True North Missionaries Journal

After months of waiting and days dreaming of what ICON would be like, I finally got the chance to attend my first ever YFC International Conference. (Insert happy face)

If you asked me how I felt days before I left Canada, you probably heard me say something along the lines of: “Oh, I don’t want to leave. I’m not ready to go just yet… I don’t think I’ll survive.”

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I was ungrateful about going to ICON but rather I was so scared to leave in fear of what was waiting for me in the Philippines. Deep down inside, part of me did not want to go because I was afraid of what the Lord would reveal to me while I was here.

I wasn’t expecting any extravagant messages to be proclaimed per se, it was just that I really did not know what to expect going into this conference. For all my family and friends that have attended an ICON before, they always spoke so highly of their experiences and would share grand stories of how God shared something special to them that I started to question what exactly God would reveal to me.

When I reflected on the possibilities, I often thought of something extreme like God is going to tell me: “You’re going to be nun!” (Still a possibility, but obviously if that’s the case I need to continue to discern more about it) or “You’re going to become a missionary (again, still a possibility, just need to continue to pray about it – well, basically for my vocations overall haha).

But instead of all of that, God reminded me of something so simple; something that I already knew but forgot.

At ICON, God told me that I am loved.

“My daughter you are loved. You are so loved.
To the depths of the ocean, to the highest peak of the mountains –
That is how much I love you.”

For the past year, I have forgotten how much God loves me that it started to affect how I treated others and more importantly myself.

For if I knew in my heart that I was 100% loved by God, I would not have questioned God’s plans for me or doubt my self-worth, or be so hesitant to go confessions nor would I choose to run away from Him whenever I felt angry or ashamed of myself.

As a Catholic and as a YFC leader, I know that this shouldn’t be something new for me to learn however, with all of the personal struggles that I have experienced this past year, I guess I forgot that to remember this simple but important message: that I am totally and completely loved by God.

Realizing this now, I see where I have failed God. I hope that I can learn to be more accepting of God’s love so that I may be able to let His love shine through me so I can spread God’s love to everyone I encounter.

I know that it may become difficult sometimes but I pray that I can look back at this ICON and remember the few words that God said to me.

Thank You Lord for this simple but beautiful reminder.
And most importantly, thank You for loving me!
Your love is truly everlasting.

Amen.

Danielle

 

It’s early morning before YFC ICON 2018: Full Blast. I should be sleeping but there’s so much going on internally. It is my first ever international conference and first time in the Philippines, let alone first time being outside the Western hemisphere. Unfortunately my friends and I weren’t able to attend the Social Action events, but we did have a day to try to cure any jet lag. Our day was spent touring around Antipolo and church hopping. In all we were able to cover 3 churches, 1 cathedral, a waterfall, a lookout and 2 malls. Not bad considering we didn’t leave home base until after 12pm and got back before 9pm.

The thing that stood out the most was my worry that I would not consciously be aware and seek God in every moment. It was a weird dynamic I was constantly thinking; I’m in the Philippines which is wild and amazing, but also reflecting on how I even got here to this moment. Without a doubt I know the Lord has brought me here. I may not know why, but the least I could do is be grateful and seek Him where I am now. However I felt like I was letting Jesus down because I am the type of person that can get lost in contemplative prayer. I think (and talk) a lot. And being on the go constantly for the past 72 hours, traveling and having to take care and responsibility of myself in a foreign country has left less time to spend in contemplative prayer.

I was worried that I wouldn’t live up to the Lord’s expectation of me. I don’t know how to explain it, but it is like I have a debt to pay to God for Him bringing me here; a dream 5 years in the making. Like I should be praying even more and being more attentive to Him all the time (Which we should always strive to do). However there were moments when my mind went into trying to figure out how to budget my trip and give myself a daily allowance. I thought about how my shoe hasn’t been worn-in enough and has given me blisters. I thought about taking photos and if they were actually in focus or composed well enough. I was also shopping around for a slipper with rather specific requirements, (to be honest I started the search in Canada and im not sure why I was so peculiar in finding this slipper; if what I wanted even existed). So when it came to spending money in ways I didn’t expect, or when I disregarded my new shoe and mashed the back of the heels to wear it as a slipper, took photos with camera phones rather than dslr, or finally purchasing that slipper after it meeting most of the requirements – I realized these worries were really nothing at all. And I knew this and was able to deal with each situation. But still it was almost as if there just had to be a worry, something just wasn’t fully settled or at peace. As if I weren’t doing enough to show the Lord how grateful I am.

It clicked that I was worried about my prayer life, yet I was able to pray constantly throughout the day in front of various tabernacles and in in-between travels. I was so worried about what I had to do for the Lord and how I had to meet Him that I didn’t realize until towards the end of the day that He was already meeting me. I didn’t control or know where we were going today, but I ended up in front the Lord multiple times. I received a blessing with anointing of oil. I was able to physically write down my prayer intentions and ask St. Pio of Pietrelcina (Padre Pio) for a special intercession. God had been placing opportunities to meet Him, all I had to do was stop worrying and be present and aware.  I was in an adoration chapel, we could hear the songs from a previously started mass loud and clear. The song playing was one all too familiar, one that I held dear in my heart since I was young. Hearing it made me silent and finally listen. It felt like the Lord was speaking directly to me as I knelt before Him. He said,

In Christ,

Meagan Webb

Last Sunday, I had a group discussion with my music min in my parish about that day’s gospel. With the leader’s different perspective on how Thomas’ feelings might have been when Jesus appeared to his disciples when Thomas was not there. Her perspective was Thomas might have been jealous or questioned Jesus in a way. She expressed how it might have really sucked for Thomas for missing Jesus appearance after the whole “squad” (Jesus disciples) saw Jesus while he was out. (he really missed out. lol)

Why did Jesus do that? Could Jesus have just waited for Thomas? Thomas could have been just away for maybe just going to the bathroom or something for all we know (that would really suck if that happen).

So, we discussed and shared how we might have been jealous or felt missed out on. As we are sharing, the common theme was jealousy of God’s gift in other people. One that struck me was a sharer was jealous of the “God encounters or God moments” that the people whom he surrounds himself with.

That stayed in my head for quite a while because I thought I was alone in that mind set. It brought me to my early years being in the community. How you will encounter a lot deep shares in the community. I was kind of jealous of them because I thought my life is boring or basic, I wanted more drama in my life (that’s so stupid). That my faith is not strong because I didn’t go through struggles that they had. That I need those moments to be closer to God or something.

But the root of it I think I was just jealous on other people on how they experience God. That’s what I wanted. Asking myself why don’t I have those moments? Why can’t I have those moments?

As I reflected that, I was just so amaze how different I was. How I wanted to have struggles. I was in shock that I was jealous for wrong reasons, how I used to do that a lot and didn’t even realized it until now. Looking back, I’m just so grateful that God really didn’t gave me to much “drama” in my life.

Maybe this is how Thomas might have felt.

This was a great reminder for always ask what God wants me to do in the situation that I was placed in. Even if you think the thing you’re “missing out” on will help you in the future etc. There is a purpose on how God reveals himself in us, but we should not forget that God is trying to reveal himself to everyone always, even if we feel our lives is so “bland” or “basic”. We think God reveals himself big or small ways but it is always big. We just need to perceive it differently. We just need to look more for the reason because there is a purpose in all things He do.

Gabby Pador

Just a year ago I made a personal declaration statement at one of my area’s Leaders Assemblies.

At that particular leaders assembly many people from my household were not present because they were attending the 24th YFC international conference in the Philippines. I distinctly remember feeling so sad that I was not able to attend and be there with my friends to experience God along thousands of YFC members all around the world. I felt like I was missing out on something so good and to top it all off, I had a huge case of FOMO.

Despite feeling this way, I knew in my heart that it was not the right time for me to go. At the time I was still in school getting ready to write my 3rd year exams; I was not financially stable as I did not save any money to travel to the Philippines, and my heart was not in the right state at that moment.

AIlthough I really wanted to go I felt God whispering in my heart: “Not yet, my love.”
This was definitely not easy for me to accept but I knew I had to listen His voice and to be obedient to His words.

After the assembly, my friends (the ones who also were not able to go) and I turned to each other and declared that “next year, we ARE going to ICON.”
I didn’t think much after I made that statement but I told myself that with God’s grace, I was going to make it happen no matter how difficult the process was going to be.

Fast forward to a year later, here I am sitting in my uncle’s car on the way to the 25th YFC international conference. I can’t believe that I am actually able to write those words out in this post because it’s still all so surreal to me. Just a year ago this was all a dream, a wish, a prayer to God.
It hasn’t fully hit me yet but since being here all I can think about is just how good God has been to me leading up to this moment.

When I declared that I would be going to ICON last year I did not realize how fruitful of a journey this would be.
Of course, the preparations of coming here was not always easy ( I had to work 6-7 days a week during my Christmas break, I had to fast track my studies to ensure that I would graduate on time, and I had to sacrifice attending some events back home so I could come here) but I can’t complain because God has never left my side, in fact He has carried me through the entire journey.

Since I’ve been here I have been so amazed at how great God is.
I know now that it was the right decision to wait and to continue to lift up my desires of going to ICON to Him.
Now, a year later, I can truthfully say that I am at peace with this decision and that I am in a state where I am able to fully accept God and His love for me more lovingly and faithfully.

I cannot wait to join the other international and local delegates in just a few hours. Praise God for this opportunity to be able to attend ICON and to visit my first home with some of my close friends.

God you are so good.
God you are so great.
God you provide.

May I continue to bring You the glory you deserve this weekend. May Your name be lifted high forever and ever!

Amen.

Danielle M. Lape

It’s been four years since I even thought about applying to the Mission Volunteer Program. If you were to ask me back then why I didn’t apply, I’d honestly say “meh… not now”. Fast forward to now, if you were to ask me why I didn’t apply back then, simply put, I was doubting in myself and personally really scared. So for the past four years, I have been pushing applying to the MV Program to the side. I guess, when I really think about it, there is reason. Through the years, it was a real test for me in terms of all aspects in my life. Although somethings did improve a lot such as my family life and I was able to build lifetime friendships, others suffered such as my prayer life, service and I did not perform to the best of my capability.

Near the end of 2017, I started questioning my life. What is it that I was doing? Where was I called? What am I supposed to do (thinking it would be my last year on youth)? Was I ready to move on? It all hit me in November, I was blessed to be able to attend the Youth Camp of my home chapter of Brampton here in the Greater Toronto Area. From this camp I was really reminded about the reason why I said yes to serving in the first place. It was because of the youth, the ones a part of the service team and the participants of the camp. God was calling me to serve Him by serving these youth, not just of Brampton, but for any youth that I encounter.

So here I am today, answering the call to mission and not putting it to the side anymore.

Lord, guide me and protect me. Allow me to serve You and to never stray away again. Strengthen my prayer life, my relationships and my service to You, O Lord. To You alone I love, and to You alone I serve. Amen

“The more ready you are to give yourself to God and to others, the more you will discover the authentic meaning of life.” -St. John Paul II

Christian Medeiros

This past couple months was a rollercoaster ride of my faith in trusting God’s plan for me, especially surrounding my application process of becoming a MV. Every message I received, every action I made, and every prayer I said, I felt that my heart will explode. It even got to the point almost every week I would have a random 5 min mental breakdown(exaggerating) out of nowhere. In class, in the bus, or when I was about to sleep(I hate that).

Like I said rollercoaster!

Part of the reason why I’m having random “mental breakdowns” is my fears and doubts on what God has possible in store for me, lacking trust in God’s plan. I’m not saying I don’t believe His plan for me. There is just some days that is hard for me to fully embrace His plans because it falls on how I sometime feel lacking or unworthy on the things He is calling me to do especially if He calls me to be an MV. So, I kept asking for him to give me strength and courage to overcome those walls. But those thoughts kept lingering in my head.

So, after I went to confession this week, I was praying and found myself thinking how grateful I am where God has worked through my life and through the people I surround with. I was amaze how interconnected our lives with each other. How His works is so complex but He made it happen and it’s amazing

On that point I realized He had guided my past with no fail. He will guide my future with no fail. I don’t need to doubt or fear because He already proved to me that He will guide me to whatever He has in store.

Through our lifetime, I think God is constantly trying to gain our trust but we stubbornly doubt it even though its right in front of our eyes.

Like in yesterday’s Gospel “The Walk to Emmaus” there are two followers and was told that Jesus is alive but did not believe it as they were telling Jesus himself who they did not recognize. But Jesus kept showing without telling them that He is Jesus.

Even though in the future I might doubt again with His plan, I have this great reminder to open my eyes again that He will guide me through this rollercoaster, for I know His plan for each of us is great. But for now, I might have to just sit tight, hold on my dear life, scream my heart out, and enjoy to see the great things that God has in store for me. (WOOO!!!!)

Gabby Pador