What is your desire? Is that what you really want? Will you work for what you want? How badly do you want it? What are you willing to give up for it?
About a month ago, fellow MV Kris Gardiner asked a very important question during a road trip to Montreal. While filling up at a sketchy gas station in the middle of nowhere, he asked Ellen, Nica and I “Do you think that our prayers change God’s mind? Do his blessings change when we pray?“. I took his words and pondered. Hmmm. Does it? Then one of my favourite bible verses came to mind:
The Lord showed me a garden. Then I saw a younger version of myself sitting next to what seemed like a mound of dirt. My head hung over that mound and I just stood still. There was this cup of water next to me and I would pour small drops on the mound. Time seemed to pass, and mini me eventually grew up, but the mound of dirt still remained the same. Then all of a sudden, God went to a different part of that garden and planted a different seed. The girl never noticed Him doing it. She was too focused on the dirt pile, waiting endlessly that she didn’t even notice a tree starting to grow out of the ground where God planted the seed.
I was brought back to reality and suddenly everything made sense. All these years of serving Him, I understood that bible verse incorrectly. I thought that if I “collected” enough service hours God would suddenly let that seed gain life and sprout into what I wanted it to be. I thought that if I saved enough points through prayers, novenas and mass attendances, I would finally be worthy of my dream plant. “It’ll eventually grow”, I told myself unconsciously, “because God just wants to see how patient I am!”. I lived my life thinking the answer to Kris’ questions was a big resounding YES.
When in fact….
Delighting ourselves in the Lord means uniting our hearts with His. So much that His desires become our own. Prayers don’t change God’s mind and the blessings he gives us. He doesn’t withhold anything from us because He is a God that loves us unconditionally! What does change is our posture towards that which we seek. Ultimately, if we are completely filled with Christ, then our only desire becomes Christ.
Now I realize why the seed I planted didn’t grow. Looming and standing over it blocked the sunlight, or in this case God’s light. I had to walk away and let go so that it would receive what it needed. Now I stand under the shade of the tree which grew from the seed that the Lord planted in that same garden. A tree full of life, bears good fruit. How fortunate that the Lord would have me stand so close to it to enjoy such blessings.
Once again, I am affirmed of my call to mission- to harvest that which the Lord has scattered and sown! He tells us that “the harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few” (Luke 10:2) and how convenient for me to come across this just recently:
From the Greek word “therizein” which translates to “harvester”. God really knows how to silence the doubts in my heart. Lord, thank you for LITERALLY calling me by name. May I learn to align my desires with yours and may my heart beat for that which your most Sacred Heart lives for. Amen.
“From there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him
if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”
(Deuteronomy 4:29)
Thank you for this.
God loves you.