This past weekend in Pacific, we conducted the MCG Retreat. It was very fruitful! I couldn’t help but be affirmed that the Lord is truly with us on this journey.  The retreat was entitled “Here I Am” taken from the book of Samuel, when the Lord called him by name and he answered “Here I am!” When the Lord calls, we come as we are.

As I look back on my journey I realize how much the Lord really loves me because even if I’ve lived a sinful life, He still affirmed me of His love and kept calling me to follow Him. He has truly called me to come and follow Him as I am, with all my sins, weaknesses, failures, limitations, and unworthiness. He calls me by name knowing how much I’ve hurt Him. He is truly a Father that loves and is full of mercy and compassion.

Heavenly Father, here I am, a criminal according to your justice but a son according to your mercy and justification in Jesus Christ. Thank you for being so patient with me. Your tenderness calls out to me and causes me to keep inching forward. Your grace sustains me when I falter and when I’m down. Thank You God for everything. Thank You for calling me as I am, without the fig leaves. I cannot hide from Your love. May Your fire illuminate the darkness and incinerate all that hinders me from loving You. Our Lady of perpetual help, pray for me and all sinners. We fly unto you!

 

So, I guess this is the first time I am actually posting something on a blog.  Not really sure how to do one, but let me see how the Lord will lead this post … how He will lead this journey, this new beginning as a mission volunteer.

Before making the decision to become a mission volunteer, I was actually unsure if I was going to apply or not.  I still remember the first time I ever thought of the idea of becoming a full-time missionary, a full-time pastoral worker.  This was back in April 2012.  I went to Vancouver for work purposes.  Little did I know, something in me felt an urge to serve, to serve God somewhere far away from home, somewhere outside the comfort of the city where I have lived in for more than 17 years.  I met up with Ate Lissa Untalan while in Vancouver, who at that time was a FTPW, and I spoke with her about what was going on through my mind at that time.  We had a very good, and deep conversation, about our spiritual lives.  Then conference came, it was in Ottawa.  It was there where I felt a strong calling from the Lord, as if He wanted me to go, to come to Him, closer to Him, a call to serve Him totally and completely.  It was then when I first expressed a desire to possibly discern if full-time work was what God was calling me to do.  I spoke with Butch Baria, as well as John Acosta concerning these desires that were being stirred within my heart.  I then found out that to be an SFC full-time pastoral worker, one needed to have completed some sort of post-secondary education.  This was a big blow to me, since at that time, I had not finished my university degree.  So there was a decision I needed to make, whether to go back to school (which I dredded at that time), or take some courses to obtain a certification of some sort, or … well I wasn’t sure what to do.  I prayed hard, and thought about it through and through.  Until finally, I made the decision to go back to school and finish my degree, which would take approximately 2 years, finishing by the spring of 2015.  I enrolled for school, I got into the classes I registered for, and I felt a peace within me, knowing I had made the right (or best) decision.  Then John Acosta made a visit here and we were able to talk about the program.  Funny thing is, he eventually told me that if I wanted to apply to become an SFC FTPW, there were exceptions and that I would no longer need to have post-secondary education.  This made me laugh, since I had already registered for school.  So my discernment continues …. the MV program is finally in effect, and here I am, taking that step, not sure if it’s a big or small one, but nonetheless putting my feet into the water of where the Lord is leading me in my life.  What am I expecting in this program?  I don’t know, I don’t know what to expect.  Can I see what’s going to happen in the future?  No I can’t, I can’t see and I don’t know where this program will take me.  But what I do know, is that the Lord is guiding every step of the way, and I leave it up to His VERY CAPABLE Hands, and wait, and see, where this road will take me.  It’s a very fitting start to the year, with the theme of BEHOLD and PONDER, which allows me to have this grace to be able to behold the work of the Lord, and ponder on His works and His power in my life to make all things possible.

May God be praised.

Our worth is immeasurable by human hands and by human heart. It is measured by our love and attachment to the Lord, in which only He is the Right Judge.

Though there are others that say, “Praise God for you! How do remain so consistent? You’re so prayerful,” I feel hesitant at times to accept it, and I’ve been conflicted for a while as to why… As I reflected more on it, I have come to terms to understand that I can’t agree because the measure is always different. To them, it seems more than enough. As for me… I can’t help but feel that I can give more. I can do more. And the reality is: that will always be true. Never – so long as I am human – will I ever be worthy .. never will I have given enough… not UNTIL I join my Father in heaven, and the only way I can do this is to always STRIVE FOR MORE; PUSH FOR MORE – PRAY FOR MORE.

In prayer, I have full faith that my heavenly Father Who IS enough will lead me to be worthy of the day. It is in this trust that I will strive to be careful and pull away from idle time…

There will always be a chance to do more… be more… and go ABOVE and BEYOND each and every time. 

Totus Tuus.
Totally Yours.

 

Philippines Week #6
Saturday, March 8, 2014

Today I spent most of the Day with the Echavez’ family.
I tagged along with the Echavez’ family at SM Fairview.
It was nice being able to go around and run errands with Tita, to play with KC their grand-daughter, and to just talk with the family.

I think this made me miss my family even more.
It made me miss home.

There was this moment during the afternoon where I was just going around the SM Fairview Mall.
There was so many people.
As I peaked in each store and looked around

I can’t believe that I am actually in the Philippines
I noticed that there are times when
I am found in my own thoughts
And I become aware of where I really am
In the Philippines
By myself
Blessed
I sometimes I would tear because I still can’t believe that I am here

He placed me with a beautiful and selfless host family
He placed me in the North A Sector
It is not a coincidence that I am in North A (NA)
I am originally from (North America)

And my fellow FTPW trainee is in Central A, (CA)
He is originally from (California)
Ok, I know you’re thinking that this connection is far fetched…

 

I say it is perfect.

 He places us exactly where we are suppose to be

There are a few times where I do question my anointing…
I feel that I am not good enough
That there are other people who are better than me and more capable

I am not worthy

But I was reminded once again that…
I will never be worthy anyways
It is He who makes me worthy
It is He who anoints

Sometimes its hard,
But I know God is strongest in me when I am most honest with myself
When I am honest with how I feel and with what I am going through

In the end,

I am called
To be where I am
Not because of  my skills or abilities

But simply because

He knows me inside and out
Knows my every imperfection
But still calls me lovingly to be part of His mission.

Amen 🙂

“No matter how imperfect you are, Jesus still calls us to be a part of His the mission “

Today I learned a new song at our CFC-Singles for Christ General Assembly. I’ve actually heard it before as my brother covered it for CFC-Youth a couple of years ago (Love you Mike =D) but today was the first time that I was actually able to sing it in worship.

From the rivers to the seas
From the valleys to the peak of the mountains
You are God

From the skies to the stars
From the clouds to the heavens above us
You are God

You are God of this world
I am living
You are God of these dreams
I’ve been longing
You are God of this Life
That I’ve been striving for 
You are Larger than Life

It was a fitting song for this day as we are reminded in the readings from Mass of how powerful, loving and all-knowing the Lord is in our lives. How He is God and how He is greater than anything we could ever bring to Him.

Moses was able to strike upon a rock with his walking staff and bring the Israelites water after they were wandering many days from Egypt. Many questioned where Moses and by extension where the Lord was leading them.

Yet, after seeing this how could they question anymore? 
“Is the LORD in our midst or not?”
Exodus 17:3-7

Again in the Gospel we are reminded of how the Lord knows our hearts and how much we thirst for Him. How only his “water” can sustain us from ever thirsting again. After hearing Jesus speak, the woman knew for her heart to not be restless that she needed to draw closer to Him. John 4:5-42

I know for myself, it is very easy to doubt in my abilities and the path that I am taking. New responsibilities  as an MV, having a full-time job, being a household head, boyfriend, brother and son can be taxing at times. It is easy to make excuses for those different aspects of my life but these readings and this song are a reminder one very important truth. A truth the resounds in the deepest part of my heart. A truth where I know that I can lift all the good and bad things in my life all up to Him and everything will be OK. And that truth is:

God is Greater

Ever have those moments when you eat something, that piece of food is just stuck in your mouth, attaching itself to the upper lining of your mouth, or it sits dry on your tongue? When I received the Holy Eucharist today and knelt down on my knees, I felt just that…

The consecrated Host lay in my mouth and it just remained dry… It just wouldn’t dissolve despite of having tried to for a while. Then, as I closed my eyes, I said…

“Be with me Lord, I thirst.”

At that moment, the Host moistened and it became consumable.

No matter how much knowledge of faith we consume, it just sits there, like the consecrated Host, until we receive it wholly and holy with the Lord. Despite of it being GOOD, something so holy cannot be consumed with just our human hands and our human selves. The fact is: WE NEED THE LORD, ALWAYS in order to fully consume the WORD. And the WORD won’t reveal Itself in our lives unless we CHOOSE to welcome Him in and be embraced by His love.

Coming from RYC WORD, this moment and its revelation attached is only so fitting. As knowledgeably holy as I try to be, I can never be whole until I allow myself to completely unify my heart and my mind with the Lord.

Holiness is WHOLENESS.

I cannot be whole without the Lord. In “consuming” holiness, it isn’t enough to ask and to receive. It isn’t enough to seek and to find, but I must ALWAYS (no matter how simple or how complex my situation may be) knock to meet God where He is always waiting for me, right where I am, to open the door.

I’m human. I am a sinner. And I thirst. But He is the only Drink that can quench what is dry, and allow me to consume what is holy so that I can be whole. Realizing this, my prayer stands…

Be with me Lord… I thirst.

And in this prayer, I am brought back to my life verse:
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”
(Psalm 130: 5-6)

Amen.

I went to mass last Wednesday and I was seated beside a tita who served in CFC-Youth. Since we were both taking the same train we just walked together after mass. I realized then that it’s not yet 6:30pm meaning I have to get and Add-on to my train ticket which is $1.25. I told the tita if we can wait for another 20mins before going home and just stay in the mall and it was okay with her. I was just expecting that we would sit in one of those couches in the mall and talk for 20mins.

Surprisingly she suggested that we go to H&M so 20mins won’t be so long. So we went to the shop and just strolled around trying to see if there is anything on sale. Not for long we were looking at some clothes and I noticed that we both do the same thing. After looking at the design, checked on the price tag right after. Then she asked me how I manage things with what I want to have and what I buy.

I told tita that I really had to change my lifestyle. I remember when I first joined missionary work, it was a conscious effort for me to do that. The change of lifestyle includes primarily the frequency of shopping, watching movies, acquiring gadgets and going to places for leisure. Eventually the change of lifestyle goes beyond  being financially conscious to simplicity of lifestyle and good stewardship.

There is no sense of deprivation, everything becomes a blessing. The Lord takes a greater part of what and how life is lived. Everything is of the Lord because the Lord is everything.

 

“Thank you God for all the things that you have provided us with. You are generous and caring, you never stop seeking for us. Most blessed Father, may we know how to seek you first above all things and place everything that we have – jobs, material wealth, relationships under it and may your Holy Spirit help us always.”