Author: Thea Lape

Approximately 12 months ago, I submitted my application for the Mission Volunteer program. Thank the Lord I did. It’s been one crazy journey, one that had way too many loops and curves, turns and drops.  But Praise God. Praise God for allowing that application essay to materialize, and for that initial interview with the Area Governance Team. I can still remember so vividly how nervous I was. I can still remember fellow MV (and now seminarian) Kris Gardiner saying, “Thea, He’s got crazy big plans for you. I have a feeling His mission for you is going to put you somewhere beyond the GTA.” And man, was Kris right.

In twelve months I’ve traveled to the Philippines twice, Montreal, and Vancouver. I’ve attended the International Leaders Conference for the 2nd year in a row, the Global Leaders’ Summit, the World Great Adventure Tour (CAN x AUS edition), and the North American Leaders’ Summit. All with close to nothing in my bank account. Still with close to nothing in my bank account. But, Praise God.

Because of this program, I’ve made a lot of lifelong true friends…. And I’ve also had to let go of the longest running love. To make more room for THE greatest love I’d ever come to find. I’ve discovered more about myself than I would have liked- having to face the ugly past and the scary future. But, Praise God.

Never could I have imagined being where I am now.
Not now, not then, not ever. But, Praise God.

I entered this program knowing it was geared towards DISCERNMENT- the process of determining God‘s desire in a situation or for one’s life. What I kept forgetting however was that in order to do this, all my doors had to stay open. Just because Christ showed me one option, it didn’t mean that the rest were irrelevant.  I became so fearful of making a mistake that I ended up sitting on the fence for a lot of things. I waited, thinking that if I was patient enough God’s plan would just fall on my lap. 

But what I realize now is that, it’s better to make a decision than no decision at all. God wants me to be happy, wants us to be happy which is why He gave us free will. Brothers and sisters that is the BEAUTY which I failed to see in my journey as a MV. Regardless of what I chose to do, God would meet me there. God would still hold my hand. God would still smile on me. God would still choose me.

Christ’s birth and death on the cross meant we have the freedom to choose. To choose what we do with the time and the life He has blessed us with. We have the freedom to love in whatever capacity we have, which ever way we can, and however we want to. We have the freedom to love our God in the ability to choose how our lives are lived.

Praise God.

Twelve months later and this is what I take away from this program:

Choosing Christ means that you will never be empty handed. You will always have both hands full of His grace, blessings and many gifts. Making life decisions with God in mind means that you win every single time. Invest 100% and you gain an interest of 1000x. God has mastered the art of happiness; He always looks at how He can fulfill as many of your heart’s desires in one given situation- even the desires you hid, the desires you never realized you still kept. He does this, so that we can realize the true value of our life in His eyes. His heart beats for ours, bleeds for ours, and builds for ours.

“Israel, the Lord who created you says: ‘Do not be afraid- I will save you. I have called you by name- you are mine.” ISAIAH 43:1

I enter 2014 with a heart full of love, a life full of hope and a mind set on the truth that my faith is the greatest gift I have to offer this world. And I gladly end 2013 with thoughts of a message God revealed to me, the last line of His first love letter:

You are precious. You are divine. You are Mine.

The past thirty-three days have been part of quite a journey. About 33 days ago I decided to take on “33 days to Morning Glory” with 32 other  friends. To be honest, I never really knew what I was getting into. All I knew was that at the end of it all, we would be consecrating ourselves to Mary. We would come to find Jesus through her. It wasn’t a bad idea since:

1.) I wanted to get to know Mama Mary more
2.) I needed to get over my struggle with structured prayer.

I definitely achieved those things and more throughout the last 4 weeks. There were times when I wanted to give up so badly but thoughts of “meeting” Our Lady of Guadalupe would remind me that I couldn’t. She was a specific Marian apparition that seemed to follow me around and everything she represented really spoke to my heart; the star of the new evangelization (mission) and a patron for the unborn (prolife).

I looked back to my old journal to see if I could figure out how long it’s been since she first “showed up” in my life. I remember drawing her, not knowing who she was exactly. Turns out, it was on June 12 at the Eastern Canada Mission Volunteer  SHOUT. Wow! Mama knows best. So today isn’t just her feast day, it’s also the 6 month anniversary of our friendship. And she did come to meet me again, through my own words. Written in  my journal are reminders. I might’ve just nonchalantly written them six months ago, but they ring true to the me I am today.

Here goes:

————————

The best testimony you’ll come across is the one you’ve lived out. The best conversion story you’ll share is your own- no one can debate that out of you!

Be fearless. How?

1. TRUST.
2. Find COURAGE.

Decide on something you’re not sure of. If you want something surer, then decide with God.  If you decide with your mind, it’s as unpredictable as weather forecasting. Remember, the seat belt was built for safety but in the end, it’s all about the pilot’s ability to have control.

What we leave behind is nothing compared to what we are about to receive.  Focus on His promise.

This is all about a persistent, consistent pursuit.

In mission, you don’t fall in love- you learn to love.

Doing this preparation to consecration allowed my heart and my intentions to be further refined. It pushed me to break out old habits. It forced me to create newer ones. It made me see beauty in the woman God made me to be. To see a beauty that isn’t meant to be contained, a beauty meant to shine out to the world. I realize what the point of this whole consecration was- by imitating and following Our Lady’s virtues my life would become some sort of a star in today’s Bethlehem.

A star that leads to Christ.
A life that points to Jesus.
A tried, tested and true faith that is life-giving.
A testimony that says, “Jesus is here. Jesus is now. And He wants to meet you.”

Funny how something as mundane and ordinary as a notebook can coax out so much emotion from a person.  March 1, 2012 x Aklan, PH for Pre-ILC festivities is significant to me, because that’s the very first day I wrote in my journal.  I still remember that day vividly yet here I am 20 solid months after finally  putting this baby to rest!

It’s easy to forget a lot of things when you’re as busy as we are in this community. Some prayers are deeply forged into our hearts, while some are just etched semi-permanently on skin- completely washable. I recently took the time to skim through the pages, and I’m glad I did.

There are  days where I find myself knee deep in deliverables and meetings. Days with seemingly endless challenges and personal attacks. Days where it’ll feel like everything is so mechanical. That’s what the recent few weeks have felt like for me, but let me tell you brothers & sisters, it pays to pray in writing. 

Every page of my journal holds God’s signature.
Every page of my journal holds his promise and faithfulness.

I can literally see that he’s been preparing me all this time: building my character up and breaking down personal barriers. Yes, I have a long way to go and grow in my holiness, but I am also eons away from the person I used to be. That’s worth celebrating. Growth through tears and growth through fears.

“‘And in the last days,’ God says, ‘I will pour out my spirit upon every sort of flesh, and your sons and your daughters will prophesy and your young men will see visions and your old men will dream dreams.”- Acts 2:17

My prayer journal presents a “PENtecost” of sorts. I know that some of the messages, drawings and scriptures I’ve written down were, at that moment, led and inspired by the Spirit. Those revelations were a product of prayer and divine guidance. Not through my own strength and wisdom, but His. The words may not have made complete sense then, but they seem so relevant now. Same words, different meaning because I see them with fresh eyes and a renewed heart.

Prayer journals are part of me now. I can’t imagine not processing my everyday thoughts and movements manually. My desires and passions presented to Him in plain sight. It requires a lot of patience and humility to admit to those things and to constantly commit in  writing. But it’s worth it. Not because God needs it, but because we do. I do.

Thoughts on paper, carved on His cross, and washed clean by His most Precious blood.  It’s the simplest way I can choose to surrender myself to Him everyday.

I just arrived from a  parish mission teaching entitled “How Faith Allows us to See” by Fr. Ben St. Croix CC from the Companions of the Cross. I didn’t expect to attend the first session, but Ellen-Maigue offered to come with me after our one-on-one. So, away we went. 

“Faith is born of an encounter with the living God who calls us and reveals his love (…) faith, received from God as a supernatural gift, becomes a light for our way, guiding our journey through time.”
– Lumen Fidei

The teaching made me look back to my experiences last year. My own faith was reborn from the many encounters I had with God, moments where He so clearly revealed Himself to me. But what made me decide to go back to the community was the realization that my experiences needed an output- a response and Yes of sorts.

 As faith evangelizers we are called to proclaim the message then allow those people to respond. Evangelization is allowing others to realize that God’s love doesn’t stop at the invitation. Rather it begins with the journey we begin to take as a result of hearing His call. Faith is giving God the chance to unravel His personal adventure for us and trusting that He will continue to surprise us along the way.

As Young people being and bringing Christ wherever we are, my life should then serve as both an invitation to Christ and the vehicle that takes others to His eternal banquet.

Recently, I gave talks on the Catholic Family at five separate events for both CFC-Youth and Singles for Christ. I felt so honoured to be given the opportunity to do so because the topic is so personal to me.  I am blessed to serve CFC-Youth with my entire family, a “luxury” I know is not so easily available to all. Our house is literally our household. My parents are my household heads, and together we co-pastor the sector. My brother gets pastored in the same HH because his mission area is under the GTA West, and my little sister falls under one of the clusters that is under my current care.  I can’t praise God enough for aligning all our pathways so closely together at this time of our lives. Nothing fills my heart more. I cannot praise God enough for this.

Throughout the year, I’ve been asking myself what my stake in the mission is. My whole journey as a Mission Volunteer began with that question. It wasn’t until last weekend that I came to find that answer.

As CFC-Youth our vision is:

but because we are a family ministry we should not forget that ULTIMATELY we are fighting to bring forth the same vision as Couples for Christ. That is,

That’s it. Right there. That is my stake in the mission- that I come from a family that has been united with and through Christ. I belong to a family that fights for a future full of hope. I belong to a family that serves together so that others may find Christ in themselves and in the very place they come from- a home.  I want every person I meet to experience the wholeness that we have found through Christ. I want to help the youth not only desire for heaven, but to realize that they can bring heaven to their families.

I was affirmed of this calling to unite families last weekend. My dad shared, through tears, his own revelation on the importance of families at the GTA year end planning.

“When we focus on the big picture, it can be so overwhelming. There is always so much to do. So much going on all the time. We can lose ourselves in the process. But if we break it down, what you see is actually the family. That’s it. That’s actually what we are all working towards. This is why we do, what we do in the community- to see families in the Holy Spirit renewing the face of the earth.”

Here I am on a plane in Vancouver headed back to Toronto, trying to take in the past seven days that were spent in beautiful British Columbia. So much has happened that it’s been challenging processing it all. But, I will write passionately about the dreaded fog that seemed to cover all of Vancouver and its surrounding cities for the first five days of our trip. So much frustration built inside of me throughout the whole time. From early morning to late at night, this annoying blanket covered almost every inch of the region. We’d be sitting in a car, traveling from place to place, and be told of the beauty that lay behind the fog. The most that I ever saw were the outlines of a phantom mountain range.

I was convinced that I would leave Vancouver with only memories of an unveiled, hidden gem. No breathtaking views. No jaw dropping moments. No beauty to behold.

But, on the sixth day, the sun came out and revealed it all. As we drove towards downtown Vancouver, the view opened up before us. Before me were mountains upon mountains that stretched in every direction, left to right.

“Open the eyes of my heart Lord.
Open the eyes of my heart.
I want to see you. I want to see you.
High and lifted up. Shining at the light of your glory.
Pour out your power and love. As we sing, holy, holy, holy!”

There they were. Each peak high and lifted up. The magnificence of mother nature right before my eyes. This was worth the wait.

As I stare out at the screen in front of me, images blurring in and out, three hours into the plane ride, I realize that each of us has had some sort of fog experience in our life. Time and time again, we’re told of God’s greatness, His majesty, and His grandeur. Before we ever had our “Jesus Expo” moment, God was just something other people talked about.  We acknowledged His presence but we never really believed it. And it made me think: do we, or have we, let our own personal fog get to our heads and drive us crazy? Why is it so easy for us to be skeptical? Why do we believe something only when our sight is satisfied?

The Lord is a lot like the mountains in BC. Sometimes His presence isn’t as obvious to us, but that doesn’t mean He’s not there. The more hidden the mountains were, the more we sought them out. And at the right time, we were able to personally witness what lay behind the fog. In the same way, God hides so that we come out of our hiding places. His absence should make us yearn deeply for Him, not drive us away. He is as real as those mountains.

When I am hidden from you, seek me. Never stop until you find me. And when you find me, you will know that I have never abandoned you.

I really feel that in my heart that the Lord is continuing to purify my intentions for Full Time Pastoral Work. This specific mountain experience gave me a different perspective and allowed me to build on my conviction.

How many youth are still blinded by their own fog?
How many of them have given up and lost hope?
-lost patience with their lives and lost patience with themselves?

I have witnessed too much of Christ in my life to not actively participate in His unveiling. By carrying out the work that the Lord has entrusted to me, I choose to be a bearer of light and hope in this world. I want the youth in my Sector, in my Area, in my Region, in my Country, in this continent to enjoy the beauty of the mountains- the mountain of His great love and mercy.

And that begins with hope. 

“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.”- Hebrews 10:36

* PS. I am back in the concrete jungles of the GTA and wrote this on my plane ride back from the North American Leaders Summit.