True North Missionaries Journal

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” – Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Paradox: A paradox is “a statement that apparently contradicts itself and yet might be true (or wrong at the same time)”

Have you ever given so much of yourself, or your time, or your effort that you begin to question if there’s anything left to give? We hear that you can’t give what you don’t have. But if we seem to run out of time, is there a way to get more of it? If we’ve spent all of our energy, can we still give it? If we feel like we’ve loved as much as we could, is it possible to still love more?

Let the Lord be our source for everything. Through Him, everything can continue to flow. He alone can renew, refill, replenish, and sustain.

Whenever I wake up late, don’t plan my day wisely, or just do something that isn’t important, I lose an opportunity to love Christ. I miss out on moments, seconds, and hours from sharing God’s love with others. I hinder myself from moving forward when I don’t open my life and my schedule to the Holy Spirit to lead me.

God always asks me, “Kleah do you love me?” When I fail to use my time purposefully, I’m essentially telling God, “No, I don’t love you.” This is where the guilt comes in and from: a tension builds when the heart knows it is responding in opposition to its purpose of accepting and loving God. When I accidentally subconsciously say that I don’t love God, I am denying who God is and reject His absolute importance in my life. I reduce God’s existence only to when He’s convenient.

I can make excuses and say that I need the rest… that I need to just do nothing, so that I can get away from my responsibilities. I can say a bunch of things; I could even try to run away, but I know that there’s something in me that’s not right if I’m avoiding what God wants me to do. It could be my anxiety kicking in again, but I’m not sure.

I’ll be honest and say that I’m not as in tune with the state of my heart as I thought I was. While I think that I’m great and that I’m happy, I still get moments of temptation, sadness, and doubt — none of which are indicators of peace. Whatever it is that is bothering me, I know that when I don’t give God the opportunity to shine light onto my darkness, I’ll never really know how my heart really is and I won’t know what my issue is either.

Maybe this has nothing to do with my heart, and could possibly just be the inclination to sin because I’m human but there is definitely something stopping me from doing what I’m called. There is a lack of self-control in me to do more good. I’m not giving God the permission to overcome what’s hindering me.

I believe I’m trying to do everything that I can in my various services to God, but by not welcoming God into my life more leaves me at a great disadvantage from doing everything that is possible.

To truly love someone requires action. By being lazy or wasting time only shows a lack of action, thus a lack of love. In giving my time to Christ, I am allowing Him to work in me. And when I allow Him to work in me, to possess all of me, I can begin to love more like Him and not feel guilt or regret. So when I give God my time, which is and was always His to begin with, I pray that I remember that I’m responding with “Yes Lord, I do love you. Now help me show You that I do.”

So what am I supposed to do now?

Time and time again I’m reminded to draw near to God and He will draw near to me. If I but seek Him in prayer, in the Sacraments, and in my own heart as I see the face of Christ in myself and others, I know I will be able to break my bad habit of not using my time wisely. I’ve begun to schedule my life more and started to plan. I’m thankful for the MV Program because I can see all of my plans laid out onto a calendar. Whenever I put events into my agenda while in school, it would be complete for maybe the first two months of the semester. There was never any consistency. But being “forced” to complete my calendar is really helping me schedule events, even unexpected ones.

I’m also thankful for my older sister who showed me her long list of things To-Do and events To-Go-To on her Notes app on her iPhone. I’ve begun to follow her example and have many things to do and events to attend to. It feels awesome to delete things off of my list haha. A sense of accomplishment dwells.

I know I haven’t completely gotten rid of my bad habit of wasting time and sleeping too much or too late, but I know that if I draw near to God, He will continue to draw near to me and help me.

Lord, may everything I do be for your greater glory. May I consistently invite you to remind me to respond to You, “Yes Lord, I do love You. Now help me show You that I do.” Amen.

I always struggle writing down my thoughts. Writing is never been in my zone of comfort. I struggle to find words and explain exactly what I want. Every time I’m asked to share and write my sharing down, it takes so much time to gather my thoughts and write it down. Not only in writing was I challenged, early this year I was asked to sing as part of my sharing for Liveloud and believe me it was the longest night of my life.

I remember telling people closest to me to pray brave. To pray brave to God to take them out of their comfort zone and bring them to their zone of strength. The message to me is not that singing can possibly be my zone of strength one day but…..when we desire to glorify Him it can be uncomfortable on our part because it requires much of our time and extra work.

Lord, please protect the desire in my heart to serve you. Take away the desires that aren’t Yours and always remind me to work hard for You and Your people. Amen

As I attended the Sunday Mass for May 24, 2015. The homily of the priest struck me. It was one of those that I have never heard of or even thought of before. He talked about the Pentecost. As Catholics, we hear about this so many times. But one of the points that he brought out is this. “Although, other religions, Islam, Buddhism etc. also have similar experiences where they come before their god in prayer and they experience a revelation, there is a difference between how they experience this revelation and how we experience the Holy Spirit.”

The difference between them and us Christians is that, they experience this through individual prayer whereas God revealed Himself to us during Pentecost at a time, where all of His people where gathered in a group.” The priest called this “a meeting”. Often in our lives we have so many meetings. But we should aim for a meeting with God. Like during mass where all of us are gathered to meet the Lord. This sense of community is where we can truly feel His Holy Spirit.

 

 

Last weekend I attended my first SFC Mountain Region Regional Conference in the city of Calgary with the theme of Love More (John 21:15-17).

Going into a conference for the first time wouldn’t normally evoke any emotions other than being excited (at least for me) but of course The Lord didn’t just want me to be excited. Even though it was my first time, He already wanted me to serve Him, as Praisefest leader (for the second consecutive weekend, first one during RYC which was the weekend before).

When our SFC Area CC messaged me and said that I’m chosen as one of the worship/Praisefest leaders, I was really like shocked. Doubts clouded my thoughts. But it’s not like I could say no. The service team discerned for me (despite not telling me beforehand that they were). This happened during RYC prep so I didn’t pay much attention. Then a Kuya/Tito messaged to ask me about my song list (from a pre-determined pool). Another challenge was that I haven’t even heard one of the pre-determined songs, a slow one (“From Within”), before but I didn’t mind it. As the ReCon weekend was approaching, I started to prepare for my Praisefest. However there was no outline so I didn’t know what my exhortation would be based on. I thought that maybe I’ll use the same one from the Praisefest I led during RYC (which I ended up using except I attacked my sharing differently to relate to the ReCon’s theme). I listened to “From Within” so I can learn the lyrics, (maybe) incorporate the meaning of the song into my statements and to reflect on it as well. The lyrics of the song are beautiful. I was even saying to myself that this is the song someone who’s discerning for FTPW, or religious life would song and relate to. Though I had doubts, The Lord simply was asking me “Arvin, do you love me? Then tend my lambs.” (Like when He asked Peter). Even before ReCon (from the beginning of my life), He was already asking me that question.

One of my other highlights from ReCon was being able to dance for The Lord with my SFC YEG bros and sisters. Though I’m not pro at it, it was really a good experience to do that again especially since it’s been a while. Despite almost not finishing the piece, having incomplete attendance at practices, starting late, God truly provides. For a bonus, t’s really His grace that allowed us to win against Calgary dance teams. I was just really #happy (haha) to be able to dance for Him again.

Overall, again like I said earlier I was excited coming to my first ReCon. It was definitely a meaningful weekend. I thought that I wouldn’t have fun at a SFC ReCon especially from a CFCYouth perspective (not judging though, lol) but God worked and revealed a different vibe of fun to me. It was also different because I was a participant (not part of the service team) so I got to listen to all sessions and participated (especially during Adoration) without worrying if things are running smoothly. Club Praise was another highlight (sooooo fuuuun, :)).

I mentioned that this ReCon was meaningful because it allowed me to reconnect with my life especially in how The Lord loved me (one of the activities was to list 2014 victories) and how He wants me love more (another activity was to list the people in my life who i should love more).

This weekend The Lord truly reminded me on the fundamental question He’s been asking me throughout my life. I know my actions would speak that I may not love Him but He already knows that. He already knows that I’m weak. But as long as I point my weaknesses to Him, I know that He’ll guide me. It’s a way/form of love when I entrust my entirety to Him. I know there’s more ways to love Him. I just have to always remember that He loved me first and that nothing I do could ever surpass His love for me. That His love is an inspiration for me to love Him back, to love myself, my family, friends, bro/sis in Christ, etc.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

– Thomas Merton

Jesus, I trust in You. Amen.

I’ve heard it said a few different times and a few different ways before, “If you are happy, please remember to tell your face”. It’s kind of funny that we need to remind ourselves to do this. How we project ourselves to the world and how we are perceived by others, especially as Christians, is a very important thing. Other than Ash Wednesday, it’s rare that we have something ‘stamped’ on ourselves to show others who we really are, who we believe in, or what we believe to be the Truth.

The Gospel today (April 29th, 2015) reminds us of the eternal salvation that our Lord has already claimed victoriously. On the day to day routine it becomes easy to forget that there is much to be grateful and joyful about. Do we live everyday as Christians that truly believe we are saved? Do our actions and words reflect this? When others, who may or may not know us, observe our actions and words, do they see someone who is saved or condemned?

Let love, joy, and forgiveness come easily. Life is too short, God is too good, our blessings too abundant.

[John 12:44-50] Then Jesus cried aloud: “Whoever believes in me believes not in me but in him who sent me. And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. I have come as light into the world, so that everyone who believes in me should not remain in the darkness. I do not judge anyone who hears my words and does not keep them, for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world. The one who rejects me and does not receive my word has a judge; on the last day the word that I have spoken will serve as judge, for I have not spoken on my own, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment about what to say and what to speak. And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I speak, therefore, I speak just as the Father has told me.”