True North Missionaries Journal

It has been such a joy to be a household head. I never thought I would ever say that since not too long ago, I thought I was done with this “YFC thing”. I was so scared to take the  role because how was I going to bring others to Christ if I myself was still trying to figure out who He was?  First of all what did a household head even do? Second of all how could I be one if I couldn’t even remember any of my previous ones?

I didn’t have any positive memories from my membership days. I couldn’t recall a single time where I felt like someone genuinely cared about my faith journey. No one ever saw beyond my “dancing” and that’s all I was ever used for. I never bloomed because I never knew I had much to offer the world, the people around me, or the community.

FFwd to a couple years later and I knew I just couldn’t be complacent with my own faith anymore, not when I was responsible for 5-6 other souls. So I did everything I could to paint myself a better picture. Every prayer uttered before the Eucharist, every petition lifted up at adoration, every love letter my heart bled out onto the pages of my journal, every hide and seek game with my bible brought me that much closer to Him. 

At first all of these things felt tedious; it was very easy for me to be discouraged and tired. I had to always remind myself that God was giving me a second chance to right all my wrongs. It was important for me to learn to develop my own prayer habits, and that of course meant throwing away some old ones. After all, virtues can only blossom from the ashes of our vices.

My bad experiences have moulded me into the kind of household head I am now. I look at all the things my previous heads didn’t do and I do it. I look at all the things I wish happened and I make it happen. Most of all, I have learned that it’s easier to lead with honesty. I have never hid nor do I hide anything from my household members. I’m transparent. They know I’m not perfect and they know that I don’t expect them to be either. Each person has a specific anointing, so who was I to make judgements?

If we don’t learn to see our members the way that Christ sees them, then we may never understand that they are a personal blessing and gift to us. If we don’t take the time to deepen our relationship with God then we can never genuinely love the ones He has called us to pastor. We love because he loved us first (1 John 4:19).

“We do not draw people to Christ by loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it.”- Madeleine L’Engle

Being a household head once felt like some sort of burden, but with God’s guidance and affirmation it has slowly unveiled itself as one of the most beautifully intricate answered prayers He’s ever given me. I’ve said it before, He really is the master of happiness- He fulfills as many of our heart’s desires and the desires of those around us in one given moment! He is the wellspring of life, thus a life lived for His glory brings about the fullness of life in and around us.

I would not dare change where I am now, because I know now more than ever that this is where I am called to be.

I had a conversation with Miguel and Charlene on our way to Metrotown. I can’t remember how the conversation started but I end up saying I don’t know how our bodies will look like when it is reunited with us in heaven. Miguel shared to us that it will be a glorified body as how Jesus Christ foreshadowed it during the Transfiguration. That conversation happened last March 5, 2014, Wednesday, not just an ordinary Wednesday but Ash Wednesday.

I have been looking forward to this day and feel so much excitement approaching to it. Not just because we are reminded again of the great love of Jesus in the coming easter but March 5 is also my second birthday. My accident happened in March 5, 2005. I was unconscious for 18 hours then I was airlifted to the hospital, had an 8-hour reconstructive surgery and another surgery 2 years after. This brought me to a reflection that Him giving my life again is Him giving me a foretaste how it is to be given life, reconstructed with a deeper faith – a glimpse of that glorified body.

It was extra meaningful because everything was about Him loving me so much. It was a double celebration. I felt that day was a day for me. The feeling was like He had given me a special favor, it’s as if I am the only one that He loves me the most. He loves me in ways that (I did not know) I want to be loved… and this is non-stop. 🙂

“Lord you are the source of life,  You gave me life,  You are life! Teach me to live my life for you too.”

 

Candy

Philippians 1:29

A few weeks ago, I came across an old journal entry that listed some of my personal desires, and as I was skimming through it, I found a very interesting statement:

Desire: being one in the heart of Jesus.

To be perfectly honest, I had absolutely no recollection of writing this, nor did I even understand what I meant by this statement. I thought to myself, “What gives me the right to even write this if I don’t understand it?”

I asked the Lord to help me understand, and I didn’t notice it at first, but the Lord was slowly answering my prayer and unraveling himself to me.

It’s strange and a bit difficult to explain, but I found that, lately, I’ve been going through a lot of little trials throughout each day. Through these trials, I found myself turning to the Lord in a very special way: when dealing with difficult people, I’ve asked him to lend me his heart; after a bad day at work, I always ask him for consolation and rest in His heart; in the morning, I offer all the impending experiences of my day to His most Sacred Heart, and etc. No matter what, I always found myself turning to His Heart. And all these trials, that would have otherwise been excruciating, were filled with so much sweetness and love. I can slowly feel him showing me what it’s like to be one with his heart as he helps me to carry my crosses daily out of love for Him, with Him, and in Him.

I don’t think I could ever completely comprehend the fullness of his love, but I am certain of one thing: His heart will continue to become my strength, and His heart will continue to be my refuge. And through His heart my entire existence, even with all its imperfections, becomes sweeter and imbued with love.

There’s no heart I’d rather celebrate each day than yours.

I absolutely LOVE being in control. Some say I am goal oriented and I’d like to think that when I put my mind to something and go after it, I’ll achieve it. So when something doesn’t go according to plan, I generally get thrown off course pretty easily and mishandle the situation. As a Mission Volunteer, I have been able to be surrounded by brothers and sisters who find joy in letting the Lord take control. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have goals for ourselves  or lack direction in our life, but it does encourage us to leave room for God to work. After all, God loves us so much that He gives us the choice to cooperate with His will for us. When we do, life becomes beautiful 🙂

Since I work at a public school, walking around all day with an #ashtag meant that a lot of people, including my students, thought that I had paint/marker/dirt on my forehead.  The beady eyed squints, the eyebrow raising, the awkward finger-on-forehead gesture…I received them all.

I could have bypassed that by simply attending the mass at night with the rest of my family at our local parish. However I chose to go at noon to a parish 20 minutes away because:
1.) I had an appointment at night right after work
2.) I had to go to confession and that church was the only one with a flexi sched

After walking out of the church, my heart was racing. How was I going to explain this? How could I make this look more inconspicuous? I’ve never had to worry about this before because I was always at a Catholic school. During my University days so many other Catholic friends had gone with me that I wasn’t just the only one. After all the cathedral was a mere 10 minutes away. Why, after twenty-four years was this a big deal all of a sudden? Maybe it was my fear of having to defend the faith, my faith in a building full of people with different religious affiliations or none at all. In the time I’ve been there, some have been quite loud about their own beliefs and have been vocal about the way they feel about this so called “God”.

So…what now?

The funny thing is, the person who made that appointment with me ended up cancelling just before we were supposed to meet. I also didn’t end up going to confession because the priest cut it off to celebrate mass. Did I really have to go to that parish at noon? Could I have just gone at night?

I caught myself halfway through my monologue and realized was this what a future missionary should be worrying about? Hah.

Who cares if I’m 1 out of 800 people with a cross on my forehead? Was my love for God limited based on my surroundings? Was my love for Him this shallow? Why should I be scared or embarrassed to have the ashes on my forehead? This was a sign of the greatest love ever known to man, ever revealed to me! Now I get to openly share it.

THIS was true evangelization. THIS was going out into the deep waters of the unknown. THIS was God asking me to be His.
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We hear it all the time at lent:  die to yourself everyday through personal sacrifice. But in that call we are also asked to live fully through His sanctifying grace so that His face is ours, His hands and feet are ours, His heart is ours.

How else will the world see Christ if not for the way we live our lives?

So I will hold my head up high every time I park my car with the Couples for Christ decal. I will gladly leave on my rosary hanging off my rearview mirror. I will not hide my rosary bracelet, or the medals on my necklace.

But at the end of the day I also know that I don’t need any of those things to declare my religion, rather it will be in the way I carry myself that will say to this community:

I am a young Catholic woman actively living out the Gospel of a God who I love with all my heart. 

God has a reason for putting me in that public school, and I just continue to pray that I never hide my identity so as to fit in when I know very well that God’s plan for me has always been to stand out.

This morning was just an ordinary day, the same wake up and go to work day.  I was not expecting anything  unusual to happen during my normal commute to work.

I usually continue my morning prayer during this morning commute.  While driving, I just thought about praying to the Lord to keep me and my family out of accidents today. I normally pray for safety and deliverance for me and my family, but I don’t specifically pray for safety from accidents.

About 5 minutes later, I saw a pedestrian wanting to cross, so I stopped to give way.  The vehicle behind me also stopped.  A few seconds later, I heard a loud screech and saw in my rearview mirror that the vehicle behind me got rear ended.  I was waiting for my turn to get hit by the vehicle behind me.  Nothing, I got out and noticed that both vehicles were pushed to the right, leaving my van untouched.

God is everywhere, if you are looking for ways for the Holy Spirit to manifest in you, it is in the little moments where you think of something, where the Lord speaks to you.

Thank you God for being everywhere, you are truly amazing!

As we begin this season of Lent, as children of God, we are called to deny ourselves. Sacrifice our own desires and live for Christ.

Lent is a reminder from the Lord inviting us to follow Him, walk with Him, be with Him, and suffer with Him. We bear our crosses willingly and whole heartedly. When we fast, we offer the things we love because of the One we love. 

Not only is lent a time to suffer but a time to repent. A time to renew our relationship with the Lord in almsgiving and in prayer. We offer our time and gratitude denying ourselves because of the One we love. 

In these 40 days of lent we are given the opportunity to journey closer to the Lord. We are given this time to practice patience, putting others needs before ourselves, speaking and listening to God, and reflecting on the beauty of the life He has given us.

As the 40 days go by, each day will be harder to deny ourselves more for Christ. Remain faithful and always make choices with a joyful heart that reflects God.

“Remember, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.”

We do not belong to the world and the world does not belong to us. Detach yourself from worldly things and follow Christ. We belong to Christ as Christ is One with us.

 

Benedictus Deus in Saecula