Lord God,
You know, I don’t know what you want from me anymore. I’d like to say Ive gotten indifferent and distant from you. I can’t hear you. I try to be in silence, for there you speak, but I am becoming impatient. Lord, there are so many things I had gone through and I held on to you. It wasn’t a surprise when you saved and lifted me up. Now, my face is back on the ground again and I am tired lord. This roller coaster of a life is something. You know what they say “it sucks to be me” and “I can’t live with myself anymore.” I used to always try to find ways to better myself, but I never learn and I always fall. I am tired of falling. I am sick of sinning. I am sick of being tempted and falling into temptations. I am just so numb in everything that I have to face, but I guess I am not so numb, for I still try to speak to you.
I look at your photo and you look at me as you point to your sacred heart. What do you want to tell me Lord? That you love me? Are you telling me lord to stand up and everyday is a new day to get better? and that this is the reason I still live because I can be someone you always want me to be? .. Pero Lord why try to be better, when I know along the way I will fall back again? Oh is it because it’s about the journey with you and not the destination? I guess?.. I am just so frustrated right now Lord, I want to say, towards you, but I know it’s because of me. Our relationship is truly something lord. As much as I want to please you, I fail to. As much as I want to be someone I can be proud of, I just fail to. Lord please tell me, why try?
Luli JKM
