Crown of Creation

This past weekend I attended ‘Princess Diaries‘ that Toronto SFC hosted for all the sisters. I was excited to just be a participant and not have to worry about serving. But then a week before the event, Renee, the GTA West Head asked me if I could lead the Praisefest for Saturday night. And you know what happened that whole week before the event? PANIC.

I was so mentally drained from trying to figure out the dynamics of a worship, the order of the songs, the prayers that go before the songs, the appropriate songs, the transitions, and everything else in between. On Friday morning I reached some point of mental desperation and just exasperatedly told God that he really should have chosen someone else.

———————
To understand this more let’s look at the three  desires planted in every woman’s heart:

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a) the desire to be romanced
b) the desire to play an irreplaceable role in an adventure
c) the desire to unveil beauty

Those desires are often misunderstood which is why a lot of sisters end up broken. We turn to the wrong sources to fill the void. I myself sought those desires out in multiple people, men boys who had no other agenda other than to fulfill their own desires.

Fifteen minutes before the session ended (New Heartbeats) He granted me the grace and wisdom to finally see all the pieces come together. And when it finally sank in, I could not contain the peace, joy and love that was pouring out of my own heart!

He said,

“My dearest Therese. These desires are not something to be afraid of. Do not deny yourself these desires because each one will lead you closer to me. Do you not already know that every movement in your heart is known to me? I fashioned that very thing that beats inside of you. Unite it with my sacred heart and will understand better the plans I have for you, as woman.”

 

THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED, I placed in you so that you will come to me in Adoration. I will embrace every part of you in the silence. Come to me, and I will pour myself out to you. Do not be afraid to glance out at me for I long to look out at your face. Each time you come, the heavens rejoice. This is where you belong, this is where you are meant to be- here with me. My beloved I have waited for you and you are finally here! Have FAITH that I am here.

THE DESIRE TO PLAY AN IRREPLACEABLE ROLE, I placed in you so that you will come to the House of Worship and receive me in the Holy Eucharist. Come to me exactly as you are. You say to me, Lord but I am broken, battered, shattered.  And His reply: “But I NEED YOU. YES, YOU.” From the moment you receive me on your tongue you become the ultimate living tabernacle and you are NO longer broken, battered, shattered. I pour out my Holy Spirit within you, and my love which is far more precious than gold will bind you back together. There will always be HOPE.

THE DESIRE TO UNVEIL BEAUTY, I placed in you so that you will come to me in Confession. No sin you’ve committed, no sin that you are committing, no sin that you will commit can ever be too much for my cross. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman who humbles herself and acknowledges her weaknesses and limitations. All those layers you choose to hide behind, the masks you choose to wear around you will all be washed away. In every single instance, you come out as clean and pure just as I intended for you to be. I meet you with nothing but LOVE.

Wow. Praise the Lord. I could not contain myself in that tiny little seat. The Lord fulfilled ALL THOSE DESIRES in me within the past 24hrs! He granted me my trinity run; Adoration at Our Lady of Lourdes the night before, Confession before the last session, and Eucharist shortly after. The Lord loved me so much that He made straight my paths right before I stood before my sisters with a heart that was now READY AND WILLING.

“You, eternal trinity, are a deep sea. The more I enter you, the more I discover, and the more I discover, the more I seek you.”- St. Catherine of Siena

Amen.

The Perfect Moment

I looked out the window today, and was sort of saddened by the grey sky… I also live right across a school and the honking of frustrated and impatient drivers were beginning to add to the sadness from the gloomy grey sky. It then began to snow and it just made me feel cold… snow + bad moods + grey, gloomy sky… it just wasn’t a good combination… But then in the midst of this, I noticed something…

Grey began to disappear, and a bright blue streak appeared in the sky. In a matter of a few seconds, a bright blue sky began to appear. Then after a few minutes, the whole sky before me was just blue with white (happy) clouds! And right when my sadness began to fade away, the sun appeared and a ray flashed brightly through my window and the snow still continued to fall, but it was joyful. At that moment, I knew…

I was dwelling in a perfect moment.

Moments after, this faded and the sky was beginning to turn grey again. But behind a grey veil, what stayed was the sun…
The perfect moment is only made perfect in Christ. In the midst of sorrow and sadness and all the unknown, God takes time to reveal Himself in the most beautiful way at the perfect moment. But creating this perfect moment – this perfect encounter – cannot happen to us only through the Lord. All of this happened in a matter of 5-10 minutes. But to see the beauty and perfection God reveals also requires our attention and our open hearts. If I didn’t look out the window the moment I did and if I decided to turn away, I would’ve missed this moment. So I’m thankful… SOOO SOO THANKFUL… Yes, for the simplest things… for the simplest little revelations… I realize today that a possible equation to THE PERFECT MOMENT is this:

God’s Revelation
+
Our HUMAN vulnerability and hope
+
An OPEN HEART
=
THE PERFECT MOMENT
…with the Lord

…it may be a few seconds, a few minutes, an hour or two, a few days… but it is made perfect in the Lord.

A Chance Encounter

(I wrote this reflection yesterday but I did not upload/publish it because I thought it was not long enough and it’s all questions. However when I read the gospel for today it was the same story that I based my reflection so here it is…)

I went to “One” Conference, an Archdiocesan event here in Vancouver last week. There were three amazing speakers who shared to us and challenged us with a lot of thought-provoking statements about happiness, renewal/transformation, and desire. After how many days have passed, there’s this one point that’s been recurring since then. The question was: How/What does it feel to be in my presence? Every night I ask myself what do other people feel when they are with me? Do they feel excited? Do they feel blessed? Do they want to stay with me? Am I a good companion? Am I a trusted friend? Am I real to them? Do I stress them out? Am I insistent? Are they weirded out with me? Too pushy? Do they feel loved? Am I like my mother? Or my sisters maybe? Do they see Jesus in me?

Just like the gospel last Thursday and today. Jesus asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” I want to ask the same question to people who are strangers to me, to those who are my acquaintance, those who I’ve been serving/working with, to those who I always talk to, and to my family. Who do they say I am? Do they see Jesus in the way I think and make decisions? Do they experience Jesus in my actions? Do they feel Jesus in my words? Do they encounter Jesus in my mere presence?

I may not find the answers right away or the answers may vary everyday no not everyday but every minute or second but I pray that they experience Jesus in me.

“Lord you have surrounded us with people everyday and everyday also we meet or come across strangers and familiar people. I pray that in those times that they we encounter each other, may I naturally bring you out but in most times be brave enough to deliberately present you to people. Use me Lord.”

My Great Love

During one of the quieter lulls of the work week, I had listened to a small snippet from NPR radio.

 I usually do this silly thing where I click on links that people swear are really emotional and will make you cry, and I watch/read it challenging myself not to. (If you’ve read any of my past posts, you’d know that my emotional threshold is rather low.) Anyways, the small snippet was this moving love story of a husband and wife, elderly, and madly in love. The story goes from when they first met, to getting married, and now… Through a back and forth between husband and wife, we are able to brush lightly over the intricacies of their love. The husband leaving short love letters on the table saying things like, “To my princess, the weather out today is extremely rainy, I’ll call you at eleven twenty in the morning – And I love you, I love you, I love you.” At the end of the segment, we find out that the husband is ill, and instead of taping him in a recording booth, they record Danny from his bed, where he laid next to his wife, Annie.

There was a sentence that, as I was listening, had latched onto my heart somehow. I couldn’t help but write it down, thinking that maybe I could keep it as a reminder of how I would want someone to love me. That great love God had promised me.

“I always said the only thing I have to give you was a poor gift, and it’s myself, and I always gave it, and if there’s a way to come back and give it, I’ll do that too.”
I thought it was so beautiful. I wanted love like that.

During Adoration late one evening, I was kneeling in the silence and darkness of the church, with only the Monstrance before me on the alter. And as I looked at Him, I felt such love… this overwhelming love both emanating from my heart as I reached for Him, and from Him sweeping, and covering, and filling me. I can’t explain it… But as I kneeled there, my arm reached behind me, to the journal which I brought. I flipped hurriedly through the pages until I found the part I was looking for. As I kneeled there, He said these words to me…

“I always said the only thing I have to give you was a poor gift, and it’s myself, and I always gave it, and if there’s a way to come back and give it, I’ll do that too.”

My Great Love.

 The one I thought I had been waiting for… was already before me. The smile that had spread across my face was so great, and the joy that filled me so abundant… He had already loved me enough that He gave Himself for me. And if He could do it all over again, He would. Despite the pain, all over again, He would. That is how He loves us.

 

Olympic Gold

I don’t usually watch the Olympics, but this year’s CBC spin-off really grabbed hold of my attention. I began watching the snowboarding competitions, and was instantly hooked by the commercials and the in-between’s. CBC decided to showcase the lives of Canadian Olympians and how they journeyed to get to where they are. There was one Olympian who was originally from Russia, but she moved to Canada and is now a Canadian Olympian. However, it never stopped her from revisiting and reminiscing in her hometown in Russia.

And of course, there is the infamous Michael Christian Martinez, the first Olympian from the Philippines, hitting it on ice! He made it past qualifications and placed 19th out of 24 on his first ever Olympic competition. His family even mortgaged their house to get him there and whether his country supported him or not, his only goal was to make his dreams and the dreams of many come true. Despite of not winning the gold medal, he won gold in the hearts of many.

Patrick Chan later caught my attention. I researched more into his journey and discovered that he had disputes with many of the Olympians, but that didn’t make him quit. Heading towards Sochi 2014, he trained for a ridiculous amount of hours a day, with one goal in mind: GO FOR GOLD. He didn’t let personal matters distract him from giving his best. Though he slipped a few times and had a few missteps, he pushed through with balance and charisma throughout the program.

Then there is the most recent and one of the most popular posts of today. “Canada’s Women’s Hockey Team has won GOLD!” Enthusiasm was so present in the posts that it almost felt like everyone was in Sochi, celebrating with the team! How victorious and joyful it must feel! They’ve done it! THEY’VE WON GOLD AND THEY’RE BRINGING IT HOME!

How I wish the Olympics were like faith and ultimately, our relationship with the Lord… We are called for this… to be Olympians of our faith… to BE OLYMPIANS FOR THE LORD!
It is hours and hours of training each day for these athletes – YEARS, EVEN! Yet in the midst of all this training, they carry one thought:

“GO FOR GOLD.”

We, too, should be doing this. We are in a constant training for the Olympics, but our training is within our hearts. A Kuya once asked me, “What’s the state of your heart?” And what I once thought was a light question (or a funny question to ask to create small talk) began to dawn on me moment by moment… This is the question that drives the “training of the heart”. Through all the broken bones, broken ribs, broken hearts, broken spirits (and surgery on some), exercise, recovery, physiotherapy, therapy and being in the ICU for some is PRAYER. And the total recovery after that is determined by our free will. The freedom of allowing the Holy Spirit – through prayer – to completely heal us and work through us is OUR GRAB FOR GOLD. It is not the victory that determines a champion for the victory has already been claimed… It is the attitude we carry towards getting there.

We must BELIEVE that God has already claimed it for us and just have confidence in Him, while doing our best to heed the ways and commands He calls us to to get there.

With God, it is actually better than the Olympics… there is no silver or bronze – just GOLD.

Lord, today, my prayer is simple… I pray that no matter what happens, I will always be reminded to “go for gold,” and that I may always do so, single-minded for You, oh Lord.

Amen.

Sacrifices and Miracles in Mission

The first time I was called into Mission was during the blazing ages of C4 (Conquer Canada in 4 years), an age where CFC-Youth was called to zealously open parishes, high schools in every corner of the city, province and country .   Every thing about life (time, energy, investments in relationships of those around me) was subject to the Mission.  The tagline for me in those  years was “abandon it all”, “whatever it takes”, “God’s Mission requires your whole life”, “Denial of self”.

Years of introspection later, the tagline remains with a different focus.  In Mission, you may “offer your life” to the Lord (so at first glance, a loss),  but the gain is so much greater,  another life, one that is divinely inspired by the Holy Spirit.

I was told in a 1-1 with a Kuya: “For Missionaries to be effective in this age, they must not just proclaim the sacrifices, but the miracles He works though them.”

Attachments, desires, dreams, are not things to be feared or deemed hindrances to the Mission (i.e “sacrificed”), for these are all matter and material for Him (when reflected upon and surrendered) to work His miracles and changes in the Mission.   A Missionary’s proclamation of the Gospel is their life .   I may not be in my profession as a Teacher, but I am Teaching in His own way.  I may be the greatest over-thinker, but this is where He is constantly changing me through the prayer “take and receive my liberty, my will, and [literally] my memory.” (*cue instrumental of Take and Receive).   And this is just the beginning.

As He tackles the lists of sacrifices from within, His miracles continue to be magnified.

Lord, may I continuously desire conversion, so that I may proclaim Your Good News in creative ways to Your people. 

 

In Your Presence

God, it’s funny how you’re always calling me out of my comfort zone. It’s scary and half the time I can’t enjoy the blessing you’ve called me for because I’m too worried making:
a) plans
b) backups
c) an exit strategy.

Allow me to be open to your Spirit and its leading. To go where my trust is without borders.  To walk upon the waters or wherever you will call me… –cue music–

I shouldn’t even worry, but I still do because of my human self. Embrace me at this time of challenge and change, so that I can be secure in the knowledge that you are a God of order, the Author of time, Your presence a claimed victory.

Whatever happens you will always be there to help me get back on track.
Whatever happens you will never leave me side.
Whatever happens your promises   still remain.

And so, as the keeper of my heart I have nothing to fear.
Your love is sufficient and it follows me wherever I go, whatever I choose.
Because at the end of each and every single day You claim me as Yours.

Amen.

NTS: My daughter do not forget my words. You are Precious. Divine. Mine.

 

“…but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2Cor12:9