True North Missionaries Journal

Some days I find myself looking back at the friendships I’ve had with some people, and although they say “cherish the memories”, I always wondered why the best friends I had back then are not even acquaintances to me today. It’s quite heartbreaking when I think about it.

Growing up I’ve learned to separate my emotions from reality (if that makes any sense). In other words, as years went by, “losing” friends no longer meant anything to me.. So I react the best way I know how, to stay quiet. But during those times where I draw a blank face, I get quite angry. Angry because I thought that God was looking out for me.. But why is He taking away these people in my life whom I thought had so much importance to me?

Funny enough, the Lord kindly reminded me of His plans as I opened my Bible this morning..

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus – Philippians 4:19

I may have lost numerous friends the past couple years, but what I fail to remind myself is that God’s plans are far more important and He wants to succeed in doing so, nothing will stop Him. Even if it means that my friendship count drops from 10 to 1.

“Find people that will only help you move forward, not backwards. Or in my case, help me move closer to Christ and not away from Him.

Lord, thank you for reminding me that there are better things in life than artificial/materialistic needs. Thank you for reminding me that friendships does not have to come at any cost, as long as our friendship surrounds You. Please continue to guide and support me in making the right decisions in making and keeping friends that lead by example. Away from temptations and away from tantalization. Amen

This weekend has been something I had been looking forward to. I was taking a camping trip with a close family friend for her birthday, and I was hoping that being so far away, I would be able to kind of find that “escape” from the busy-ness of everything and really, truly, find God in nature once more, in a similar way I did in the provinces of Philippines… The weekend went by, and needless to say, I was away from the city, but I still felt the hustle and bustle of everything as I pitched the tents, cooked meals, cleaned, helped plan the itineraries, etc. But as I’ve always experienced, the Lord never fails to provide, often times in ways I don’t expect.

To be honest, with the recent expectations I have been facing, it hasn’t been easy trying to figure out which new things should be prioritized more. Service has been tested in all areas of my life (i.e. family, CFC Youth, SFC, friendships, household relationships, prayer time, myself and my health, etc.) Often times, I had felt the 50/50 feeling when choosing between the different ways I am called to serve. CFC Youth or SFC; the CFC Community V.S. family; friendships V.S. fellowships; community service or time to let myself rest, etc. And sometimes, the answer is so clear, but the circumstances make it so hard for me to say yes to one and/or no to another. So this trip over the weekend, although planned about 3 months ago, happened to be something that came just in time.

Looking for this “relaxation,” I was surprised to find that God had already chosen to give me what I had been praying for. It just wasn’t in my camping trip to Tobermory. It was at the very end, after we had unloaded all vehicles, cleaned any dirty dishes, cooked dinner, and finally, when we entered Merciful Redeemer Parish for Holy Mass. When I walked in, I noticed that the priest, Father Vid, was standing there with his vestments, but they were red. Being so caught up in what I felt like I needed, I had shortly forgotten that today was the Pentecost.

In the homily, there was one small thing Father Vid said (and he said it in this way due to the slight slang in his language), but it really spoke loudly to me:

“We need Holy Spirit.”

But as soon as I heard him say it, and understanding exactly what he meant, my heart beat to a different understanding of Father Vid’s words…

We need WHOLLY, Spirit.

WE. It is not a judgement to put upon others. It is a call to a desire that is called for everyone. None of us, especially ourselves, are exempt from sin. “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8: 7) His call is one that is and will always be unifying!

NEED. I need the Holy Spirit. The Lord was humorous in reminding me this on the day our Church celebrates the Pentecost. As he said this, a little girl caught my attention as she walked by me. She was a special child of about 12 years of age. Upon entering the church, the first thing she did was kneel down in front of the painting of Our Lady of Perpetual Help as if it was something natural to her. She needed God… she needed Him through the intercession of Mama Mary… and her heart, despite of her weaknesses, had this ‘need’ etched right in the center of her desires.

WHOLLY. It is a need that needs to be COMPLETE. This desire cannot be a temperamental desire. It cannot even be a cloudy desire. It must be a convicted and clear desire for a specific leading. It must be a desire that cannot be moved by belief, but by faith. The little girl, upon the consecration of the Eucharist, did not just kneel and slightly bow her head, but she knelt down in prostration, completely submitting to our Lord at the altar. As she stood up, waiting for her turn to line up, she kept hugging her dad in excitement knowing that in a few moments, she would be receiving Him through the Holy Eucharist. With this little girl near me, I could not see a child; I could only see Our Mother with a childlike faith and excitement to meet Him, Whom she loves. This little girl was not just special because of her condition, but because in her weakness, she can feel the Spirit; not only in holiness, but in WHOLENESS.

SPIRIT. It is recognizing that in any given case or situation, it is the HOLY SPIRIT we need; it is God’s Spirit. The little girl naturally desired the Lord. She DESIRABLY, JOYFULLY, and CONSTANTLY seeks Him out, even more deeply in Holy Mass. It was the FIRST TIME I had ever witnessed to anyone carry that posture upon receiving the Holy Eucharist at Holy Mass. Yet, it was just what I needed. THAT WAS MY MOMENT OF RELAXATION.

To truly be relaxed has nothing to do with where I am or who I’m with. It has to do with the state of my heart. And how much more could the Lord remind me of how much I need Him and the COMPLETE guidance of His Spirit than on the day we celebrate the Pentecost?

I AM BLESSED because He continues to constantly shower me with His Presence in all the tangible and intangible ways, and beyond all of that, He does so in a way that beyond what my mind thinks I need, my heart and my soul knows… IT IS THE LORD in everything, for everything, and with everything. So it is in this that I believe – whether it is slang in language or a personal message from the Lord…

I need WHOLLY, (the Holy) Spirit.

“For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.”
(1 Corinthians 12: 12, 13)

I have been about 3 weeks since I wrote something. The reason why I haven’t written anything is because so much has happened to me. I would not know where to start. I guess I will try to put everything into words now.

Before heading to MV shout in Vancouver. I was really scared to go not because I didn’t know what to expect but was scared of really opening up or the people I will be with. Because I would say the closes person to me was Tim. There was times I where I forgot I was going to shout and to the point I was not excited. But I just went because CFC Edmonton paid for some of my trip there.

But when I got there and met up with Tim. Shout out to Ate Nica for picking us up heheh my first connection with someone before shout. Ummmmm let’s say the first thing that really hit me is when I was in my discussion group. We were ask what hit you the most from the song that was shown during the session. For myself it was….

BE NOT AFRAID

Our God works in the funniest and weirdest ways. And that Phrase really followed me for the rest of SHOUT.  Every verse I read, Every workshop, Every Worship, Every mass we went to. The Lord really should that he wanted to me to not be afraid and make the effort because he has already to care of everything else.  This really helped me slowly open up on the last day to share what the lord was really telling me during SHOUT. Don’t be afraid share because people will know you and that sharing may help someone else.

At the end of SHOUT and kuya Gelo was doing his exhortation and he said at the church there was banner that said DO NOT BE AFRAID. And the Lord started to pull that heart string. Then the Lord started to pull hard because kuya said that I really feel like the theme of the SHOUT was Do Not Be Afraid. That just ended me and really help me to open up even more.

Making story shout short!!! The last 2 weeks the Lord has been sending that same message to me and reminding me and affirming me that this what you need to be better missionary and to be better version of myself.

Lord Jesus, please send your holy spirit on us! So that we have the courage and the gifts that you have entrusted to us to be not afraid to glorify your name through your gospel and our own gospel story. We ask this through Christ our Lord, AMEN!

 

I only long to glorify You. I only long to serve You. All that You have given me I give back to You. The crosses I have to bear, I gladly carry because I love You. The joy You give me, I gladly share as an expression of my gratitude to You. I wake up in the morning looking forward to lifting up my day to You. I lay at night, resting my head on You. Oh keeper of my heart, refuge of my soul. Allow me to rest and find peace and strength in You.

My heart and my family life have gone through some major bumps this past month. I cried out to God wondering why this was all happening just before entering SHOUT. I did not want to be burdened and bothered going into it. It’s as if all the issues that my heart and mind were dealing with were emptying the Lord’s light in me. There was something so surreal during SHOUT that I have never allowed myself to encounter before. I stayed silent and allowed Him to speak to me. Before I knew it, God started filling me up with an overwhelming amount of peace and understanding. He held me up and would not let me fall.  I don’t know how to explain the change inside of me. I am very aware that I am not the same person that I was 2 weeks ago.

Let your troubles go. Do not burden yourself with matters of this world. Do you not trust in Me? I have great plans for you. You know in your heart already that all you need to do is to surrender and trust. Your heart is being prepared for something greater. You know this. So why do you worry and doubt? Place your heart in My hands. Fear not. You are never alone. Let go of the bitterness and hate that has consumed you. I made you to love. 

Dealing with different kinds of people is very challenging. There are times I am wishing that the people I work with are also part of the community, or at least practicing the same faith. But I think that’s the essence of the mission, that even though we are called to lead the community, our first mission is wherever we are right now. Our workplace, school, family and whatever association we belong to, and even our own household… these are our battlefields… our mission field where God has called us to bring Jesus to people.

Our role as Christian leaders should not be separated from our roles as a daughter, a mom, a student, a co-worker, a manager, and so on. We are Christians, and just as Christ came to the world, we too should live in the world – not to conform to its standards but to bring Christ’s standards. It is not easy. In fact it is challenging. But God’s promise remains the same: He will never leave us, and He will protect us from the evil one. Stay faithful. 🙂

“My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that You protect them from the evil one.” – John 17:15