Trinity Run

Winter is fast approaching, and I can already feel my body starting to switch over to hibernation mode. Soon enough it’ll be too hard to get up out of bed, nearly impossible to escape out of those double duvets. Tis the season for excusing our way out of health habits.

I used to run regularly to maintain some sort of physical activity but that died down since who knows when. Spring is always difficult to face after long winters because of the three month break. I personally loathe treadmills and will refuse to get on one. I’d rather wait. I much rather prefer the great outdoors, but Toronto winter weather does very little to help with that. Daylight savings mean shorter days and longer nights. It takes approximately two weeks to adjust. My body is definitely losing on this front.

Our spiritual health suffers from the same changes. We have cycles where we’re going  strong- we’ve found some sort of groove with our prayer time and involvement with the sacraments. At these moments, our relationship with Christ is toned and trimmed. Excess weight cut off. The closer we get to Christ the less baggage we carry- our material and worldly desires no longer necessary. We are tied down to less.

But then, at some point, we face an itch of sorts. An itch that just needs to be scratched. A craving that just needs to be satisfied. A thirst that needs to be quenched. But instead of reaching for the healthy & obvious choice of water we go for the Coke. Pepsi. Ginger Ale. Root Beer.  And just like that, our impenetrable fortress comes crashing down. Why? Because we foolishly ignored that cracked wooden frame that started to break- little by little. It was easier to feign ignorance to something that needed fixing. It’s easier to give in and let our human needs win.

“I’m only doing it once.” I still exercise anyway. Cheating won’t hurt.” 

That’s what I realize happened to me. And for some reason or another, I kept making excuses and reasoned my way out of a very fruitful, beautiful prayer habit. It only took one small “set back”. I cut down my prayer time, my weekday church dates, and adoration drop ins so that I could bulk up on old habits which I knew were only going to get me in worse (spiritual) shape.

Negative thoughts filled my head. I became impatient, moody, and lethargic. Two weeks passed since my last confession, and although I knew I needed it PRONTO …my body would magically (temporarily) shake off the anxiety. It made me think I could keep going. Nyeh, it can wait.

Nope.

Confession is our detox. Our body needs to get rid of built up toxins the same way our soul needs to get rid of impurities. Getting through it is tough, but we always come out healthier afterwards. Praise God, for God because I finally went for that detox round. He knew I needed it. And I knew I needed it. The hardest step is always the first, the hardest run is always the most dreadful.

Our prayer life can be a long outstretched summer. However if we trip and fall into the darkness of winter, we shouldn’t despair. We don’t have to endure three months of waiting. We can choose to fast forward to spring.  My winter lasted 8 days too long, but today’s TRINITY RUN (adoration, confession and Holy Eucharist) allowed me to see the Son rise gloriously. Thankfully, our salvation and redemption is not bound by time, because we are loved by a God whose love is endless and timeless. 

 “A clean heart is a free heart. A free heart can love Christ with an undivided love in chastity, convinced that nothing and nobody will separate it from His love.”
-Blessed Teresa of Calcutta