True North Missionaries Journal

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.
He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit,
and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit.”

 This past year has been about learning to do two things: Letting go, and letting God work in my life.

If I were to be completely honest with myself, I’ve struggled to do both due to my stubbornness and lack of trust in Him. So, when I heard these words during the gospel before I left the Philippines to go back home in Canada, I could not help but chuckle and thank God for this much-needed reminder.

If you read my previous blog post, you would know just how scared I was to travel to the Philippines. As funny as it may sound, I was afraid of going to ICON and GLS because of what I thought the Lord was going to reveal to me while I was there. I was worried that He would say something that I was not ready to hear or worse, not willing to hear. (This of course did not happen – check my latest post, hehe) This negative mentality made me very selfish. I told myself that if God were going to ask me to do something that I was not comfortable with, I would tell him to “wait,” and that I could not do it right now.

It was not until the very last week of my trip where I realized how silly this all was.

Before Mama Mary said “yes” to carrying Jesus in her womb, she was afraid of what Joseph, her family and her friends would say but she did it anyways because she BELIEVED in the TRUTH and was AFFIRMED in her calling.

When the disciples said “yes” to following Jesus, they knew that their lives were not going to be easy, that people would judge them and make fun of their decisions, yet they FOLLOWED Him anyways because they were FAITHFUL to Him.

And when each saint lived their lives, they PRAYED, FOUGHT and DEDICATED their entire being to God because they LOVED Him dearly and KNEW He’d carry them through it.

As a household head and Catholic, I tell my sisters and friends all the time to trust in God, to let Him into their lives completely but here I was, doing the complete opposite of what I would preach.

If we, sons and daughter of Christ, are called to live a life that is pleasing to God, one that Mama Mary, the disciples and all the saints lived, then we too, must then learn to SURRENDER our lives to Him. We must learn to let the Lord take control, to be obedient to his words and to follow Him every step of the way in life.

With that being said, we are called to also let go of all the things that bear no fruit in our lives. Yes, they may seem good at the moment and may give us comfort but without realizing it, these can also become the things that bring us further and further away from Christ .

Therefore, we must remove them so that we can make space for the things that bear rich, good fruit. Fruit that cultivates more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control.

“You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.
Remain in me, as I remain in you.”

The priest’s homily that Sunday could not have come at a better timing. His words of wisdom made me reflect on all the things the Lord has asked me to let go off this past year. However, instead of thinking negatively on the situation and seeing it as if I had lost something, I felt like God was encouraging me to see this as an opportunity for me to grow so that I can become a better daughter and Catholic woman of Christ. But of course, this is only possible if I allow God to work fully into my life and if I continue to pray and discern His will for me every day.

My prayer this week is that I strive to be more open towards Christ. I pray that I learn to be more fearless, more patient, more faithful and loving towards Him. And that I learn how to not be so afraid of letting go of what gives me comfort, but eventually become more courageous in knowing that God’s got my back! Lastly, I pray that I no longer be frightened of the uncertainties of life, but more so embrace the journey that comes along with it.

Amen.

Danielle Lape

Today I had a fruitful 1 on 1 with a brother. I was so excited because it was our first time having a 1 on 1 with each other. I really wanted to know this brother more since I knew this brother for a very long time, since I joined YFC. I found out it was his first 1 on 1 since his first camp. Which I was not surprise because I was in the same situation last year when I had my first “official” 1 on 1(I tried having 1 on 1s but I think I ended up just hangouts because I didn’t know better).

As I checked up on him I found out that this brother is struggling spiritually, so I tried my best to help this brother. As he explained the reason why it’s a struggle I realize that we had similar mind set before when I too was struggling. I saw myself in his shoes. So, I tried my best telling him how I spiritually grew in my faith because that’s the only thing I know. But in the back of my mind I know that it will be not the same journey as what I’ve experience. I know that each of us will have our own unique and special journey to know him personally. That’s why our relationship with God is so special because its personal. That’s why I struggled a bit to help this brother.

In the end, I just said I will journey with you. Because I can only do so much. I can’t really force him to have a relationship with God, I can only show him. He needs to seek and find it on his own. I can only do is be there for this brother, be accountable for this brother.

As I reflected at home I was baffled on how we are in different stages in our faith with about the same length of time growing. Why could just God help this brother since I had a similar experience? This brother deserves the relationship that I’m experiencing.

Then I reminded myself that He has a plan for this brother and for myself. Maybe this is his plan, He is using me as a vessel to help this brother. That’s why especially through these challenges this brother and myself need to be patients. God knows the perfect time for everything.

We just need to be patient with great fortitude and that time will come and God will provide in tenfold. And no matter what stage you are in your faith there is always some you can help and be accountable too and help in their faith.

Lord, I just ask for your patient and fortitude especially for this brother because we just want to fully embrace your unconditional love.

Amen.

Gabby Pador

dreams into reality

In January we had our Regional Leader’s Retreat (RLR) in the Greater Toronto Area. The theme was “Rekindle,” one that is classic and can be somewhat cliché to those who have been to many Christian leadership retreats. Personally I was in what I will recall the darkest period of my life thus far, so having the theme of rekindle, I couldn’t handle all the irony it entailed. However that RLR was unlike any other I’ve ever attended before. It truly was a retreat out in what seemed like the middle of nowhere and despite it being extremely cold, there was an unequivocal peace whenever I was with the Lord. When I say “with the Lord” I mean quite literally with Him as we were blessed with perpetual Eucharistic adoration. Contradictory to the peace I felt, there was a burning desire for something greater, a sort of restlessness that I could not ignore. I don’t know how to explain it, but I knew then that there is a journey and experience set for me beyond my wildest imagination. It didn’t make sense. There’s a lot of crazy things I dream about and although I hope that they will one day come true, I couldn’t quite see many of them happening soon, at least not within this year. Yet the Lord brought me in front of him that weekend on January 13th 2018, despite the threat of a winter storm and many personal set backs. Seeing how God was taking care of me, I had nothing else left to do other than put my complete trust in Him.

Fast forward exactly 3 months later to April 13th 2018, I find myself on the other side of the world, sweating in the heat, worshiping God with 10 000 youth from various countries. Awe struck at the situation, I could not fully take it in. This was one of my crazy dreams, it had been for years, to attend an international conference (a.k.a. ICON). As if attending the conference alone wasn’t enough, I felt God personally meeting me in the little details. For one, many of the speakers, sharers and even worship leaders all seemed to have a connection to Campus Based. I am currently the Campus Based program head of GTA, and as silly as it may seem, just hearing and seeing fellow brothers and sisters from Campus Based helped me to feel like we are not alone in the GTA. If I’m being honest, it can be discouraging at times when you don’t see the greater picture and start to question if what you are doing has an impact at all. That is where I admittedly felt like my service mindset was heading. Though I still held hope and trust in God’s plan for campus based, it slowly started to feel like an encroaching isolating bubble. That may have been partly because I was losing the ability to dream for Campus Based. It was hard not to focus on membership numbers and event stats during our area service meetings. That in turn made me fear to dream; if I set my dreams too high they won’t be achieved within my service term or others may judge and not agree. I realized during our Global Leaders Summit (held immediately after conference), that my dreams had become faithless. The first session given by Kuya Lawrence Quintero was about living our dreams. He said,

“When you take God out of your dreams, it just becomes an idea. There is no dreaming without faith… have hope always.”

I realized then how I was losing the ability to dream. As someone who is usually full of ideas both realistic and extravagant, I didn’t pay attention to how I slowly started to stop thinking of new ones. As for the existing dreams, I started to let them drift away unconsciously, in a way I was giving up by not hoping and pursuing these dreams.

how I dream

To better explain, I personally separate my dreams and ideas. An idea for me is something that I can tangibly do in an immediate situation. For example, cutting out foam letters for an event. A dream for me, is seeing a greater vision, something that is able to reach the next level. For example, live projection mapping on 3D objects, even on people! (Imagine how this can help elevate a creative for a session, or visually enhance the experience of the event. It would be insane and I am excited because I know it’ll happen soon enough!).

When I truly dream, it’s not just a fleeing thought, it becomes a consuming goal that I hold in my heart and know it will be achieved. Sometimes the dreams may not be in the ways I expect it, but it will happen nonetheless and I am usually happy knowing that my dream became a reality in some shape or form.

why i dream

Through my dreams I am able to meet Christ as I rely on childlike faith for the Father’s helping hand to make the impossible possible. The most tangible example I have is me attending this year’s conference in the Philippines and having fireworks at the end of the Saturday night!

IT HAS BEEN MY DREAM TO HAVE FIREWORKS AT A CONFERENCE!

Quite literally, you can ask anyone I’ve served at an event with for the past few years, I always bring up fireworks! At one point I was going to start a petition, that if I received a certain amount of signatures we would seriously consider having fireworks at an event. I know this may seem like something so trivial, random, bizarre and like a logistical nightmare, but it’s truly something I held in my heart. Fireworks. To celebrate and display joy, another form of art and beauty, freedom of expression and how much more amazing to offer it up to the Lord at an event. This year’s ICON theme was Full Blast, they literally went full blast when they lit up the night sky with bursting colours.

I was simply a child again, jumping up and down, I could not contain myself. Again I was in complete shock. So surreal I questioned if I was really there or having a vivid dream. Literally another dream, years in the making fulfilled. In that moment I knew God not only hears and answers my prayers, but that He loves me so much He is willing to share in my dreams and make them a reality.

timing of dreams

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in wanting our prayers answered immediately or within our own timing. I hate to break it to you, and to myself, but it doesn’t work like that. God has His perfect timing for answering our prayers and we must be patient and diligent with it

A leader and friend of mine once shared with me how some people are called to be Moses and others are called to be Joshua. Moses lead the Israelites for years but was not allowed into the promise land. Whereas Joshua, who was the younger appointed succeeding leader, was the one to bring the people into the promise land. In other words, sometimes as leaders we are there to put in the ground work, to plant the seeds and endure a lot of the labour. We also have the privilege of seeing the greater picture to work towards. However, it may not be within our time as leaders or in our particular service role that we see the fruits fully bare. Sometimes we may have to leave before the fruits are able to ripen, but the fruits will be there for someone else to pick and harvest. God uses us in different ways. Sometimes we are able to be like Joshua, to lead the people into the promise land, to pick the ripen fruits. Other times we may have to be like Moses, endure a lot of the labour, to plant the seeds.

Our dreams for our services, our dreams for our brothers and sisters, our dreams for the community, those are the seeds we are called to plant. Do not be afraid to dream big and plant the seeds. Sometimes the bigger the dream (like the seed of a tree) will take longer to bare fruit. However when that dream turns into reality and reaches its full potential, the blessings will reach as far as the branches stretch forth. The fruit bared will be plentiful, beautiful and sweet. Faith will be as deep as the roots that bind to the solid ground.

 

Ad Audendum Imaginatio;

Dare to imagine. Dare to dream.

In Christ,

Meagan Webb

 

I was never one to find joy from nature.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the occasional hike with my friends or driving down the scenic route with my family whenever we go on road trips but that is pretty much it. I never really took the time to stop, reflect, and take in all of nature’s beauty that is around me until I went on this trip to the Philippines.

After attending ICON and the Global Leader’s Summit in Makhati (downtown, Manila), my family and I were able to go to Lobo, Batangas for a mini-vacation. Even though I was born in the Philippines and have visited several times before, I never had the chance to visit this part of the island yet. Which is why I was super excited to go; everything was going to be new to me.

While we were there, we were able to do many amazing things but the one thing that stood out to me the most was actually the scenery around me.

Every day that I was there, I could not help but feel so joyful. I was in awe of how beautiful everything was – the bright green leaves on the palm trees, the large mountains in the distance on the beach and the amazing sunsets that I saw every night that filled the sky with beautiful hues of purple and red.

As I was looking at all of this, I started to reflect on how creative God is. I mean look at the nature around you! Every colour, every creature, every design that we see in the world around us was thoughtfully discerned for and created by God. How crazy is that?

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. – Psalm 19:1

Living in Canada I am not able to see a view like the one in Batangas every day which is why I wanted to take everything that I saw in. I kept saying to my family and friends, “wow, God is so good! I can’t believe I get to see this.”

The perfect scenery that surrounded me made me appreciate even more how amazing God is. God could have created the world in anyway He wanted. He could’ve rushed the process but instead He took His time, making sure, that everything He made was perfect and would reflect His image and likeness. God took his time cultivating the beautiful masterpiece that we call Earth.

God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good. – Genesis 1:31

I am beyond amazed at what I was able to witness and see while staying in Batangas and I am more grateful for the view that came along with it.

Thank You Lord for the blessing of being able to see the world in a whole new light. May I learn to be more considerate and respectful to the land you created. May I protect what you made and continue to admire Earth for the way it is.

Amen.

Danielle Lape

I still have one week to bask in the beauty that is the Philippines. I’ve been trying to capture all of the moments that I’ve experienced but so much has happened that I will need a good while to process. I think I’m ready to come home but I’ve come to realize that at the same time I am home. The Lord is so perfect in his timing that I was not only able to attend ICON but it also happened around the same time as my grandmother’s 1 year death anniversary. I was able to spend time with my CFC-Youth international family but with my actual family as well.

Today I got to visit my aunt’s convent in Pasay, the Little Sisters of the Poor. The huge complex is open to and home to the elderly as well as the poor who have nowhere else to go and no one to take care of them. It was both humbling and beautiful to see the joy in the faces of the sister while they are serving these people. My heart was also so filled with joy (I actually cannot think of any other word to describe it) from the fact that my aunt who took care of me since I was born has answered a greater calling to a special life of service with this loving community.

I love talking to sisters because 1: they are so happy to see you (I’ve never met a nun who was like “great another random person visiting”) 2: they don’t judge you (any situation you are in they laugh is off with a “psh don’t worry you aren’t the first person to be experiencing that) 3: they share so much (whether it be an experience, some wisdom, food, a prayer, or most of the time a joke) even if they don’t have much. We talked about everything and anything, from vocations to God’s perfect timing. We touched upon how the sisters were present for my family during my grandmother’s funeral. This touched my heart so much. Being halfway around the world I was not able to mourn with my family and yet these wonderful women were there to embrace, support, pray and mourn with my family.

We took some time out of our touring and talking to the seniors to step into the chapel. As I prayed and reflected, I couldn’t help but look at the altar in some sort of familiarity. The altar looked like the altar back in my parish in Toronto. Yet it wasn’t, but at the same time it was. We visited so many different churches and chapels in the few weeks we were here but the feeling of home is the same in each of them. The realization that no matter where the Lord placed me, in His house whatever language was being spoken the same thing was happening. On the altar His love and mercy is poured out in the Eucharist.

It was the same for my family. Even though we are halfway around world, the love I felt from them in the few days we were able to spend together was like it hasn’t been 20 years since I’ve seen them. The familiarity in the way we speak, in the way we joke, in the way we eat (most importantly) is as if it was only last week I saw them.

The same can be said for the community CFC-Youth community. Seeing 10,000 youth from around the world singing the same songs knowing that we all shared the same covenant was such a surreal feeling. But that sense of home and belonging was felt with every person I met whether they were from Philippines or another country, a full-time pastoral worker or a member that just joined a few months back. We know that we are all hoping and praying for the same thing, that no matter where we are, we are bringing Christ with us.

Lord, continue to remind me that where ever You may take me, whatever You may call me to do, to know that I will always find a home in You.
Amen.

Abby

Last Sunday was when the freezing rain storm hit Ottawa resulting small number of parishioners came for mass. Father highlighted the word committed, on how those who came risk their lives to receive the Eucharist, it shows commitment. How nothing should be a barrier to see or do anything for God because he suffered and died for us.

It made me think a lot on my commitment with God. Questioning myself “Am I committed” if so “Am I committed in all aspects?” etc.

It stuck with me because its exam month, so busy studying (almost over). But my momentum of journaling and doing daily readings from lent kind of got side track. And my prayers life is still their but all over the place. I felt that I’m not as committed this week because of exams.

Commitment is a very heavy word. I think it contains so much meaning. But essentially how great you show your love and dedication through just action. Easy to say but one the hardest to do in life. Maybe the hardest thing in life.

When I think of the word commitment it’s kinda scary or it is scary because your accepting all the challenges and barriers, especially the unknown (which is the hardest for me). The thing I struggle or feel worry about especially committing to God is accepting all His “rules” and wishes and that I will follow that perfectly. Anything other than perfect is a failure to commit (which technically it is).

But as I reflected more I think part of the meaning of commitment is when you keep trying, even if you fall you keep striving and looking for God. When you fail or times get rough, it doesn’t mean you can’t be committed anymore, I think it could be an opportunity to show how committed and willing you are for our God. Like what Jesus did as he carried the cross, He fell three times but He kept going, it truly shows through his actions on how much He loves us so much.

So, the best way to show my love for God and my commitment is through my action, especially when things get tough. It highlights how much you care and willing to do whatever it takes. Which is kinda awesome how are take home quote from my last night’s meeting is “don’t tell me show me”.

Lord I just want to ask for your strength and guidance so that I can be committed to you with all my heart and soul in everything I do. And that any boundaries or obstacles that I may face I will overcome them because you have committed your life for me, and I just want to do the same back to you. Amen.

Gabby Pador