I trust you.
“… The Lord remembered her. She conceived” – 1 Samuel: 1:20
The past two First Readings have been from the first Book of Samuel, and have made us journey with an extremely unhappy and scorned woman named Hannah. The deepest desire of her heart was to conceive a son. In fact, in few but bitterly (10) cried out words, she expresses this out to God. She is not alone in the temple. Although misunderstanding her (“drunk” is her appearance to him), Eli’s curt response in seeing her weeping can be read as a two-fold in meaning: “Sober up.” (14)
An evaluation of my trust. How confident am I in God’s unwavering willingness to hear and answer my prayers? Admittedly, I do start to doubt when I ask: Is He even moved by my misery? Or did He actually forget me me? (11) Even if the only person present in my midst every day is not God but Eli the priest sitting on a chair, do I still strive to live without appearing downtrodden or downcast? (18) I am reminded that my trust in Him is deepened through conscious building of my relationship with Him. For this Hannah teaches me, that for one, all my deepest desires are to be offered directly to Him (not the “Eli” in the room). Second, when I can’t see Him clearly (through my crying or anything that blinds me) that I must “vow” (11) to live faithfully what He is asking me to do now fully accepting His authority in this way:
Simply. I praise God because even if He doesn’t say it, He knows my heart (desires, sorrows, miseries). Simply. I give thanks because he does answer prayers: In His time, He did give Hannah and Elkanah a son (Samuel, was his name). Simply. I must confess my tendency to put Him second in turning to others first rather than Him directly. Simply. I ask for the grace to trust His strength rather than my own.
A most “Dangerous Prayer” passed down by Bishop Dowd: Holy Spirit, I give you permission to work in my life the way that you want.