True North Missionaries Journal

For the past couple of years now, I’ve felt the Lord reminding me to be humble.  To be honest, I always thought I was a humble guy … but it was God Who revealed to me how much pride was in my heart.  Going through many different experiences these past few years, God has really made me realize how much pride is in me, and how much I need to pray for more humility (continuously) in my life.  For the many times I’ve looked down on others, judged others, thought negatively of others, thinking myself better than others (putting myself above them), and just not giving others the benefit of the doubt … basically, not SEEING and LOVING them the way God wants me to.

Just this week I had a household and one of the main topics of discussion was humility.  We did Lectio Divina, and we used the Second Reading for Palm Sunday (Philippians 2:6-11).  We were reminded of Christ’s humility …. I was thinking .. wow.  God Himself, humbled Himself, taking the form of a human being, a slave!  He was silent as He was being led to His death … death on a cross.  Makes me look like such a prideful person, having so much ego, being easily irritable and annoyed at people who I have felt have been unfair with me (even with the smallest things!).  It is during these times when I ask God to help me be humble.  The funny thing is (as we all probably know), when we ask God to help us at a certain virtue, He doesn’t just give it to us magically, but He puts us in situations where we can PRACTICE that certain virtue.  So I realize that every time I ask God to help me be humble, to teach me true humility, he puts me in situations where I need to PRACTICE HUMILITY, and this happens constantly.  I’ve learned (which I’ve also heard from teachings on humility) that being humble is a continuous act of letting go of our pride, and humbling ourselves, DAILY.  It is not something that we achieve, wherein we say “Aha!  I’m finally humble!” .. but it is a daily genuine act of humbling ourselves before the Lord, humbling ourselves with the people we interact with everyday; knowing that GOD IS THE SOURCE OF ALL GOOD, that all the gifts, talents, blessings we have are all from HIM.  Actually reminds me, even with something like playing a basketball game.  Sometimes, my own pride would make me think “I’m so good,” then the Lord would humble me, making me realize, oh okay, I’m not as good as I think I am (this actually happened to me when we lost a basketball game in a league I play for, it humbled me in the confidence I had in myself, realizing that it’s actually the Lord Who gives the ability for us to do things, i.e. win a basketball game).  Funny, but true.  So, what did I learn?  Well, I learned that I must truly humble myself to be able to experience God’s victory in my life.  If I don’t (if I rely on me, myself, and I), if I put confidence in ME, then where would God be in the picture?  If we could do things on our own and without God, if we let pride get the best of us, then how can God be truly glorified?

So as I conclude this blog, and as I continue to struggle with foolish pride, I continue to ask God daily to help me be humble, to help me practice humility, to help me see things for the way they are, to help me see the best in other people, to help me see them through God’s eyes, with eyes of LOVE, and that I am a sinner who needs GOD every minute of the day, and that I can DO NOTHING WITHOUT HIM … but WITH HIM, I CAN DO ALL THINGS.

“If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves.Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.Let the same mind be in you that wasin Christ Jesus, Who, though He was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death— even death on a cross. Therefore God also highly exalted Him and gave Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father”

Philippians 2:1-11

(March 30-April 5)

Travelling 14 hours from Vancouver I arrived in Manila then after waiting from 5 hour delay from Manila to Palawan, I finally arrived being able to attend the Social Action activities of Pre-Icon. After experiencing two ICON’s in the past years I couldn’t believe that I was here the third time. Stepping foot on Philippine ground, breathing in the humid air, I asked the Lord “Why do you want me to experience another year?”

SA (Social Action) consisted of three days of YFC advocacy related activities. I met my group mates for SA who named our group “Chaolong” (which is a Palawan delicacy). We visited children who were abandoned in the orphanages, we planted 600 mangrove trees in the river, we met prisoners hearing out their stories, and did random acts of kindness around Palawan. This was where I felt affirmed of why I was here  in the Philippines the third time. God wanted me to experience and see Him in every place we went and in everyone that I met. He didn’t want me to experience it alone but with my brothers and sisters. 

He wanted me to see Him in each brothers and sisters from YFC all over the world, in every abandoned child witnessing glimpses of hope, in the stillness of nature, in the inspiring testimonies of each men in the prison, and in each random person I encountered with kindness. I was reminded that when we experience life with one another it becomes a journey.

In mission, God reminds us that we cannot do it alone. Yes, we each have our own personal mission but it is through the people we encounter and journey with who allow us to live out the fullness of life. Experiencing His greatness as one, inspiring one another as a whole, and living out our purpose as followers of Christ. When we are one in unity with one another, we are one with Christ. Mission brings forth unity.

 

Benedictus Deus in Saecula

 

The past few weeks have been pretty tough. I was faced with a decision that I wasn’t sure I was able to make alone, but at the same time I was almost terrified to open up to my parents about. This problem just kept growing and it came to the point where asking for prayers, going to mass, reflecting and just listening at Mass couldn’t help calm my nerves. I knew I had to tell my parents. But how?

I’ve been having financial issues and being at a young age, others would think that’s almost unlikely but well, it was. I was getting nervous as the school year was slowly ending because I knew my bills would just pile on, and my anxiety grew along with it. This week it came to a decision (after speaking with my professors, the dean, financial, a few close friends) that taking time off school to work was the only option. I was just so afraid to tell my parents about the situation I was in, and telling them that if I took the year off, they would take it the wrong way. My parents take great pride in me going to school, almost one year into finishing my undergrad only because out of my whole family here in Canada, I’m the only one in school. Here I am going crazy and keeping up with this expectation they have from me, it’s only understandable as to why I wouldn’t want to leave school, because it seems like I’m giving up and taking the easy way out.

So today, I was cooking lunch with my mom and she asked me “Oh how is your internship search?” Immediately my blood started rushing to my brain, shortness of breath and just looked at her saying *omg she knows*. I told her, “oh it’s okay.. But mom, it’s expensive and I still haven’t paid off my previous balance” and she asked me “How much is it?” And I told her.. Then she said “How are you going to pay that off?” I responded “Mom I really don’t know…” And I didn’t even catch myself but my mom was like “Wait, why are you crying, what’s wrong?” And I told her everything. Everything. From my financial situations to my decision to take a year off school.

She had a blank expression and there I knew… Omg, it’s over, I knew I shouldn’t have told her. She looked at me and said “Anak (my child), don’t worry, take a deep breathe and pray. Pray hard. Put all your worries to us and to God because we don’t want you worrying. Do not worry for there is a solution” and there I just stared at her..

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
– 1 Peter 5:7

The Lord often reminds us that our parents are there for us in times of trouble and in need, just as He is. Going back to what a brother shared during his talk “You can pray all you want, say the rosary as many times, but are you doing something above that to help your problem?”

At that moment I couldn’t help but smile but cry tears of joy because she knew exactly what to say to help me calm my heart and my nerves. All this act of independency grew into such a prideful attitude I completely abandoned my parents and seeking for their help. Although He made sure I wouldn’t ultimately turn away from my parents and He continuously pulled me back and reminded me that my parents are here for a reason, do not turn away from them.

Evening and Happy last week of Lent to everyone.

The last 3 or 4 weeks has been such a interesting journey for myself and everyone around me. This has been craziest ups and downs I ever had.   The last few weeks God has been really pulling me towards the Sacraments even more. Showing me how important they should be to myself and every Catholic out there. I would say the thing he wants me to learn on my journey as a MV is to know the Sacraments on a deeper level not just as what I know now. But to examine the Sacraments to help me  improve my life and to purify it.

 

I was lucky to have time to meet up with one of my favourite priest that is not located in Edmonton anymore. He happened to be here on a mission trip to promote Vocations in a few of the parishes in Edmonton.

Father Mike said this few times when we were talking and it fit in with me becoming close to the Sacraments.

 

Peter said to Him, “Never shall You wash my feet!” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.         John 13:8

 

That Verse really hit me because going to confession is a way for Jesus to wash our feet (aka wash our sins away)

This shows how I am falling in love with our Lord even more with the help of the Sacraments! And how I wanting to be even closer to God and the Sacraments are leading even closer to him with out me really noticing. In the end I pray that God keeps showing the us ways of becoming closer to him by the Sacraments he has given to us.

 

 

 

 

The heart is a mystery.

Its strength, derived from its simple beats that pump the blood throughout the body to make it function to the blood pumping to our brains to allow our minds to think. Sometimes, even a little too much. And in the mechanical ways our bodies function, we are able to celebrate in happiness, jump in rejoice, walk with confidence, breathe with life, and laugh in joy, along with so much more!

Its weaknesses, derived from the endless, swaying emotions of the human heart, causing heartbreak, anxiety, pains in which often times, we want to leave untouched and unnoticed allow us to experience brokenness and sorrow.

But have we ever thought about how strengths and weaknesses come together? In the same ways my heart allows me to rejoice and at times feel sorrow, in the Lord, I find myself standing in the middle where strengths and weaknesses comes together…

When I am weak and broken, I just want to crawl into my bed and curdle in comfort, but above my comfort…above my own embrace, our Father cradles me in an embrace that I have yet to discover completely. And slowly, the pain and tears stop and what I begin to feel is Warmth as my companion.

When I am hurt and want to give up, falling down on my knees in complete submission, our Father turns my submission away from nothingness, which seemingly begins to feel empty… and in my tears and hopelessness, I suddenly find myself, falling on my knees in an internal worship and living adoration.

When I’m in pain and my head begins to feel like an overloaded express of different alleyways and VIA rails with endless and unknown destinations, the Lord takes over as the Conductor and simplifies the complexities, leading them all towards one destination… The Heart. His Sacred Heart.

Throughout this weekend, I’ve found myself being challenged with my heart. How can I trust? How can I have hope? How do I do this when I can’t help, but carry a deep sorrow? The answers came one by one.

1. “The spiritual equivalent of sorrow is peace. And in peace, there are no emotions – there is FAITH.” (Tito Mike Almojuela)

2. “If the heart is SINCERE, feelings of emptiness and dryness will be refreshed.” (Ricardo Canlas)

3. “Tears are prayers of the soul; it washes away the mud of the heart.” (Ricardo Canlas)

4. “Suffering means God is trying to make adjustments.” (Ricardo Canlas)

In all honesty, the heart cannot be explained in one blog post/ reflection. Allowing every part of our beings to function, there is much to be written about it. But what I have come to know is this: above all things, the heart allows us to live. And in living, something is in the works; God is in the works, and in my weaknesses, He is adjusting a Perfect Fit in all of my being. If I can’t bring myself to open my heart and trust, the only one I can trust with no hesitation is God. And in this trust, I can take comfort that He is taking care of me. I have nothing to fear.

God is PERFECT.
God is Love.
And perfect love casts out all fear.

The heart is beautiful.
In its functions, I am simply able to BE.
TO BE is beautiful as much as it is beautiful to be honest and sincere and persevere.
In sincerity, emptiness and dryness is cast out and as a result, there is peace.
PEACE is beautiful… and PEACE IS WHERE I WANT TO BUILD MY HOME, FULL of LOVE.

“I give thanks to God always for you because of the grace of God which was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him with all speech and all knowledge — even as the testimony to Christ was confirmed among you — so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ; who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”
(1 Corinthians 1: 4-9)

ALL OF THIS… IT ALL COMES FROM THE HEART, LEADING US TO FAITH.

If home is where the heart is, then I want to rest my heart in His Sacred Heart, where sorrow meets peace, and compassion sows love.

“Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary, I consecrate my entire self to the Most Holy Love of  Your Two Hearts. I wish to make reparation for all the sins of the world, including my own. I offer these things for the love of the hearts of Jesus and Mary.

I will keep my mind on beauty and turn my thoughts from evil things. I will hold my temper and bear the mistakes of others with love and a forgiving heart. I will admit when I am wrong and ask others to forgive me. I will not show off, but remain humble. I will offer up all my sufferings, sickness and hurts. I will seek God’s Will, not my own. I will show appreciation for the kindness, the blessings that I receive, and thank God for all things. I will do everything in my life for love of God. And, I will love others, as God has loved me.

O Sacred Heart of Jesus, through the intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, receive the offering and consecration I now make of myself to You. Keep me faithful unto death. Bring me one day to the happy home in heaven. I desire to live forever with God the Father and the Most Holy Spirit and You my Jesus, together with Your Most Immaculate Mother. AMEN.”

Most people don’t know that I’ve been living on my own for about 1 and a half years now. To make a long story short, my mom was let go from a really great job and struggled for 6 months to find comparable employment in Toronto. The answer to our prayers at the time was found in Estevan, Saskatchewan, which is where she was able to find security for the present and her future retirement. My dad followed her 6 months later and was also able to find a much better job in the same company as my mom. Meanwhile, I made the decision to stay in Toronto because I was finishing my post-graduate certificate program and someone needed to stay to take care of the house.

At the time before my mom and dad moved, my relationship with both of my parents was strained. I was growing up and had my own plans, which didn’t always mesh well with what they had in mind. It wasn’t like we didn’t love each other anymore. Our relationship as a family was going through “growing pains” because slowly but surely I was becoming more rational, logical, and independent. I could make decisions that they didn’t agree with, but had to accept, because I was an adult.

Truth be told, I know that God called my parents to move to Saskatchewan for two major purposes. First, He wanted to bring my family closer in love through Christ. I cherish my parents so much more because I don’t see them often – every word and minute counts! Second, God loves me too much to let me grow in pride. I used to think that I could get through life with my own strength because I knew I was smart and strong willed. Now I know that living independently requires living in dependence on Christ.

Learning to live on my own is the hardest thing that I have had to do so far. I continue to struggle financially, with loneliness, and being disciplined in balancing all aspects of my life. However, it is in my daily struggle to live a full Catholic life that God shows me that He loves me, He is taking care of me, and that He has my life right in the palm of His hands. 

A.M.D.G

“but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
[2 Corinthians 12: 9-10]