The life of a missionary is not strewn with roses, in fact more with thorns; but with it all, it is a life full of happiness and joy when she thinks that she is doing the same work which Jesus was doing when He was on earth, and that she is fulfilling Jesus’ commandment: ‘Go and teach all nations!’
–Mother Teresa
Tag: missionary
Crown of Creation
This past weekend I attended ‘Princess Diaries‘ that Toronto SFC hosted for all the sisters. I was excited to just be a participant and not have to worry about serving. But then a week before the event, Renee, the GTA West Head asked me if I could lead the Praisefest for Saturday night. And you know what happened that whole week before the event? PANIC.
I was so mentally drained from trying to figure out the dynamics of a worship, the order of the songs, the prayers that go before the songs, the appropriate songs, the transitions, and everything else in between. On Friday morning I reached some point of mental desperation and just exasperatedly told God that he really should have chosen someone else.
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To understand this more let’s look at the three desires planted in every woman’s heart:
a) the desire to be romanced
b) the desire to play an irreplaceable role in an adventure
c) the desire to unveil beauty
Those desires are often misunderstood which is why a lot of sisters end up broken. We turn to the wrong sources to fill the void. I myself sought those desires out in multiple people, men boys who had no other agenda other than to fulfill their own desires.
Fifteen minutes before the session ended (New Heartbeats) He granted me the grace and wisdom to finally see all the pieces come together. And when it finally sank in, I could not contain the peace, joy and love that was pouring out of my own heart!
He said,
“My dearest Therese. These desires are not something to be afraid of. Do not deny yourself these desires because each one will lead you closer to me. Do you not already know that every movement in your heart is known to me? I fashioned that very thing that beats inside of you. Unite it with my sacred heart and will understand better the plans I have for you, as woman.”
THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED, I placed in you so that you will come to me in Adoration. I will embrace every part of you in the silence. Come to me, and I will pour myself out to you. Do not be afraid to glance out at me for I long to look out at your face. Each time you come, the heavens rejoice. This is where you belong, this is where you are meant to be- here with me. My beloved I have waited for you and you are finally here! Have FAITH that I am here.
THE DESIRE TO PLAY AN IRREPLACEABLE ROLE, I placed in you so that you will come to the House of Worship and receive me in the Holy Eucharist. Come to me exactly as you are. You say to me, Lord but I am broken, battered, shattered. And His reply: “But I NEED YOU. YES, YOU.” From the moment you receive me on your tongue you become the ultimate living tabernacle and you are NO longer broken, battered, shattered. I pour out my Holy Spirit within you, and my love which is far more precious than gold will bind you back together. There will always be HOPE.
THE DESIRE TO UNVEIL BEAUTY, I placed in you so that you will come to me in Confession. No sin you’ve committed, no sin that you are committing, no sin that you will commit can ever be too much for my cross. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman who humbles herself and acknowledges her weaknesses and limitations. All those layers you choose to hide behind, the masks you choose to wear around you will all be washed away. In every single instance, you come out as clean and pure just as I intended for you to be. I meet you with nothing but LOVE.
Wow. Praise the Lord. I could not contain myself in that tiny little seat. The Lord fulfilled ALL THOSE DESIRES in me within the past 24hrs! He granted me my trinity run; Adoration at Our Lady of Lourdes the night before, Confession before the last session, and Eucharist shortly after. The Lord loved me so much that He made straight my paths right before I stood before my sisters with a heart that was now READY AND WILLING.
“You, eternal trinity, are a deep sea. The more I enter you, the more I discover, and the more I discover, the more I seek you.”- St. Catherine of Siena
Amen.
The Narrow Gate
This is a reflection on the calling to be a missionary. This reflection is meant for those discerning for Full Time Pastoral Work.
God’s call for you is very unique. It is how the Lord calls. It is very personal to you. Ordinary to others, extraordinary to you. The more you reflect on it, the more you realize how the Lord has moved the universe in all its precision and accuracy to capture your attention.
That is how much the Lord knows you. He will pluck the right chords to capture your attention.
Your calling is like passing through the narrow gate (Matthew 7:13-14), it is narrow because the opening that leads to life is meant for you. Distractions abound and the gate to other things is wide open, but it is only when you pass the narrow gate will the call will bring you to life.
How is God calling you? How is God using the things that you find awesome and life changing, but ordinary to others?
Lord, may I be sensitive to Your call for me. Like Mama Mary, let me answer You with my full yes. Amen.
Home.
With the amount of times that I’ve had to travel within an eighteen month time frame, most people would assume that I no longer suffer from homesickness. The past three trips (2009, 2012, 2013a) have been by myself; the shortest trip lasting 8 weeks and the longest lasting 6 months. Most people base their judgement on my social media posts and are probably thinking, “Dang, she is living the life.”
Well, reality check: I still suffer from homesickness. I still feel somewhat lost even though I’ve revisited Place A, B and C more than a handful of times. I still feel out of place in a room full of old friends and the nausea that accompanies displacement is very much real.
All those things still exist. Even now. Even when my family is here with me. We all haven’t been together in a very, very long time. Dad’s had to work out of town for the past 2 years and my brother’s had to live away at Waterloo ever since he started his Undergrad. And me, well…..I’ve been traveling to PH.
A few days into our family trip here, I was still feeling so bothered. My temper kept getting the best of me. I grew impatient and volatile. I couldn’t understand it. Shouldn’t my family have cushioned the hypothetical “emotional blow” that always hit me during my trips? Shouldn’t the weird jumble of emotions have stopped because I was with my loved ones? The anger and frustration drained me so much that one night, I decided to just leave the group. The innermost depths of me was craving for something. I didn’t know what that something was, but what I did know was that going to God wouldn’t leave me any more desolate than I already was. So I looked for a church.
I ended up at Sto. Rosario. I got through confession. I kneeled at the Adoration Chapel. I sat through Mass and received Holy Eucharist. And you know what? For the first time I felt good. Not just ice-cream-on-a-hot-sunny-day good, but ‘passing my final exam with flying colours and making the honour roll’ kinda good. I was a fish out of water that suddenly found my way back to the water. I could breathe again.
As I contemplated at the Adoration Chapel I was reminded of a promise I made to Him during the SFC precon praisefest. It just so happened to my birthday too. I told God that I was willing to finally give Him the one part of me that I hadn’t let go of yet- a very specific piece of my heart that was put on reserve. I didn’t have the strength to fight that fourteen year battle any more. It took me that long to surrender. That day He said to me, “Exodus 14:14, my beloved. Do not forget. I will fight for you, you need only to be still.
In the presence of the Eucharist and in front of the altar, I felt God whisper me to me, “Therese, my dearest Therese. You silly stubborn girl. Remember what you offered at the foot of my cross weeks ago? Remember that you promised me you’d finally give that last piece to me? Home is where the heart is and yours just so happens to be with me. It’s safe. It’s in my hands now. I’m happy that you finally found your back. My child, right now at this very moment …you are home. I’ve been waiting.”
All the puzzle pieces fit.
It all made sense.
I felt this sudden rush of peace, of final certainty.
Everything in this world is temporary. Even my family. But God, God is infinite. God is timeless, boundless and endless. I am made to stand in His presence, to bask in the love that is always present in His house.
Father, I’m coming home.
Amen.
Ora Et Labora
Every 4:45 in the morning, regardless of where he has been and what he has done the night before, would wake up and open his bible. He would sit up from the couch he loved to sleep on, do the sign of the cross, and be silent in his prayers for the next 15-20 minutes. After that, he would dress up for his morning jog and be back after 30 minutes to either do weights or play basketball outside his house. He would then shower and eat his breakfast which his wife prepared. Pray over his kids right before he left, then work hard until noon. Every lunch time when the siren signalling noon would sound off, he would make his way home riding a tricycle for 5 minutes and he would have his lunch, turn on the tv and then watch his favorite noon-time show Eat Bulaga. He would laugh for a bit then turn it off after a few minutes. He would take his afternoon nap for 15 minutes, then take another shower before he would make his way back to work. From 1pm til 5pm, in fact it would usually be til 7pm because he liked to work over time. He worked hard because it not only provided for his family, but he felt loyalty for the company that provided work for his father too ,which also provided for his family while growing up. He would come home, talk to his kids and wife, eat his dinner with his family, then he would be off to an activity for Couples For Christ almost every night. If he was home, he would turn on the tv, watch some news or basketball depending on which was on. But more often than not, he was at an activity with Couples For Christ. This whole regimen happened during weekdays and weekends. Though for weekends his overtime at work would only be during the first half of the morning, because he would usually spend noon til 3pm with his family at a mall then go home to play basketball. A CFC activity would be his schedule right after. On Sundays, mass would take priority; he would go to work right after to clock in work as much as he can before he would go home right in time for lunch with his family at a mall. Then be back home by 3pm for his weekend basketball usually with his son. Then off to another CFC activity.
Rain or shine, sick or healthy, whether he felt like it or not – his daily regimen was followed to the T. Morning prayers set the tone which gave direction to his day, to his work. For him, it was ora et labora, Saint Benedict’s motto, to pray and work. Nothing fazed him. For him prayer was everything, and work was his prayer. It provided him a means to support his family, and also provided him a means to do his mission work in Couples For Christ. He kept the tenth of his wage, the other tenth was for God, the other eighty percent was for his family. With the tenth that he had, he would still give it to the Church and to whomever borrowed money from him for some emergency.
Even when he was struck down with cancer, his regimen did not change. Prayers in the morning, work in between, then CFC later in the day. It was only when he was bed-ridden, that he was limited to only his prayers. Since work was no longer possible. His last breath was spent affirming a youth leader for CFC for doing her work in the ministry of CFC-Youth For Christ. He lived, worked, and breathed his prayers into life.
I am proud to call this man my father! His prayers moved him to work, his work became his prayer!
So how do you honor a man who was all about prayer and work, by turning prayer to work and work to prayer, by becoming a missionary.
Happy birthday Pa!
May the mission I undertake for the God you served, produce more people like you.
PS. My Father would have been 57 today. If you read this, please do offer a prayer for him.
This reflection is also cross posted on my own blog: http://www.kevinmuico.com/2013/07/10/oraetlabor/
Falling in love all over again
I am falling in love.
Madly, deeply and truly.
Falling in love for the first time is enchanting; you are finally at the mountain top, your expedition has brought you to the ultimate treasure trove, you finally found yourself a pair of Jordan Grape 5’s after a relentless search at every Foot Locker in the area……. (shoeholics, you understand). But, falling in love for the second time has a different effect. It’s intoxicating and euphoric, almost to the point of delusion. Falling in love for the second time is better because this time, you have something to compare it to. This time it’s even better than what you imagined.
This is how I feel about my relationship with God, but more specifically the Holy Eucharist.
I grew up in an extremely Catholic home, went to an extremely religious school (Animo La Salle!) and have been part of the Couples for Christ community since 1991. But those things became irrelevant once I moved to Canada and had to orient myself to North American culture. I had to act differently, talk differently and be different in every facet of my life. It came as no surprise that the repressed Catholic girl in me lashed out once the opportunity presented itself.
After having gone through a hiatus in the middle of my CFC-Youth life and immersing myself in all things “worldy” within that time, the Lord graced me with a second chance. A second chance to do things right- not because I had to and was taught to do so, but because I made a conscious decision. A choice where I willingly allowed God to enter my life again despite my unworthiness. And I’m glad I did.
How could I have not noticed the magnificence and splendor that is the Eucharist? How could I have not seen the importance of receiving it and preparing my body to be a temple for Him to dwell in? How could I have ignored so many homilies and feigned ignorance over his Word? How could I have overlooked every moment where God was literally and tangibly offering himself to me?
I could go and on about all the things I did wrong the first time, but what’s the point? That part of my life is gone and I can never take back what I did and didn’t do. Instead, I’m allowing myself to just bask in His glory, bask in His presence and take in every minute detail every time he reveals Himself to me. God, with all His power and greatness, chooses to make himself available to me and to us everyday through mass and adoration. Imagine that. A love so pure, so tender, so sincere that he chose to be vulnerable; He came down from heaven and offered all that He is through His son and ultimately through the Eucharist.
There is no excuse in the world valid enough to deny God through the denial of Holy Eucharist. Everything that we do, day in and day out, is it not to find love, feel love and receive love? His arms are spread wide open ready to embrace us and give us all this.
All we have to do is step inside His house.
Is that what you really want?
When you spend every waking hour with 20+ other CFC-Youth members for a three- week period the normal conference high quadruples. You never really come off the mountain experience you’re feeding off of each other’s vibes. We all came with different service backgrounds but what we shared was this search for God in a land foreign to us. Our pathways all merged into some sort of Lord of the Rings quest thus making the journey less tiring. So when the time came that I had to leave my tightly sealed and sheltered CFC-Youth pack to transition back to my regular Philippines environment, I really felt displaced.
Right after the two week World Great Adventure Tour, I went on a five day excursion with my childhood friends to Iloilo, Guimaras and Boracay. Halfway through our trip we stopped by this Trappist monastery. It was part of the day tour and to be honest with all the changes that kept happening I really needed to find myself in something familiar. A church seemed like the best option. Now I’ve entered dozens of churches here in the Philippines and the beauty each one holds always takes my breath away. But there was something different about this one.
As soon as I entered through the gates, my tear ducts hit some sort of overdrive. Something caught my throat and my chest tightened up. Something was tugging at my heartstrings, and it wasn’t being very gentle. All throughout the year I’ve felt God playing hide and seek with me. The moments that He decides to make His presence felt always catch me off guard and I can’t help but feel as if some hypothetical suckerpunch comes flying at me. Ultimate silence filled my head while my heart was being flooded with a million and one different emotions spurred by nothing.
Then out of nowhere, I felt God asking me in the most casual tone:
“What do you really want? I’m not asking you what you think I think you want. I’m asking you to tell me what the desires in your heart are. Of course I know them. I know what will bring you happiness, but I need you to vocalize what YOU want…what you FEEL you deserve to have in your life.”
It was probably one of the most humbling moments throughout this trip. There’s a difference between giving an answer because you know it’s the textbook sample, and giving an authentic, sincere heartfelt reply. He knows what I want, of course he does. Some of the things I’ve been asking for are more than a decade old. But there I was being asked to take centre stage. Would I ask for the same thing knowing that this time He was initiating instead? Was I really sure about what I wanted? I just pictured God smiling down at me, encouraging me to ask for my desires with full confidence.
Before walking back to join my friends for the rest of the tour, I walked over to where the candles for petition were. I took five candles and as I lit one for every prayer I felt myself getting lighter. It was an act of unpacking my emotional luggage. I realized that gaining peace through God would happen as a culmination of reaching different checkpoints. This was one of them. I looked at my five candles, let out an exasperated sigh and confidently muttered Psalm 37:4……
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”