La Disputa, Raphael (1509-1510)
As one may have read in a previous post, I came into the CFC-Youth Western North American Conference with the only expectation that I was going to serve at whatever capacity that the Lord was willing to give me. I really had no thoughts about what sort of messages God was going to reveal to me throughout the weekend, but as I participated in the Holy Mass on Friday evening, the Lord surprised me and unveiled a question that had been buried, but was stirring vigorously in my heart, “Lord, where can I find joy?”
I had been suffering from self-doubt in my service since I applied as an MV (also something I had previously mentioned in a post), and worries and memories that I thought I had healed from began to resurface and hurt me again. But after I had asked this question, instantly, yet ever so clearly, the Lord replied,
“I am your joy.”
It was then that I realized I had become a sad person because I was searching for joy in all the wrong places, and finding and trying to hold onto fleeting moments of consolation and happiness. But the reality is, nothing in this world satisfies and fills all the thick and thin crevices of the human heart except for the One who created it. The love of God satisfies the human heart.
“God is my joy.”
A truth, which has become more than a statement that brings me peace, but is now a personal battle cry that I know this world is in need of hearing. For those who are experiencing sadness, are depressed, and seem to have every reason to doubt why they are even in existence, and for those whose situations may not even be that extreme, the answer to all that they are experiencing doesn’t stop at the Cross, but perseveres to the end and towards the belief of the resurrection and the hope of the life of the world to come.
The turmoil and the travesties that roam gladly in our minds, that real love will not win is a lie. As far as I believe, and with absolute certainty, the Love Revolution that this world craves and hungers for, begins and ends with the love of Christ. But Christ has already won; Real Love has already won — the proof is in His resurrection!
For myself, there is this continuous struggle to fight against my thoughts and my anxiety, and this undesirable hesitation that causes me to not bravely confront my own sloth. But the good news is that I’ve discovered how and where I can receive the grace to win these battles, and that is when I meet with Christ in the Sacraments. And this grace invites tremendous joy and peace, especially when I come before my Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Now, after 4 or 5 years or so, I realize why Jesus Christ has said to me many times,
“Visit me often.”
Coming to Jesus with all of my burdens tied to my back is exhausting, but I feel like I’m released from it every time I’m with Him. And it’s not that I forget that they exist, but it’s in the way He looks at me and it’s in the way that He embraces me that makes me understand that there is nothing I can do or be that will change His love for me. Whether the load on my back cuts through my skin or causes my shoulder blades to ache for a split second, God will not and does not withhold the joy that I need to endure the weight of my own cross. The joy I receive from Him sustains and is enough for me. I am at peace knowing that my life will never be dry of joy, as a raging river of it will come each time I am in His presence.
“If you carry your cross joyfully, it will carry you.”
– Thomas A. Kempis
And so I pray that I continue to visit Christ often in the Blessed Sacrament because it is true what Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta has said,
“The time you spend with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the best time you will spend on earth. Each moment that you spend with Jesus will deepen your union with Him and make your soul everlastingly more glorious and beautiful in Heaven, and will help bring about everlasting peace on earth.”
Praise God, and God bless. <3
