Embraced by Your Love

“You’ve forgiven me. Here I am, embraced by Your love”

I missed my last 2 reflection days. But here’s a quick share instead.

Why? Because I was blessed with the opportunity to experience the International Leaders Conference and Global Leaders Summit that just wrapped up in Manila. But any who, since I’ve landed back in the True North, the top question I’ve been asked,

“What was your favorite part of ILC?”

Well, lets work around some of the words and allow me to share with you,

“At what moment, did Jesus Christ really reveal Himself to me?”

Here is a picture of me and my God-sister.

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This is Kelsey of Metro Manila East Sector B. We’ve never met before. I believe the only family I have left in the Philippines. The only contact we’ve ever had was though my God-mother and my parents trying to finally get us to meet.

So this is how the story goes, I was really worried at first. I had no idea if we could even communicate due to the language barrier, I had no idea what she looked like. For some reason, I was very nervous, I had no idea why and I really asked God to help me try to find her out of the 7777 participants. The week went on, and I couldn’t find her during the Pre-ILC events, and even ILC weekend had happened and I couldn’t find her. Of course, I didn’t let it interfere with my ILC experience, but I remember after the last Praise-fest, it crept in the back of my mind, that I missed an opportunity to be connected with family. I searched everywhere after, but nothing. But I guess that’s when God affirmed me that though the timing seemed impossible, He made it possible.

Right before we were getting ready to leave, I went to get water, and then it happened. A quick tap on the shoulder, I turned around and there was 2 people, oh so short, standing right in front of me. Kelsey’s friend, Rayzha (Praise God for you, for recognizing my name), and Kelsey. Even though I had no idea who was who, I immediately knew by God’s grace who my God sister was.

I was filled with such joy. Such happiness. Right away, we exchanged hello’s, gave each other a hug, and I guess that did it for me. That was THE Jesus moment that completed my weekend. Let this be a testimony to God’s work being very existent in my own life. That it was an unexplainable feeling that my God sister was serving the Lord, and that it was through the community of Youth for Christ that we were able to meet.

Part of God’s plan? I think so. Through YFC, I found family. Literally.

And Praise God for her friend Rayzha. Because of her, she reminded me that God can work through all people. I saw Jesus Christ in her, because like Jesus, she was the bridge that connected me and my God-Sister. Praise God for the brothers and sisters in this community.

And there it is. Though long on paper, short and sweet in time.

ILC definitely cleared a lot in my mind. To not only be a witness to the happiness God has brought to the 7777 strong, but to be the recipient of His never ending love, is just something so much GREATER.

I owe a lot to this community…And if that one moment was made possible through the works that God has provided to everyone that was apart of the planning and execution of ILC, imagine what it would be like doing that Full-time…

PS, YCOM must run in the family or something, because from catching up with her, she was serving in YCOM before taking on new responsibilities. PRAISE GOD

Lord, Allow me to be like You. Let my cup overflow. Lord, I offer my life to You, take over.

Christi Crux Est Mea Lux

 

Sent

Last February I commenced training at another program within the organization I work for; but this time it was with women suffering from addictions. We’re not talking about marijuana or alcohol; we’re talking cocaine, amphetamines and other hard drugs.

All 11 women within the house are either currently involved or have been involved in the sex trade. Although some shifts posed their own challenges, one in particular made it difficult for me to go back to the program. At 6:45am, just 15 minutes before the end of my shift, the doorbell rang frantically. I rushed down the stairs and to my surprise, whoever was trying to get into the house was already in, and they began to scream and hit the walls, using profanity as they walked up and down the hallways. I called them to the front of the house and the woman (clearly intoxicated) ran up to me, face almost touching mine, and she continued to yell. I locked myself into the office and she began kicking the door, and banging on the windows. To cut the story short, I ended up calling the police to escort her to Recovery (another program) to sober up.

I went home that morning, clearly shaken. I took a long walk to the basilica where mass was soon to begin. Although physically and mentally drained, I wanted nothing more than to kneel and find rest in my Father’s house and to thank Him for keeping me safe throughout the ordeal.

That night, I laid in bed going over the occurrences of that day. I thought about the women in the program, my great fear of returning to work, and I started to ask God.. I asked Him to show me that He hadn’t forgotten about these women. Although I never label them as such, in lament terms (and as a biblical comparison), they are, in fact, prostitutes. But beyond that they experienced homelessness, mental and physical abuse, addictions.. Lord, did you forget about them? And before I even finished my question, a loud and clear voice said, “I sent you there, didn’t I?” I was shocked into silence. I was sent, to literally serve the people scoffed at by society, the people who were swept under the rug. It has been, and continues to be, a humbling experience.. It really made me realize that we are His instruments, and although the circumstances may not be ideal, or even good.. we are called, and we are sent.

The Shore

“Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified.“It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them:
“Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.
“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
– Matthew 14:25-33

Like Peter, the first time we answer to His calling for us in our life we usually doubt a lot and we experience many difficulties in our attempt to pursue the Lord. Our focus quickly loses it’s purpose and we become self indulged and our vision becomes narrow. Also, similar to Peter, we lack faith despite the numerous times the Lord has proven Himself to us. Countless times has the Lord proved Himself to me, even when He didn’t need to, and still my pride would get the best of me. Today, the Lord showed me, through Peter, a place where I want my faith to be.

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.”
– John 21:7

Upon realization, Peter was quick to jump out of the boat and go to Jesus, despite what happened last time he decided to go after Jesus across the water. I yearn to have as strong a will as Peter, when he decided to abandon the boat. In that moment, nothing else mattered to Peter except Jesus Christ. Nothing would get in the way of Peter getting to Jesus, not even the water that once caused him to sink. There was no doubt, no fear, no worry, only joy. How I long for that true joy because of Christ’s presence in my life.

A Salesian sister, Sr. Pat, shared with the leaders of the GTA the meaning of true joy today. She said that we are all living in the ocean, where the waves of our trials crash. The shore is the only thing that is able to bring peace to these waves, when they settle as they graze the grains of the sand. We are Peter, travelling across the heavy waters as we look to Jesus on the shore.

Heavenly Father, guide us in our pursuit of Your love and joy. May we never stray too far from the shore. Allow us to one day experience the peace that comes from being with You on the sands. May our lives never lose focus and may Your Name reign in our lives forever. Amen.

True Love

“Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you” – John 21:17

Today during his homily, Father Jijimon (yes, like digimon), explained how off the translation for the Bible was.

When we think of Jesus asking Peter if he loves Him three times, we think about how incessant Jesus is after Peter answers Him. But He never simply asked Peter if he loved Him. He asked if he love Him with agape love – with unconditional, sacrificial love. And Peter answers that he loves Him with phileo love, with a love of friendship and admiration. Jesus wasn’t making Peter repeat his answer – He was asking him to love Him more.

I often think about how many times Jesus has to ask me to love with agape love. How many chances He gives me to show Him that I would do anything for Him. When I first heard the homily I struggled with the fact that Peter did not just say yes. I used to think about how silly Peter was. How dumb he was to hurt our God like that. To deny Him the greatest love. Yes Lord, I love you unconditionally. It’s so easy to say. But I think that’s how Peter and I differ.

When Peter sins he cries bitterly. He sees that he has sinned and is so sorry. He is heartbroken over his failures to God. But for me, I would have easily said yes, and believed it. I would do anything to make God happy. But I would never look deep down, making sure 100% that this answer was true. Because although I would like to love Christ with agape love, my actions don’t show it. I would do whatever it takes, tell Him whatever He wants, to make Him happy, even if it wasn’t the truth. Because words are not enough for our God, it is our actions, our heart, our everything, that He wants.

And though it’s easier to live on the surface, to simply live to make others happy, it’s not the same as unconditional love. It’s not the same as agape. And although any love is amazing, agape is what we strive for. Agape is what God calls for.

State of Grace

Yesterday I had the privilege to witness Jak Jak and his classmates receive the Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist for their first time. It was so beautiful to see little children so excited to receive Jesus. The young boys were dressed up in suits (Jak in a barong), and the little girls dressed in small wedding gowns. Witnessing this answered a question I’ve been battling with for quite some time: “what is the proper disposition when receiving the Holy Eucharist?”

Ever since I learned there was a difference in the gravity of sin (venial, being the lighter sins and mortal being very grave, causing spiritual death), I’ve always found it hard to discern if I’m in the right state to receive our Lord. After confessing my sins to a priest one time, I mentioned to him how horrible and sorrowful I felt about the mortal sin I committed. He then asked “did you do it our of weakness or spite for God?” I told him that it was definitely out of weakness. He then assured me that since it was out of weakness and I tried my best to avoid the sin and that I was sorrowful and contrite for having offended God, he said that it was venial and not mortal. I thought that this would provide clarity to my understanding but actually I realize now that I haven’t stopped questioning my disposition. However, yesterday cleared it all up for me leaving no room for doubt.

Yesterday taught me very clearly that I must be as pure as a child receiving his/her first communion when I discern if I’m in the right disposition to receive it myself. In my discernment, if I feel that I’m not as pure as a child such as Jak Jak and his classmates, then I am not in the right state of heart to receive our Lord. Moments before receiving Jesus Christ, I shouldn’t be battling with my conscience. If I’m in the proper state, then I should be as excited as a child receiving the Eucharist for the first time. The children yesterday were not hampered with their conscience, but were simply ready and excited to receive our Lord. Naturally, my next question was “how do I become as pure as a child receiving our Lord for the first time?” The Holy Spirit immediately reminded me of Reconciliation.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation makes us pure as babies and white as snow. Given, of course, that we have a good confession, that we confess ALL sins and we are truly sorry and plan to change our ways because of His Love. Basically, to make a good confession and “repent and believe in the Gospel” (Mark 1:15). After receiving absolution, we are truly as innocent as children again.

Let us be like Jak Jak and his classmates and have that child-like faith when receiving our Lord. May we always be filled with excitement and joy, and truly recognize that loving, real presence of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist.

Heavenly Father, thank you for giving us the most precious gift in existence, Your Body and Blood for the sanctification of our souls. May we always be in the right disposition when receiving You, and give You all honour, glory, and reverence that you deserve, to dwell in a temple untainted. Help us to not make excuses when receiving You, Holy of Holies, but that we may have a good Confession to clear our conscience and purify our hearts. I am truly sorry for the times I have received You in the state of mortal sin. Most grievous sinner am I! Thank You for Your mercy in Confession. I love You, Lord. Please always have mercy on me, and by Your body and blood, may I be sanctified to make Your loving presence in this world more apparent to all. Amen.

Prayer

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“It’s unrealistic to think that the future of humanity can be achieved only on the basis of prayer, what we need is to take action.” – Dalai Lama

A brother sent me this tweet yesterday because he knew that I would align with it, and that I did. However, when I read it, I immediately had mixed emotions. Then I thought to myself, “Was I feeling this way because I felt guilty?”

Did I feel guilty because I wasn’t praying enough?

Or

Did I feel guilty because I wasn’t taking enough initiative?

I admit, at that moment, for some reason, I felt a sort of resentment towards the idea of “prayer”. Was prayer hindering me from taking action? Is prayer a form of procrastination? Why do I even pray? Do we truly believe that Mary hears us? Do we truly believe that Jesus hears us? Do we truly believe that God hears us?

Who says prayer isn’t an action?

I’m always so hard on myself when I forget to pray, or when I haven’t done the rosary in a while, or when I missed a novena. When I ruminate on the fact that I haven’t prayed this or that…I feel even more distant and far away from God. But I realized that this is the last thing God wants for us, to feel distant from Him.

So, I asked God today,

“Why is it so hard to pray all the time?”

To that He replied,

” It isn’t, you already do. “

And so I thought to myself what did He mean by this.

Our bodies are a living prayer.
Our thoughts…are prayers.
Whether they are good or not.
If our thoughts are bad…God already knows that our prayer is for them to be good.
If our thoughts are good…God already knows that our prayer is to keep us strong.
When we are focused on school…God knows that we are thankful for education.
When we don’t feel like praying…we are already praying to God to help us pray.
When we breathe…God knows that our body is thankful for the air that we breathe.

We are in action…
Communicating with God.
Prayer.

God calls us to be present.
To be aware that we are in prayer.
He wants us to recognize that we are in constant communication with God.
Those times when we feel like we’re not praying…
those are the times when we forget we are praying.

Those are the times when we forget that we are in the presence of God.

The Dalai Lama is right: “It’s unrealistic to think that the future of humanity can be achieved only on the basis of prayer, what we need is to take action.”

Praying is an action.

If praying to us is opening the door for an older woman, then we’re taking action.

If praying to us is feeding a homeless man, then we’re taking action.

If praying to us is voting, then we’re taking action.

If praying to us is saying ‘I love you’ to God, then we’re taking action.

We must recognize that ‘Prayer’ is active and not passive.

I pray because, I am already in prayer.
I do not feel guilty because I don’t pray enough,
I do not feel guilty because I don’t take enough initiative…
I feel guilty when I do not acknowledge God enough.
Prayer does not hinder or procrastinate my goals…
but it strengthens my relationship with God.
I believe that I am being heard…
Whether it be by Mama Mary, Jesus or Father God…because they are here.

Prayer is here.
Prayer is now.

Prayer is the sole action of my soul.

Amen 🙂

Confirmation


As I prepare for a talk I am to give to grade 8 students who are preparing for Confirmation, I decided to go through my old Confirmation scrapbook. It’s an amazing feeling to rediscover the person you were before and I couldn’t help but laugh at myself when I read my letter to the pastor of my parish.

“One reason I really want to go through with Confirmation is because I want to be closer to God. I want to be closer to God because soon I will be passing grade eight in elementary school and I will go straight to high school for grade 9. In high school there will be a lot of pressure in doing bad things that I do not want to do and the pressure will just grow higher and higher. There are many different characters in high school and I will need all the help I can get. I also need God because high school will also pile homework on top of me. I need help from God to help me keep my strength in completing my homework.”

If only I could revert back to a time where I had a child-like faith and when I thought high school homework was the hardest thing to do.

The Lord does not ask too much of us. Sometimes I think that the Lord piles a lot of weight on my shoulders but sometimes that’s just me piling it on myself. What the Lord asks of us is very simple, He asks us to love Him. That’s it. He doesn’t ask us to conquer the world, but only that we go to Him whenever we feel conquered by it. We must remember that we are children, vulnerable and often foolish. In humility, we must learn to always turn to the Lord in our inequities. Why should we turn to a world that is relentless without mercy when our God is relentlessly merciful? It’s the child-like faith that allows us to trust in our Father without doubt, without fear, and without failure.

Always has the Lord been there for us and always has He shown Himself to us; it is us that forgets the warmth of His embrace. As I browse my Confirmation scrapbook, I am able to witness the ways in my life in which the Lord has guided me. The victory is already won in that the Lord has already claimed my life. The closing prayer is my personal prayer made during my preparation for Confirmation.

By the way, my Confirmation saint is St. Francis Xavier.

Dear God, please give me the strength to live each day to the fullest. Protect those who are dear to me. I believe in only one God. I believe in only one faith. Keep me strong and keep my Catholic Faith alive. My life is to You, my love is to You. Protect my soul and repel me from every evil. Amen.