True North Missionaries Journal

A number of time’s in Sunday’s Gospel have You reminded me of my shortcomings and how I have hurt You. How many times have I negotiated with sin in exchange of You? How many times have I made commitments to You and have broken them? How many times have I hurt you when I hurt others? How many times have I denied you? How many times have I been unfaithful with my prayer life and let temptation creep back to me? How many times have I chosen against what I ought to do? Like the apostles, the soldiers, Judas and Pilate, I have wronged and failed You many times.

At the same time You remind me of how much You love and want me entirely for Yourself.  Thank You for loving me so much even though I’m unworthy.  Abba Father, thank You for holding me with Your mercy and covering me with your grace. “Where sin increases, grace abounds all the more.”

Just as Mary and Mary Magdalene remained facing your tomb, allow me to do the same in prayer anticipating Your glorious resurrection.

Totus tuus

(April 6-April12)

As I attended my 3rd YFC International Conference in Palawan, Philippines this year God revealed His love for me like no other. It’s amazing how God will continue to provide even if I doubted in His plan. I didn’t expect to be sitting front row with the international delegates the 3rd time. My expenses and getting approved from work wasn’t an issue, although I thought it was. God just wanted me to trust that He would provide for everything. He did.

The theme of the ICon was “Revival”. Throughout ICon I was amazed of how great God is and I reflected on how God simply wants to show us His love. He wants us to know how much He really loves us and how much He is willing to sacrifice for us.

In CFC-Youth I am reminded of God’s love everyday. I’m reminded of why I joined my first youth camp, my first yes and my continuous yes to God. In this community I found Christ and it really amazes me of how much God is willing to love me even when I am difficult to love. I fell in love with the community once again during this Icon and through my love for the community, my love for Christ has been renewed and He has captivated my heart once again. I witnessed beauty and pure joy in every brother and sister I met. Seeing the smile of Christ in each and everyone of their faces. I am amazed by how amazing God is. When we offer Him everything, He provides more than we need or even desire.

“Revival is the love of God that built this community.”  –Kuya Lawrence Quintero

CFC-Youth is a journey of love. After 21 years of Youth For Christ the mission has remained the same; to love. God will continue to amaze me in my life because I know that His plans are far more greater than my own.

I am God’s beloved and so are you!

Benedictus Deus in Saecula

 

This is a teaching I gave recently that I wanted to share with you all. May we have a blessed and meaningful Holy Week! 

It’s Holy Week once again. As Christians we commemorate and reflect on the meaning of the passion and suffering of Jesus Christ. It is just an ordinary week  to many but something more personal to us.

Below is the acronym H-O-L-Y W-E-E-K to help us make this week not just an ordinary week but a truly meaningful and a holy one.

HALT! Stop for a while, or at least slow down. Take time to rest and relax. Your body needs rest, so find time to be still. Go away, disappear. Rest a while.

OFF  with your worldly pursuits and concerns. Turn off your cellular phone if you have to, so that you can focus on your spiritual life this week. Forget quotas, forget deadlines and forget performance. Just be. Don’t let the world and its cares disturb the tranquility of your mind and soul this week. Let the world go by, and let the Lord take care of everything for once. Surprise yourself. Rediscover your inner strengths and simple joys. OFF to the world. ON to your heart. ON to your God.

LISTEN. If you are in the Off or Silent mode, then you can really listen, pray and meditate. Take time to listen to God and tell him what’s happening with your life. Allow the Father to wrap His loving arms around your shoulders once again and just listen. Listen also to your own inner self, not just to your day-to-day wants and needs. Is there something you are missing in your life? Is there something more you need to do?

 YIELD to God. Let go of your grip on your own life. Be on the lookout for His road signs as you travel on. Listen to His instructions, and you will find your way. Better still, let Him do the navigating and the driving.

WARM up your relationships. Time to allow your loved ones to feel that warm-and-sunny-spring you and not the cold-and-cloudy-winter you. Reach out to the people you have taken for granted or left out altogether. Time to call a friend and use your lifeline, or ask your audience – for an apology, for help, for suggestions. Call, talk, write, smile and hug. Use anything that will help you repair, restore and revitalize your relationships.

ERASE the burdens of guilt and sin with a good, honest and humble confession. Heed God’s call: “Come back to me, with all your heart. Don’t let sin keep us apart. Long have I waited for your coming home to me.” In response to God’s love, may we all say to God, especially this week: “Create a clean heart in me; 0 God. Give back to me the joy of your salvation.” Time also to erase hurts, resentments, anger and ill feelings. Forgive people who hurt you, and ask for forgiveness from people you have hurt, cheated, used or abused in any way.

EXPRESS your love. Whatever you do, especially this week, like praying, fasting, works of penance and deeds of charity, let them all be expressions of your love and gratitude to God. Let them be done not out of fear, or out of obligation.

KNEEL down. In humility, kneel down in prayer before God and thank Him for suffering so much. Thank Him for dying on the cross and for rising again for our salvation. Somebody died for you and me. Let us not allow this week to pass without personally thanking Him.

As our lenten journey comes to a close may this Holy Week be a time for us to Halt, Off, Listen, Yield to God, Warm up, Erase, Express our love and Kneel down so that we may appreciate the reason why we call this week Holy!

PRAYER OF REFLECTION:  Lord, help me make Holy Week really holy. Amen

For more than three years now, the Lord has blessed me so much with a job that allowed me to return to school full-time and is so understanding of my service in the community; thus not demanding weekend hours to compensate for my weekdays off. How I survived two years of part-time work and full-time school, but remained financially self-sufficient is beyond me. I tried to make sense of it all, but it only came down to this – the Lord provides.

Now that I’ve graduated, I had to embark on an adventure that I have been away from for awhile – job hunting. I was very picky at the start of my applications because I had an idea of my capabilities and accomplishments so I believed I knew what would fit me. I also had the perfect work schedule in mind; Monday to Friday 9-5pm. The reason I was so picky is because I didn’t want my time for service to be lessened. Anything that mentioned weekends and “can work evenings” in the description, I immediately ignored. I was in control. But like everything in the past that I took to my hands and tried to control, nothing was going right. I wasn’t getting any call backs and the only replies I got were of regrets and polite apologies.

It’s a shame that it had to take me a series of unfortunate events to be reminded that He is God and I am not. But I’m grateful for these events for they made my stubborn heart submit to the One who controls it all. Upon reflection of how God has always provided for me, I started to apply more and trust that He already has the perfect job for me, I just need to let His plans happen the way He wants. And the Lord is so good! Just when I surrendered everything in prayer, He gave me all I wanted and more! Just this week, I got hired at a Monday to Friday 9-5pm office job in line with my field of study plus a chance to become a certified scuba diver (even though I only float by paddling like a dog)! It’s so awesome how the Lord completely blows my mind and gives me chances to venture more of what’s foreign to me.

Despite all of the times I have selfishly complained, constantly doubted, and consistently denied graces, He still provides. He gives me what I need at His own time and only asks for me to trust. He is unchanging despite my inconsistencies. He counters my sinful and doubtful nature with His abundance and faithfulness.

Father, most abundant and merciful, Your love for me continues to renew me everyday. Keeper of my heart, ruler of my life, saviour of my soul, enlighten me and guide me all the days of my life. Pray for me O holy mother of God, that I may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen.

I was visiting a CLP at my home parish last Saturday, mainly due to my brother-in-law and his wife who are participants.  During the talk, I was feeling nostalgic and remembered my own CLP almost 15 years ago.

So much has happened in the last 15 years, although it represents only 30% of my life so far (now I’m revealing my age, don’t calculate please), this phase of my life has had the most impact.  Suddenly images of my early years in CFC came back:

–          When we just graduated from the CLP and were asked to serve KFC Coordinators

–          Running the first ever Senior Kids Camp in Calgary

–          When we were asked to serve CFC-Youth Coordinators

–          Serving at our very youth camp

–          When we were asked to serve Unit Heads in CFC

–          When we were asked to  serve as Family Ministry Heads

–          Dragging our small kids to CFC activities, retreats and conferences, bringing sleeping bags and laying them in the corner of the conference hall while we serve in the Music Ministry

–          Remembering all my household heads who took care of us and help to mold us

–          All the FTWs, youth and singles who stayed over at our messy house

–          The ups and downs of serving, especially the mistakes made and learning from them

So much has happened, and more to come.  It’s always good to remember where we started so that we can look forward to the future where more great memories are built.

I praise God for the past, the present and the future.

I was on my way home from CLP yesterday, and the song “Sinking Deep” by Hillsong Young and Free was playing in the car. It was the first time I’ve ever heard this song, but I felt like something’s very unique about it. At first, I thought it was just because of the song structure, but, actually, it was more than about that. So as soon as I got home, I decided to look up the lyrics to the song.

The second verse of the song goes something like this…

When I’m lost You pursue me
Lift my head to see Your glory
Lord of all
So beautiful

Here in You I find shelter
Captivated by the splendour
Of Your face
My secret place

Not a lot of people know about my, let’s just say “life story”. I was born in the Philippines and raised by my aunt because my parents were working in Saudi Arabia. I lived with my aunt in the Philippines for 16 years. Throughout those years, I saw my aunt as “my parents”, basically my second mom and dad. Last year, 2013, I was faced with a really tough obstacle. On June 2 of that year, I went back to the Philippines because my aunt was diagnosed with cancer. I arrived in the Philippines on June 4, and on the same day, I lost her. It was very hard. I was so hurt. At that time, I felt like I’ve fallen so hard; that, there’s no way for me to get back up. I felt so lost. I felt like I have nowhere to go, no one to lean on. But I was wrong. Definitely wrong.

When I’m lost You pursue me. Lift my head to see Your glory. During the funeral, I felt like I was mad towards everyone around me. I felt like it was so unfair that she had to experience it. I felt like she didn’t deserve it. I was so scared. I feared everything. I was hurt. I was in so much pain, that I was quite literally walking in darkness. But when I thought I was lost, He found me. He showed me that everything’s going to be okay. On the burial, a verse on her grave hit me so hard. It’s from Psalm 23:4

“But even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I fear no evil for You are with me.”

Yes, maybe I was lost, but He was with me all along. I found shelter in Him. I’ve fallen so hard, but He was there to lift me back up again. Up to this day, I am still hurt. I still feel lost. It’s never easy to just forget what happened, especially losing someone so dear to me, someone who basically meant “the world to me.” One of the last words my aunt told me was, “Masaya na akong makita ka. Tama na iyon.” (I’m happy to see you. That’s enough for me.) My presence was enough for her. Despite everything that she was feeling, my presence was enough. Even though she felt so lost and hurt, my presence was enough for her. If my presence was enough, His presence should be more than enough. This made me realize that even though I walk through darkness, His presence should be enough; for His presence is all that matters.

I felt lost, but He revealed to me that He is with me, His presence is enough. It may be hard, but I know I have to keep going. I know everything’s going to be eventually alright. I just have to put my whole trust in Him. He never promised us for our lives to be easy, but He did promise to be with us every step of the way. There are so many times when we feel this way. Often times, we will feel so lost, so alone, so scared, and so hurt. We tend to forget His promise, to be with us every step of the way. He was with us. He is with us. He will be with us.

This song just reminded me of how great His love is; how great His grace is; and that He is there all along. No matter how good or bad the past has been, He was there, with me; with us. No matter how much we are struggling in life at this very moment, He is with us. And no matter how uncertain the future may look like, He will be there for us. He loves us so much that He would always be there, may it be during struggles or victories. He is greater than anything else that we encounter. He is greater than our fears, struggles, and pains. He is always there for us, we just need to realize that. And when we do, everything will change. We will be able to overcome the things that we thought we can’t. With Him, nothing is impossible; and impossible is nothing.

He was with us. He is with us. He will be with us. Let us just trust in Him; everything’s gonna be okay.

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before You as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder. For as in the day of Midian’s defeat, You have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor.” – Isaiah 9:1-4

Praise be to God!