Eucharist – True North Missionaries Journal

Wednes-dates

Since the beginning of this year, as part of my personal journey to be truly Christ-centered, one of the things I set out to do was go to adoration more. It is a practice that I only really started to appreciate and grow in last year. One of the moments that really hit me was the realization that daily mass and exposition of the Blessed Sacrament isn’t readily available in some areas as it is for many of us here in the Greater Toronto Area. I took for granted the opportunities to attend mass every single day. That’s an opportunity to literally encounter Christ in the Body, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

Even though I may not have attended daily mass, I still had the opportunity to encounter Christ on a given day through adoration. On campus I could have gone to the Catholic chaplaincy where the Lord was present in the tabernacle. Once I was home more, I became aware of how my local parish of St. Issac Jogues had the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament after the 7:30am mass right up until the 7:00pm mass every Wednesday. If I am home doing “nothing”, then I have no excuse as to why I can’t find 1 hour of my day to go visit Jesus. So since January, I make it a point to go every Wednesday I possibly can, my weekly date with Jesus, my Wednes-dates.

What is Eucharistic Adoration?

It is where you adore and worship Christ who is present through the Eucharist. This can be done where the Blessed Sacrament is exposed and held in a monstrance (refer to blog title photo), or when the Eucharist is present in a tabernacle.

What do you do at adoration?

This is always something I struggled with at first. Do I pray? Am I allowed to ask for things? If I’m done praying do I sit in silence… my mind runs a million miles an hour so I have all these thoughts flooding my brain, so I guess I’m not doing it right?!?!

Well there’s no one “perfect” way of adoring the Lord. First and foremost you are there to adore and worship Christ in the splendid glory of his Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity. Personally I start by prostrating before the Blessed Sacrament before entering a pew or sitting on a chair. I like to kneel majority of the time, but it is perfectly fine if you sit. Do what makes you comfortable and what is within your physical capabilities. However I think it is important that you remain aware of your posture as you are before the Lord.

If you are unsure what to do, you can get an adoration guide which has a series of prayers and reflections you can do. Again personally I start by acknowledging God and meditating upon the mysteries of the rosary. I like to do the rosary at the beginning because I ask Our Lady’s intercession to help guide me closer to her Son, Jesus, and from there I have my conversation (thanksgiving, petitions, general prayers, rants…). I sometimes take the time to journal and reflect.

The hardest part, but I think a crucial part, is also to take the time in silence. To try and listen to what God may be trying to tell you. It’s hard especially when you don’t know how to listen in the silence. Many people are uncomfortable in the silence, myself included at times. But I challenge myself to sit and listen. If I hear nothing or feel nothing, at the very least I know I am spending time in the presence of God and that alone is enough.

How long do I have to stay?

You don’t “have” to do anything. No-one is forcing you. The best part about going to adoration on your own is that it’s on your time and at your pace. There’s no check-point that say you should have completed 5 Our Father’s, 7 Glory Be’s, figure out your entire life purpose and solve global warming within 5minutes or else you’re doing it wrong. You could spend hours in adoration and still leave without any answers. I think what is important again is your posture through it all. Generally speaking, if you practice Holy Hour, which is spending 1 hour before the Blessed Sacrament, you are granted plenary indulgence.

I spend at least 1 hour because of what Jesus said during the agony in the garden of Gethsemane,

Then he came to the disciples and found them sleeping; and he said to Peter, “So, could you not stay awake with me one hour?” – Matt. 26:40

However I can easily spend over 2hours if I’m lost in contemplative prayer. I could just as easily only spend 15minutes if I realize I am running late for something but still wanted to stop in and say “Hi” to Jesus.

Why go to adoration?

Honestly, I don’t know if there are any hard and fast mandatory rules about having to go to adoration from the Catholic Church. I do know that what makes Eucharist adoration different is that it is a personal form of worship. Whereas celebrating a mass is a communal form of worship. We are called to grow both communally and personally. I believe Pope Saint John Paul II has some beautiful writings about it. I myself am still growing and learning.

I personally go to adoration because it is where Christ is. How can anyone develop a relationship with someone if you never take the time to see them? Sure things like long distance relationships exist, but if you had the opportunity to see your significant other and never take the time, then don’t be surprised if your significant other cuts you out of their life. I mean similarly, we can pray to God anywhere and anytime, but that’s just like long distance communication. When I go to adoration, I am meeting my significant other face to face. Christ will always be my constant out of all relationships I ever have and will always be significant, whether I choose to acknowledge it or not. However if I choose to keep away from God, then how can our relationship develop and grow? How can God reveal the plans He has for me? How will I know His love for me, even in the hardest of times when I do not feel his presence?

Adoration is where I come face to face with Jesus, and I am able to grow in agape love.

Does it work?

Yes. In God’s timing. All my prayers, heart aches, trials and tribulations, hopes and dreams – from this past year alone I can see a definite increase in how God is working with me, in me and for me. It’s not to say you go to adoration, pray to win the lottery and wake up a millionaire (although, hey, always worth the shot… lol) Rather after dedication and constantly going to adoration I can see how God has changed me and is still continuously working on me. My prayers are being answered in His perfect timing (even though sometimes I may not like the waiting part) but because I know that He is taking care of me, it allows me to hope and for my faith to be made stronger.

In Christ,

Meagan Webb

Blessed To Be Broken

Sometimes I wonder was it ever necessary for me to experience all my sins – and all the aches it has caused. Today was one of those days.

I look at my life, and I began to imagine – what if I made all the right decisions in life? Wouldn’t life be much better now? Without the all the pain, guilt, and scars?

I guess the biggest thing would be the pain I’ve caused other people, directly and indirectly. They would have been much better off sans the pain I’ve caused them.

Today was the same day God answered those questions. He put me to focus on these words at mass.

While they were at supper He took the bread, and gave you thanks and praise. He broke the bread, gave it to his disciples and said, take this all of you and eat it: this is my Body which will be given up for you.”

I’ve always wondered why there was a need for the priest to have a big host when he would just end up breaking it and just consume a small part of it. He could have used the normal host, the ones the congregation usually receives. It’s much more practical and efficient that way.

Now, it makes much more sense, a bread that is too big for one to consume that it must be broken, so that others may also be blessed to partake in it. This is how God intended the Eucharist. The breaking of Himself so that others may live. This is how God gave himself through the cross, so that we may have life everlasting.

But how about me, I am not God. Whenever I am broken, I am just divided into more insignificant pieces. Yet this is where God comes in. He uses our brokenness and fills it up with His wholeness. This is the economy of God. Where one’s insignificance brings about an infinite value to those who gets to know our witness.

Through God, our test becomes our testimony. Our mess, becomes a message. Our trials to triumph. And above all, victims of sin into victors over sin.

Want more proof? Look at today’s first reading, that is the same Saul who would later be named Paul. One of the greatest Apostles of Christ was once its greatest persecutor.

St. Paul, pray for us that we may accept the mercy of God that is unwavering, encompassing, and overflowing. Amen.

Crown of Creation

This past weekend I attended ‘Princess Diaries‘ that Toronto SFC hosted for all the sisters. I was excited to just be a participant and not have to worry about serving. But then a week before the event, Renee, the GTA West Head asked me if I could lead the Praisefest for Saturday night. And you know what happened that whole week before the event? PANIC.

I was so mentally drained from trying to figure out the dynamics of a worship, the order of the songs, the prayers that go before the songs, the appropriate songs, the transitions, and everything else in between. On Friday morning I reached some point of mental desperation and just exasperatedly told God that he really should have chosen someone else.

———————
To understand this more let’s look at the three desires planted in every woman’s heart:

a) the desire to be romanced
b) the desire to play an irreplaceable role in an adventure
c) the desire to unveil beauty

Those desires are often misunderstood which is why a lot of sisters end up broken. We turn to the wrong sources to fill the void. I myself sought those desires out in multiple people, ~~men~~ boys who had no other agenda other than to fulfill their own desires.

Fifteen minutes before the session ended (New Heartbeats) He granted me the grace and wisdom to finally see all the pieces come together. And when it finally sank in, I could not contain the peace, joy and love that was pouring out of my own heart!

He said,

“My dearest Therese. These desires are not something to be afraid of. Do not deny yourself these desires because each one will lead you closer to me. Do you not already know that every movement in your heart is known to me? I fashioned that very thing that beats inside of you. Unite it with my sacred heart and will understand better the plans I have for you, as woman.”

THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED, I placed in you so that you will come to me in Adoration. I will embrace every part of you in the silence. Come to me, and I will pour myself out to you. Do not be afraid to glance out at me for I long to look out at your face. Each time you come, the heavens rejoice. This is where you belong, this is where you are meant to be- here with me. My beloved I have waited for you and you are finally here! Have FAITH that I am here.

THE DESIRE TO PLAY AN IRREPLACEABLE ROLE, I placed in you so that you will come to the House of Worship and receive me in the Holy Eucharist. Come to me exactly as you are. You say to me, Lord but I am broken, battered, shattered. And His reply: “But I NEED YOU. YES, YOU.” From the moment you receive me on your tongue you become the ultimate living tabernacle and you are NO longer broken, battered, shattered. I pour out my Holy Spirit within you, and my love which is far more precious than gold will bind you back together. There will always be HOPE.

THE DESIRE TO UNVEIL BEAUTY, I placed in you so that you will come to me in Confession. No sin you’ve committed, no sin that you are committing, no sin that you will commit can ever be too much for my cross. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman who humbles herself and acknowledges her weaknesses and limitations. All those layers you choose to hide behind, the masks you choose to wear around you will all be washed away. In every single instance, you come out as clean and pure just as I intended for you to be. I meet you with nothing but LOVE.

Wow. Praise the Lord. I could not contain myself in that tiny little seat. The Lord fulfilled ALL THOSE DESIRES in me within the past 24hrs! He granted me my trinity run; Adoration at Our Lady of Lourdes the night before, Confession before the last session, and Eucharist shortly after. The Lord loved me so much that He made straight my paths right before I stood before my sisters with a heart that was now READY AND WILLING.

“You, eternal trinity, are a deep sea. The more I enter you, the more I discover, and the more I discover, the more I seek you.”- St. Catherine of Siena

Amen.

On Track

Whenever I feel like I’m deviating from the person God wants me to be, I reflect on the beatitudes and virtues to help guide me to be on the right track again.

The beatitudes beautifully describe the character of Jesus. Striving to embody the beatitudes is a practical way of becoming more like Jesus Christ. You can find the list of beatitudes in Matthew 5:3-12.

Meditating on the virtues is important for me as well. They are the benchmarks of living a holy life. It’s good to reflect on the theological (faith, hope, charity) and cardinal (temperance, prudence, justice, fortitude) virtues. I always ask myself “where am I in terms of the virtues? Have I made progress? Where do I lack? How is God helping me to grow in them?” I have found that thinking about the virtues often helps me to advance in them daily.

My hope at the end of ever year is to able to think back at the start of the year and be able to say I’m not the same person. Not because of where I live, or the new responsibilities I have, but because I have grown in the beatitudes and virtues. I have grown to be more like Christ.

I must add, that reflecting on the beatitudes and virtues is a good way to get back on track. However, the best and surest way, and the first place to start is always Confession. For me, availing of this Sacrament is essential because I am a sinner, and I sin every day. Confession reconciles us back to God. We must always start with our relationship with Him and rely fully on His graces. Without His grace we can do nothing. It’s His grace that helps us grow in the virtues and forms us in the beatitudes—and essentially—into the person of His Son, Jesus Christ, in Mary our Mother.

Grace! Mercy! Love! Mercy keeps the door open to the fullness of God’s love and graces to be superabundantly poured into our hearts. Let us be merciful so that God will show the same mercy.

Start with God. Make sure there is nothing in the way of your relationship with Him. Let His merciful Love embrace and make everything new. Love Him first and the rest will follow 🙂 We don’t need to wait for the new year or even for an extravagant event to happen in our lives. He is waiting for us in Confession to forgive us of those sins that have been hindering our relationship with Him. He is thirsting for us in the Eucharist to give us Himself, and to sanctify our lives!

To be on track is not about “doing me” but about “being me,” and I can only be myself if I look to the One who knew me even before I was born and Who knit me in my mother’s womb. Who knows when I sit and when I stand and Who has prepared a place for me in Heaven.

Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. Jesus, I trust in you. Amen.

P.S. A good indicator that we are growing in the beatitudes and virtues is if our lives are bearing the fruits of the Holy Spirit which are “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

Zion.

I just came from Hillsong United’s Zion concert, and it had a very profound effect on me. It was something unexpected for sure. Having been listening to Hillsong for most of my YFC life, it’s hard not to dream that one day you’ll worship with the band who actually made the songs. And they did not disappoint, the lights were on point, the songs sounded like they came off a CD played on loud speakers, they sang some of their old songs and of course their new songs. If I was in the same concert 5 years ago, I would’ve easily said that this was the best experience of my life. But tonight, everything about it was off.

I understand that Hillsong is a different church altogether, that I had to do the sign of the cross myself when they started and ended. I knew that, and I was okay with that. In one of their first few songs however, I found myself crying, not because of the song being sung – which was musically beautiful by the way – but because there was a real longing and realization of the truth.

I cried not because it was a song I would play when I wanted to be in prayer, but because today was a Tuesday. Tuesday is the one day of the week that I go to Adoration, Confession, and Mass aside from my Sunday obligation. I cried because I thought I made the better decision in spending my Tuesday night in Hamilton with thousands to “worship” The Lord, only to realize I left The Lord at the altar waiting for me for our weekly date. You see, I realized that though worship is beautiful and should be done, it fails in comparison to the actual presence of God in the blessed Sacrament. To actually behold Him in adoration, to be reunited with Him in confession, and to be offered Him in the Eucharist. No amount of jumping up and down can compare to being with the real presence of Jesus in the blessed Sacrament.

The Eucharist is the source and summit of the Christian life. – CCC 1324

The mountain upon which the City of God is built is called Zion. But its source and summit will always be the Eucharist.

And I say this with complete confidence because I say this in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

And let all the people say, Amen.

This blog is originally hosted on my personal blog at http://www.kevinmuico.com/2013/11/13/zion/

Thankfulness

I find that when I’m thankful, I’m loving. When I’m unthankful, I’m unloving. For me, it’s hard to receive and love the best I can without first being full of thanksgiving.

Before I went to the Philippines for training, I took a lot for granted. My weakness was being able to love and be loved. Though I was in a very loving community and came from a very loving family, still, my heart was not truly, genuinely, loving. It was because I was ungrateful. The most important lesson I learned from immersing for three months in the Philippines, training to be a full-time lay missionary, was how to be thankful.

I was so used to a comfortable life. I was two years into my career as a Graphic/Web Designer and made enough to be independent and comfortable. Also, I was now making money for doing something I did for fun. In a worldly sense, I was fulfilled, but I wasn’t truly thankful. The material abundance in my life distracted me from being thankful for the invisible things: relationships, virtues, grace, …love. Being a leader in the community I served, I was more focused on production and results rather than building relationships. I mean, I had a good relationship with my household and a few others here and there, but I was selective, and that’s the farthest it went. I settled for mediocre relationships so that it wouldn’t be so hard. I thought that investing in people wasn’t worth the sacrifices I would have to make on my end. It would mean less time for me and the things I wanted in life.

Despite all of this and my hardened heart, the Lord was still so faithful. He still inspired holy inclinations and desires within me. He still gave me the grace to follow Him and draw closer to Him. He still affirmed me of His love even in the midst of my sinfulness. He led me to discern to give my life to him as a lay missionary, and He gave me the grace to answer His call. It would take another post to share how faithful He was throughout my discernment, but let’s just say that He never stopped knocking at my door. He never stopped affirming me of His love, and He never stopped forgiving me of my sins. This only led my heart to be opened to Him more and more. I found myself so caught up in Him, so much that I was compelled to say YES to fully surrender to Him and allow Him to use me fully.

I encountered Jesus in a way never before when I immersed in the Philippines. Last time I visited was for a family vacation 6 years prior to my return. However, this time around I was there for mission and I encountered Jesus like never before in the poor. My most profound experience was when I stayed at an ANCOP village for three days. I will never forget the family I stayed with, the youth I met, the kids I played with, and the generosity they showed me. They humbly taught me what’s truly important in life, and that’s simply Love. Love in it’s most real and raw form. The message continued all throughout my time in the Philippines, and the Lord blessed my heart so much.

The more I surrendered, the more I was blessed. And that is still the case now, now that I’ve been two years living this life as His missionary. He has blessed me, my family, and all my relationships all the more, and He has pruned my life so that it could bear even more fruit. It has been the most challenging, beautiful struggle, but I can rest assured it’s the path of holiness He’s set me on. It’s the path that is leading me closer to Him and the salvation of my soul.

My brothers and sisters, let’s always be thankful …and joyful! We have Christ in our hearts. We are His Church. We are part of a communion of saints with multitudes upon multitudes praying for us. We have His Sacraments. We have His real presence in the Holy Eucharist. What more could we ask for?

Eucharist means “thanksgiving”. When we receive Jesus, we are filled with thanksgiving! To live a Eucharistic life is to live a life of thanksgiving, believing that God has given everything we need (and more), and most especially the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ.

He has blessed us in superabundance, overflowing so that we can share the blessings! How can we not be thankful?

Thankfulness helps us to focus on what has already been given rather than what we want. Thus, it helps us focus on the Lord through the people and everything He’s given in our lives. Even if we’re very sinful, we can still be very thankful. Being thankful simplifies our desires—it helps us to desire and see only Him in everyone and everything.

Lord Jesus Christ, giver of all that is good, thank You for my life. In all my shortcomings and weaknesses, please help me to always be thankful. Thank you for all the people that I share this life with. Thank you for providing for all my temporal needs as a lay missionary. Most of all, thank You for the fullness of Your Love and Your graces! With these I will be rich enough and desire nothing more. Amen.

Home.

With the amount of times that I’ve had to travel within an eighteen month time frame, most people would assume that I no longer suffer from homesickness. The past three trips (2009, 2012, 2013a) have been by myself; the shortest trip lasting 8 weeks and the longest lasting 6 months. Most people base their judgement on my social media posts and are probably thinking, “Dang, she is living the life.”

Well, reality check: I still suffer from homesickness. I still feel somewhat lost even though I’ve revisited Place A, B and C more than a handful of times. I still feel out of place in a room full of old friends and the nausea that accompanies displacement is very much real.

All those things still exist. Even now. Even when my family is here with me. We all haven’t been together in a very, very long time. Dad’s had to work out of town for the past 2 years and my brother’s had to live away at Waterloo ever since he started his Undergrad. And me, well…..I’ve been traveling to PH.

A few days into our family trip here, I was still feeling so bothered. My temper kept getting the best of me. I grew impatient and volatile. I couldn’t understand it. Shouldn’t my family have cushioned the hypothetical “emotional blow” that always hit me during my trips? Shouldn’t the weird jumble of emotions have stopped because I was with my loved ones? The anger and frustration drained me so much that one night, I decided to just leave the group. The innermost depths of me was craving for something. I didn’t know what that something was, but what I did know was that going to God wouldn’t leave me any more desolate than I already was. So I looked for a church.

I ended up at Sto. Rosario. I got through confession. I kneeled at the Adoration Chapel. I sat through Mass and received Holy Eucharist. And you know what? For the first time I felt good. Not just ice-cream-on-a-hot-sunny-day good, but ‘passing my final exam with flying colours and making the honour roll’ kinda good. I was a fish out of water that suddenly found my way back to the water. I could breathe again.

As I contemplated at the Adoration Chapel I was reminded of a promise I made to Him during the SFC precon praisefest. It just so happened to my birthday too. I told God that I was willing to finally give Him the one part of me that I hadn’t let go of yet- a very specific piece of my heart that was put on reserve. I didn’t have the strength to fight that fourteen year battle any more. It took me that long to surrender. That day He said to me, “Exodus 14:14, my beloved. Do not forget. I will fight for you, you need only to be still.

In the presence of the Eucharist and in front of the altar, I felt God whisper me to me, “Therese, my dearest Therese. You silly stubborn girl. Remember what you offered at the foot of my cross weeks ago? Remember that you promised me you’d finally give that last piece to me? Home is where the heart is and yours just so happens to be with me. It’s safe. It’s in my hands now. I’m happy that you finally found your back. My child, right now at this very moment …you are home. I’ve been waiting.”

All the puzzle pieces fit.
It all made sense.
I felt this sudden rush of peace, of final certainty.

Everything in this world is temporary. Even my family. But God, God is infinite. God is timeless, boundless and endless. I am made to stand in His presence, to bask in the love that is always present in His house.

Father, I’m coming home.
Amen.