Pierced

It was approximately a year ago that a friend suggested that I look at this one specific apparition of Mary called, The Seven Sorrows. My first reaction, and only reaction at that time was to acknowledge his suggestion, but to be honest I never really bothered to look deeper into it.

With that in mind I find it extremely ironic how in two weeks time, I will be performing with a creative team which will highlight all seven sorrows. It will act as the prologue for the entire CFC Eastern Conference and open up all the sessions. I remember agreeing to do the creative before finding out I’d be taking on the role of Mother Mary- what a surprise that was!

We had our first run through last Friday and I don’t think anything could have prepared me for that day. At that point I thought I was ready. It didn’t hit me that I would actually be required to do more than the dance moves- I had to act, no I had to be Mother Mary. But how could I do that when I felt so inadequate, so unqualified to embody the greatest woman to ever grace this earth?

The director, Tita Lilet stopped us at Sorrow #6, Jesus is taken down from the Cross, the famous scene of the ‘Pieta’:

Silent were the lips that once comforted so many, closed were the eyes that once looked so lovingly upon the children of men. In great sorrow Mary received the body of her Son, holding Him close to her heart as she had once cradled Him at Bethlehem.

I had about two minutes to get myself together before she would make us redo the scene. Two to go deeper within myself and figure out how a mother would feel the moment she realized that someone who used to be a part of her (literally) was gone- lifeless, still, never to come back. Tita Lilet wanted me to wail, to cry, to show SOME type of agony. But how?

In that moment, I drew myself in and whispered a prayer.

“Mother Mary, I can’t do this all by myself. I know absolutely nothing. I think the only way this will work is for you to take a sword from your Immaculate Heart and pierce it in mine. Amen.”

In about ten seconds, all I could feel was my chest close up, my eyes burn hot with tears, and a huge wave of ten different emotions rush in me. Suddenly all my energy and attention was focused on CJ lying still (the dancer playing Jesus). I knew he wasn’t really dead but why did my heart ache so much as if he was? Tears came all too easily at this point. How could so much pain be contained in one tiny person?

Two brothers motioned to take CJ away from me and in that instant a maternal instinct of sorts clicked somewhere deep inside me and all I could think of was how I could not, WOULD NOT let them. They ended up having to pry my hand away from him (haha). It was as if all the truths I had ever known in my lifetime were taken away from me and I was left with nothing else but agony.

Mother full of grace, Virgin most faithful, refuge of sinners, comforter of the afflicted…how little we are in comparison to your love for Christ! I thank God for that day and for this creative because until now I don’t think I really understood Mary at all. To live through seven swords simultaneously piercing the most tender parts of your heart is really something worth beholding. Only Mary could have tolerated that. No one else would do.

“I will whatever you will: I will all because you will it. I will all things to be as you wish them; I will them as long as you will them. Lord enlighten my understanding, inflame my will, purify my heart and sanctify my soul.”