Trinity Run

Winter is fast approaching, and I can already feel my body starting to switch over to hibernation mode. Soon enough it’ll be too hard to get up out of bed, nearly impossible to escape out of those double duvets. Tis the season for excusing our way out of health habits.

I used to run regularly to maintain some sort of physical activity but that died down since who knows when. Spring is always difficult to face after long winters because of the three month break. I personally loathe treadmills and will refuse to get on one. I’d rather wait. I much rather prefer the great outdoors, but Toronto winter weather does very little to help with that. Daylight savings mean shorter days and longer nights. It takes approximately two weeks to adjust. My body is definitely losing on this front.

Our spiritual health suffers from the same changes. We have cycles where we’re going  strong- we’ve found some sort of groove with our prayer time and involvement with the sacraments. At these moments, our relationship with Christ is toned and trimmed. Excess weight cut off. The closer we get to Christ the less baggage we carry- our material and worldly desires no longer necessary. We are tied down to less.

But then, at some point, we face an itch of sorts. An itch that just needs to be scratched. A craving that just needs to be satisfied. A thirst that needs to be quenched. But instead of reaching for the healthy & obvious choice of water we go for the Coke. Pepsi. Ginger Ale. Root Beer.  And just like that, our impenetrable fortress comes crashing down. Why? Because we foolishly ignored that cracked wooden frame that started to break- little by little. It was easier to feign ignorance to something that needed fixing. It’s easier to give in and let our human needs win.

“I’m only doing it once.” I still exercise anyway. Cheating won’t hurt.” 

That’s what I realize happened to me. And for some reason or another, I kept making excuses and reasoned my way out of a very fruitful, beautiful prayer habit. It only took one small “set back”. I cut down my prayer time, my weekday church dates, and adoration drop ins so that I could bulk up on old habits which I knew were only going to get me in worse (spiritual) shape.

Negative thoughts filled my head. I became impatient, moody, and lethargic. Two weeks passed since my last confession, and although I knew I needed it PRONTO …my body would magically (temporarily) shake off the anxiety. It made me think I could keep going. Nyeh, it can wait.

Nope.

Confession is our detox. Our body needs to get rid of built up toxins the same way our soul needs to get rid of impurities. Getting through it is tough, but we always come out healthier afterwards. Praise God, for God because I finally went for that detox round. He knew I needed it. And I knew I needed it. The hardest step is always the first, the hardest run is always the most dreadful.

Our prayer life can be a long outstretched summer. However if we trip and fall into the darkness of winter, we shouldn’t despair. We don’t have to endure three months of waiting. We can choose to fast forward to spring.  My winter lasted 8 days too long, but today’s TRINITY RUN (adoration, confession and Holy Eucharist) allowed me to see the Son rise gloriously. Thankfully, our salvation and redemption is not bound by time, because we are loved by a God whose love is endless and timeless. 

 “A clean heart is a free heart. A free heart can love Christ with an undivided love in chastity, convinced that nothing and nobody will separate it from His love.”
-Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Brought to the Verge

A few days ago my manager called me over and mentioned that she has been looking all over the store specifically for me. She then brought me to a deaf customer who needed some help learning how to send e-mails from her iPad. In our exchange this deaf woman communicated to me that her kids bought her this iPad so that they could video chat and email each other since her son lives in Australia and her daughter lives in Hungary. She was alone at the store, but at the end of our interaction she thanked me and gave me the biggest and most genuine smile I’ve seen in a while, because she now had hope and confidence in being able to reach her kids.

Every single day the Lord brings me to the verge of tears by exposing me to simple situations that hold so much emotional value. He is specific in what He wants me to witness.

—

Over the past few months I’ve been preparing my heart for the possibility of leaving. Whenever I think about it my heart races.

The thought of being alone, the thought of not knowing where I am, the thought of not knowing where I’ll be tomorrow… is scary. But then I think to myself that comfort is only one tiny piece of what I’m capable of experiencing in the entirety of my human experience.

I think that to be fully human is to allow oneself to experience a wide range of joy, love, loss, fear, agony, loneliness… and hope. So why then would I put at stake my experience of being fully human just for a life of comfortably?

I’m going to leave. One way or another.

There is a greater breadth of emotion that awaits us if we let the Lord lead us to the verge of what we think we know about ourselves.

Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries”

Why?

Why care what other people think when your ultimate goal is to reach to heaven and be with God? Why do you need to impress people let them see that you do good deeds? Why look for acceptance when God accepts you and is merciful towards you as long as you repent? Why put on a front when deep down you’re in need of the Lord and a person to talk to (i.e. Priest/Spiritual Director)? Why get bothered when someone discourages you when your main encourager is always in your presence? Why look for attention when the Lord is always attentive towards you? The Whys go on and on …

These worldly things are not worth it. Why leave heaven in heaven?

Lets bring down heaven here on earth. God Bless.

 

Philippians 1:3-5

I have been affirmed in my journey that every person matters. Every relationship matters. The brotherhood matters. The sisterhood matters. Relationships make the community what it is. We experience Christ personally through our relationships. When we make ourselves vulnerable and open to each other, we are inviting Christ to love us through each other’s words and deeds. When we share our hardships, we allow God to comfort us with words of affirmation. When we share our weaknesses, we allow God to correct us and show us a better way.

Praise God for all the people I have encountered thus far in my journey. Without you, I would not have a fruitful and meaningful relationship with the Lord. Without you, I would not know Christ’s love personally.

I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. – Philippians 1:3-5

 

Just a Glimpse

Just got back from an amazing, and very very very fruitful CFC-Y Pacific upper core retreat. Just a tiny reflection.

This weekend I was able to just take in what the community really is about. The relationships in Christ and growing with each brother and sister. With that being said. I’m scared…weird. But not in the way that its usually associated with, but scared because we have no idea what amazing ways God is going to mold us, and mold this community. Pictures are worth a thousand words or so, but imagine what it took to paint the beautiful picture of this community. The endless yes’ for the Lord…Imagine what kind of the picture its going to be for the years to come. Amazing. Let’s prepare. The Lord is moving swiftly, and is molding with strong conviction that this community is something the world needs. Let us behold our Mother, Queen of heaven, and behold Her Son, Jesus Christ.

Lord, allow me to keep searching You. For the yes’ that I need to make.

Deo Gloria

Fog

Here I am on a plane in Vancouver headed back to Toronto, trying to take in the past seven days that were spent in beautiful British Columbia. So much has happened that it’s been challenging processing it all. But, I will write passionately about the dreaded fog that seemed to cover all of Vancouver and its surrounding cities for the first five days of our trip. So much frustration built inside of me throughout the whole time. From early morning to late at night, this annoying blanket covered almost every inch of the region. We’d be sitting in a car, traveling from place to place, and be told of the beauty that lay behind the fog. The most that I ever saw were the outlines of a phantom mountain range.

I was convinced that I would leave Vancouver with only memories of an unveiled, hidden gem. No breathtaking views. No jaw dropping moments. No beauty to behold.

But, on the sixth day, the sun came out and revealed it all. As we drove towards downtown Vancouver, the view opened up before us. Before me were mountains upon mountains that stretched in every direction, left to right.

“Open the eyes of my heart Lord.
Open the eyes of my heart.
I want to see you. I want to see you.
High and lifted up. Shining at the light of your glory.
Pour out your power and love. As we sing, holy, holy, holy!”

There they were. Each peak high and lifted up. The magnificence of mother nature right before my eyes. This was worth the wait.

As I stare out at the screen in front of me, images blurring in and out, three hours into the plane ride, I realize that each of us has had some sort of fog experience in our life. Time and time again, we’re told of God’s greatness, His majesty, and His grandeur. Before we ever had our “Jesus Expo” moment, God was just something other people talked about.  We acknowledged His presence but we never really believed it. And it made me think: do we, or have we, let our own personal fog get to our heads and drive us crazy? Why is it so easy for us to be skeptical? Why do we believe something only when our sight is satisfied?

The Lord is a lot like the mountains in BC. Sometimes His presence isn’t as obvious to us, but that doesn’t mean He’s not there. The more hidden the mountains were, the more we sought them out. And at the right time, we were able to personally witness what lay behind the fog. In the same way, God hides so that we come out of our hiding places. His absence should make us yearn deeply for Him, not drive us away. He is as real as those mountains.

When I am hidden from you, seek me. Never stop until you find me. And when you find me, you will know that I have never abandoned you.

I really feel that in my heart that the Lord is continuing to purify my intentions for Full Time Pastoral Work. This specific mountain experience gave me a different perspective and allowed me to build on my conviction.

How many youth are still blinded by their own fog?
How many of them have given up and lost hope?
-lost patience with their lives and lost patience with themselves?

I have witnessed too much of Christ in my life to not actively participate in His unveiling. By carrying out the work that the Lord has entrusted to me, I choose to be a bearer of light and hope in this world. I want the youth in my Sector, in my Area, in my Region, in my Country, in this continent to enjoy the beauty of the mountains- the mountain of His great love and mercy.

And that begins with hope. 

“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.”- Hebrews 10:36

 

 

 

* PS. I am back in the concrete jungles of the GTA and wrote this on my plane ride back from the North American Leaders Summit.