True North Missionaries Journal

It was the middle of the week when I decided to get up early to go to work maybe have coffee beforehand and have an easy day. It was an uneventful day till I got to the train station to get to work when I saw chaos at its finest. People were panicking as they realized that there were no trains going downtown due to a power failure. I, of course was in the same boat as many. I worked downtown and the only way to get there now was to take the shuttle (which would be impossible seeing as to how many people were stuck and will be trying to get on it) or to drive. So I messaged a coworker that the trains weren’t working and lucky enough she replied saying she could drive us. Then of course it starting to rain. Long story short, 3 pit stops later (to pick up a few more coworkers), 2 hours stuck in traffic, we finally arrived, soaking wet and super late. It was a good day. And as if that wasn’t enough, as the day went on, its as if the universe was conspiring, almost all of the people who came to my counter at work either had difficult questions or just being a pain. I was stressed out and I almost had enough, when this man came in and sat at my counter, he was blind and was accompanied by what seemed like his father. For some reason, I felt so at ease and at peace round him. He was soft spoken and was patient as he fumbled his way to my counter. His gentle manner was refreshing even as he was struggling to find his ID and his other stuff. His ever patient father was just as gentle trying hard to help him but at the same time, giving him space to deal with these things on his own. At the end, when they were about to pay, the father said “I got this”. ” Anything to get you started”.

 

At that moment I realized, no matter what we go through in life, our Father in heaven, He’s go this. As long as we let him. Ow an also, when was the last time we thanked Him for giving us the most “BASIC” things that we think we are entitled to like our eyes, hands and feet. Most of the time, we just forget that these are gifts given to us and we are very lucky to have them. So when the going gets tough, be thankful especially for the things that we overlook. This will make you realize how lucky you are.

The Lord truly (like X100000000) never fails to love us.

Last Saturday was just one of “His” moments. To begin with, I woke up late for work and I knew I didn’t have enough time but I still took quite a long shower and prepared my things including my dinner. In the midst of the panicking, I messaged my coworker saying that I’ll be late. I work part-time at St. Joseph’s Basilica as receptionist and on Saturdays, the shifts are 9-2, 2-7. I was working the latter shift. I got out of the house and went to the bus stop. Then all of a sudden, I see a family friend drove by, stopped and offered to give me a ride. At that point I was really amazed/happy/exhilarated/shocked. The Tita (who drove) even said that she doesn’t normally drive on that street where my bus stop is located so that even added to my amazement. I felt really blessed. I arrived just on time and I even had time to buy Starbucks before that (lol). The Lord is really our knight in shining armour who will save us, protect us no matter what. There were a lot of other surprising, caught-me-off-guard moments which really continues to assure me that HE IS HERE! That there’s no reason to hide/avoid Him when really everything around us, in this world is about Him, speaks of Him, and breathes life/present because of Him. I thank the Tita for being God’s instrument in that time of need and other individuals in the past who have been instruments of His love. Thank You Lord!

I am amazed by how loud God is when He speaks.

Today in the silence that comes with adoration, I came to God not understanding why I was feeling so inadequate, yet so overwhelmed. And it came to my realization that I desire a lot of good things, but I don’t properly divide my time nor do I prioritize what’s most important.

One minute I’m writing an email. The other minute I’m practicing guitar. The next minute I’m drawing something that I’m planning to paint. Now I’m praying. Now I’m cleaning. Now I’m staying in bed for too long. Now I’m trying to plan an event. I’m doing too many things at one time, having too many things on my mind that there’s so many things left unfinished that cause me to feel like I’m unaccomplished.

But today, God told me to do only what is necessary. And this message quickly brought a quote from St. Francis of Assisi to mind. It is:

“Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

I received the same message later when I was asking St. Joseph to pray for my family and myself, in regards to work and vocation. I got this same message to not worry, and to do only what is necessary.

Half an hour ago, I arrived in the comfort of my sister’s apartment, not really knowing what to tackle first. However, I remembered that I’m supposed to post a blog today. I had a post lined up from last week that, of course I didn’t finish yet, but then finally did, and posted it a few moments ago.

I viewed the post on the main page of the website, and I quickly scrolled past it and looked at the post below. There was God’s message to me again! The quote by St. Francis of Assisi was in Ate Isay’s post.

I don’t know what exactly to make out of all of this, but I feel very loved and embraced by God because He knows me very well to know that I need to be affirmed of His message more than once. I know that if I simply seek Him first, then the necessary will become done, and all other things will happen with His grace. God is calling me to live a simple life.

Lord, You are so generous and kind. Thank You for speaking to me and giving me the assurance that I need. <3

At last year’s TNC when they announced that the next Western Region conference was going to be held in Southern California, I was so excited that I made it a point to go. For months I deliberately said no to things I would typically buy so that I could save up for conference. It was hard for me, but I was actually doing quite well. I was saying no to materialistic items, but mostly to experiences, particularly concerts, which I grew to be very fond of going to. All in all, I was really focused on ensuring that I was doing all that I could so I could pay for conference.

But then in March (maybe?) my family said we were going on a trip to Europe, and when I heard this, of course I was excited to go to Europe with them — it was going to my first time there! — but I couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed that my efforts in saving for California were going to towards a different trip that I wasn’t planning on going to.

So while I was on my trip in Europe, which was a tremendous blessing of its own, the deadline for the WNAC was approaching and Ate Evony would ask the core group who was going. For some reason, I couldn’t find it in me to say “no, I’m not going” because I still really wanted to go even though I knew my bank account was proving otherwise.

I came back from my trip and went straight to SHOUT as I missed the first day. There at SHOUT, my CC’s and CP approached me at two different instances and asked me if I wanted to go to conference. My CC’s explained to me that they asked CFC to reallocate the budget that was supposed to go to them for conference to go towards the area heads because they were unable to attend. (For me, everything just sort of became slow and hazy haha, like that in the movies except I wasn’t overcome by harmful substances.)

But honestly, while they were sharing this information, I’m subconsciously thinking with great excitement, “WHAT IS GOING ON? AM I ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO GO TO CONFERENCE?” I’m not showing it outwardly because I still felt distant with everything (read previous blog post), but it boggles my mind that God is incredibly providential, that He continues to give and give without delay.

I gave a resounding yes to going but I had my doubts because I felt this sense of guilt that I was going and others weren’t. So I said, ‘Let’s do an echo con and bring it back home.” But then they mentioned that there was no time for an echo con this summer. This hit me and so throughout the day I kept thinking, “I can’t go to this conference when other youth could go and experience it. I’m just serving. This is their pastoral. I’m still going to the SFC conference for my pastoral. I really don’t need to go to this one.”

That night I thought and prayed about it. The following day I approached my CCs and said that I felt like another youth should go instead of me, but they went onto say that the youth had to be over 18 years old and that they already requested to CFC that the area heads were going to go specifically. At this moment I still felt like I wasn’t supposed to go to this conference.

But then, like a sharp sword, I heard what I needed to hear in one of the sessions. In his talk, Kuya Anton mentioned that we should believe in our own anointing and in the anointing of others. And this just reminded me of what I had been struggling with for the past few months — the question of “Why me? Why am I chosen to be here? Why not somebody else, who could be doing it better than me?”

For months I kept asking myself this question, but I realized that I had very little intention of discovering the answer. But these questions soon started to formulate other one, “if God is calling me to serve in this community, why do I give Him such little faith and such little space in my heart? Am I afraid that I’m called to be here? Am I afraid that I’m not?”

And so, this brings me to today. I believe that yes, this WNAC may not be my pastoral, but this is an opportunity for me to serve God and to really allow God to speak to me and maybe give me an answer as to where He is calling me to serve Him.

It’s sort of funny, but I’m only in my fifth month as an MV and it’s already hard. The assignments are fun and not too bad, but the spiritual side to it all is actually quite intense. Before I was in the MV Program, I didn’t have second thoughts or any sort of issues in believing in my anointing, but now it’s gotten really difficult for me. To be honest, I don’t know if it’s the devil tempting me, or if it’s God who’s telling me that it’s time to move on, but I’m still holding onto the belief that there is a reason why God has instilled this desire of FTPW in my heart. And I’m going to keep fighting until I really know. Like I said, I’m only in my fifth month. It doesn’t make sense to give up now.

God bless. <3

What is or isn’t in the realm of possibility? Is it up to us to find the answer to this, or is it enough for us to believe that God knows the answer and has it in His power to carry out whatever He pleases?

Sometimes you wake up and don’t want to face what the day has ahead. It can be a paper you have to write, a project that’s pressing at work, a meeting with someone you’re dreading to see, or some days it’s everything all at once. It’s especially in these cases when it’s hard to wake up and start the day. We must try, that’s the point, we need only start, try, do what we can, and then trust that the Lord is with us, will never abandon us, loves us tenderly, and will guide us.

“Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible” – St. Francis of Assisi

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that
I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with me,
and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

– Prayer of Thomas Merton

Every sunday people gather at church to celebrate mass. You see people from all walks of life come to the house of God on this one day of the week. Some go there out of obligation, others out of desperation, others yet to glorify God, others to give thanks, others in pure devotion. No matter what the week holds or what situation people are in or what spiritual state people have, they seem to find time this one day a week to go to church. I wonder, do people really know why they go? Whatever the answer maybe, I personally find it quite refreshing that despite everything life throws at us, our experiences, our backgrounds, most of us have this yearning for our God. This hope in our hearts that keeps us going, seeking, trusting and loving Him no matter what.