Mission – Page 2 – True North Missionaries Journal

Were Not Our Hearts Burning

After almost a year’s worth of meetings – some monthly, some weekly, some daily, some were even hourly – and a year’s worth of preparation, physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and spiritually; #IgniteTNC2014 is finally done.

When we started planning for the 20th True North Conference, a lot of us Full Time Pastoral Workers (FTPWs) were thinking the same thing, I think we bit off more than we can chew. We were combining two ministries, CFC- Youth and Singles For Christ. Have 2/3 days combined and the other day separate from one another. And because it is the 20th year anniversary for both ministries here in Canada, we wanted to be grand about it.

We wanted sessions that showed the history of God’s faithfulness through the years but at the same time looking forward to the next 20 years and more. We wanted more competitions so everybody can enjoy themselves. We wanted workshops that really equipped the participants to go out into the world and bear the good news that Christ has risen. We wanted a set design that matched the massive celebration that we were planning. For us, it was go big or go home.

For all its worth, in my personal opinion, it went above and beyond that. Yet the whole conference went by so quickly. For those who went, and for those who joined us via livestream would also agree. I arrived in Vancouver on July 1. A significant time before the conference itself, yet now as I’m leaving to go back to Toronto, it feels like it was just yesterday.

I’m still trying to process the whole experience, which is a year’s worth, but here is a reflection on the only picture I took the entire weekend.

When we were still trying to figure out the logo design – it took us forever to finalize one. We wanted a logo that would transcend time but at the same time speak of this significant moment of CFC-Youth and SFC Canada.

This logo came out.

Designed by Canada's First FTPW, Butch Baria — Designed by Canada’s First FTPW, Butch Baria

We were floored by its simplicity and transcending beauty. A heart that was aflame from the love of God. To put it simply, it was perfect.

Of course, turning this into a proper set design would be quite a task. For the most part, I think the Logistics Team hated us for wanting a free standing logo that towered over everything, which lit up and flickered like a flame. But when they were finally able to piece the huge thing together (S/O to Theo, Genesis and Tito Edwin Rigor), it looked amazing.

But the logo stands testament to what everybody has felt (and still feels up to this moment) during the duration of the conference – and for the year-long preparation that it took.

Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us? – Luke 24:32

This scene comes to mind, Luke 24:32. When the disciples suddenly realize that it was Jesus who was resurrected from the dead that they were talking to all along. They thought he was dead with a certain finality. Yet he was more than alive. His presence set their hearts on fire. They knew he was alive because of that experience.

To those of us who have been in the community since the early years up until now, don’t our hearts burn after every worship, after every camp, every household, every CLP, every gathering we have whether it is a fellowship or something as big as a conference. Isn’t that a reminder that Jesus indeed walks with us in all the things we do specially in the community.

While the Ignite True North Conference is done, every moment that our hearts burned for the days that led up to it, during the entirety of the TNC, and the days the after – our hearts are truly ignited and burning for the Lord because He was, is, and forever will be with us.

United as one we will go forth. Ignited to the ends of the Earth. So let the Fire fall.

Crown of Creation

This past weekend I attended ‘Princess Diaries‘ that Toronto SFC hosted for all the sisters. I was excited to just be a participant and not have to worry about serving. But then a week before the event, Renee, the GTA West Head asked me if I could lead the Praisefest for Saturday night. And you know what happened that whole week before the event? PANIC.

I was so mentally drained from trying to figure out the dynamics of a worship, the order of the songs, the prayers that go before the songs, the appropriate songs, the transitions, and everything else in between. On Friday morning I reached some point of mental desperation and just exasperatedly told God that he really should have chosen someone else.

———————
To understand this more let’s look at the three desires planted in every woman’s heart:

a) the desire to be romanced
b) the desire to play an irreplaceable role in an adventure
c) the desire to unveil beauty

Those desires are often misunderstood which is why a lot of sisters end up broken. We turn to the wrong sources to fill the void. I myself sought those desires out in multiple people, ~~men~~ boys who had no other agenda other than to fulfill their own desires.

Fifteen minutes before the session ended (New Heartbeats) He granted me the grace and wisdom to finally see all the pieces come together. And when it finally sank in, I could not contain the peace, joy and love that was pouring out of my own heart!

He said,

“My dearest Therese. These desires are not something to be afraid of. Do not deny yourself these desires because each one will lead you closer to me. Do you not already know that every movement in your heart is known to me? I fashioned that very thing that beats inside of you. Unite it with my sacred heart and will understand better the plans I have for you, as woman.”

THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED, I placed in you so that you will come to me in Adoration. I will embrace every part of you in the silence. Come to me, and I will pour myself out to you. Do not be afraid to glance out at me for I long to look out at your face. Each time you come, the heavens rejoice. This is where you belong, this is where you are meant to be- here with me. My beloved I have waited for you and you are finally here! Have FAITH that I am here.

THE DESIRE TO PLAY AN IRREPLACEABLE ROLE, I placed in you so that you will come to the House of Worship and receive me in the Holy Eucharist. Come to me exactly as you are. You say to me, Lord but I am broken, battered, shattered. And His reply: “But I NEED YOU. YES, YOU.” From the moment you receive me on your tongue you become the ultimate living tabernacle and you are NO longer broken, battered, shattered. I pour out my Holy Spirit within you, and my love which is far more precious than gold will bind you back together. There will always be HOPE.

THE DESIRE TO UNVEIL BEAUTY, I placed in you so that you will come to me in Confession. No sin you’ve committed, no sin that you are committing, no sin that you will commit can ever be too much for my cross. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman who humbles herself and acknowledges her weaknesses and limitations. All those layers you choose to hide behind, the masks you choose to wear around you will all be washed away. In every single instance, you come out as clean and pure just as I intended for you to be. I meet you with nothing but LOVE.

Wow. Praise the Lord. I could not contain myself in that tiny little seat. The Lord fulfilled ALL THOSE DESIRES in me within the past 24hrs! He granted me my trinity run; Adoration at Our Lady of Lourdes the night before, Confession before the last session, and Eucharist shortly after. The Lord loved me so much that He made straight my paths right before I stood before my sisters with a heart that was now READY AND WILLING.

“You, eternal trinity, are a deep sea. The more I enter you, the more I discover, and the more I discover, the more I seek you.”- St. Catherine of Siena

Amen.

3/52: Balance

There is so much to be thankful for, I’m sure I don’t have to present the laundry list of blessings we all receive on a daily basis! What I will comment on is how we often we tend to complain and stress over them. I am guilty of this =(

Maybe we’re feeling overwhelmed. Maybe we’re doubting our capabilities. Maybe things are piling up and we’re beginning to get anxious about all that is expected of us. We spend so much time worrying about the tasks as opposed to doing them that we get lost in the mix. How can we even begin to serve our Lord, if already at the start we’re hindered?

I’ve come to be reminded that BALANCE is key. If we are at an imbalance in our lives, how do we plan on tackling all of our tasks and responsibilities? How can we properly share our Lord’s message? How can we remain firm and steadfast to win the race?

More important than reevaluating our priorities is PRAYER! Prayer is what offsets all those tasks we have to take care of. And if we’ve got a lot of things to do then that also means we’ve got a lot of praying to do! It is through prayer that we receive the graces to handle such things, that allows us to centre ourselves in Christ, and gives us the freedom to rest in the Lord after a long day’s work. Prayer, both, grounds us in our faith but it also motivates us into action!

Mother Teresa once said,

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”

Let us balance our lives with prayer and realize how much of a blessing each day is. Let us be good stewards of our time, talent and treasure and make the most of each day for our Lord. Let us not bog ourselves down with worry or anxiety or complaint and realize our Lord walks with us daily, therefore is with us every step of the way. Let us begin…

Tears of Consolation

Engaging in Mission begins by seeing it from the foot of the Cross.

“The Lord will fight for you, you have only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14
“She kept all these things, pondering them in her heart” – Luke 2:19
“May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy.” – Psalm 126

Last weekend, CFC-Youth Montreal’s Area Core had their year planning. It was the first time ever that this was conducted over a weekend instead of just one day and this made a difference. With more time to not only plan but to properly recollect to in truly discerning the leading for the Area, small region big dreams were really sifted out in full detail into a very deliberate plan that left us – both incoming and outgoing leaders- not the “typical” empowered at the end of a praisefest, but in tears.

What kind of tears were these? Were they sad or happy tears? There was something about these tears that were different, so different that both Ellen and I had to process in private afterwards… They were neither. They were tears of resolve after contemplating the many difficulties (no CCs, no programs heads) up ahead. The same type I’m sure Mother Mary felt in her heart standing at the foot of the cross in seeing every detail of It (wood, size, colour) and of Jesus’ pain and suffering (crown of thorns, thirst-dried lips, wounds). There is no doubt that she felt the deepest anguish, pain, and helplessness. Yet, she never buckled down and stood by Him until the very end.

For many different reasons, if we see service as a Cross,(e.g. lack of CCs, demotivated leaders, etc.) God never wants us to be standing in the crowd watching It. We will slowly become part of the jeerers, demanding that Jesus reveals Himself (“save yourself!”) to us in order to believe and move. He wants us standing so close to the Cross that we will immediately see and recognize that It is also ours. And with renewed resolve, we must pick it up, carry it through our personal road to cavalry to where we will be moved again in meeting Christ on His cross.

(prayer): Jesus, we are deeply moved by your loving sacrifice. Let the tears we shed in our Mission of spreading the Good News lead us to true resolve, a place where we acknowledge that laying down our lives out of love for you is our only consolation and way to everlasting joy.

The Narrow Gate

This is a reflection on the calling to be a missionary. This reflection is meant for those discerning for Full Time Pastoral Work.

God’s call for you is very unique. It is how the Lord calls. It is very personal to you. Ordinary to others, extraordinary to you. The more you reflect on it, the more you realize how the Lord has moved the universe in all its precision and accuracy to capture your attention.

That is how much the Lord knows you. He will pluck the right chords to capture your attention.

Your calling is like passing through the narrow gate (Matthew 7:13-14), it is narrow because the opening that leads to life is meant for you. Distractions abound and the gate to other things is wide open, but it is only when you pass the narrow gate will the call will bring you to life.

How is God calling you? How is God using the things that you find awesome and life changing, but ordinary to others?

Lord, may I be sensitive to Your call for me. Like Mama Mary, let me answer You with my full yes. Amen.

Home.

With the amount of times that I’ve had to travel within an eighteen month time frame, most people would assume that I no longer suffer from homesickness. The past three trips (2009, 2012, 2013a) have been by myself; the shortest trip lasting 8 weeks and the longest lasting 6 months. Most people base their judgement on my social media posts and are probably thinking, “Dang, she is living the life.”

Well, reality check: I still suffer from homesickness. I still feel somewhat lost even though I’ve revisited Place A, B and C more than a handful of times. I still feel out of place in a room full of old friends and the nausea that accompanies displacement is very much real.

All those things still exist. Even now. Even when my family is here with me. We all haven’t been together in a very, very long time. Dad’s had to work out of town for the past 2 years and my brother’s had to live away at Waterloo ever since he started his Undergrad. And me, well…..I’ve been traveling to PH.

A few days into our family trip here, I was still feeling so bothered. My temper kept getting the best of me. I grew impatient and volatile. I couldn’t understand it. Shouldn’t my family have cushioned the hypothetical “emotional blow” that always hit me during my trips? Shouldn’t the weird jumble of emotions have stopped because I was with my loved ones? The anger and frustration drained me so much that one night, I decided to just leave the group. The innermost depths of me was craving for something. I didn’t know what that something was, but what I did know was that going to God wouldn’t leave me any more desolate than I already was. So I looked for a church.

I ended up at Sto. Rosario. I got through confession. I kneeled at the Adoration Chapel. I sat through Mass and received Holy Eucharist. And you know what? For the first time I felt good. Not just ice-cream-on-a-hot-sunny-day good, but ‘passing my final exam with flying colours and making the honour roll’ kinda good. I was a fish out of water that suddenly found my way back to the water. I could breathe again.

As I contemplated at the Adoration Chapel I was reminded of a promise I made to Him during the SFC precon praisefest. It just so happened to my birthday too. I told God that I was willing to finally give Him the one part of me that I hadn’t let go of yet- a very specific piece of my heart that was put on reserve. I didn’t have the strength to fight that fourteen year battle any more. It took me that long to surrender. That day He said to me, “Exodus 14:14, my beloved. Do not forget. I will fight for you, you need only to be still.

In the presence of the Eucharist and in front of the altar, I felt God whisper me to me, “Therese, my dearest Therese. You silly stubborn girl. Remember what you offered at the foot of my cross weeks ago? Remember that you promised me you’d finally give that last piece to me? Home is where the heart is and yours just so happens to be with me. It’s safe. It’s in my hands now. I’m happy that you finally found your back. My child, right now at this very moment …you are home. I’ve been waiting.”

All the puzzle pieces fit.
It all made sense.
I felt this sudden rush of peace, of final certainty.

Everything in this world is temporary. Even my family. But God, God is infinite. God is timeless, boundless and endless. I am made to stand in His presence, to bask in the love that is always present in His house.

Father, I’m coming home.
Amen.

Ora Et Labora

Every 4:45 in the morning, regardless of where he has been and what he has done the night before, would wake up and open his bible. He would sit up from the couch he loved to sleep on, do the sign of the cross, and be silent in his prayers for the next 15-20 minutes. After that, he would dress up for his morning jog and be back after 30 minutes to either do weights or play basketball outside his house. He would then shower and eat his breakfast which his wife prepared. Pray over his kids right before he left, then work hard until noon. Every lunch time when the siren signalling noon would sound off, he would make his way home riding a tricycle for 5 minutes and he would have his lunch, turn on the tv and then watch his favorite noon-time show Eat Bulaga. He would laugh for a bit then turn it off after a few minutes. He would take his afternoon nap for 15 minutes, then take another shower before he would make his way back to work. From 1pm til 5pm, in fact it would usually be til 7pm because he liked to work over time. He worked hard because it not only provided for his family, but he felt loyalty for the company that provided work for his father too ,which also provided for his family while growing up. He would come home, talk to his kids and wife, eat his dinner with his family, then he would be off to an activity for Couples For Christ almost every night. If he was home, he would turn on the tv, watch some news or basketball depending on which was on. But more often than not, he was at an activity with Couples For Christ. This whole regimen happened during weekdays and weekends. Though for weekends his overtime at work would only be during the first half of the morning, because he would usually spend noon til 3pm with his family at a mall then go home to play basketball. A CFC activity would be his schedule right after. On Sundays, mass would take priority; he would go to work right after to clock in work as much as he can before he would go home right in time for lunch with his family at a mall. Then be back home by 3pm for his weekend basketball usually with his son. Then off to another CFC activity.

Rain or shine, sick or healthy, whether he felt like it or not – his daily regimen was followed to the T. Morning prayers set the tone which gave direction to his day, to his work. For him, it was ora et labora, Saint Benedict’s motto, to pray and work. Nothing fazed him. For him prayer was everything, and work was his prayer. It provided him a means to support his family, and also provided him a means to do his mission work in Couples For Christ. He kept the tenth of his wage, the other tenth was for God, the other eighty percent was for his family. With the tenth that he had, he would still give it to the Church and to whomever borrowed money from him for some emergency.

Even when he was struck down with cancer, his regimen did not change. Prayers in the morning, work in between, then CFC later in the day. It was only when he was bed-ridden, that he was limited to only his prayers. Since work was no longer possible. His last breath was spent affirming a youth leader for CFC for doing her work in the ministry of CFC-Youth For Christ. He lived, worked, and breathed his prayers into life.

I am proud to call this man my father! His prayers moved him to work, his work became his prayer!

So how do you honor a man who was all about prayer and work, by turning prayer to work and work to prayer, by becoming a missionary.

Happy birthday Pa!

May the mission I undertake for the God you served, produce more people like you.

PS. My Father would have been 57 today. If you read this, please do offer a prayer for him.

This reflection is also cross posted on my own blog: http://www.kevinmuico.com/2013/07/10/oraetlabor/