someone. For Christians, it is an answer to the call of Jesus to spread the gospel of love. Therefore when we put ourselves in mission, we put ourselves in the one who sends us. This means we don’t have control over our assignments; we go wherever He sends us, even last minute. Planning is good for mission, however it can also hinder the spontaneity of the Spirit when one becomes so rigid about it. What is important is we are available when opportunity for mission comes.

I think that’s the beauty of mission, we trust in the goodness of the one who sends us, knowing fully well that it will be for the greater good of the mission of Christ. (Take note: not even thinking for our own good.)

Denying oneself, once emotions and feelings, even personal choices will be of big help, if we want to stay sane in mission. After all, that is what Christ had practiced and we ought to follow. More attachments mean more things to let go and the less objective we can be in mission. Less attachments means fewer things to let go and more objective we can be in mission.

Sometimes when we look at our imperfections and sinfulness we tend to say, “I am unworthy of doing this” or “Man, I am  so ashamed of my sinfulness, I don’t know if the Lord will answer my prayers”. We start to lose trust or doubt what the greatness the Lord has in store due to our sinfulness and darkness in our hearts.

In actuality, ‘the foundation of our confidence in God’s plan rests in God and not us.’ (Secrets of the Spirit by Luis Martinez). Therefore, we trust in the Lord, draw near to Him and are sure of His selfless love, not because of what we are but because of what He is.

We can be miserable sinners sometimes, so negative and hard on ourselves. But, we should never diminish our trust in the Lord because it is not based on ourselves but in Him. Jesus will forever be the same person, ever so good, so merciful.

We are confident in God because He is so good, loving and merciful. Will our Lord cease to be merciful and good because we are weak, miserable and imperfect? IMPOSSIBLE. If we get caught in that mindset of us decreasing who He is due to our human-ness, we judge God in a Human matter.

‘Jesus is the one who brought us a message from heaven. He came to tell us that God loves us with an infinite love, with an external love. He loves us to the extent of giving us His own Son, and delivering him to heath for the love of us.’

Lord, You are great. You are Good. You are Love. And with this, I confide in you and your will and your love.

Deo Gloria.

Celebrations for the new year have long since passed, and too quickly I found myself half-way through February wondering where the time has gone.

To sum up the past month and a half: my cup overflows!

Many times throughout this past year, the Lord has reminded me “be not afraid”. My batch of Mission Volunteers were called “Fearless”. He has assured me over and over to not fear His plan, and promises His unwavering faithfulness. He is beyond any of my expectations, any hopes or dreams.

“Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.” (Isaiah 12:2)

Reflecting on this past year as a Mission Volunteer, I cannot be any more thankful for being in this program. I remember a homily from Fr. Jeffrey exactly a year ago at Discovery Camp, telling us, You know that ache in your heart? That tug that God is calling you to do something? Go for it. Follow it. Answer it. Do not find yourself years later, regretting that you didn’t and wondering how things would be different.

I am thankful that I am allowed to be a Mission Volunteer for another year and intensify my prayers and discernment for my vocation. Through this program, I am reminded of God’s greater plan and rest assured the mission of Christ in CFC-Youth will not stop. Though at times I am overwhelmed with all that needs to be done, and what I still need to do, pausing and reflecting on this exact moment in time… where I am in my life, what He’s taken me through, what He’s revealed to me… I cannot deny the blessings that come when you fully trust and say “YES” to the Lord. Indeed, He will bless your Yes!

It’s true when they say that in this community, there are so many people looking to you even in the smallest details. It really does test you to just remain steady and joyful at almost all times.

I guess I’ve been tested recently in this. All I remember is that God tested me in just being able to remain positive and stay joyful. I totally failed that. I just remember being really uncomfortable, just not myself. I remember going home and just wanting to crash into bed and forget the whole thing.

Boom…I know, we all have those days.

Point is this, in that whole situation, I didn’t look to God at all. I completely made the whole thing about myself and let it turn my heart to stone even if it was for a moments time.

So…what did you do after?

In just reflecting from last weeks reflection I wrote in things just taking time, it all just comes down to this:

Everything works in God’s time but that doesn’t mean you should be stagnant in your prayers. Look to Christ in all things. Even in matters where you just don’t feel yourself. Christ may be trying to teach you something. Be vulnerable. Stay joyful. Keep praying.

Lord, no matter what comes my way, may I be able to just continue to love and continue to spread the joy You bring to my own life. I want to know You more.

Deo Gloria

 

God has really been challenging me to step out of my self-made boundaries.  As someone who is  melancholic, I tend to focus on the cruelty and tragedy in the world. Before I can thoroughly enjoy something, anything, I have to process the pros and cons in my head. I am a worrier. I am reserved and pessimistic. It’s how I’ve always been. If I can’t explain my happiness, then I should suppress it and hide it until something reasonable comes up.

I imagine God looking down at me, shaking His head with a half smile of sorts. You silly girl, stop overthinking. He’s bombarded me with an insane amount of surprises and blessings that have been catching me off guard. The ways He’s pursued my heart have been so intimate and personal recently that I just can’t help but be transformed from the inside out.  It’s as if the Lord has been taking down twenty five years worth of my desires and dreams so that He could start to tangibly offer them to me now. At this very moment. There has been no time or space for me to think: Wait, we have to assess this and that, then this again….then maybe you can start to feel insert-reasonable-emotion-here. 

Hah.

Everything that’s happened has been too beautifully orchestrated that only He could be the one behind it. He’s telling me to stop asking Why and not to even bother with the how. Regardless of whatever question I ask, the answer is the same…I love You. 

“Come then, my love;
My darling, come with me.
The winter is over; the rains have stopped;
in the countryside the flowers are in bloom.
This is the time for singing;
the song of doves is heard in the fields.
Figs are beginning to ripen;
the air is fragrant with blossoming vines.
Come then, my love;
my darling, come with me.
You are like a dove that hides in the crevice of a rock.
Let me see your lovely face and hear your enchanting voice.”
– Song of Songs 2:10-14

I know He’s trying to teach me how to trust him. I know He’s telling me I deserve to be happy. I know he doesn’t want me to go through life calculating every single step. If I firmly believe that he has a plan for me and that he is the author of life, then I have nothing to worry about. This story has a guaranteed ending, a guaranteed victory.

So thank you Lord, for the perpetual valentines treatment. Thank you for tugging my heart strings, for making every cell in my body sing out of love. Thank you for melting the ice in my heart and for setting my soul ablaze with your fire. My heart is extremely happy and superbly healthy.

I pray that my life will continue to be a beacon of hope to those who search for you, thirst for you, hunger for you. May the love I feel within me continue to bless others in the mission and bless those close to me. A love that is rooted in you is good, is true and most of all is life giving.

Come then, my love; my darling, come with me.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.- Psalms 37:4