Level

Being part of a Catholic community is a blessing.  I have learned to become a better sister, leader, speaker, Canadian, human being because of Couples for Christ. I’ve had the greatest pleasure meeting so many awesome brothers and sisters who inspire me and challenge me.

However, being part of this community also means that in times of self-doubt, there can be the tendency for us to compare ourselves to those who serve us and those we serve.

“She’s more prayerful than me.”

“He’s a better worship leader than I’ll ever be.”

“He/She has it easier than me. Why does he/she seem to never struggle with life? It’s because I’m such a failure and God is punishing me.”

“He/she is so talented. Why can’t I be like that? God would probably answer my prayers more!”

How many times have these words resonated in our own heads? How many times have we heard this from others? It happens doesn’t it? More often than some of us would probably like to admit to. As a Mission Volunteer there are days when I lose sight of my own conviction story with the Lord. Instead of praying for His guidance, I choose to water the seeds of doubt-

“The Lord has turned his back on me. If only I was like her. If only I prayed more fervently. If only I was a better leader. It’s because I’ve fallen again….”

Two weeks ago I had my SFC Household with some of the sisters in Toronto West and we ended up doing a Lectio Divina. This was that day’s gospel:

 

So much came to me that night.

• Jesus was not exempt from praying. He knew he needed time to be with His Father. He went away from the world and spent time in solitude. I should always be humble enough to recognize how important it is for me to pray. I need to call on God’s name for strength, courage and perseverance. I need to ask for His Holy Spirit to guide me in all decisions I make whether they are big or small.
• Jesus, even in all his power and glory, wants to be with us. He meets us where we are. I compare myself to a lot of sisters, and fellow leaders. I doubt my own anointing. I equate the blessings He showers me with to the worthiness I feel. The truth is, we are all unworthy, but that doesn’t stop God from giving. God is the source of all love. He cannot deny the outpouring of Himself to his people. He wants to love me. All of me.
  • “And he came down with them and stood on a stretch of level ground.”
    Jesus comes to us. Jesus is with us. Regardless of where we are in the picture, he acknowledges our presence. He simply sees us as his sons and daughters. He does not look at our sins like an employer looks at a resume. We simply have to desire Him and have faith in Him. He sees what is in our hearts.
• When we choose to find Jesus and spend time with Him, we will be healed. Maybe not right away, but because God is faithful he grants it to us in His perfect time. His presence alone is enough. Even while we wait, the Lord is still at work- everything that happens to us is for a greater purpose. We have to believe that we are made for heaven and that earth is our training ground. Our battles have to be fought, but we are never alone. We are always in a state of purification.

This reading reminded me, and is reminding me, that even in my worst of days the Lord’s love is always available to me. He will meet me where I am. He loves me with an everlasting love.

I simply have to say, “Lord I need you”…

 #ponderings: We can never have too much confidence in the good God Who is so powerful and so merciful. We obtain from Him as much as we hope for. What offends Jesus, what wounds His Sacred Heart, is lack of confidence in Him. If you are nothing, do you forget that Jesus is everything? You have only to lose your nothingness in His Infinity and think only of loving Him. (taken from Day 1 of the St. Therese novena)