True North Missionaries Journal

Every day that I go to work, I am affirmed that I am called to be there to be a light of Christ to my co-workers. I have actually seen Christ in the most unexpected ways, and in people I didn’t expect I would see Christ in.

There is so much negativity in my office, and I try to best I can to respond in the most positive way possible and pray for my coworkers who are clearly in a dark place in their lives.

In the past year that I have been here, I have taught one person how to pray the rosary, inspired one person to read a daily devotional to increase her faith in the Lord, and taught someone to be grateful for each day and all small things. I was always afraid to tell people I would pray for them, but now I actually do it, and I actually feel okay. It’s empowering to see how the Holy Spirit has worked through me to bring people towards Christ…in my workplace!

This experience and acknowledging that God is using me, has not only encouraged me to be a better Christian and model of love, but it has allowed me to be more forgiving towards my manager who gossips about me sometimes. It has allowed encouraged me to focus on the positive, instead of dwelling in the negative. I have learned to be more understanding of others, rather than assume or expect things from others. I can honestly say that working here, though I am surrounded by so much negativity every day, has encouraged me to be a better Christian. I truly Praise God for this.

If you try your best, God will take care of the rest.

Personally, school is really exhausting mentally, physically, and spiritually (This may even be an understatement haha). School takes the most energy out of me than any other responsibility/obligation because in order for me to excel, I have to put a lot of work in.

Like many people, I have this desire to do well in school, but for me this desire stems from what I’ve learnt through this community: that God calls me to be excellent in my studies as it is a way that I can be thankful for the gift of education and glorify Him. There’s another part of me that wants to do well in school, because I want to make my parents proud. They, too, hope that I am able to do my best, graduate, and find a good job that makes good money and makes me happy.

Another reason I have for wanting to do well in school is based on a pact I made with myself years ago. Ever since I wasn’t able to get into the U of Alberta School of Business after my first year because of my low GPA, resulting in me having to transfer to MacEwan University’s School of Business, I made the decision to never be mediocre in school again. A few years past and I found myself doing extremely well in school more than I ever had before. (Thanks be to God!) But then in Fall 2013, I failed my first exam and dropped out of my first course in university. This occurrence in my life caused my self-confidence to depreciate and I found myself almost giving up on doing well in school because I equated my self-worth to my grades. (I still sometimes do that out of habit, but I’m definitely trying to get out of that rut.) Despite having gone through such an event, God still made a way for me to do really well in my other courses that semester through my projects and final exams.

This semester, like all my other semesters, I attribute my success to God alone because it would be impossible for me to say that I did everything on my own. After a really tough semester, I’m coming into my finals with overall grades of 89-94% and I just have no idea why God is being so generous to me lol… I know He is a very good God and gives because it is His nature to, but I can’t help but feel like I don’t deserve it. It’s true that I try hard in school, but I spend a lot of time doing other things — service, work, hanging out with my family and friends, watching TV shows and movies, or sleeping — that doing this well doesn’t add up in my mind.

I will admit that I do have sporadic moments (days) where I focus just on school and this is where my greatest effort comes in. But even though, whenever I go into an exam I feel like I haven’t studied enough, always cramming seconds before my exam comes in front of me, often resulting in my professor telling me to put my notes away. And whenever I come out of an exam, I often feel like I have no idea how I did and leave the marking to my professor. These past couple of years, I’ve been in this cycle and over and over again, I’ve ended up with nothing lower than a 75% on an exam, but even this mark acts as an outlier as I usually get marks between 84-95%.

All I can think of is, DOMINUS EST! (If I could make this font bigger to emphasize this truth, I really would.) It is always the Lord. The grades I get have nothing to do with my own efforts, but have everything to do with God’s kindness and generosity. It is the only explanation.

Moments ago, I honestly felt like giving up on studying because there seemed to be so many other things I would rather be doing since studying is my least favourite activity in the world; all it really does is build a lot of anxiety in me. But reflecting on how far God has led me and how much support I get from my parents, I feel incredibly loved. This love only makes me want to do better and to keep pushing through. In the most humble way, I’m happy to see that God has made it known to me that I can trust Him in the best of times and the worst of times, in and outside of school. This semester was really tough for me to balance, but God was walking with me through it all. He was greater than the trials.

During exam season, it is always very difficult for me to spend time with God in prayer, but I’m grateful for the few minutes I do have with Him, especially when my anxiety heightens. I’m also thankful for all the saints who continue to pray for me, especially St. Joseph of Cupertino, who has been on this journey with me for years now.

As I continue to study for my last two finals and grow tired in the nights to come, I hope and pray that I will remember that God is with me and that He never sets me up for failure, but rather, always makes a way for me to be victorious, especially if I do my part (although very little) and trust in Him.

Dear God,

Thank you for the gift of education. As I continue to study, I pray that You help me concentrate on all that I need to know for my upcoming exams. I’m getting easily distracted by what’s around me. Please help me to focus on studying so that I may be able to glorify you through doing well in school, and by honouring my parents by making them proud. Please bless me and all those who are still writing exams with Your Spirit.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Our Lady of Good Studies, pray for us.
St. Joseph of Cupertino, pray for us.
All the holy angels and saints, pray for us.
Amen.

Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbours’ souls and come to their rescue.

Help me, O Lord, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbours’ needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moaning.

Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbour, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.

Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my neighbour and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.

Help me, O Lord, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbour, overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbour.

Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbour. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who I know will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me. Amen.

– St. Faustina’s Diary, 163

It hasn’t even been 3 days, and I remember it so clearly.
I came across two Catholic women having a discussion about charismatic communities…

"I'm not for it. It's too much. Where do they even lead us, throwing 'knowledge' about gifts here and there, and 'speaking in tongues'. What are they even saying?"

"Yes! And 'healing'... the only healing that truly fulfills is through the sacrament of Confession. I understand some people might need emotional help and are experiencing a lot of brokenness that they just might need the company, but it's pointless without the Sacrament of Reconciliation."

Being a part of a charismatic community, myself, I felt a stir to say something. But I prayed for patience to not speak with aggression, but with love and truth. I jumped in and said,

"You know, there are a lot of things we can say, but at the end of it all, God reminds us that we determine the true gifts of the Holy Spirit by its fruits. I agree, sometimes, it isn't always directed in the 'right' way, or brought up to its fullest potential, but the importance of community is that we are surrounded by people who could help guide those gifts to their full potential, in works with the Church."

They nodded, then said, “That’s true…” and stopped talking.

I don’t necessarily know if it’s because they agree, but their minutes of silence and nodding, and sudden change of topic encouraged me to believe that it left them with something to think about. To be honest, charismatic communities really won’t be for EVERYBODY. One thing I learned from the encounter, however, is this:

Sometimes, although we want to stand for the Truth. It isn’t always what we end up doing. As St. Paul says in Romans 7: 14-15, “We know that the law is spiritual; but I am carnal, sold under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” But the Voice of Truth is what triggers the change. 

Time and time again, I have thought it was something someone would say, or something I would say to someone. But having experienced what I did, I’ve come to also realize that the Voice of Truth can also be an action, or even a thought or the way of approach. It is how we allow God to use His Spirit in us in every thought, word, and action.

The voice of Truth is how we allow God to transform our passions and emotions into a gift to those around us.

When we can do this (through an increase of knowledge AND experience), then like those who encountered the disciples, they will see the Truth and be encouraged to do the same for others, whether it be through a charismatic community, acts of kindness, or in whatever way they may be personally called to love. At the end of the day, the voice of Truth, after all, IS God, and God alone. And the fruits? Quite simply, it is nothing less than ‘the good stuff’. Haha.

May God be praised!
TOTUS TUUS.

I recently came across a few posts on Facebook that demonstrated that a single human person is so minuscule amongst all the billions of human beings and the different life forms on this earth. The purpose of these posts, I think, were to disprove that the individual human person is not relevant and furthermore, could not possibly be loved by a god or God (whom the creators of these posts believed didn’t exist in the first place).

Initially when I read these Facebook posts, I couldn’t help but scoff because I knew that they were completely wrong. But then, as usual, my curiosity led me to further read why they believed in what they believed. As I read deeper into the posts, a thin cloud of doubt began to rain over me. I started to question, “Does God really exist? If so, how could He possibly love me when there are so many people in the world and so many different creatures that exist?”

In a split second I came back to reality and was instantly reminded of the time when I felt most loved by God. A great warmth began to calm my heart, and the cloud disappeared. I still remember that moment very clearly. It was when God personally proved to me that He existed undoubtedly and most of all, loved me completely regardless of how far I distanced myself from Him.

After I finished reading the posts, I remember not feeling disturbed or concerned by it anymore because I had all the assurance I needed to know that God existed and that He loved me because I had encountered Him at that moment and a multitude of other times in varying ways throughout my life.

Even though I was firm in my belief, God always seems to give more of Himself to me. He always seems to want to show me that it is true: I am greatly loved and His love is the reason why I exist. God came to reveal this to me when I came across this quote by our previous holy father, a day after:

“We are not some casual and meaningless product of evolution. Each of us is the result of a thought of God.”
― Pope Benedict XVI

In this quotation by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, I’m reminded that yes, the earth is comprised of a myriad of creatures, organisms, plants, and all other sorts of beautiful life forms. But, the human person is still not just a product of evolution. Rather, I am a result of a thought of God. That means God, the Great Mystery that He is, commanded that I exist and as such, He willed for me to be greatly loved by Him!

There are so many different creatures that exist and although those post-creators try to make it seem like I’m meaningless using this fact, I praise God for allowing me to see the opposite.

It is impossible for me to not recognize that order is still maintained despite the billions of people and the countless number of organisms that exist at this moment, and have lived since the earth began. It is impossible for me to not be in complete awe and wonder that Someone is guiding, directing, controlling, and connecting everything together, ensuring that I still wake up every morning and go about my day, and that I safely return home and into my bed. There is Someone who is watching over me specifically, whom loves me deeply, and that Someone is God.

God, the Master of all things, created every molecule that makes up this universe and all of its contents, including little me. A five-foot, young woman with many dreams and very little to offer Him, yet He still loves me profoundly and continuously makes this known to me in personal, intimate ways. Truly I am blessed! :’)

I am blessed to know that I exist and I am loved, but more so that God exists and that He is Love.

Thank You Lord for always revealing to me that I am loved by You. I pray for those who do not know you (yet) and have doubted or have forgotten about Your existence. I pray that every heart is open to the Holy Spirit and that we see that You are fully present in our lives. May the universe, which You have created, inspire us all to see how intricately detailed You are! May the earth, which You have created, only lead us to believe that we are blessed to live in a beautiful world! May we all believe that Heaven, which You have created, is our true home because it is simply where You want us to be.

Amen. Ad majorem Dei gloriam. <3

When people meet me for the first time, they sometimes say that I’m generally a very outgoing, self-confident, and joyful person. However, I wasn’t always like this. Specially when I was in high school. I was very insecure and was very dependent on the opinions of others. I was very focused on myself. Maybe it’s because i’m a middle child and had middle child syndrome or the fact that I was a brat and only felt loved when I got what I wanted. LOL it’s probably a combination of both of those and others. Whatever the case may be, I am grateful to say that i’ve gone a long way since then. I am still a middle child maybe without the syndrome. I’m not as bratty as I used to be (hopefully lol). I still do have insecurities, but the biggest change is that I am now very dependent on God’s opinion over everything else.

My relationship with the Lord has become my most important relationship in my life. As long as I continue to allow the Lord to pursue and love me, I will continue to learn more about myself. It is through that I can be more of the person He has created me to be. The closer I get to God, the closer I can be my true and real self and the closer I will be to becoming a saint.

Lord I pray that I may grow more and more dependent on You.