Tag: Faith

Come to the Feast

What is so beautiful about the Catholic faith to you?

Many times I find myself at home in the community of Couples for Christ. I find it in our assemblies, our meetings, in the early morning wake up calls to worship. But Couples for Christ isn’t my home. My home is in the Catholic Church.

There is a line in the song “Table of Plenty” that goes: Come and sit at my table, where saints and sinners are friends. I wait to welcome the lost and lonely, to share the cup of my love.

And that is what’s so beautiful to me. Everyday I am better and better for my God, but that just means that years ago I was a sucky person. But God loves me the same at my best as at my worst. When I falter and fail Him, He still loves me. He still welcomes me. He still wants me. Even if I’m a moody, antisocial guest in His house, He still invites me to His table. He still wants me to join in the feast.

Laudetur Jesus Christus. In aeternum.

The Three Apostles

Yesterday I found myself in the Oratory of Saint Joseph in Montreal. A year after I said yes to becoming a Mission Volunteer, a month after I became a Full Time Pastoral Worker  – finally ticking off all the major areas where CFC-Youth is present in Canada. And while the whole basilica is beautiful inside and out with amazing architecture, art, and history on it’s side plus the Holy Eucharist being inside it; you can never really go wrong. And while the hundreds of pilgrims were doing there thing, I found myself glued to three fixtures that were grouped together. It was the three statues of Saints Jude Thaddeus, Mathias, and Peter.

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For the longest time, I’ve had an affinity to these three apostles. In fact, it’s safe to say that they have been my friends since day one.

Saint Jude

Saint Jude Thaddeus, the forgotten apostle, because his name was close to that of the traitor is in fact the patron of hopeless causes. Out of the three he was the latest I befriended, but had an immediate click with. He found me at the time when I was preparing for my licensure examination for Chemical Engineering in Manila. I had to cram 5 years worth of knowledge, formulas, concepts in Math, Chemistry, and Chemical Engineering in 6 months for a three day exam – I deemed it impossible. Doubt, laziness and a host of other things crept up that led me to breaking down quite a few times before and during the exam. But praise God, Saint Jude prayed for me and I passed. In the bigger picture, I do consider myself a hopeless and lost cause. Yet here I am, a missionary for one of the biggest lay organizations of the Catholic Church.

Saint Mathias

Saint Mathias was the outsider who found himself cast into the inner group. When Judas was gone, they needed somebody to fill in his place – and in a stroke of luck (literally, his name was casted from a lot of a hundred or so), he became part of the twelve. Being the non-canadian for the first batch of Mission Volunteers in Canada, and the only non-canadian trainee for full time pastoral work from Canada – one can say that I am in fact an outsider. Me being a Mission Volunteer was not in my plans when I moved here, but through God’s grace and calling – I’ve taken a step further in Full Time Pastoral Work.

Saint Peter

Saint Peter, the rock, was not whom Jesus loved the most. In fact the gospels say that it was St. John whom Jesus loved the most. Saint Peter was the one who loved Jesus the most. He was the first one who would always jump out into the water to meet the Lord even if it meant walking on water and almost drowning. He was the one who wanted to serve the Lord first in all things, but he was also the first one to deny him – he did so three times in one instance. But the Lord did not give up on him, he in fact was called to something greater – to be the rock of the Church – our first pope. More often than not, I have denied the One whom I love the most – yet still He calls me. He still loves me and gives me more chances than I deserve. 

The Three Apostles

I could go on and on about how I can relate to these apostles, but the amazing thing is that they were grouped together somewhere in a church thousands of miles from where I was born. And to see them together, praying for me all this time brings me to tears and above all – amazed that God loves me so much to take three of His best to pray for me and lead me to where I am.

They all went to the ends of the world to proclaim the Risen King, and here I am in Montreal – the last of the big mission areas of Canada that I haven’t been to an affirmation of the mission in the Three Apostles.

Saints Jude Thaddeus, Mathias, and Peter, Pray for us. Amen.

 

Is that what you really want?

When you spend every waking hour with 20+ other CFC-Youth members for a three- week period the normal conference high quadruples.  You never really come off the mountain experience you’re feeding off of each other’s vibes. We all came with different service backgrounds but what we shared was this search for God in a land foreign to us. Our pathways all merged into some sort of Lord of the Rings quest thus making the journey less tiring. So when the time came that I had to leave my tightly sealed and sheltered CFC-Youth pack to transition back to my regular Philippines environment, I really felt displaced.

Right after the two week World Great Adventure Tour, I went on a five day excursion with my childhood friends to Iloilo, Guimaras and Boracay. Halfway through our trip we stopped by this Trappist monastery. It was part of the day tour and to be honest with all the changes that kept happening I really needed to find myself in something familiar. A church seemed like the best option. Now I’ve entered dozens of churches here in the Philippines and the beauty each one holds always takes my breath away. But there was something different about this one.

As soon as I entered through the gates, my tear ducts hit some sort of overdrive. Something caught my throat and my chest tightened up. Something was tugging at my heartstrings, and it wasn’t being very gentle. All throughout the year I’ve felt God playing hide and seek with me. The moments that He decides to make His presence felt always catch me off guard and I can’t help but feel as if some hypothetical suckerpunch comes flying at me. Ultimate silence filled my head while my heart was being flooded with a million and one different emotions spurred by nothing.

Then out of nowhere, I felt God asking me in the most casual tone:

“What do you really want? I’m not asking you what you think I think you want. I’m asking you to tell me what the desires in your heart are. Of course I know them. I know what will bring you happiness, but I need you to vocalize what YOU want…what you FEEL you deserve to have in your life.”

It was probably one of the most humbling moments throughout this trip. There’s a difference between giving an answer because you know it’s the textbook sample, and giving an authentic, sincere heartfelt reply. He knows what I want, of course he does. Some of the things I’ve been asking for are more than a decade old. But there I was being asked to take centre stage. Would I ask for the same thing knowing that this time He was initiating instead? Was I really sure about what I wanted? I just pictured God smiling down at me, encouraging me to ask for my desires with full confidence.

Before walking back to join my friends for the rest of the tour, I walked over to where the candles for petition were. I took five candles and as I lit one for every prayer I felt myself getting lighter. It was an act of unpacking my emotional luggage. I realized that gaining peace through God would happen as a culmination of reaching different checkpoints. This was one of them. I looked at my five candles, let out an exasperated sigh and confidently muttered Psalm 37:4……

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Prayer, Patience, Perseverance

per·se·ver·ance [pur-suh-veer-uhns]
noun

  • steady. persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
  • Theology . continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

I’ve tried to live by three P’s: prayer, patience, perseverance. We have to be constant in our prayer life, always seeking out God’s guidance in the things we hope for. We have to be patient and sensitive to the spirit so that we can discover what it is the Lord is asking of us or telling us. We have to persevere in our faith, especially as young people because this world seeks to destroy our relationship with God. A sister from Australia, who I just met this year, put it in the simplest way: when you go through dryness, the next thing that comes after is thirst. So it is with Christ, that when we experience a spiritual desert of sorts, we should be so thirsty for God that we will do what it takes to find His oasis of abounding grace.

With that said, I know that as a person I can be pretty persistent, especially with the things I want. How fitting is it, that about a week and a half ago I came across a saint who lived through perseverance. I purchased this rosary at a St. Paul’s in Gateway after the Global Leaders Summit. Ever since discovering my roots with St. Therese of Lisieux last year, roses have been a very significant aspect of my faith journey with the Lord. I saw a silver rosary covered in roses, and I didn’t even think twice about buying it.

That same week, some pretty heavy news reached me. It involved someone very close to my heart and the severity of the situation really shook me. I was in the middle of a 2 week pilgrimage all across the Philippines and my travel itinerary left little room for flexibility. This was someone who was a big part of my life. I felt so vulnerable, so helpless and so stuck. Words were all I could offer. I couldn’t physically give them the comfort they needed nor could I do anything to take away the pain or the burden that this person felt. It was beyond any of my abilities.

My heart shared in the pain, and I couldn’t help but cry out of helplessness. What else could I do at this moment but pray? Pray for this person and pray that the Lord would give me the strength to deal with this person’s struggles.

Truthfully, I can tell you that never have I ever prayed the rosary with such sincerity. As I recited the words muffled by my tears, I could just sense Mother Mary embracing me and holding me in her arms. Her presence was so strong that I knew she was interceding for me right at that very moment. Two voices speaking the same prayer work wonders, because eventually the situation became less turbulent and less urgent. It was then that I realized that it wasn’t my love for this person that could save them, rather it is my love for God and my belief in his love for me that will bring that person the peace and comfort they seek.

“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”- Exodus 14:14

I looked closer at my new rosary and discovered the mark of St. Rita. Her arrival in my life speaks of nothing but God’s great timing.

At a very young age, St. Rita was forced into an arranged marriage to a man who was never good to her. She endured his insults, physical abuse and infidelities for many years, but was persistent in her marriage. She continued to pray for for him for the next eighteen years. Eventually her husband experienced conversion and sought forgiveness through the Church. He was murdered shortly after. Her two sons wanted to avenge their father’s brutal death and vowed never to stop until they brought justice to their family. St. Rita was scared of what her sons were plotting to do, so she lifted up their lives to God. Both sons died later that year due to natural causes. She wanted to enter the convent late in life and was denied multiple times. Eventually, she was accepted, but as a test of her faith and loyalty to the monastic life, her mother superior asked her to tend a dead stick and plant it. Out of obedience she did just that, and after one year of nurturing it the stick grew leaves and became a bountiful grape vine. It has almost been 600 years since St. Rita plated that stick, yet it remains fruitful! So much so that it even produces wine for the Pope.

There is no doubt in my mind that God brought St. Rita, the Patroness of Hopeless Cases, to me at this time of my life. The situation I was presented with before seemed so impossible and so out of my reach that I almost gave up. If anyone could understand what it’s like to pray for something so fervently and with so much intensity, it’s her. She is my role model; she affirms me that the time and effort I’ve been putting in my prayer for someone’s conversion will not go to waste. I should remain faithful to His promise and believe the Lord’s presence is very much alive in my relationship. So it is with the love I carry in my heart that I remain hopeful in prayer, patient in affliction, and persistent in my petitions.

State of Grace

Yesterday I had the privilege to witness Jak Jak and his classmates receive the Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist for their first time. It was so beautiful to see little children so excited to receive Jesus. The young boys were dressed up in suits (Jak in a barong), and the little girls dressed in small wedding gowns. Witnessing this answered a question I’ve been battling with for quite some time: “what is the proper disposition when receiving the Holy Eucharist?”

Ever since I learned there was a difference in the gravity of sin (venial, being the lighter sins and mortal being very grave, causing spiritual death), I’ve always found it hard to discern if I’m in the right state to receive our Lord. After confessing my sins to a priest one time, I mentioned to him how horrible and sorrowful I felt about the mortal sin I committed. He then asked “did you do it our of weakness or spite for God?” I told him that it was definitely out of weakness. He then assured me that since it was out of weakness and I tried my best to avoid the sin and that I was sorrowful and contrite for having offended God, he said that it was venial and not mortal. I thought that this would provide clarity to my understanding but actually I realize now that I haven’t stopped questioning my disposition. However, yesterday cleared it all up for me leaving no room for doubt.

Yesterday taught me very clearly that I must be as pure as a child receiving his/her first communion when I discern if I’m in the right disposition to receive it myself. In my discernment, if I feel that I’m not as pure as a child such as Jak Jak and his classmates, then I am not in the right state of heart to receive our Lord. Moments before receiving Jesus Christ, I shouldn’t be battling with my conscience. If I’m in the proper state, then I should be as excited as a child receiving the Eucharist for the first time. The children yesterday were not hampered with their conscience, but were simply ready and excited to receive our Lord. Naturally, my next question was “how do I become as pure as a child receiving our Lord for the first time?” The Holy Spirit immediately reminded me of Reconciliation.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation makes us pure as babies and white as snow. Given, of course, that we have a good confession, that we confess ALL sins and we are truly sorry and plan to change our ways because of His Love. Basically, to make a good confession and “repent and believe in the Gospel” (Mark 1:15). After receiving absolution, we are truly as innocent as children again.

Let us be like Jak Jak and his classmates and have that child-like faith when receiving our Lord. May we always be filled with excitement and joy, and truly recognize that loving, real presence of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist.

Heavenly Father, thank you for giving us the most precious gift in existence, Your Body and Blood for the sanctification of our souls. May we always be in the right disposition when receiving You, and give You all honour, glory, and reverence that you deserve, to dwell in a temple untainted. Help us to not make excuses when receiving You, Holy of Holies, but that we may have a good Confession to clear our conscience and purify our hearts. I am truly sorry for the times I have received You in the state of mortal sin. Most grievous sinner am I! Thank You for Your mercy in Confession. I love You, Lord. Please always have mercy on me, and by Your body and blood, may I be sanctified to make Your loving presence in this world more apparent to all. Amen.

In Her Heart

This Lent was the best so far. Well, I don’t mean that other Lents were any less in quality (that would be silly to think), I mean, it was the best for me personally because I have never opened my heart so much before. However, yes, it was my most fruitful experience so far, but I did still fall. I did still break my fast from time to time and of course, I did allow my fallen nature to get the best of me and sinned, more than I hoped not to.

Overall, my lenten journey was a lot more personal. I didn’t really discuss it with others because I tried keeping it intimate with my Lord. I experienced many beautiful things, grown in many ways, and saw God clearer (especially in my struggles). Like Mary, I really made a conscious effort to treasure all these things in my heart.

During Easter Sunday Mass, I was filled with so much joy, so much that I almost came to tears during the readings and especially when we sang “Alleluia!”. It was such a beautiful and intimate experience with my Jesus. I probably would’ve lept all over the place if God did not give me the grace to keep my composure. I expressed my joy by simply saying to others “happy Easter” with a genuine smile.

How beautiful and wonderful it is to treasure joy and every experience with God in our hearts. It is like a wellspring of life overflowing, flourishing with the endless living waters of His graces. His Holy Spirit so alive in us, purifying from the inside out, revitalizing the mind, body, and soul. His treasure in us is His real presence, making our hearts a garden, deepening our roots in Him.

Thank You Lord for all that You are. I praise and magnify You oh God. I pray that all the treasure in my heart may remain, grow, and be added unto, so much that it continues to expand my heart. I cannot truly describe the abundance, but Lord I find comfort in giving You my heart always, for that is where my treasure is also. You are my treasure. Amen.

March 4, 2013

Witnessing naturally follows obedience, just as charity naturally follows faith. The obedience of faith leads to the witnessing of charity. To be obedient in faith is to put ourself in the position to be found, to be entered into, to be pursued, to be embraced, to be encountered and loved by Jesus Christ. To be obedient to God is to allow His Holy Spirit to dwell, transform, and animate us. The Blessed Virgin Mary is the perfect example of this. Through her obedience, Jesus Christ was conceived in her by the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus literally came to her. Mary truly loves us because of how present the Lord is in her.

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In a very real and mystical way, when we are obedient to God, Jesus comes to us and the Holy Spirit dwells, transforms, and animates us. We become more like Him. We can only pray that we may love our neighbour with Christ in us, just as Mary does.

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True obedience is the dying to one’s self (Phil. 2:8). This is why it’s the hardest thing for me to do. The more I reflect on obedience, the more I realize how disobedient I actually am because of my refusal to die to self. I am very selfish and of little faith and in many areas of my life I am blind and ignorant.

Maybe I am blind and ignorant because a part of me wants to stay this way. Maybe a part of me is scared of the light because it would reveal the true darkness in my life. This journey towards holiness is very illuminating. I mean, this journey has definitely illuminated by mind and my knowledge has increased about the faith, but more so, it has made clearer to me my sinfulness.

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Lord, I am a sinner. My sins are as numerous as the stars. Daily, I sin because of my thoughts and words, in what I’ve done, and what I’ve failed to do. Lord, have mercy!

As I continue my lenten journey, oh Lord, please be gracious and merciful to me. Please give me the grace to have true sorrow for my sins and the resolve to sin no more. Increase my faith in You oh God, help me to be obedient so that You can simply do Your will through me. Help me to let go and to lose my life for Your sake. Come to me, Jesus, make haste to help me. Amen.

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us.