Month: March 2014

I have always been a firm believer that the Lord plants a desire in our hearts for us to know what He’s calling us to do. Although I still believe in this, I developed a twisted view of this truth for I have used it for selfish reasons. “This can’t possibly be what the Lord wants for me for I do not desire this”, or “I’m so good at this. I want to do this. This is what the Lord wants for me!”, are some of the words I fooled myself with. For a period of time, this is what I based my “discernment” on.

Now I definitely did not want to become a Mission Volunteer. It seemed very unnatural for me to put myself in a position where I know more will be asked of me. So that’s why declining to apply was a no-brainer. Now why am I here? Applications were closed and the Regional MV Interview just happened, but He kept knocking. I could not understand why after all the times I’ve said no, He still calls me. And that is when the floodgates opened (a.k.a. I bawled). He stirred my heart and comforted me to say yes. And because He wills it, He made a way. The next day is when the announcement came that applications are extended. Praise God!

Having this kind of mindset not only blinded me, but it also made me realize that I have been limiting the Lord. I have been limiting the Lord’s greatness to what I am comfortable doing, what I think I can handle, and what I understand. I, who am nothing compared to Him, a speck of dust, a mere human, dared to limit the Almighty! Sometimes I laugh with shame and disappointment at how arrogant I can be. But the Lord continues to humble me for He continuously calls me.

So what is my desire? It dawned on me as I reflected on the mysteries of the rosary. When in times of doubt and confusion, I look to Christ and Mary. What is it that they desire the most? Mary did not know the entirety of the Father’s plan but she still said yes with joy. Christ did not plan to suffer the way He did but He still suffered without complaints. They only desired to glorify God and show their love for Him. The suffering came with that desire. But so did joy, humility and peace. If I want to glorify God, there’s no other heart that I should mold mine to but theirs. 

Merciful Father, keeper of my heart. Let me desire only You. Not comfort, not certainty, not temporary satisfaction. Prune the undesirable in me, stretch my heart, detach me from worldly comfort. Be my only comfort and joy. Mother, my refuge and strength, intercede for me. Amen.

“My child, what is it that you are afraid of?”

I was asked this question some time ago, and ever since then, this particular question seems to always stir up my heart.

Everyone is afraid, but of what exactly? Well, there are many things I am afraid of. But there’s only one that I’ve never really been able to be honest about. I’m afraid of not being loved.

I’m pretty sure many of you can agree when I say that, we all have this desire to be loved. And sadly, many people in the world look for it in all the wrong places. In all the wrong people. When really, Love has been here all along. Love has been with me all along.

Love is everywhere! He is everywhere! It is the Lord that will love us like no one has before. It is the Lord that will fill the longing desire to be loved faithfully and unconditionally.

Next time you go looking for Love, don’t search any further. Just ask the Lord to come into your heart and there, you’ll find Him.

Lord, thank You for loving me.

My journey continues in this beautiful community. I used to be an open book. I used to serve and love everyone whole heartedly when I first joined in 2006.  I used to always say yes to whatever was asked of me, because I wanted to be someone that people could count on. I used to be selfless, kind and humble. I changed. For the past 4 years, I have become opposite of all those things. I closed myself off from friends because I felt hurt. I became hateful, prideful, and jealous. I started saying no because I didn’t want to feel like I was being walked all over on. I started seeing everyone through darkness. I started living blindly.

I am changing. I have said yes to being a Mission Volunteer, because I have finally chosen to let God take the lead. I am trying to be a better sister to those around me. I am trying to view everyone in God’s light. I’m yearning to love others unconditionally, and completely be the daughter and sister that I was meant to be. I want to live a life so that others may see Christ in me.

“Trust in God and He will help you; make straight your ways and hope in Him.” –Sirach 2:6

Lord, may Your love continue to move me. 

March 20 was the day I left for my first mission as a Mission Volunteer. First mission area was Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia (Maritimes). I didn’t know what to expect but a verse kept repeating and as I got on the plane it was -“Be strong and courageous”, I really didn’t know at that time what the Lord was trying to say and as nervousness and excitement sets in I knew that this was going to be an amazing trip. Little did I know that coming to PEI and Nova Scotia will be an experience I will never forget.

The first mission area was to conduct a Christian Life Program (CLP) in Slemon, PE. (YUP! Sound like LEMON but with the S-before). We started the CLP on Friday evening and finished the 12 talks within almost three days. The final talk was done on Sunday and dedicated 1 SFC, 3 HOLD and 1 CFC. Filled with the love and faith in our Lord our new brother and sisters are true testimonies that the Holy Spirit was present in PEI!

But, the Lord did not stop our mission there. We heard mass at 12nn with our host family together with some of our new members- then after mass we were able to talk to some Filipinos and one of the girls suggested for us to contact an area in O’Leary that host 2 houses (blue and yellow house) full of Filipino OFWs and that maybe we can deliver the CLP program to them. Little did I know that thru that small conversation the Lord called us to reach out to other brothers and sisters in O’Leary which was about 45 minutes away from Slemon. Together with the team and two new CLP graduates we set off to O’Leary.

Once again with anticipation, nervousness and excitement the verse once more came to mind “Be strong and courageous”. This verse was more affirming once we set foot in the venue – I knew that we needed to be prepared, ready and even more prayerful and that we needed to bring the Lord in this place. I never cried during CLPs but this time my tears couldn’t stop falling. I was so humbled in what the sisters were sharing and telling us of their struggles and life experience, and what they’ve been thru just to get here. I felt that my issues in life was nothing compared to what they have seen and done. Since we started the CLP in their home they shared whatever food they have, toilet paper to use and also their welcome faces and smiles. Knowing that these portions and items was ratio coming from what they will use during the week or month.

By Tuesday, the CLP went really well and we now have about 9 Handmaids of the Lord in O’Leary who have accepted our Lord in their life and have committed themselves to the CFC Handmaids of the Lord. Yey!

I am deeply humbled and appreciative of what our Missionaries goes thru as they go and bring Christ to these remote places. As an MV my first mission will forever hold a special place in my heart.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Thank you Lord!

 

Metro Region just finished its Regional Youth Conference a couple days ago and I still find myself processing so much of what I heard, saw, and felt. It gave me great joy to see 407 participants, 100 CC’s, and the service team take part in so much of the sacraments. To begin with Mass and settle into confession/adoration later during the day was beautiful. In all the 13 years I’ve been in this community, never had I ever experienced such fullness in Christ during an event.

What transpired at adoration was so personal that it’s all I’ve been thinking about. So much of me wants to photocopy that mental picture and share it everywhere to everyone. It boggles my brain how loud God can be in silence. It boggles my brain how God chooses to reveal himself entirely in what seemingly just looks like a “wafer”. The rest of the world is missing out on this. People are missing out on this. I’ve missed out on it all these years.

All because I found it easier to live with the noise of the world than the silence of my being. I used to love being surrounded by so many other people, people who shared the multiple desires that the rest of the world forced upon us. It kept us busy. It made us feel useful. It made us feel something- which was better than the nothing that lingered once we are alone.

When God wants to teach divine lessons to a soul and speak to her heart, He leads her into the desert (Hos 2:16).

I’ve had to learn that the hard way. I was in my own personal desert for a long time, and as abundant the resources were nothing could satiate the thirst of a heart that needed life breathed into it.

In solitude the spirit is always recollected so that it may hear the Lord’s voice, and nothing can interrupt the heart’s own voice as it constantly speaks to God. It delights in repeating the simple words, You are the God of my heart (Ps 73:26) and finds in them its whole fulfillment, wealth, and joy. – Imitation of Mary

As I knelt down for the next 45 minutes there were absolutely no words that came to mind. It was blank. The space was empty. But I knew better than to give up and sit back down waiting for time to pass by. Here was God in front of me, and despite my shortcomings and lack of words He STILL deserved to be adored. He deserved every piece and part of me- He is worthy to be be praised.

I knew He just wanted me to listen. Not with my ears, but with my heart.

“My child, God finds His delight in being with you; find yours in being with Him in solitude. There, far more freely than elsewhere, you can reveal to Him your inmost thoughts. You can far more readily manifest your feelings with the freedom that a respectful trust in Him will give you.”- I.o.M.

I can never fully explain in word, or detail what I saw in the last fifteen minutes. No artist could ever paint that image and recreate the majesty displayed. As much as I long to share it, I know that that moment was meant for me. Just me. It also made me realize that in order for God to come into our lives, we need to remember that we also need to INVITE him in. He doesn’t break down our doors, rather he simply knocks on it and wait for us to say, “Come in. I need you to fill my life and to take up every corner and crevice of my life.”