True North Missionaries Journal

Monday, November 21, 2016

Since Liveloud was introduced in Canada a few years back, I had a sense that the Liveloud praise and worship concert would one day be a great evangelization tool for our local CFC community. That said, I had hoped that CFC-Youth Edmonton would one day host Liveloud. For many, this dream had finally come into fruition on November 12 when CFC-Youth Edmonton hosted its very first Liveloud! Praise God!

In the morning, I was feeling tired because I hadn’t slept, as I was finishing the service team ID’s and the CFC-Youth booth that would be displayed at the Liveloud Expo. (I would not recommend not sleeping to anyone) But regardless of my tiredness, I couldn’t help but be so joyful and excited for the day that was to come.

As one of the event heads, I didn’t have anything committee-specific to do on the day of.  All I had to do was to give the service team ID’s to Secretariat/Admin. to disseminate, pick up a camcorder rental from Vistek, to set up the CFC-Youth booth for the Liveloud Expo, and to put makeup onto the band members (that was fun haha). As I would do these things, I would look around as I normally would and watch the youth and the many other CFC Family Ministry members work so diligently to put the event together. It was so great to see CFC come together as one in the Holy Spirit.

Time went by so quickly and before I knew it 7:45AM became 4:00PM. We were welcoming and expecting over 1000 people to come through those doors. Looking back it’s unbelievable that that we were expecting that many people to come because just two weeks prior, we had about 200 tickets sold. What a difference! Only God could make a miracle like that happen haha.

The Liveloud concert was amazing. The music. The videos. The messages. But what was more amazing was seeing all of the people worship God. All around me  and above me were groups of people I had never seen in my life and this made me excited because it meant that as a community we were evangelizing more and more people. I was also very grateful to God that I was able to experience this Liveloud with both of my parents, who probably haven’t been to a CFC community event since their last conference in 2007. It meant a great deal to me that my parents and friends came to support the event, despite not really knowing what to expect, but just coming because I had asked them to. But I know that Liveloud is not about me and I’m definitely okay with that (it would be extremely weird and awkward if it was LOL), but that it is and will always be about God, so it meant an even greater deal to me that my parents and friends came because it was an opportunity for them to experience and encounter God’s love in this special way.

At the end of Liveloud I was sharing with the service team that everything was so “mega” about this event. From the mega lettering to the mega number of people serving and guests in attendance, even to using online ticketing and the cool ticket scanning system we had, I was just feeling amazed at how — you guessed it — mega everything was, haha.

But none of this mega-ness would have been possible if it weren’t for God. No act of service from any of the committees would have contributed to the mission in this way if it weren’t for God’s love, mercy, and grace. There would be absolutely no point to a Liveloud concert if God and His love didn’t exist, but both God and His love do exist. There would be no theme to the Liveloud concert if God wasn’t merciful, but God is merciful. We would not have the ability and strength to go about excelling in our responsibilities and service if God’s grace wasn’t given to us, but God’s grace was given to us in unimaginable ways throughout the preparations and on the day of. Needless to say, God is so good for blessing us with His love and mercy, and giving us the grace to share our talents with others so that they can also experience His love.

This Liveloud was particularly special to me, not just because it happened or because my loved ones came, but because it just shows how great and faithful God is to the CFC community. God wants us to grow, so He made us grow. God wants us to evangelize, so He made us evangelize. God wants us to sing praises to Him, so He gave us the opportunity to do so. God wants us to turn our mourning into dancing, and that’s exactly what happened to everyone who was present.

This Liveloud concert can represent so many things to so many people, but I rejoice in knowing that for myself, this Liveloud concert doesn’t just represent an opportunity for people to experience God’s unconditional love and mercy — which is already an incredible gift. But reflecting on the mega-ness that existed at this Liveloud — or any Liveloud for that matter — leads me to ponder on God’s dominion and greatness, to recognize that no matter how great something seems to be, that nothing can come close to how unbelievably generous and great God is. He is the Lord of all, Saviour of sinners, Creator of the universe, and the Father Almighty. What we do can never add to God’s greatness and yet we are everything to Him. There is no greater love. There is nothing greater than God.

Ad majorem Dei gloriam.

Friday, November 4, 2016

For the past couple of years, whenever I’m at a CFC-Youth event, I take a few moments to just look around. As I watch the youth interact, this wide grin grows on my face because there is just this incomparable joy and delight that I experience, seeing how great God is in young people. Especially now that I’m not considered a “youth”, it has only occurred to me that the youth I serve with are there because they choose to be. Sure, many of them are probably forced — or as I see it ‘highly encouraged’ — by their parents to serve, but at the end of the day, they are making the choice to be present, to put the time and the work in, and to be joyful when they serve.

Today I attended a CFC-Youth service meeting here in Edmonton. There was a lot of giggling and chatter as usual haha, but these youth in junior high, high school, and university all chose to be at that meeting. How they got there was by their own effort. How they presented themselves with joy was because it was how they decided to act.

Looking back, I know what it’s like to be their age. School is tough. Making friends and sustaining friendships can be challenging. Family life is not always perfect. Growing up is hard. All of these difficulties that they face beat on their heart, but I think they know so clearly — just as I probably must have known growing up — that despite all of these hardships, God is still so good for providing them with the grace to endure. Coming to meetings and serving at events is an additional responsibility, and yet they still see it worth their time and effort. It’s an incredible gift to witness because they could be doing a million other things on a Friday night, but they choose to be at a meeting; they choose to share victories; they choose to give service updates; they choose to ask for prayer requests; they choose to prepare their hearts for future events. This is all their choice.

After the formal meeting, our CC’s welcomed us to stay in their home to hang out. Some of the youth decided to play ping pong, others decided to record Liveloud promo videos or take part in the Mussisionary Challenge, while others decided to just catch up and laugh with one another. For myself, I got involved in a conversation with a couple of brothers, one of them a FTPW and the other was a younger brother whom I’ve seen grow up in the community.

The younger brother was sharing about his experience at a Come and See last weekend at the local seminary. During the conversation I hadn’t thought of it, but upon reflection, it’s truly a grace to see this younger brother be serious about his vocation. I remember at the beginning of 2016, this brother and I led Edmonton’s first Vocation Recollection together, and now to see him take that next step in trying to discover God’s great plan for him is so special because he made the decision to participate in that Come and See. No one forced him to go. He didn’t even attend with a friend. He went all by himself. It was all his choice.

The youth that grow up in the community, including a lot of my friends who have now fully transitioned into SFC, want to deepen their relationship with God, they want to experience His love, and they want to align their will with His will. God is using this community to change normal, regular people to think about sainthood seriously. In one of today’s Mass readings, St. Pauls says so clearly that our citizenship is in Heaven, and this truth is being planted in the hearts of young people in this community. How beautiful is that?

I can’t find any explanation as to why the CFC-Youth community (and the entire CFC community) is so beautiful other than the fact that God’s love is so beautiful. The way I see it: all the things that we go through and all the things that challenge us are no match for God. God always takes care of us in our many services to Him and He keeps us so close to His heart while we endure the many tribulations we face. All is grace, always.

I always thought that choice was a little bit scary because making the wrong choice has never sat well with me. (That’s Type A for you) But why should making the wrong choice scare me? Isn’t God always going to be there anyways? I can’t lose with God on my side. It’s impossible to lose.

I’m thinking that the point of this reflection wasn’t necessarily to reflect on how much I love serving the youth nor the beauty of God’s love in the CFC-Youth community, but is actually a gateway for me to remember the beauty of God’s love in me and for me. I’m always going to be faced with choices — some seemingly more incredulous, while others not so much. But the point isn’t whether I make the wrong choice or the right one. The point is that God doesn’t abandon those He loves, even when we fail. And this is because God always waits and He always hopes that we will choose Him.

I believe God knows me more than I know myself, and so I also believe that He is more in tune in recognizing the hunger I’ve had for Him while I’ve been so idle. And now, at this very moment, He is asking me a question that He has asked St. Peter, “Do you love me?” And my humble response is, “Of course Lord, you know that I love you!” His response: “Tend my sheep. Feed my lambs.”

Service to God cannot be seen as a burden. Going to mass, reconciling with God through confession, praying, showing mercy, being committed to responsibilities all cannot be seen as a burden. Yes, it can be extremely challenging, so much that it can cause me to perceive them as annoyances — but in making the choice to do all of these things and regarding them as blessings, is experiencing the truest freedom — the freedom to choose Christ despite all difficulties.

This is what freedom truly is. It isn’t choosing the good, nor the greatest good. It isn’t choosing the right, the wrong, the best, or the worst. Freedom is choosing Christ above all things, always. It is believing that I will surely fail, but that God will not. It is trusting that the road to holiness will be hard, but not so much as to destroy me. It is in knowing that although I may walk and stumble in darkness, God’s light will always pierce through.

Last week was particularly trying in the office. My patience was often tested and the pressure to meet unrealistic expectations was overwhelming. I felt my blood pressure rising and headaches creeping up almost daily.

The only thing that grounded me was daily Eucharist. Knowing that He was unchanging, anchored me. Although each day was more trying than the previous one, all trials were erased with Christ. It was a daily reminder to draw my strength through Him and to anchor myself to Him alone.

Lately, things have been hectic with my schedule with work, preparations for camp, households, CLP and everything in between. With just so little days left before the camp, my uncle asked me to drive with him and the family to Toronto for the weekend. I hesitated but agreed to go. I knew that by leaving I wouldn’t be able to attend events scheduled for the weekend, final preparations for camp and CLP. However, I knew that my family needed me and that things would still run during my absence.

We are here in Toronto to bring my grandmother back, after staying with us in Montreal for a few weeks. Despite all the things I might have missed back home, I wouldn’t of missed this opportunity to be with my family. It seems like the Lord wanted me to pause from everything and enjoy my time with them. I missed the laughs, the stories and the simplicity of sharing a meal together. We are also remembering our Lolo’s death anniversary and we were able to celebrate Mass together at St. Michael’s Cathedral. This is a blessing in itself because we rarely go to mass as a family (Thank you, Lord & thank you, Lolo!)

As I sit at the edge of the couch, while my uncles and aunts yell at the TV during the Pacquiao fight, I can’t help but thank the Lord for this great blessing. I’m grateful for this short trip and for the memories I will hold dearly in my heart. I’m thankful for the love I receive from the ones I care about the most and for the moments I get to feel God’s love. God must really love me because He knows what I need and when I need it the most. In this discernment for missionary work, I cherish every single moment I can spend with my family, especially knowing that I may one day be away from them. For now, I will cherish this weekend as if it were a picture that I can hang on my wall.

Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me through my family here on earth. May you always remind me that I must also love and serve them in the best way that I can. May you continue to bless us and protect us from harm.

Holy Family, pray for us.

AMDG

Throughout this week I’ve been reminded that it is great to live in Canada. Just a couple of days ago, I saw a post that said Canadian post-secondary graduates don’t have to repay their student loans until they make at least $20,000 annually, which is pretty great news for anyone who has recently graduated and is experiencing difficulty in finding employment.

I’ve had a lot of these little reminders here and there about being thankful for just how easy I have it, especially when I’ve had the opportunity to go to school and receive a university education, and for simply having the freedom to choose what I can do everyday while living in peace.

All of these blessings really put things in perspective when I compare the sort of liberties and securities I have to those who are suffering immensely, particularly victims of war, injustice, poverty, or in comparison to all of the refugees who have been displaced from their home countries. There are many people in the world who aren’t living in peace, but instead, see suffering and death as common instances that can never be explained.

There are so many people who need prayers. There are so many people who need help around the world. It makes me think, Who am I not to pray for them more? Who am I for not being more grateful that I get to live in peace?

Today I was reminded of just that — my lack of gratefulness to God for blessing me with the gift of living in Canada. It was during our Liveloud Alberta meeting, and the worship leader mentioned how thankful he was for living in Canada and just for getting the opportunity to serve God so freely as a missionary. His words resonated with me and I just felt so humbled and thankful for the reminder because I really needed it.

In the past month I was finding it difficult to serve God, not just in the community but also in fostering my personal relationship with Him. There were a lot of personal things I was going through and my anxiety started to grow more and more. While I do not diminish the suffering I went through, when I compare my sufferings with my brothers and sisters around the world, including those in the community, I am motivated to be more thankful for the life I have in Canada.

When I think back to my experience at World GAT in 2011, I remember my brothers and sisters from the the Middle East sharing with me how they had to have their CFC-Youth events in secret because there were laws that made Christian gatherings illegal (or something along the lines of that). I can also recall one of the speakers at the SFC TNC this past September share that at every event he attends in his home country, there is always a birthday cake present — not to celebrate someone’s birthday, but to avoid getting into trouble with the law because in his country it was also forbidden to have Christian gatherings. How crazy is that?

The sort of freedom I have living in Canada is something to be thankful for, something that shouldn’t be taken for granted, especially on days when it is difficult to serve God. I have the freedom to live in a safe and peaceful country. I have the freedom to serve God and praise Him, while not having to worry about going to prison.

In my prayers I was asking God, “Why am I here in Canada?” To be honest, I haven’t gotten a clear message just yet, but until then, I pray that I can be more thankful for this blessing and keep those suffering in my prayers, especially those who don’t have the same religious liberties that I have. As I live in this great nation I pray that I can be more brave and have no fear whenever and wherever God calls me to serve Him. Amen.

As you may already know, one of my crazy dreams is to change the world. Sounds cliché but I can say that I’m extremely blessed to be placed in an environment that allows me to do so on a daily basis. I work at a non-profit daycare centre that’s heavily involved in providing services to help disadvantaged families by ensuring quality child care. The daycare is only one of the many services that is provided for the family, being a small (but just as important) party of a huge network with endless resources for parents. I was recently given the opportunity to join a team that runs special projects to increase the quality of services for children, families and staff. This is one of the small ways that I can slowly “change the world”, by helping and serving the families that need it the most!

My passion for working with children is what’s been driving me closer and closer to God. Whether it be in my studies, in my career, or in my service, He always brought me where the children were. Knowing, loving and serving children means knowing, loving and serving their families. It means that families play an integral part of the development and well-being of the child.

Serving in Couples for Christ for the past 10 years made me understand how important that is. Whether or not the Lord wants me to be a full time pastoral worker, or a full time early childhood educator, I know that one thing is for sure — I will love and serve Him through the children and the family.

Embarking on this new and exciting (but also challenging) journey, I was very nervous and hesitant. What about my discernment in the mission volunteer program? Many what-ifs were being thrown around in my mind but I couldn’t help but ask myself “what if this IS part of my discernment?” The Lord has great plans for me, I just need to discover them! At this point, I can only surrender myself to Him. Wherever the Lord wants me to be, I will go! Lord, lead the way!

Heavenly Father, thank you for all that you have given me so far. Thank you for the challenges, the  trials and fear, for they allowed  opportunities of growth, mercy and patience. Thank you for stretching my heart and helping me understand and discover the plans you have set for me. Lord, please use me to do your will here on earth, may I do it joyfully and with complete obedience. Help me O Loving Mother, to imitate your obedient and pure heart. 

Thy will be done.