Reminded.

Today ends my 5 day trip to New York City. Time well spent with family. It’s been years, eight to be exact, since I last saw my aunt’s family who lives in New York City. This was planned way before I actually went for Full TIme Pastoral Work, that my family already booked their work off since last year.

Right before the trip, I already had doubts concerning its timing considering its right in the middle of the True North Conference season preparation. But now as I travel back to GTA and catch up with all the things that have been happening since I left, I am reminded of that this trip was the reason why I am in the mission in the first place.

I am called to be a missionary – a family evangelizer – through the community of Couples for a serving in its youth ministry, CFC-Youth. God called me to answering the call of the vision of CFC of families in the Holy Spirit renewing the face of the earth and take a very active part in it. While my calling takes me far away from my own family who lives in Calgary, and I am based in the Greater Toronto Area. I must never lose sight that the mission of building the Church of the home always starts and ends in my own home. It is through them that God called me to mission work, it is through them that I draw strength in mission, it is through them that my own intentions are purified, it is through them that my inspiration is placed upon. It is through them that my missionary zeal and passion is tested. It is through them that my faith, hope, and joy is tested; and more importantly affirmed.

As I go back to Canada, which is a few hours away, I take away with me a renewed conviction and affirmation that I am in the right path. When I said YES to the Lord, I did not only say yes to the renewal of families I will be serving – but more importantly, I also said to the renewal of my own family.

Come Holy Spirit, renew the face of the earth. Come Holy Spirit.

Happy 32nd Anniversary Couples For Christ!

True Riches

In 2008 I went on my first mission trip.

I went to the Philippines to help build homes for the poor. I was so excited. It was my opportunity to give hope and joy. It was my opportunity to save them from their situations.

But after a long day of mixing cement and carrying hollow blocks – tiring and back-aching work, the beneficiaries invited us to daily Mass. And, even with the little they had, I saw them give what they could to the Church. And that’s when I understood. My expectations were wrong. The people I was helping, the beneficiaries of the future homes who built alongside me, they weren’t looking for a saviour. I wasn’t going to swoop into the slums and save them from poverty. I wasn’t going to be the bringer of joy into their lives.

Though they were poor materially, they understood what true riches are. The materially poor know that they are poor. They strive and work towards a better life. But those who do not know God are ignorant of what they’re missing out on. Those who refuse to seek the face of God, who refuse to do His works – they will never see the kingdom of heaven. They may have the riches of this world, but lose out on the riches of eternity.

I couldn’t help save them because they didn’t need saving. They needed help to build their homes. They already had a Saviour.

The Three Apostles

Yesterday I found myself in the Oratory of Saint Joseph in Montreal. A year after I said yes to becoming a Mission Volunteer, a month after I became a Full Time Pastoral Worker  – finally ticking off all the major areas where CFC-Youth is present in Canada. And while the whole basilica is beautiful inside and out with amazing architecture, art, and history on it’s side plus the Holy Eucharist being inside it; you can never really go wrong. And while the hundreds of pilgrims were doing there thing, I found myself glued to three fixtures that were grouped together. It was the three statues of Saints Jude Thaddeus, Mathias, and Peter.

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For the longest time, I’ve had an affinity to these three apostles. In fact, it’s safe to say that they have been my friends since day one.

Saint Jude

Saint Jude Thaddeus, the forgotten apostle, because his name was close to that of the traitor is in fact the patron of hopeless causes. Out of the three he was the latest I befriended, but had an immediate click with. He found me at the time when I was preparing for my licensure examination for Chemical Engineering in Manila. I had to cram 5 years worth of knowledge, formulas, concepts in Math, Chemistry, and Chemical Engineering in 6 months for a three day exam – I deemed it impossible. Doubt, laziness and a host of other things crept up that led me to breaking down quite a few times before and during the exam. But praise God, Saint Jude prayed for me and I passed. In the bigger picture, I do consider myself a hopeless and lost cause. Yet here I am, a missionary for one of the biggest lay organizations of the Catholic Church.

Saint Mathias

Saint Mathias was the outsider who found himself cast into the inner group. When Judas was gone, they needed somebody to fill in his place – and in a stroke of luck (literally, his name was casted from a lot of a hundred or so), he became part of the twelve. Being the non-canadian for the first batch of Mission Volunteers in Canada, and the only non-canadian trainee for full time pastoral work from Canada – one can say that I am in fact an outsider. Me being a Mission Volunteer was not in my plans when I moved here, but through God’s grace and calling – I’ve taken a step further in Full Time Pastoral Work.

Saint Peter

Saint Peter, the rock, was not whom Jesus loved the most. In fact the gospels say that it was St. John whom Jesus loved the most. Saint Peter was the one who loved Jesus the most. He was the first one who would always jump out into the water to meet the Lord even if it meant walking on water and almost drowning. He was the one who wanted to serve the Lord first in all things, but he was also the first one to deny him – he did so three times in one instance. But the Lord did not give up on him, he in fact was called to something greater – to be the rock of the Church – our first pope. More often than not, I have denied the One whom I love the most – yet still He calls me. He still loves me and gives me more chances than I deserve. 

The Three Apostles

I could go on and on about how I can relate to these apostles, but the amazing thing is that they were grouped together somewhere in a church thousands of miles from where I was born. And to see them together, praying for me all this time brings me to tears and above all – amazed that God loves me so much to take three of His best to pray for me and lead me to where I am.

They all went to the ends of the world to proclaim the Risen King, and here I am in Montreal – the last of the big mission areas of Canada that I haven’t been to an affirmation of the mission in the Three Apostles.

Saints Jude Thaddeus, Mathias, and Peter, Pray for us. Amen.

 

Is that what you really want?

When you spend every waking hour with 20+ other CFC-Youth members for a three- week period the normal conference high quadruples.  You never really come off the mountain experience you’re feeding off of each other’s vibes. We all came with different service backgrounds but what we shared was this search for God in a land foreign to us. Our pathways all merged into some sort of Lord of the Rings quest thus making the journey less tiring. So when the time came that I had to leave my tightly sealed and sheltered CFC-Youth pack to transition back to my regular Philippines environment, I really felt displaced.

Right after the two week World Great Adventure Tour, I went on a five day excursion with my childhood friends to Iloilo, Guimaras and Boracay. Halfway through our trip we stopped by this Trappist monastery. It was part of the day tour and to be honest with all the changes that kept happening I really needed to find myself in something familiar. A church seemed like the best option. Now I’ve entered dozens of churches here in the Philippines and the beauty each one holds always takes my breath away. But there was something different about this one.

As soon as I entered through the gates, my tear ducts hit some sort of overdrive. Something caught my throat and my chest tightened up. Something was tugging at my heartstrings, and it wasn’t being very gentle. All throughout the year I’ve felt God playing hide and seek with me. The moments that He decides to make His presence felt always catch me off guard and I can’t help but feel as if some hypothetical suckerpunch comes flying at me. Ultimate silence filled my head while my heart was being flooded with a million and one different emotions spurred by nothing.

Then out of nowhere, I felt God asking me in the most casual tone:

“What do you really want? I’m not asking you what you think I think you want. I’m asking you to tell me what the desires in your heart are. Of course I know them. I know what will bring you happiness, but I need you to vocalize what YOU want…what you FEEL you deserve to have in your life.”

It was probably one of the most humbling moments throughout this trip. There’s a difference between giving an answer because you know it’s the textbook sample, and giving an authentic, sincere heartfelt reply. He knows what I want, of course he does. Some of the things I’ve been asking for are more than a decade old. But there I was being asked to take centre stage. Would I ask for the same thing knowing that this time He was initiating instead? Was I really sure about what I wanted? I just pictured God smiling down at me, encouraging me to ask for my desires with full confidence.

Before walking back to join my friends for the rest of the tour, I walked over to where the candles for petition were. I took five candles and as I lit one for every prayer I felt myself getting lighter. It was an act of unpacking my emotional luggage. I realized that gaining peace through God would happen as a culmination of reaching different checkpoints. This was one of them. I looked at my five candles, let out an exasperated sigh and confidently muttered Psalm 37:4……

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Comfort

My first five days in the Philippines were extremely uncomfortable. Since arriving in the last week of March, I had to adjust to a lot of things other than the time difference. I had to adjust to continuously sweating, being hot and sticky all the time. I had to adjust to the conditions of the places that I stayed at, whether it be a home with no shower, a room with no air conditioning or no wifi connection. I had to force myself not to complain and whine about these things because even a single “Ugh, it’s soooo hot”, can distract the heart of why we are here: To celebrate and experience Jesus Christ as a Youth For Christ.

Our discomfort or unwillingness to be uncomfortable can impede the call to mission work. God doesn’t call us to be comfortable in this world. He calls us beyond our comfort, because there is still work to be done. God calls us because there is a need, and that need might not be what you like, or what you’re comfortable with. He calls when we are vulnerable, and scared, because the only way to do His work is to do it with full reliance on His power and strength.

I thank God for this time here in the Philippines, and the revelations He has shown me so far.

Uncomfortably Comfortable

To finally be living the dream is an awe-inspiring thing. When the Lord of the universe has made sense to the past 25 years of my life. Today I am living the dream, training for the best job in the world – a full time pastoral worker for CFC-Youth. I came into the training with high hopes and confidence that the Lord has truly prepared me for the task ahead. Having been in the community for the past 15 years, I thought I had the means and know how in order to deal with whatever training had in store for me.

Lo and behold, I am humbled by the very fact that God’s plan for me is greater than my own prideful outlook of myself. 12 days into the training, I am reminded that I know nothing, own nothing, and can bring nothing to the table that will compare to what God has brought forth ever since time began. A much needed reality check that God has called better and greater people to the mission before, today, and for sure – tomorrow. I am but a humble servant responding because of an unwavering and unconditional love that He has blessed me with.

A state of being uncomfortable is where I am at because the call entails transformation of being worthy of that very call and love. God is slowly and surely chipping away at hindrances that cause me stumble, and cause others to stumble because of me. He has redirected my direction from a “me” driven path to a path pointed to Him alone. And while each day is a struggle of clawing, crawling and limping my way towards the One who called – it is a very beautiful struggle. I am comforted by the fact that it is Him who put me here. That it is Him who is with me every step of the way.