True North Missionaries Journal

I sometimes imagine what my life would be like if I wasn’t ever part of the CFC-Youth/SFC community. I sometimes think that my life would be easier and maybe a little more care free, but, I wonder, would my life be fulfilling? Would I know that God exists? Would I know that I am loved? Would I see people, especially my family and the poor, differently? Would I fight for a woman’s “right” to access abortion? Would I go through life trying to excel or to simply get by? Would the media and consumerism possess me?

I’ve learnt some of the most basic, yet most valuable teachings and lessons in this community about the Catholic faith and how it applies to life. Personally, this has been a huge blessing because I’ve never attended a Catholic school. Before I joined the community, my only sources for any sort of Catholic education have been my parents and mass. As an 11 year old, I didn’t think or care to grow a relationship with my parents and, at mass, I think I got easily distracted that I didn’t learn much. When I was younger I studied, did well in school, watched TV, volunteered, took numerous naps, and played with friends, but that was about it. My life was about doing what I needed to do to not get into trouble and to make myself feel happy, and if others felt happy that was a bonus. But then I met Christ at a CFC-Youth camp, and everything changed.

Today I think about Christ more than anyone else. Actually, maybe I think about myself a lot more haha, but that’s just me being selfish or self-absorbed sometimes, but even when I think about myself, I’m always somehow led to think about Christ alone, and then everyone else. I think about how my life can be used as an instrument for God’s glory and I see myself as a vessel by which others can experience God’s great love for them. There is a change in me from when I was younger, and it’s that I intentionally seek to serve others, not because it’s easy or that it makes me feel better about myself, but because I can see that there is always a great need to love with God’s love.

This entire post stems from a thought I’ve had for these past few months: How different would my life be if I never experienced worship?

I can barely play an instrument and I sing randomly because I enjoy it — but wow, how I would be missing out on not knowing how it feels to extend my arms and hands, and to clap and sing loudly for Someone who loves me unconditionally? It seems so unimaginable to me to ever think that music and God would never come together in such a way that we have in this community. Worship is an incredible part of CFC’s charism. Worship is a form of prayer. It is twice praying!

How does this thought relate to everything that I’ve said thus far?

Well, if I can’t imagine a life without worship, what more is it if I can’t imagine a life without God?

God has done great things for me in this community. I know who I am. I know I am loved. I know that I’m called to love on God’s terms and not my own. There is no greater, no more useful, no more important news than this: God has always existed, has died but has resurrected from the dead, is alive, loves every single person regardless of their sins, and wants nothing more than to have a relationship with each of us. And, not by coincidence, our hearts long for this relationship too. Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.

This leads me to say that evangelization is extremely important in these times. It concerns me that people in my classes do not believe in God or do not see that God is good. It alarms me that lukewarmness in faith, acceptance of injustice, and relativism are growing more and more in this world. As CFC-Youth and SFC members, we may all be young, but we’ve seen and experienced God’s transforming love in this community. How great has God been to us for blessing us with people to journey with, to affirm us of our growth, to correct us where we’ve failed?

What we know about the family, the poor, the gift of life, and the Church are things that may be ordinary to all of us in the community. But, it’s not ordinary in actuality. Everything we know that pertains to the Catholic faith is extraordinary because it’s guided by the Holy Spirit. Not all people know what we know nor have they experienced what we’ve experienced, but once they do, I bet they will think it is either nonsense or that it is special. But imagine when it comes to that point, where they recognize the specialness of the community and the Catholic faith; their entire life could change in an instant or it could be the start of a new life, just as it has in all of ours.

What do we fear for ourselves and for others if we don’t ask them to join the community or to come to mass with us? What have they got to lose when Christ is the prize?

Service to God can come in various forms, but in all forms, love is necessary. To love someone is to seek the greatest good for them, and there is no greater good than the All-good God. Therefore, if we say we love someone then we should also say that we’ve done our part in inviting them to grow in a relationship with Christ. Yes, there are billions of people in this world but God wants all of them to have a relationship with Him. Until all of us are in Heaven with God, there will always be a great need to love with God’s love. There will always be the need to love our families, care for the poor, heal the sick, become friends with our enemies, to defend those whose voices have been silenced, and to share the Good News and evangelize.

God bless. <3

 

 

Do you know what your crosses are? They come to us through various ways and manifest themselves in our lives in so many shapes and forms. We’ve heard it said that we should learn how to ’embrace our crosses’ – this is one of those things that is easier said than done, and nearly impossible to do if we haven’t recognized that that “something” in our life is in itself a cross. Similar to curing a disease, one can’t begin to find a cure if they don’t first recognize the source, the symptoms and the makings of the problem at hand.

Our Lord knew very well what He would have to endure and still chose to embrace His cross. He literally and figuratively took up His cross for our sakes, and continues to perform that same sacrifice daily out of pure love for us.

No two crosses are the same, and only God knows why we’ve been given the ones that we have. Crosses come in different weights, are made of different wood, bear unique significances and markings, but are all hand picked for each of us with purpose.

Lord, help us to recognize then accept the crosses You willingly share with us, and teach us how to deny ourselves, take up our crosses and follow You.

The past few weeks has been quite something for myself. Like, ALOT of things were going on at the same time and I found myself overwhelmed by all of it. I had no idea how to handle it, and I felt very congested in my life; like something needed to be released in order for me to finally breathe (so I guess that was a stuffed nose analogy).

How often do we find ourselves in these positions? How often do we feel like we’re holding too many things in our hands and we have to think about what to drop?

Well, being the bozo that I am sometimes, I decided to do just that. I decided to let go. I decluttered things in my life, and at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. But the moment I did that, I wasn’t happy with what I had left in my hands.

I let the difficulty of life get the better of me, and I’d say I made some pretty quick and thoughtless decisions. Yes, I was trying to do so many things, but I decluttered the wrong things. I decluttered the things in my life that actually helped me, made me productive and gave me purpose. I decided to hold onto complacency, apathy, laziness, and other things I didn’t need with me. I thought that if I couldn’t handle the good things in my life, then I didn’t deserve the good things.

But one visit to Adoration changed all that. After praying the Rosary (s/o to all the #QueensMen) my eyes were finally opened, which is kind of funny because when they opened, I was crying so much haha.

For whatever reason, my first instinct amidst my stress was to let go of God first (like, how dare I do that?!). From there, of course my priorities were out of whack. I saw my struggles as burdensome and took the easy way out. But my struggles were blessings in disguises because they were opportunities to draw even closer to Him. Amidst all the things I had to do, the one thing, and I’d even say the only thing I needed to keep doing was trust in Him, and the rest would be taken care of. So now, in my times of doubt, stress and I feel like giving up on things, I just pray quickly :

Jesus I trust in you
Jesus I trust in you
Jesus I trust in you

P. S. If anyone wants to do their  Consecration to Mary, the start date for the 33 days is October 19 for the Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary 😀

God is the Giver of all good things.

Thank You Lord for the opportunities You’ve given me to love, serve, and help others in any way. Thank You for the gift of the Church, my family, my friends, and this community. Thank You for allowing me to go to school, work, and to vote in the upcoming federal election. Thank You for the times that I’ve suffered, for they have strengthened me. Thank You for the times of joy; they continue to give me hope for the life that You want for me.

God, You are good all the time.

How often have we found ourselves in this situation? No matter how many times God has proven to us that we need not worry about His better plans, we still don’t trust that He knows what He is doing!

“Ask, and it will be given you”

This doesn’t necessarily mean that we can ask, receive, and then simply keep expecting to just receive. Sometimes we need to realize that in order to receive certain things we must first be willing to give up other things too. The key word being willing because God will never force things on us or force things from us.

Loosen the grip, Isay, loosen the grip.

We will learn the will of the Lord for us only when we allow Him to change us by changing the way we think.

As abrupt as it sounds: I hate sinning. I can see that sin hurts me, hurts others, and hurts God. How I deeply desire not to sin.

I’ve gained a watchful eye, that is, I’ve become more self-aware of where and when I have honoured God purposely, which causes me then to also acknowledge where I haven’t. When I find myself distracted from doing the Lord’s will in my daily life or even before I go about doing something that requires much concentration, my prayer is often: “Lord, I pray that I do not sin.”

I say this prayer out of fear, not just because I’m afraid that my actions and words can hurt others because they have before. But one of the main reasons why I say this prayer is because I hate offending and hurting God in the same way over and over again. It hurts when I am not faithful to Him. I’m not sure if others can understand or relate, but it seems very unnatural to sin because I feel as if I’m not being my full self. I feel whole when I’m one with God, but each time I sin, I feel like I am building up a wall between God and myself. And this accumulation of walls makes me feel distant from God. Even though I know and believe God is near me all the time, sinning causes me the inability to “sense” Him and this is what scares me.

I’ve realized that in some ways I have taken advantage of the gift of reconciliation. How many times have I sinned and said that it was okay to sin because I could go to confession? How wrongly have I seen confession as a repetitious activity that I do only when my heart is too heavy to hold? I say this prayer because it helps me avoid the sin and helps me see the simple goals that God wants me to fulfill. Of course, I still fail because I’m imperfect, but each time I say this prayer the Lord extends His merciful hand upon me.

I can sense Him untangling the anxiety that builds in my heart. I can sense Him reconfiguring my mind to believe in and use His strength. I can sense Him waving over to His angels and appointing them to protect me. I can sense Mother Mary and the saints praying for me because I receive God’s grace to do good that I know I would never be able to do alone. God looks at me mercifully, and sees me as a child who only wants His help and He does everything and gives me everything I need in order to do what He wants me to do. Again, I still fail (a lot) but now I’m aware that God’s help comes in abundance even though I have this tendency to sin.

______

Today I was having a conversation with someone and I don’t think it was a surprise that it dawned on me that the family continues to be attacked. In a good way, it bothered me because there was this sincere desire in me to help families and help heal them, and to guide youth, in particular, into looking forward to God’s plan for them in and outside of their families. After all of these years of being in CFC-Youth and SFC, this community has taught me that the family needs renewal in the Holy Spirit and that it needs healing. I know God is calling me to be a part of this mission of helping families, but the details of how and to what extent are unknown to me.

I do not know if going full-time in this community is where and how God wants me to serve, but as I continue to discern in the MV program, I pray that this prayer of not wanting to sin helps me to be more open to God, especially since I’ve been distracted in my discernment. I’m graduating from school in December, and I continue to focus a lot on having good grades and finding a secure job after graduation, with the hope of helping my own family. These things, although very good, make it difficult to discern because the actions they require consider a lot of urgency, which is why I really rely on God through this prayer.

It’s sort of weird to say, but I simply don’t have time to sin. As I journey, God is bringing me to this pinnacle and it’s beautiful because I can see the many different things God may want for me. But it’s all coming to me at once and I need to be able to give attention to each thing excellently, definitely including this discernment, so that I can properly discern about how God wants me to serve the family.

Discernment is hard, but it’s very fruitful and very life-giving because it’s God who I continue to become closer with. I look forward (but I hope I can be patient) to when I can hear God’s call clearly. So far in my prayers, God continues to only be clear about one thing; He tells me to love and He will, in His time, reveal the details. “Love is in the details. God is in the details.” — something that I tweeted this past week. Although it seems like God is taking His sweet time haha, I believe He is helping me develop an understanding of what my true desires are. And it’s scary that He keeps unfolding something new to me, but it’s exciting because it’s an adventure with Him. Even though I find myself worried and complaining about school and what not, I think I’m happy where I am. Life is very difficult, but God is always good and this gives me the greatest joy and consolation.

God bless. <3

Holy Family, pray for us.
St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us.
St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us.
St. Michael the Archangel, defend and protect us.