“…But I shall show you a still more excellent way”
1 Corinthians 12: 31
It was approximately a year ago to this date where I vaguely remember writing my “Why I want to be a Mission Volunteer” essay. I remember writing it and being very consumed and perplexed with feelings of joy but also of great anxiousness. Here I am, a year later, writing about why I still want to be a Mission Volunteer, and those feelings have yet to subside. I look back on that very defining year and think “Wow”. Like most spiritual endeavors, I was going in to this program, blindly, fully entrusting my Faith in God and without really comprehending the capacity of how much discernment, unrest, longing, difficulty, unending joy, hope, mercy, suffering, sacrifice, and love I would be experiencing.
One of the greatest things I’ve been able to contemplate is how to really discern – not by acting on our earthly desires or wants, nor to even excite in the spiritual gains we can get from saying “yes” but to really, sincerely, know and love the Lord so intimately that the only way to approach him is in full surrender. I love the Lord God so much and can honestly rejoice in the fact that this past year, through all the service he’s been able to grace me with, has not driven my away from him, but has taught me to love him in a more wholesome way – through family, through friendship, through vocation. Truly our Lord wants to be loved in his entirety (Holy Trinity, One God) and it can only be done when we learn to do so with our entire selves just the same.
Perseverance has been the main key to my discernment for Full-time Pastoral Work. In the many moments I’ve shared talking to my fellow Mission Volunteers, or the many times I’ve been corrected by my mentor or heads, God really shows me that His love is enduring. It’s not a sprint where we love intensely for a short amount of time then fall rapidly when we get shoved or struck with difficulty. The love we have for God and the love we want to share through the mission is meant to be consistent and unending. In the same way, growth doesn’t come in stints, it comes slowly but also, like a harvest, very abundantly.
This leads me back to my current state of discernment – Why I still want to be a Mission Volunteer. Well, It’s very simple. I want to know and love the Lord’s plan for me in the most personal way possible. Though I’ve learned to endure and to really obey, there is a still small voice inside of me that urges me to continue to be refined, like fermented wine. Though I know what I want, and know what others want for me, there is still an unknown and a disconnect from my plans to His. Albeit I’ve trusted him up to this point and I know I am where I’m supposed to be at this moment. As for tomorrow, only God knows.
“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Please pray for me as I continue to do for all of you.
Lord, I do not know my heart, only you do. May I clearly know the plans you’ve written in the palm of your hand. Amen.
cpm
“Though I’ve learned to endure and to really obey, there is a still small voice inside of me that urges me to continue to be refined, like fermented wine. ”
The great thing, I believe, about “doing Mission” is that He will constantly be accomplishing a “mission” in us! If we proclaim the Gospel and His personal victories in us, makes sense that we will be experiencing some sort of conversion all the time.
Prayers up for you, Marquez and the rest!