True North Missionaries Journal

I’m a person that likes to have control over things (and I’m sure a lot of us in this community do). I need to know the details of what I’m doing in order for me to do it confidently. I need things planned and I get stressed when things aren’t “working out”. Sometimes I would break down/give up if my situations became so drastically disordered.

Every RYC season (i.e. first 4-5 months of the year), planning always gets so busy. These were a couple of stressful thoughts I’ve had in the past week:

Okay good, camp is done… finals are done… time to focus on RYC
WOAH RYC is in two weeks
REGISTRATION AHHH
TSHIRT ORDERS ARE DUE OH NO
Did we inform every member in Winnipeg?
Does Regina and Saskatoon need help with anything?
Oh wait… WHEN IS HSB PRACTICING
DARN I forgot I work Friday nights
Maaah school starts again next week
OK here’s your to-do list: Print more registration forms, pick up youth’s registrations, buy name tag materials, make resignation letter, continue looking for another job, meetings for service, buy textbooks, buy bus pass, pay tuition, get haircut, etc.

“Wahhh… Lord please slow down”

On Thursday, I got into a car accident. It wasn’t disastrous or anything really horrible, but ultimately… it was my fault. My first thought was OH NO there goes my TNC registration. But thank God we were okay. My second thought was WAH how am I going to pay for TNC?… All of those stressful worries came into my head again: my car, my job, money, TNC, my members, RYC registration stuff, school, tuition, textbooks, etc. etc. etc.

I was on the verge of just breaking down. Thankfully, we were planning to go to adoration right before the accident. So we made our way to Holy Cross and when we got there I still felt very uneasy. I asked The Lord to give me peace because I was just so shaken by that stress. I asked Him again, “Lord… Can You PLEASE slow down with everything… I can’t keep up.”

It’s kinda funny because when I realized what The Lord was trying to tell me, I smiled and thought Oooooooooohhh! Maybe I was in that accident because I was rushing and I wasn’t focused. He told me,

“My timing is perfect. YOU need to slow down. Follow My lead.
Why worry? Everything’s already set.
You worry too much, you doubt yourself too much.
You need more faith. Just have faith.
Focus on Me. I am with you.“

Though I lost money from the accident, I feel as if it was the reminder that I needed. I was so caught up with rushing to meet deadlines, stressing myself out and gradually becoming overwhelmed with everything. Even walking into the adoration chapel– I almost forgot to take off my shoes in my rush to get my heart at ease in the presence of Our God. In the midst of all this planning, I’ve been rushing and as a result, I’ve grown less focused on Christ.

We may make our plans, but God has the last word. You may think everything you do is right, but the Lord judges your motives. Ask the Lord to bless your plans, and you will be successful in carrying them out. – Proverbs 16:1-3

AMDG

This time last week is when we ended RYC in Mountain Region. A few days ago my mentor (Anton) and I were talking. He asked me what was my number one highlight of RYC. I told him that was hard to choose. He said how about top 3 highlights.

Number One:

Watching the creative for session 3. Reason why is I chose this one is because CFC Youth Edmonton was chosen to do this creative. Seeing this was truly amazing because it was the next generation of leaders that were dancing it. This are the youth that will be leading creatives, talks and the area in general. The talents they have to set the mood before a session is truly one amazing gift from God. Not everyone can do this. Praise God.

Number Two:

Ending Praisefest. I was so at peace and smile so much for what God has given me and affirming me again on where I am at the moment.  This time last year I wasn’t in the greatest place to say where I am heading in the community and in life. But now God has really shown me where he wanted me to go and the plans he has for me. Truly seeing Mountain Region Sing as one! #OneMountain

Number Three:

Last one was suppose to happened a long time ago. It was when Tito George saw me for the first time since I got my lip piercing out. He was saying wow, Praise God it is gone. He said you finally shaved!! I could stop laughing. Then Tita Evs saw me and freaked out hardcore and was WOW, you look even more handsome! She started to freak out and telling other people.

There are so many blessing and eye opening moments that happened that day. Praise God for another successful RYC in Mountain Region!

Watch out ONEMOUNTAIN is heading to TNC 2014 Strong, Faith and On Fire!!!

AMDG

My first leg of Alberta Mission is already done. On top of the service aspect victories, the Lord gave me a lot of bonuses too. I had a lot of other highlights at Fort McMurray Mission.

• My flight to from Vancouver had a 2hr lay-over at Calgary. While I was waiting for my next flight I met a lady who I asked me to keep an eye on my stuff as I had to go to the washroom. I came back after 15mins which is a long time considering that it was just next to our gate. She told me that she was worried something happened to me coz it took longer. At the back of my mind I felt glad because there are actually people who care. I got RAKed by that simple gesture. As much as I want others to see Christ in me, in that gesture I saw Christ in her.
• In the plane to Fort McMurray, another lady was seated beside me. She asked me if I’m visiting my family at Fort McMurray, I told them I am not and that I am there for work. To cut the story short, I end up telling her that I am a missionary and that I am Catholic. She had a huge smile on her face and admitted that she is also Catholic. We can never be too shy or too embarrassed to admit that we are Catholic. We cannot remain hidden. Some people are actually waiting for us to talk about Christ first and they have a lot more stories to tell and intense stories.
• I got to watch another Korean movie. Apparently a lot of the SFCs and even the CCs there are into it. I watched “More than Blue” and it is one of the most heartbreaking movies I’ve ever watched. I realized that, that movie even if it was a tragic love story, it portrayed how love is selfless and not possessive.
• It was my first time to participate in bottle drive fundraising and to actually sort the bottles at the bottle depot. I did not know that we can earn that much and that there are a lot more people who go to the bottle depot not for fundraising but it’s just part of their routine in the house. There are a lot of people wasting money, a lot of the milk jugs we got still have at least enough to fill a glass. I thought sorting the bottle is already messy and gross, until I saw the people behind the counter who are working 8hrs everyday there. They have to bear the stinky smell and messy place to earn. When we need it we bear the hardships. How about seeing this as a sacrifice that our parents or siblings did so they can make us happy. What about me? What did I sacrifices recently for my loved ones?
• The 10hr bus ride from Fort McMurray to Calgary was also an experience. That was my first time to travel that long by myself in Canada. I tried to sleep but every 2hrs we have a stop-over and almost in all occasions we were asked to vacate the bus. As this process goes on an unwritten agreement is established here. I found myself accountable to my seatmate. I want to make sure that she is there before the bus leaves. She may not know that I did those but on the fourth stop, she said “thank you” to me. I did not know it was that obvious. Is this a creepy gesture or gesture of concern. When we want others to see Jesus in us, we cannot just be ourselves. We have to deliberately let Jesus consume our lives so He will just radiate in us naturally. It is intentional and it is desired. 

to love others when things are going well is easy; it’s the most natural thing in the world. but to love in spite of the hurts and disappointments is just … hard. almost impossible. so for the past few weeks, one of my prayers has been to let me love others more. this past two weeks has been tough because of the hurts and disappointments that I felt regarding something I really, really, really care about. but now that I realize it, the silver lining regarding the events that transpired is His answer to my prayers.

I was talking to a brother about it and after a few days worth of letting our emotions get to us, after ranting and venting to each other about what was happening, we both realized that although it may not necessarily be the easier route, we’re always called to be the bigger persons. the ones to try and understand, the ones to reach out even if that’s the last thing we’d want to do. to really be Christ to whomever we encountered and to bring Christ wherever we went. it also helped that when we didn’t know what to do anymore and we both felt like we were already reaching our breaking point, God always manifested His presence to comfort and affirm us. He spoke to us through our couple coordinators, verse of the day apps (2 Tim 1:6-7), the gospel for the day (Luke 24:13-35, John 20:11-18, John 20:19-31), whenever we opened our Bibles randomly (Mark 4:1-20, Ezekiel 12:1-4), and even (in the Mass that we weren’t supposed to go to initially) during the homily that felt like it was personally written for us.

to be affirmed and to find solace and comfort in God made us remember our roles and why we’re serving in this capacity. yes, we have to be a leader that corrects mistakes but we also have to be a brother / sister that supports, someone who will be there through the good times and the bad times. personally for me, it has affirmed the desire to perhaps go for full time and/or social work (Lord, whatever Your will is…) because to see so many people hurting has reignited the desire to be the one to try and bring them to light.

Lord, when things get tough, may You remind us of your unconditional love for us so that we may pass it on to others. let the cross be our guide to love others as You have loved us. may we always see the beauty and the goodness in other people no matter how hard it may be and may You give us the patience and a heart of a servant in order to fully serve the people You’ve entrusted us with.

My life has drastically changed. Not too long ago, praying wasn’t something I thought of doing when I was caught in a rut, when I was extremely happy, every morning and every night. If I ask someone for advice and they don’t give me any except, “I’ll pray for you”, chances are, I never asked that person again.

For the longest time, I didn’t know I was missing my now greatest treasure on earth.

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”  – Matthew 6:21

I find that prayer not only brings me closer to God, it also brings me closer to the people He’s given me. When I got hired at my new job, the first thing I wanted to do was go to Adoration. So later that night, I went. It was such a blessing because my mom came with me. On the way home, we talked about how thankful I was for the many blessings I have received. The whole job application process was such a joy despite the anxiety because a lot of the people I really treasure kept following up with me and telling me that they’re praying for me. My heart was overflowing with love! Then she told me a story.

My parents were chain smokers when they had me. That resulted to me being in the hospital diagnosed with asthma when I was a baby. I spent a long time confined because I wasn’t getting better. My parents, being in the community already at that time, asked their household and a bunch of other people to pray for me. After that, I was released from the hospital and my parents never smoked again. The power of prayer!

It made me realize that people have been praying for me even when I didn’t know what prayer was. It made me realize how much people love me that they would go to the Father and ask Him to send graces upon me. Everyday, I know that I am able to go through whatever comes my way because I believe that I am loved. I believe that the blessings I have are not of my own effort, but by the Grace of God that the people I love so willingly ask for for me.

My Father, grant me the grace to have a heart for prayer. Help me treasure only the things that will bring me to Heaven. Mother Mary, most prayerful, bestow upon me the graces entrusted to you. Amen. 

“Silence of our eyes.

Silence of our ears.

Silence of our mouths.

Silence of our minds.

… in the silence of the heart

God will speak.”

– Blessed Mother Teresa

Raw reflections from the Diocesan Youth Conference of Prince George, Catching Fire:

• A willing heart is all God requires of me
• When you have the bare minimum to do the work of the Lord, all else is superfluous. Go without hesitation, now means now.
• God first, self last
• Always check your departure time…
• God knows exactly how to make me feel uncomfortable and it is particularly in this discomfort that I am able to, with great desperation, fully rely on Him
• Standing in the rain for nearly an hour to welcome participants can be seen as a burden or a blessing. It is always about perception. How will I choose to see?
• “When we live in contradiction to our design, we break.” – Ken Yasinski
  • How am I living in accordance to the design God created for me?
  • When I do not know how to live with my design, that is, my circumstances in life, do I consult the Creator?
  • The one who can best restore what has been broken is the one who built it. Why do I try to fix myself when I did not create me? Go back to Jesus.
• Sharing with words what we believe is in service of affirming the reality
  • Talking about the blessings of the CFC Family Ministries with the diocese affirmed the reality of its anointing and personal importance in my own life. This is why testimonies are so important! Being a witness is as much for others as it is for the self.
• Do not only look for God’s grand gestures of love. He loves me in the little things, the simplicity of conversations, the purity of new friendships
• There is joy in being a fool for God! (swing dancing is not that bad)
• Finding myself in vulnerable states is finding myself at the hands of the Potter. Why should I be afraid if He is the one moulding me?
• “This weekend I have been blessed by Adoration because when I was looking at Jesus all I could feel was Him looking back at me” – Marco, Prince George.
  • Wow. Open the eyes of my heart to see as this young boy saw, but moreover, to recognize that even in the times that I gaze blankly upon You in the Blessed Sacrament, You still gaze with fervent love at me.
• “This weekend I have been blessed by witnessing all of those who stood up and committed their lives to Jesus for the first time. Keep going, don’t give up!” – Theresa, 17, Fraser Lake.
  • Wow again. Help me make the decision to commit my life to you every day, and when I fail in fulfilling this commitment, quickly remind me to get back up and try again.
• I should learn how to play guitar…
• Teaching LiveLoud songs to a CFC household is not about skill or expertise. It is about being used by the Lord to facilitate others into prayer, into worship of God! How profoundly humbling!
• Prince George is a small town with a great hunger
• There is nothing I desire more than to be used for God’s glory. Lord, use me!