God has really been challenging me to step out of my self-made boundaries. As someone who is melancholic, I tend to focus on the cruelty and tragedy in the world. Before I can thoroughly enjoy something, anything, I have to process the pros and cons in my head. I am a worrier. I am reserved and pessimistic. It’s how I’ve always been. If I can’t explain my happiness, then I should suppress it and hide it until something reasonable comes up.
I imagine God looking down at me, shaking His head with a half smile of sorts. You silly girl, stop overthinking. He’s bombarded me with an insane amount of surprises and blessings that have been catching me off guard. The ways He’s pursued my heart have been so intimate and personal recently that I just can’t help but be transformed from the inside out. It’s as if the Lord has been taking down twenty five years worth of my desires and dreams so that He could start to tangibly offer them to me now. At this very moment. There has been no time or space for me to think: Wait, we have to assess this and that, then this again….then maybe you can start to feel insert-reasonable-emotion-here.
Hah.
Everything that’s happened has been too beautifully orchestrated that only He could be the one behind it. He’s telling me to stop asking Why and not to even bother with the how. Regardless of whatever question I ask, the answer is the same…I love You.
“Come then, my love;
My darling, come with me.
The winter is over; the rains have stopped;
in the countryside the flowers are in bloom.
This is the time for singing;
the song of doves is heard in the fields.
Figs are beginning to ripen;
the air is fragrant with blossoming vines.
Come then, my love;
my darling, come with me.
You are like a dove that hides in the crevice of a rock.
Let me see your lovely face and hear your enchanting voice.”
– Song of Songs 2:10-14
I know He’s trying to teach me how to trust him. I know He’s telling me I deserve to be happy. I know he doesn’t want me to go through life calculating every single step. If I firmly believe that he has a plan for me and that he is the author of life, then I have nothing to worry about. This story has a guaranteed ending, a guaranteed victory.
So thank you Lord, for the perpetual valentines treatment. Thank you for tugging my heart strings, for making every cell in my body sing out of love. Thank you for melting the ice in my heart and for setting my soul ablaze with your fire. My heart is extremely happy and superbly healthy.
I pray that my life will continue to be a beacon of hope to those who search for you, thirst for you, hunger for you. May the love I feel within me continue to bless others in the mission and bless those close to me. A love that is rooted in you is good, is true and most of all is life giving.
Come then, my love; my darling, come with me.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.- Psalms 37:4
